# Should my wife report this guy? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [November 16, 2011, 5:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-my-wife-report-this-guy/603137 "2011-11-16T17:08:30Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2011, 8:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-my-wife-report-this-guy/603137/81 "2011-11-18T20:58:47Z")
Okay. First, if I knew the girl was about to be raped right now, like at 4 pm on 11-18-11, I’d be calling the damn police myself. But all this talk about “about to be raped right now” is hyperbole. Rape kit? Stupid hyperbole. That’s not where the case is. Yes, there may well be rape. Yes, it’s appalling. But there’s probably not one going on at this exact minute. Which mean it’s not an emergency call, which mean it’s not time to get a rape kit. Talk about NAMBLA controlling the courts? Uh, no. That’s crazytalk. Make the call, now. Don’t “get the ball rolling.” Make the damn call. It sucks that if you do it now, it’ll be just before everyone leaves the office for the weekend, but that’s better than not making the call. If you’re wrong, oops! too bad. CPS is there to investigate. And if you’re right, do you really want to prolong that girl’s suffering? ---
**Author:** ![Voyager](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/voyager/32/133_2.png) [@Voyager](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Voyager)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2011, 9:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-my-wife-report-this-guy/603137/82 "2011-11-18T21:00:46Z")
Besides reporting, can you get grandma to tell you when cousin locks the door, so that you and maybe some others come over and knock it down? (Or unlock it from the outside if it is one with a key.) He has no right to have the door locked in her house, and you might be interrupting a crime in progress. At the very least he won’t be able to expect to be undisturbed any more. Which is in addition to reporting, of course. ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2011, 9:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-my-wife-report-this-guy/603137/83 "2011-11-18T21:06:18Z")
> [@Voyager](#): > > Besides reporting, can you get grandma to tell you when cousin locks the door, so that you and maybe some others come over and knock it down? (Or unlock it from the outside if it is one with a key.) Yeah–it sounds like the “Mexican culture” way to deal with it was to beat the shit out of the pedophile to convince him to stop. Whether that’s better than prison time is debatable (barely)–but moving into a system where there’s no penalty for molesting kids isn’t really a debatable situation. ---
**Author:** ![Farmer\_Jane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Farmer\_Jane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Farmer_Jane)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2011, 9:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-my-wife-report-this-guy/603137/84 "2011-11-18T21:08:30Z")
I don’t think he needs to call 911, but it IS an emergency. Why don’t you PM us all the info on that dickhead and we’ll take care of it? My fingers are ITCHING right now. ---
**Author:** ![Alice\_The\_Goon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ed8c4c/32.png) [@Alice\_The\_Goon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alice_The_Goon)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2011, 9:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-my-wife-report-this-guy/603137/85 "2011-11-18T21:11:11Z")
I think too much emphasis is getting placed on who should make the call or what number they should call. Even calling 911 is better than nothing. I’m sure people call 911 to report this sort of thing all the time, and shit gets investigated. The important thing is to call. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2011, 9:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-my-wife-report-this-guy/603137/86 "2011-11-18T21:27:56Z")
> [@Alice\_The\_Goon](#): > > I think too much emphasis is getting placed on who should make the call or what number they should call. Even calling 911 is better than nothing. I’m sure people call 911 to report this sort of thing all the time, and shit gets investigated. The important thing is to call. Yes, yes, a thousand times yes. “Get the ball rolling”? WTF? ---
**Author:** ![Ike\_Witt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ike_witt/32/283_2.png) [@Ike\_Witt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ike_Witt)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2011, 9:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-my-wife-report-this-guy/603137/87 "2011-11-18T21:38:13Z")
It is now over 48 hours since the OP, and the potential abuse still has not been reported? Not good. Not good at all. ---
