# Should my wife report this guy? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [November 16, 2011, 5:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-my-wife-report-this-guy/603137 "2011-11-16T17:08:30Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 8
**Author:** ![Oakminster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/77aa72/32.png) [@Oakminster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oakminster)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2011, 6:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-my-wife-report-this-guy/603137/141 "2011-11-21T18:37:16Z")
Afraid I don’t have much to add here. I agree the matter needs to be reported, I’m somewhat surprised that CPS chose not to investigate further. I’d suggest taking the child to a doctor–not necessarily the ER, perhaps her regular doctor. Tell him what is going on, and let him examine the child. Any doctor is definitely a mandated reporter, and if he finds any evidence the child is being molested, he will make the call with evidence to back it up. ---
**Author:** ![Alice\_The\_Goon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ed8c4c/32.png) [@Alice\_The\_Goon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alice_The_Goon)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2011, 7:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-my-wife-report-this-guy/603137/142 "2011-11-21T19:07:06Z")
> [@Oakminster](#): > > Afraid I don’t have much to add here. I agree the matter needs to be reported, I’m somewhat surprised that CPS chose not to investigate further. > > I’d suggest taking the child to a doctor–not necessarily the ER, perhaps her regular doctor. Tell him what is going on, and let him examine the child. Any doctor is definitely a mandated reporter, and if he finds any evidence the child is being molested, he will make the call with evidence to back it up. It’s not like just anybody can take a child to the doctor- only a custodial parent or a legal guardian can do that or give permission for others to. I’m surprised that you, as an attorney, didn’t know that. As for the OP, I’m appalled at the apathy you’ve shown since starting this thread. You know what’s probably going on. Please do something, and don’t let the one phone call that your wife made to one dumbass be the end of this. Hell, if you can’t do it, PM the names and locations of the people involved to me or someone else that has shown interest in this, and we’ll do it. ---
**Author:** ![IvoryTowerDenizen](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ivorytowerdenizen/32/17937_2.png) [@IvoryTowerDenizen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/IvoryTowerDenizen)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2011, 7:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-my-wife-report-this-guy/603137/143 "2011-11-21T19:12:17Z")
Can you contact her teacher? She’s (or he) is a mandated reporter and would have more weight in calling CPS or the police. ---
**Author:** ![ratatoskK](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ratatoskk/32/2987_2.png) [@ratatoskK](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ratatoskK)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2011, 7:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-my-wife-report-this-guy/603137/144 "2011-11-21T19:12:26Z")
There’s something very fishy about this and they way it’s being handled. ---
**Author:** ![Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/6bbea6/32.png) [@Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Living_Well_Is_Best_Revenge)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2011, 7:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-my-wife-report-this-guy/603137/145 "2011-11-21T19:17:50Z")
> [@ratatoskK](#): > > There’s something very fishy about this and they way it’s being handled. Yep, it’s been bizarre from the first post. ---
**Author:** ![TruCelt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/trucelt/32/523_2.png) [@TruCelt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TruCelt)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2011, 7:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-my-wife-report-this-guy/603137/146 "2011-11-21T19:21:00Z")
OP, call 1-800-4-A-CHILD . They can help you find the best next action to take. > **[Home - Childhelp](https://www.childhelp.org/)** > > Since 1959 Childhelp has existed to meet the physical, emotional, educational and spiritual needs of abused, neglected and at-risk children. ---
**Author:** ![Alice\_The\_Goon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ed8c4c/32.png) [@Alice\_The\_Goon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alice_The_Goon)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2011, 7:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-my-wife-report-this-guy/603137/147 "2011-11-21T19:21:43Z")
> [@IvoryTowerDenizen](#): > > Can you contact her teacher? She’s (or he) is a mandated reporter and would have more weight in calling CPS or the police. Yes, yes- or the guidance counselor or school psychologist. Either one of them can pull her out of class, talk to her about what’s going on, and call police if necessary. ---
**Author:** ![GrandWino](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grandwino/32/67_2.png) [@GrandWino](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GrandWino)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2011, 7:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-my-wife-report-this-guy/603137/148 "2011-11-21T19:28:54Z")
> [@TruCelt](#): > > OP, call 1-800-4-A-CHILD . They can help you find the best next action to take. > > [http://www.childhelp.org/](http://www.childhelp.org/) It’s clear that the OP is more interested in stirring up emotions on a message board than doing anything above and beyond the bare minimum to help this child. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2011, 7:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-my-wife-report-this-guy/603137/149 "2011-11-21T19:43:46Z")
I think you all need to back off of **Incubus**. He’s been a member here for almost 10 years, and I’ve never even got a sniff that he’s trolling. He’s not the bad guy here; for all we know, Incubus and his wife are as frustrated as we are with a situation that looks extremely bad, but the authorities are not concerned about. ---
**Author:** ![Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/6bbea6/32.png) [@Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Living_Well_Is_Best_Revenge)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2011, 7:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-my-wife-report-this-guy/603137/150 "2011-11-21T19:48:09Z")
> [@Cat\_Whisperer](#): > > I think you all need to back off of **Incubus**. He’s been a member here for almost 10 years, and I’ve never even got a sniff that he’s trolling. He’s not the bad guy here; for all we know, Incubus and his wife are as frustrated as we are with a situation that looks extremely bad, but the authorities are not concerned about. I think part of the problem people are having with him is his tone. He shows zero emotion, despite the fact that this is a highly emotional subject. ---
