# Should she reimburse people for travel to her called-off wedding? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 11, 2010, 4:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-she-reimburse-people-for-travel-to-her-called-off-wedding/549945 "2010-08-11T16:17:40Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2010, 4:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-she-reimburse-people-for-travel-to-her-called-off-wedding/549945/1 "2010-08-11T16:17:40Z")
My sister lives far away from the rest of the family and she was planning on getting married in September. Those of us who were going had already bought plane tickets and car rentals and all of that. The wedding has been called off (well, she says “postponed.” Whatever), and when my mom told me about it she said, “Well, she’ll have to pay people back for their air fares and things.” When she said that, I was just annoyed at my sister, since this is an on-again, off-again thing and I was assured it was really, truly on and had bought tickets just the night before against my better judgment. But after thinking about it, I think it would be unfair and unreasonable to expect her to reimburse people for tickets they bought of their own free will. She wasn’t trying to bilk anyone. It’s a huge burden to expect her to pay people back. A couple of details that might or might not matter: 1. Like I said, this was an on-again, off-again thing. So, I felt like a fool for eventually buying tickets since I didn’t just use my head and recognize it was likely to be cancelled. So it was my fault I bought tickets. 2. On the other hand, she was pressing forward with the wedding despite obvious doubts. So it was her fault I bought tickets. 3. I got a full refund, so I’m feeling charitable toward her. Maybe I’d be on the other side if I had just gotten burned for over $600 plus a gift, plus an outfit, etc. I’m completely on the outside on this. 4. Some of the people involved can afford the lose the money. Some can’t afford it as readily. Thoughts? ---
**Author:** ![MsWhatsit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/eb8c5e/32.png) [@MsWhatsit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsWhatsit)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2010, 4:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-she-reimburse-people-for-travel-to-her-called-off-wedding/549945/2 "2010-08-11T16:19:52Z")
No, she shouldn’t have to pay people back. On the other hand, she also shouldn’t be surprised when she doesn’t get very many people showing up to the next one, either. As for your item #4, that one doesn’t really make sense to me. Whether the wedding happened or didn’t happen, that money would be gone, so if they can’t afford to lose it, they couldn’t afford to spend it in the first place. At least this way they can save on hotel accommodations and other trip incidentals. ---
**Author:** ![Asimovian](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asimovian/32/172_2.png) [@Asimovian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Asimovian)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2010, 4:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-she-reimburse-people-for-travel-to-her-called-off-wedding/549945/3 "2010-08-11T16:27:00Z")
It’s hard to think about obligating her to pay people back. No matter how flimsy the circumstances were, one assumes – giving her the benefit of the doubt – that she didn’t intentionally mislead folks into thinking there was going to be a wedding when she knew there wouldn’t be one. Presumably, she’s dealing with quite a lot of trauma herself right now, and asking her to be responsible for paying back everyone’s travel expenses is not going to make her situation any better. In an ideal world, people could either get partial or full refunds (or credits or whatever), or they could show up to be supportive of her during a difficult time. I feel very, very badly for the guests who lost money on this ordeal, but maybe collecting money shouldn’t be their focus right now. Especially since, as **MsWhatsit** said, if they couldn’t afford to lose the money, they shouldn’t have planned to go anyway. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2010, 4:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-she-reimburse-people-for-travel-to-her-called-off-wedding/549945/4 "2010-08-11T16:32:50Z")
She should not reimburse, nor should she have a wedding sometime in the future. ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2010, 4:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-she-reimburse-people-for-travel-to-her-called-off-wedding/549945/5 "2010-08-11T16:37:01Z")
> [@kayaker](#): > > She should not reimburse, nor should she have a wedding sometime in the future. That seems harsh. She’s not allowed to have a wedding if she ever called off a wedding? ---
**Author:** ![MsWhatsit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/eb8c5e/32.png) [@MsWhatsit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsWhatsit)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2010, 4:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-she-reimburse-people-for-travel-to-her-called-off-wedding/549945/6 "2010-08-11T16:38:15Z")
I’m not sure exactly what **kayaker** meant, but one interpretation would be that your sister could get married in the future, but just not have a wedding with guests. Still seems a bit harsh, although as I said earlier, I really don’t think she should expect too many attendees the next time she decides the wedding is on. Unless she is the one to travel, of course. ---