**Author:** ![YogSothoth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/8edcca/32.png) [@YogSothoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/YogSothoth)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2011, 9:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-my-wife-report-this-guy/603137/88 "2011-11-18T21:52:29Z")
> [@drachillix](#): > > Which can be misinterpreted as an attempt by the op to harvest child porn. Or thats what hes gonna claim when he finds the camera. If anything electronic a good microphone would probably be almost as effective, and less likely to rise to charges. I don’t get it. You’re saying the cousin might find the hidden camera and claim the OP is trying to harvest child porn? How would that work if there wasn’t anything going on? Many people have babysitter cams. If you want porn, you put the camera in the bathroom. I don’t see how the cousin could claim child porn unless he was creating it ---
**Author:** ![Voyager](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/voyager/32/133_2.png) [@Voyager](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Voyager)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2011, 10:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-my-wife-report-this-guy/603137/89 "2011-11-18T22:04:54Z")
> [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](#): > > Yeah–it sounds like the “Mexican culture” way to deal with it was to beat the shit out of the pedophile to convince him to stop. Whether that’s better than prison time is debatable (barely)–but moving into a system where there’s no penalty for molesting kids isn’t really a debatable situation. I was going to add “and try to refrain from beating the crap out of him” but didn’t think it was really necessary. If something was going on, then the cops can be called since there is eyewitness evidence. If nothing is, then at least the precedent of no locked doors has been set. If this creep was in his own apartment, then this wouldn’t be possible. Since he is not, I don’t see the problem. He has been asked nicely not to lock the door before, so it is not like he hasn’t been warned. ---
**Author:** ![Incubus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/c68b51/32.png) [@Incubus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Incubus)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2011, 10:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-my-wife-report-this-guy/603137/90 "2011-11-18T22:22:30Z")
I had asked my wife to report the guy yesterday. When I get home tonight I’ll ask how it went. Last time I talked to my wife about it she said she was trying to get the address of their house, phone #, and the name of the little girl. ---
**Author:** ![astro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9dc877/32.png) [@astro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astro)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2011, 2:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-my-wife-report-this-guy/603137/91 "2011-11-19T02:09:56Z")
> [@NDCompuGeek](#): > > Oh. > My. > God. > > A very close personal friend of mine just lost her daughter to the daughter’s father in a custody battle. The daughter’s father was none other than the RAPIST and ABUSER of the friend, but in order to “keep the family peace” she did not report her rape and subsequent many years of further abuse. When the daughter came about, she thought it may be her ticket out of the abusive situation and left to make a life of her own, but he tracked her down, made a paternity claim, made her life hell for the last few months, and in the end, took away the light of her life and the light in her eyes. Not to sidetrack the current thread but how would the above scenario ever happen? In the real world for an absentee father coming back into the picture to get sole custody from the bio-mom you’d practically have to have the police arrest the mother for cooking crank in her bathtub while the kid assists her. The scenario you outlined makes no sense unless the mother was into some very questionable stuff. ---
**Author:** ![CBEscapee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/b19c9b/32.png) [@CBEscapee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CBEscapee)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2011, 2:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-my-wife-report-this-guy/603137/92 "2011-11-19T14:02:24Z")
> [@Incubus](#): > > Talked to my wife about it. She said the reason the grandma never reported it was that in Mexican culture, people have a tendency to look the other way or just generally be apathetic about stuff like abuse. In Mexican culture we do not have a tendency to look the other way. All people are individuals and react in their own way. Some people report abuse, others don’t. Public service announcements on television give toll free hot line numbers to report such activity. How many times does one read of cases in the US where family members do not report abuse happening inside their own homes? Does that mean there is an American tendency to not report abuse? Why are Americans so willing to believe any kind of negative accusations made about Mexico and Mexicans? ---
**Author:** ![ZenBeam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/3ab097/32.png) [@ZenBeam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZenBeam)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2011, 2:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-my-wife-report-this-guy/603137/93 "2011-11-19T14:07:40Z")
> [@Incubus](#): > > I had asked my wife to report the guy yesterday. When I get home tonight I’ll ask how it went. Last time I talked to my wife about it she said she was trying to get the address of their house, phone #, and the name of the little girl. So have either of you called to report this yet? ---