**Author:** ![Alice\_The\_Goon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ed8c4c/32.png) [@Alice\_The\_Goon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alice_The_Goon)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2011, 7:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-my-wife-report-this-guy/603137/151 "2011-11-21T19:59:20Z")
I don’t think he’s trolling, no. I do think that he’s not handling this right, though, and that we have the right to point that out to him. It seems odd that he would post the OP and sound genuinely concerned, and ask for advice, and then… nothing, not even a hint of any kind of distress or concern about it. Just “Oh, yeah, we tried, couldn’t do anything, oh well.” Why do I get the feeling that the adopted girl is not white and pretty? ---
**Author:** ![billfish678](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@billfish678](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/billfish678)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2011, 8:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-my-wife-report-this-guy/603137/152 "2011-11-21T20:32:44Z")
> [@Alice\_The\_Goon](#): > > Why do I get the feeling that the adopted girl is not white and pretty? Now that’s just not called for here IMO. Seriously. ---
**Author:** ![Alice\_The\_Goon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ed8c4c/32.png) [@Alice\_The\_Goon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alice_The_Goon)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2011, 8:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-my-wife-report-this-guy/603137/153 "2011-11-21T20:35:44Z")
> [@billfish678](#): > > Now that’s just not called for here IMO. Seriously. You can’t tell me that in America, white and pretty doesnt’ get far, far more [attention and concern](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Missing_white_woman_syndrome) than other-than-that. And I didn’t mean to offend- my brain is just looking for reasons for this apparent apathy by the OP, because it just doesn’t make sense. ---
**Author:** ![Farmer\_Jane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Farmer\_Jane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Farmer_Jane)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2011, 8:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-my-wife-report-this-guy/603137/154 "2011-11-21T20:37:57Z")
> [@Incubus](#): > > My wife had called it in. They said because it is hearsay, theres nothing they could do about it unfortunately. BULLSHIT. I do not care if you have been here for 10 years and no one wants to open up a Pit thread on you. I’m calling your local CPS right now and asking if such a thing could be true. That’s BULLSHIT. CPS once called me because my son was out of school several times because he had a food allergy (undiagnosed, obviously). Almost ALL reports to CSP are heresay. _It’s their job to friggin investigate_. CALL THEM BACK. ---
**Author:** ![Farmer\_Jane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Farmer\_Jane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Farmer_Jane)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2011, 8:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-my-wife-report-this-guy/603137/155 "2011-11-21T20:38:59Z")
> [@Alice\_The\_Goon](#): > > You can’t tell me that in America, white and pretty doesnt’ get far, far more attention and concern than other-than-that. And I didn’t mean to offend- my brain is just looking for reasons for this apparent apathy by the OP, because it just doesn’t make sense. Because it’s “icky”? It’s also quite likely that the girl isn’t pretty. Donno about white, but he made it sound like she was already messed up. ---
**Author:** ![Farmer\_Jane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Farmer\_Jane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Farmer_Jane)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2011, 8:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-my-wife-report-this-guy/603137/156 "2011-11-21T20:44:18Z")
Are you still in Cali? [Have you even bothered](http://www.cdss.ca.gov/cdssweb/PG20.htm) with Google-Fu yet? All the numbers you need - including how to complain about misconduct of a worker. ---
**Author:** ![chiroptera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/df705f/32.png) [@chiroptera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chiroptera)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2011, 8:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-my-wife-report-this-guy/603137/157 "2011-11-21T20:53:51Z")
I don’t think **Incubus** is trolling, FWIW. I’m starting to wonder about his wife’s actions (or non-actions) here. There’s a whole lot of unanswered questions, (like, is this in Mexico, or here in the U.S.) and given the paucity of information and the terseness of tone by the OP in subsequent posts, I’m guessing he’s probably sorry he even brought this up here. Let’s go back to the first sentence of the OP: > [@](#): > > My wife worked as a social worker for CPS for 5 years, and is currently working on her MSW. She strongly suspects her older cousin may be molesting his adopted daughter. \*\*HIS WIFE WAS A CPS SOCIAL WORKER FOR FIVE YEARS. AND THIS IS _HER_ FAMILY. \*\* I mean for \*shit’\*s sake…with five years experience and currently working on her MSW, is she not perhaps better-qualified than just about everyone here to understand the dynamics, the laws, and so on? Why was her husband even asking this question here? ---
**Author:** ![Farmer\_Jane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Farmer\_Jane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Farmer_Jane)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2011, 8:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-my-wife-report-this-guy/603137/158 "2011-11-21T20:57:39Z")
I hope his wife finds employment elsewhere. ---
**Author:** ![PotLuck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/bbce88/32.png) [@PotLuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PotLuck)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2011, 8:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-my-wife-report-this-guy/603137/159 "2011-11-21T20:58:27Z")
> [@chiroptera](#): > > […] given the paucity of information and the terseness of tone by the OP in subsequent posts, I’m guessing he’s probably sorry he even brought this up here. [snip]I mean for \*shit’\*s sake…with five years experience and currently working on her MSW, is she not perhaps better-qualified than just about everyone here to understand the dynamics, the laws, and so on? Why was her husband even asking this question here? Exactly. I wish I’d never opened this thread. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2011, 9:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-my-wife-report-this-guy/603137/160 "2011-11-21T21:01:05Z")
It is pretty damned unsettling. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-my-wife-report-this-guy/603137.md?page=7) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-my-wife-report-this-guy/603137.md?page=9)