**Author:** ![bordelond](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bordelond/32/150_2.png) [@bordelond](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bordelond)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2010, 4:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-she-reimburse-people-for-travel-to-her-called-off-wedding/549945/7 "2010-08-11T16:41:03Z")
I don’t travel much – it’s not trivial to be able to cancel airline flights and hotel bookings with this much notice? You’ve got something like 3 to 5 weeks, right? Around here (SE Louisiana), people sometimes make in-state hotel bookings to be ready for hurricane evacuations. 9 times out of 10, the hurricane doesn’t come, and you don’t have to evacuate. So you cancel your reservation with a not much more than a day’s notice, with only a minimal fee at worst (and often no fee at all). EDIT: I missed that the OP got a full refund for all this. So … what’s the deal with people unable to get a refund a full month in advace? What am I missing? ---
**Author:** ![DiosaBellissima](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a8b319/32.png) [@DiosaBellissima](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DiosaBellissima)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2010, 4:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-she-reimburse-people-for-travel-to-her-called-off-wedding/549945/8 "2010-08-11T16:42:49Z")
My initial response is: hell yeah! But then when I think about it more, I feel like the wedding-goers really shouldn’t be out much. It’s far enough in advance that hotels can be cancelled without penalty. As far as flights go, most airlines will cancel a reservation for you for a nominal fee (the most I’ve seen is $100), but if the people were smart and paid the extra $10 for trip insurance when they bought the tickets, everything is fully refundable usually. I’m sure she’s not too happy about cancelling her wedding either- flighty girl or not. Theoretically, folks aren’t out more than the cost of a present would have been, so- I mean, just don’t buy her a present when she does decide to finally tie the knot. ---
**Author:** ![billfish678](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@billfish678](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/billfish678)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2010, 4:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-she-reimburse-people-for-travel-to-her-called-off-wedding/549945/9 "2010-08-11T16:43:46Z")
> [@Asimovian](#): > > Especially since, as **MsWhatsit** said, if they couldn’t afford to lose the money, they shouldn’t have planned to go anyway. So, if somebody can’t afford a second car or home they shouldnt buy a first? ---
**Author:** ![MsWhatsit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/eb8c5e/32.png) [@MsWhatsit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsWhatsit)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2010, 4:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-she-reimburse-people-for-travel-to-her-called-off-wedding/549945/10 "2010-08-11T16:45:00Z")
> [@billfish678](#): > > So, if somebody can’t afford a second car or home they shouldnt buy a first? I am not following this. ---
**Author:** ![Asimovian](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asimovian/32/172_2.png) [@Asimovian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Asimovian)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2010, 4:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-she-reimburse-people-for-travel-to-her-called-off-wedding/549945/11 "2010-08-11T16:45:20Z")
> [@billfish678](#): > > > [@Asimovian](#): > > > > Especially since, as **MsWhatsit** said, if they couldn’t afford to lose the money, they shouldn’t have planned to go anyway. > > So, if somebody can’t afford a second car or home they shouldnt buy a first? I’m a little slow this morning (seriously). Walk me through that analogy. ---
**Author:** ![DianaG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7ab992/32.png) [@DianaG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DianaG)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2010, 4:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-she-reimburse-people-for-travel-to-her-called-off-wedding/549945/12 "2010-08-11T16:45:52Z")
Hotels can usually be cancelled with no penalty up to 24 hours in advance. Flights, not so much. I’m gonna assume your sister isn’t in a position to pay people back, since as far as I know you’re not heiresses, and people with those sort of financial resources are generally better decision makers than she seems to be. As many seem to agree, she shouldn’t be expected to reimburse people. She also shouldn’t expect anyone to go out of their way should this be back “on”. Or to take her very seriously about anything, as a rule. ---
**Author:** ![Ferret\_Herder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e47774/32.png) [@Ferret\_Herder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferret_Herder)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2010, 4:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-she-reimburse-people-for-travel-to-her-called-off-wedding/549945/13 "2010-08-11T16:46:35Z")
> [@bordelond](#): > > EDIT: I missed that the OP got a full refund for all this. So … what’s the deal with people unable to get a refund a full month in advace? What am I missing? It depends. For instance, Southwest has “Wanna Get Away” web-only super-deal pricing for many/most of its flights - they’re non-refundable. I suspect you’d probably get credit for future flights but, well, if you don’t fly often you may not be able to use it within the time frame allowed (IIRC a year?). Clarification: [You can get credit for future flights,](http://www.southwest.com/flight/pop_fareCompare.html?businessSelectRewardCredits=2.0&defaultRewardCredits=1) for up to 12 months after the original date. With the more expensive fares, you can opt for a full refund instead. ---
