# Should this guy get married? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [February 27, 2017, 3:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-this-guy-get-married/780918 "2017-02-27T03:01:49Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Pabitel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/bbce88/32.png) [@Pabitel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pabitel)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2017, 7:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-this-guy-get-married/780918/41 "2017-02-27T19:31:37Z")
Not nearly enough information provided to offer an opinion. ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2017, 7:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-this-guy-get-married/780918/42 "2017-02-27T19:43:33Z")
I generally think if you need a deadline to push you into marriage and kids, that stuff might not be for you. 52 is a tough age to start having kids IMHO. Although apparently George Clooney is having twins at 56. I had my first (of two) when I was 41. While I’m in good shape and don’t consider myself “old” (for Earth), they are going to keep getting bigger and stronger while I will soon become older and more feeble. ---
**Author:** ![TokyoBayer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tokyobayer/32/13989_2.png) [@TokyoBayer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TokyoBayer)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2017, 4:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-this-guy-get-married/780918/43 "2017-08-29T04:54:07Z")
An update. August and came and is almost gone. It looks like the 92% who said “no” were on to something. She’s moving out this Friday and my friend has decided that her actions are for the best. We did talk a few times over the months. He confided in me because I lived in Japan for so long that he wanted some feedback on questions if something was her or cultural. ---
**Author:** ![steatopygia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/steatopygia/32/3132_2.png) [@steatopygia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/steatopygia)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2017, 5:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-this-guy-get-married/780918/44 "2017-08-29T05:51:02Z")
Dammit I just voted! Didn’t recognize it for an update. :smack: ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2017, 6:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-this-guy-get-married/780918/45 "2017-08-29T06:03:26Z")
> [@steatopygia](#): > > Dammit I just voted! > Didn’t recognize it for an update. :smack: At least you get to know what happened instantly. The rest of us had to wait six months. ---
**Author:** ![Les\_Espaces\_Du\_Sommeil](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/les_espaces_du_sommeil/32/308_2.png) [@Les\_Espaces\_Du\_Sommeil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Les_Espaces_Du_Sommeil)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2017, 11:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-this-guy-get-married/780918/46 "2017-08-29T11:05:37Z")
They’ve been living together for about a year. She wants to get married and have children. He would prefer their current situation. He’s not adverse to children, but not really excited about it either. = HE SHOULDN’T GET MARRIED He likes his free time and not having his life tied up. = HE SHOULDN’T GET MARRIED She’s… has given him a deadline of her birthday to decide. = HE SHOULDN’T GET MARRIED ---
**Author:** ![RTFirefly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2017, 12:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-this-guy-get-married/780918/47 "2017-08-29T12:38:13Z")
Two necessary conditions for marriage, IMHO: 1. Mutual trust and respect 2. Shared or compatible goals, values, worldview Ten words, but they cover a lot of ground. There’s no way to compromise on kids. Either you have 'em or you don’t. If one person really wants them and the other one really doesn’t, they should go their separate ways. ---
**Author:** ![LSLGuy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lslguy/32/5813_2.png) [@LSLGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LSLGuy)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2017, 1:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-this-guy-get-married/780918/48 "2017-08-29T13:33:57Z")
> [@TokyoBayer](#): > > An update. August and came and is almost gone. > > It looks like the 92% who said “no” were on to something. She’s moving out this Friday and my friend has decided that her actions are for the best. > > We did talk a few times over the months. He confided in me because I lived in Japan for so long that he wanted some feedback on questions if something was her or cultural. Nice to hear the right outcome wins out in the end. Albeit not necessarily for the right reasons. It will be interesting to see what the man does over the next year or so. Also the woman although I doubt our OP will have any way to know of her after this Friday upcoming. ---
**Author:** ![Doctor\_Jackson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doctor_jackson/32/32_2.png) [@Doctor\_Jackson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doctor_Jackson)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2017, 2:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-this-guy-get-married/780918/49 "2017-08-29T14:32:26Z")
If either party is not 100% on board, no marriage should occur - regardless of the reason(s). If he ain’t fully bought in, he should check out. ---
**Author:** ![Patx2](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/73ab20/32.png) [@Patx2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Patx2)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2017, 2:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-this-guy-get-married/780918/50 "2017-08-29T14:49:01Z")
I’m a woman and I voted no. Life decisions like having and raising children need to be made together. The fact that she wants them and he’s not adverse to the idea makes me think there’s a disconnect. He would rather not, and would do it because she wants them, to “make her happy.” That spells disaster to me. Taking your spouse to a restaurant you’re not crazy about but they really enjoy because you care about their happiness is one thing. Starting a family or making a big move is a completely different ballgame. ---
**Author:** ![Enright3](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/enright3/32/2897_2.png) [@Enright3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enright3)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2017, 4:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-this-guy-get-married/780918/51 "2017-08-29T16:07:28Z")
I select “other” because it’s not the marriage I’m opposed to. Age 55 is pretty old to begin a new family. One of the small perks in life is reaching a point when you have the money and are young enough to enjoy it. Plus I don’t do well with ultimatums. That can only lead to resentment later. ---
