# Should one do a background check on a potential marriage partner? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [September 1, 2015, 11:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-one-do-a-background-check-on-a-potential-marriage-partner/729595 "2015-09-01T11:47:45Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![YogSothoth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/8edcca/32.png) [@YogSothoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/YogSothoth)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2015, 3:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-one-do-a-background-check-on-a-potential-marriage-partner/729595/21 "2015-09-02T15:50:41Z")
> [@Urbanredneck](#): > > Well I was thinking more on the lines that they had a bad credit score to defaulting on loans or maybe having a bankruptcy. > > Also, never marry a person with debt because their debt now becomes YOUR debt. That makes sense, I agree with that. I don’t want someone else’s debt. With regards to dead people in the freezer, they might have had a good reason to kill them, I don’t want to prejudge them ---
**Author:** ![enipla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/54ee81/32.png) [@enipla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/enipla)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2015, 4:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-one-do-a-background-check-on-a-potential-marriage-partner/729595/22 "2015-09-02T16:25:26Z")
> [@elbows](#): > > Um, I would not be saying ‘I do’ to any person I felt the need to check the paperwork on. No kidding. What a weird question. ---
**Author:** ![Mr\_Quatro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/bc8723/32.png) [@Mr\_Quatro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr_Quatro)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2015, 5:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-one-do-a-background-check-on-a-potential-marriage-partner/729595/23 "2015-09-02T17:17:42Z")
Do you go to Vegas and gamble? What are the odds of being married to a bad person? ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2015, 5:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-one-do-a-background-check-on-a-potential-marriage-partner/729595/24 "2015-09-02T17:40:00Z")
I’ve never been married. But given how many marriages fail, in large part due to misplaced trust, yes, I’d do it. It just makes no sense to accept anything your SO tells you as fact. ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2015, 5:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-one-do-a-background-check-on-a-potential-marriage-partner/729595/25 "2015-09-02T17:41:53Z")
> [@Mr\_Quatro](#): > > Do you go to Vegas and gamble? > > What are the odds of being married to a bad person? I’d put it as, "What are the odds of being married to a jerk? Or a cheapskate? Or a liar? Or someone who quotes Oprah?? Too damn high. ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2015, 5:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-one-do-a-background-check-on-a-potential-marriage-partner/729595/26 "2015-09-02T17:44:55Z")
> [@elbows](#): > > Um, I would not be saying ‘I do’ to any person I felt the need to check the paperwork on. Exactly. The background check I ran was called dating. ---
**Author:** ![Maastricht](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a88e57/32.png) [@Maastricht](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maastricht)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2015, 5:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-one-do-a-background-check-on-a-potential-marriage-partner/729595/27 "2015-09-02T17:53:57Z")
I think fiancees should show each other their financial and medical records, and no, the other person should not romantically wave away checking them. Trust is good, knowing a whole lot better. For everyone. ---
**Author:** ![Jonathan\_Chance](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jonathan_chance/32/701_2.png) [@Jonathan\_Chance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jonathan_Chance)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2015, 5:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-one-do-a-background-check-on-a-potential-marriage-partner/729595/28 "2015-09-02T17:57:51Z")
> [@Fear\_Itself](#): > > I think you will find most of the records difficult to obtain without their cooperation. That’s gotta make you look like you don’t trust them. Will you be volunteering all of your records to them? It’s ridiculously easy if you know city/state and full name. I know for a fact my ex-wife wishes she had. ---
**Author:** ![dracoi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/90db22/32.png) [@dracoi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dracoi)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2015, 7:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-one-do-a-background-check-on-a-potential-marriage-partner/729595/29 "2015-09-02T19:30:18Z")
My wife and I moved in together before we got married. The landlord ran background/credit checks on us, and provided us a copy of the reports. I did see a copy of hers. It also helped that she worked for a junior high school when I met her and was a volunteer police officer, so I knew for a fact that she can pass some very stringent criminal background checks. (The volunteer police position even involved a lie detector test.) So as much as I never paid for or ran the reports myself, I did have access to that information in one form or another before we got married, and I think I would have insisted on it eventually. Even if I had to phrase it as “We should run your credit report to make sure there’s nothing incorrect on it,” I would want to see it. ---
**Author:** ![Fear\_Itself](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fear_itself/32/19637_2.png) [@Fear\_Itself](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fear_Itself)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2015, 8:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-one-do-a-background-check-on-a-potential-marriage-partner/729595/30 "2015-09-02T20:27:54Z")
> [@dracoi](#): > > So as much as I never paid for or ran the reports myself, I did have access to that information in one form or another before we got married, and I think I would have insisted on it eventually. Even if I had to phrase it as “We should run your credit report to make sure there’s nothing incorrect on it,” I would want to see it. What would you have considered a deal beaker? ---
**Author:** ![bb49](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/b38774/32.png) [@bb49](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bb49)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2015, 2:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-one-do-a-background-check-on-a-potential-marriage-partner/729595/31 "2015-09-03T02:48:22Z")
I’m not sure how available this is in the US and Canada, but where I live we are able to access criminal and civil charges through the attorney general’s website. I use it when screening tenants for a rental unit. It’s invaluable for that. Where do you think the media gets all their info? As for the original post, this is something you should do when you first start seeing someone and the telationship may get serious, not when you’re considering marriage. ---