**Author:** ![purplehorseshoe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/purplehorseshoe/32/2996_2.png) [@purplehorseshoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/purplehorseshoe)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2010, 4:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-she-reimburse-people-for-travel-to-her-called-off-wedding/549945/14 "2010-08-11T16:48:05Z")
I don’t think your sister is obligated to pay people back - weddings get cancelled all the time, and I’ve never seen this said before - but she could _offer_ it, privately, to the people who are most hurt financially by it. Of course, don’t let word get out to the ones who don’t get the offer. Perhaps some premarital counseling is in order for the couple in question? ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2010, 4:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-she-reimburse-people-for-travel-to-her-called-off-wedding/549945/15 "2010-08-11T16:50:13Z")
> [@jsgoddess](#): > > > [@kayaker](#): > > > > She should not reimburse, nor should she have a wedding sometime in the future. > > That seems harsh. She’s not allowed to have a wedding if she ever called off a wedding? In her shoes (they would likely pinch, but hey) I’d get a private JP type wedding. If I were invited to a wedding that was then scrubbed, I could not imagine getting another invite down the road. Not only because of direct/indirect costs, but just the setting aside of the day/time. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2010, 4:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-she-reimburse-people-for-travel-to-her-called-off-wedding/549945/16 "2010-08-11T16:53:07Z")
On a related note, my ex brother-in-law changed his mind the day of his wedding. The caterer, band, etc had all been either paid in full or else had large deposits. None of the $$ was returned. Friends/family were not pleased. The couple got married a month later in front of a JP. ---
**Author:** ![SmellMyWort](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ea5d25/32.png) [@SmellMyWort](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SmellMyWort)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2010, 4:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-she-reimburse-people-for-travel-to-her-called-off-wedding/549945/17 "2010-08-11T16:54:21Z")
People might be able to cancel hotel and car, but it’s likely their flights were non-refundable. Not sure if something like this would be covered by travel insurance. This wasn’t a destination wedding, was it, where EVERYONE was travelling? ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2010, 4:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-she-reimburse-people-for-travel-to-her-called-off-wedding/549945/18 "2010-08-11T16:56:18Z")
> [@MsWhatsit](#): > > As for your item #4, that one doesn’t really make sense to me. Whether the wedding happened or didn’t happen, that money would be gone, so if they can’t afford to lose it, they couldn’t afford to spend it in the first place. At least this way they can save on hotel accommodations and other trip incidentals. I guess to me there’s a difference between paying for something expensive that you then get or paying for something expensive that you then don’t get. I imagine some people would make some definite sacrifices in order to attend a wedding, rather than just being able to treat it as a minor expense. That’s what I was talking about. ---
**Author:** ![DigitalC](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ebca7d/32.png) [@DigitalC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DigitalC)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2010, 4:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-she-reimburse-people-for-travel-to-her-called-off-wedding/549945/19 "2010-08-11T16:57:05Z")
She shouldn’t feel obligated to pay people back but it would be nice if she offered. Also, she lost any right to complain about anyone not showing up at the actual wedding if it ever takes place. ---
**Author:** ![DiosaBellissima](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a8b319/32.png) [@DiosaBellissima](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DiosaBellissima)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2010, 5:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-she-reimburse-people-for-travel-to-her-called-off-wedding/549945/20 "2010-08-11T17:01:16Z")
> [@billfish678](#): > > > [@Asimovian](#): > > > > Especially since, as **MsWhatsit** said, if they couldn’t afford to lose the money, they shouldn’t have planned to go anyway. > > So, if somebody can’t afford a second car or home they shouldnt buy a first? You’re missing the point. If I’m going to the OP’s sister’s wedding and I buy a plane ticket for. . . I dunno, $400 and the wedding is cancelled after, I can cancel my reservation with the airline (even on “non refundable” flights) for a fee of like $100. I’m not paying a total of $500. I’m paying $100 and receiving a $300 refund for the remaining price of the ticket. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-she-reimburse-people-for-travel-to-her-called-off-wedding/549945.md?page=2)