**Author:** ![Eva\_Luna](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/e495f1/32.png) [@Eva\_Luna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eva_Luna)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2017, 4:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-this-guy-get-married/780918/52 "2017-08-29T16:23:48Z")
> [@Celyn](#): > > One year doesn’t seem long enough to go dishing out this sort of ultimatum. Heck no. If he doesn’t want kids, he doesn’t. > > And, were I this guy, I’m not sure I’d want to marry someone who tried to pressure me into it with or without the children aspect. > > _(woman. voted “no”)_ I agree that they should not get married, but speaking as a woman who was never particularly interested in having children, I think it’s an entirely fair inquiry to make for any woman who does actually want to have children. Women’s fertility starts nosediving at her age, and she can never really be sure when her window of opportunity will close. If he is not interested in being Daddy, she needs to know that sooner rather than later. ---
**Author:** ![cwthree](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9de0a6/32.png) [@cwthree](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cwthree)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2017, 5:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-this-guy-get-married/780918/53 "2017-08-29T17:37:04Z")
> [@TokyoBayer](#): > > She wants to get married and have children. He would prefer their current situation. He’s not adverse to children, but not really excited about it either. I voted “don’t get married.” Your friend and his girlfriend have significant disagreement on a topic that’s important to both of them (and to potential third parties, i.e. their children). It sounds like they’ve both given some thought to the idea of children, so taking more time to think about it is unlikely to bring them into agreement, and there’s really no way to compromise. You can’t do “just enough” parenting any more than you can be “just enough” pregnant. Better to move on and accept some temporary pain than to stay together and ensure that one or both of them will be unhappy for the long haul. ---
**Author:** ![Calatin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/439d5e/32.png) [@Calatin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Calatin)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2017, 6:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-this-guy-get-married/780918/54 "2017-08-29T18:26:48Z")
> [@Eva\_Luna](#): > > I agree that they should not get married, but speaking as a woman who was never particularly interested in having children, I think it’s an entirely fair inquiry to make for any woman who does actually want to have children. Women’s fertility starts nosediving at her age, and she can never really be sure when her window of opportunity will close. If he is not interested in being Daddy, she needs to know that sooner rather than later. Possible threadjack, but _Adam Ruins Everything_ debunked that myth. Apparently, the statistics for that are based on inaccurate information derived from the census records of French women in Medieval times. ---
**Author:** ![rbroome](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/838e76/32.png) [@rbroome](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rbroome)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2017, 12:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-this-guy-get-married/780918/55 "2017-08-30T00:50:00Z")
It sounds quite simple: one of the two isn’t that interested. End of discussion. Marriage only works (well) when both parties are enthusiastic about getting married. My brother is a lawyer. He handled the divorce of all his friends who expressed doubts in the weeks before the marriage. Those who had no doubts are still happy. ---
**Author:** ![Senegoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/senegoid/32/6606_2.png) [@Senegoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Senegoid)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2017, 5:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-this-guy-get-married/780918/56 "2017-08-30T05:40:43Z")
When is the right time for a man to marry, Diogenes the Cynic was asked. He answered: “For a young man, not yet. For an old man, never at all.” ---
**Author:** ![Quartz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quartz/32/267_2.png) [@Quartz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quartz)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2017, 4:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-this-guy-get-married/780918/57 "2017-08-30T16:05:29Z")
At 34 hasn’t she left it a little late? She may find it more difficult to conceive. And at 52 his sperm are somewhat degraded, aren’t they? ---
**Author:** ![Cheerful\_Pessimist](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Cheerful\_Pessimist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cheerful_Pessimist)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2017, 5:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-this-guy-get-married/780918/58 "2017-08-30T17:07:41Z")
> [@Fruitbat2](#): > > I’d say no. They are simply at different stages of life. That eighteen year age difference is a whole generation apart and likely to seem a larger gap as time goes on. Meh, not necessarily. There is an 18 year age difference between my husband and me (52 and 35, respectively, when we got together), and we’re still going strong 15 years later. The age difference has never, not even once, been an issue for us. But I voted NO because of their different life goals. ---
**Author:** ![filmore](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/7993a0/32.png) [@filmore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/filmore)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2017, 5:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-this-guy-get-married/780918/59 "2017-08-30T17:16:50Z")
I’m going to go against the grain and say no, they shouldn’t get married. I know everyone thinks this will be the perfect marriage, always see eye-to-eye, and they’ll be blissfully happy, but I’m seeing a few red flags. ---
**Author:** ![LSLGuy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lslguy/32/5813_2.png) [@LSLGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LSLGuy)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2017, 6:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-this-guy-get-married/780918/60 "2017-08-30T18:20:03Z")
I wonder for how many years after their already-reported final breakup will we still be getting answers to the title question? It’s early days yet, but I have a feeling this question has legs. Maybe I should start a poll on it. 😃 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-this-guy-get-married/780918.md?page=2)