**Author:** ![drachillix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/48db29/32.png) [@drachillix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drachillix)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2011, 4:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-my-wife-report-this-guy/603137/94 "2011-11-19T16:33:40Z")
> [@YogSosoth](#): > > I don’t see how the cousin could claim child porn unless he was creating it If the child sleeps/dresses in that room anyway with the potential for nude pictures, having out of the home 3rd parties installing and harvesting info from cameras is going to be suspicious. If he finds camera system and reports to authorities “someone is taking videos of his young daughter changing” and there is no evidence of abuse on his part in the video you now have a scenario that blows up in your face and has potential criminal consequences. “I was verifying a suspicion of abuse” is gonna be a tough sell for a defense if he goes to the police with his charges first. Its also harder to hide cameras than most people think. hiding them from a babysitter or neighbor who is not around every day is one thing, hiding them from someone who lives in that room and would notice that the alarm clock is different or a small hole in a wall or ceiling is a whole nuther ball of wax. ---
**Author:** ![Bam\_Boo\_Gut](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/8c91f0/32.png) [@Bam\_Boo\_Gut](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bam_Boo_Gut)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2011, 4:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-my-wife-report-this-guy/603137/95 "2011-11-19T16:51:37Z")
I still cannot lock a bathroom door, I won’t even close it properly if I can get away with it. It was my dream that someone would force their way in while my dad was in there with me, but it never happened. Poor kid. ---
**Author:** ![Mosier](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ea924/32.png) [@Mosier](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mosier)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2011, 4:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-my-wife-report-this-guy/603137/96 "2011-11-19T16:53:09Z")
> [@Heart\_of\_Dorkness](#): > > Huh? Do you just assume that people are generally liars unless you personally know them to be otherwise, or does your skepticism only apply to claims of child molestation? My skepticism applies to anyone making extraordinary claims. ---
**Author:** ![AuntiePam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/f19dbf/32.png) [@AuntiePam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AuntiePam)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2011, 5:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-my-wife-report-this-guy/603137/97 "2011-11-19T17:30:20Z")
> [@Bam\_Boo\_Gut](#): > > I still cannot lock a bathroom door, I won’t even close it properly if I can get away with it. It was my dream that someone would force their way in while my dad was in there with me, but it never happened. > > Poor kid. If this doesn’t force someone to make the call, I don’t know what will. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![Farmer\_Jane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Farmer\_Jane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Farmer_Jane)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2011, 6:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-my-wife-report-this-guy/603137/98 "2011-11-19T18:56:57Z")
Well, OP? For shame. FOR FRIGGN SHAME. ---
**Author:** ![lisacurl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/41988e/32.png) [@lisacurl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lisacurl)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2011, 7:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-my-wife-report-this-guy/603137/99 "2011-11-19T19:48:19Z")
> [@Incubus](#): > > Shes not currently working for CPS and isnt a mandated reporter, but has a strong gut feeling something isnt right. She may want to check with the social work professional organization on that. I’m a student in a master’s counseling program, and I’m expected to abide by all ethical requirements of a professional counselor. This includes reporting even SUSPECTED abuse of a child, elder, or compromised adult. For what it’s worth, I’ve already had to do so against a member of my family regarding suspected elder abuse, and all that prompted it was someone who saw what was going on telling me about it. ---
**Author:** ![Alice\_The\_Goon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ed8c4c/32.png) [@Alice\_The\_Goon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alice_The_Goon)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2011, 7:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-my-wife-report-this-guy/603137/100 "2011-11-19T19:51:55Z")
> [@CitizenPained](#): > > Well, OP? For shame. FOR FRIGGN SHAME. Oh, but he’s got the ball rolling. :rolleyes: [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-my-wife-report-this-guy/603137.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-my-wife-report-this-guy/603137.md?page=6)