**Author:** ![Urbanredneck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/ea5d25/32.png) [@Urbanredneck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Urbanredneck)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2015, 4:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-one-do-a-background-check-on-a-potential-marriage-partner/729595/32 "2015-09-03T04:49:10Z")
> [@bb49](#): > > As for the original post, this is something you should do when you first start seeing someone and the telationship may get serious, not when you’re considering marriage. Yes, that would be a good time. Thing is way too many people I know have fallen in love with someone who had secrets in their past or maybe were just smooth talkers. For example, I’ve known women who have married men not knowing they were making large child support payments which seriously impacted their available money. I also think by age 35 most of us have done something we wish we hadn’t and we might be keeping it a secret. ---
**Author:** ![Urbanredneck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/ea5d25/32.png) [@Urbanredneck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Urbanredneck)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2015, 4:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-one-do-a-background-check-on-a-potential-marriage-partner/729595/33 "2015-09-03T04:51:56Z")
> [@lieu](#): > > Exactly. The background check I ran was called dating. How would that show for example if that person had ever served prison time or who was even on the registered sex offender list? Now I think one big red flag would be if you are dating someone and they are reluctant to have you meet their family. ---
**Author:** ![actualliberalnotoneofthose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e79b87/32.png) [@actualliberalnotoneofthose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/actualliberalnotoneofthose)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2015, 6:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-one-do-a-background-check-on-a-potential-marriage-partner/729595/34 "2015-09-03T06:28:45Z")
Don’t forget to get a trusted mechanic to do a thorough inspection and test drive, too. ---
**Author:** ![Inna\_Minnit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/5f8ce5/32.png) [@Inna\_Minnit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inna_Minnit)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2015, 6:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-one-do-a-background-check-on-a-potential-marriage-partner/729595/35 "2015-09-03T06:36:34Z")
Why 35? ---
**Author:** ![Urbanredneck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/ea5d25/32.png) [@Urbanredneck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Urbanredneck)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2015, 11:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-one-do-a-background-check-on-a-potential-marriage-partner/729595/36 "2015-09-03T11:15:03Z")
> [@Inna\_Minnit](#): > > Why 35? Just random. I guess I could have said 40 also. I figure by age 35 though is about the youngest a person has been thru enough to have an established record somewhere. Most people have had serious relationships, established careers, and a credit history by age 35. Plus say at age 30 you’ve often just barely gotten yourself going so I figure 35. ---
**Author:** ![Hershele\_Ostropoler](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e47c2d/32.png) [@Hershele\_Ostropoler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hershele_Ostropoler)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2015, 7:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-one-do-a-background-check-on-a-potential-marriage-partner/729595/37 "2015-09-03T19:42:19Z")
> [@Urbanredneck](#): > > I’ve known women who have married men not knowing they were making large child support payments which seriously impacted their available money. I’m not really sure how you can miss that. Maybe the payments themselves, but the lack of money would become apparent pretty quickly. But you say you’ve known these people, so clearly it happens. ---
**Author:** ![Dustin\_the\_Wind](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/f1d935/32.png) [@Dustin\_the\_Wind](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dustin_the_Wind)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2015, 8:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-one-do-a-background-check-on-a-potential-marriage-partner/729595/38 "2015-09-03T20:29:27Z")
I didn’t do a background check on my now-husband, or anyone else I dated before he and I met, but Wisconsin has a program called Circuit Court Access Program (CCAP) where you can check circuit court records. I ran that before I would go on a first date and think it would be silly NOT to. ---
**Author:** ![dracoi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/90db22/32.png) [@dracoi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dracoi)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2015, 8:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-one-do-a-background-check-on-a-potential-marriage-partner/729595/39 "2015-09-03T20:57:09Z")
> [@Fear\_Itself](#): > > What would you have considered a deal beaker? On the financial side, I don’t think anything would be a deal-breaker as long as we could create and follow a plan to fix/avoid the problem. Set a budget for personal spending, set up a payment plan to take care of old debts, that kind of thing. I’d like to see evidence that she can take care of business, so to speak, before we tie everything together. Even large mistakes from the past can be fixed if you are able to follow a plan going forward. Inability to follow a plan/budget, though? That’s a deal-breaker. I’d be more forgiving of adultery than of failure to make and stick to a budget. ---
**Author:** ![nearwildheaven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/90db22/32.png) [@nearwildheaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nearwildheaven)\ **Post date:** [September 4, 2015, 11:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-one-do-a-background-check-on-a-potential-marriage-partner/729595/40 "2015-09-04T23:26:28Z")
> [@Urbanredneck](#): > > How would that show for example if that person had ever served prison time or who was even on the registered sex offender list? > > Now I think one big red flag would be if you are dating someone and they are reluctant to have you meet their family. Or they don’t want to be seen in public with you, and won’t tell you why. BTDTWTT. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-one-do-a-background-check-on-a-potential-marriage-partner/729595.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-one-do-a-background-check-on-a-potential-marriage-partner/729595.md?page=3)