It doesn’t offend me in the slightest. Why would it? If anything, I’d like to echo cosmosdan’s thanks.
(oh, I think I see where the confusion came from here - when I say the avenue of respecting other people is not open to ‘you’, I meant you as in your philosophy)
Occasionally, I’m getting a little frustrated by some of our arguments, but that’s all. I’m gonna try and take a step back and do this reply as exhaustively as possible. so that there’s no way we can misunderstand each other.
I’m sorry if what comes after looks a bit rude, or angry - its not meant to be.
This point, for example, I thought we understood each other, but now you’ve completely lost me again.
How on earth can you be arguing that? (see Ohio)
All I can assume is that what you’re saying is that ignoring the consequences to everyone else, if we focus only on the consequences to me then if I can’t tell the difference between the two of them I can’t prefer one of them. Which is true in as far as the ‘you’ in the example goes, but stepping back to outside the hypothetical (ie asking if you’d want to know if your wife had cheated), I can still have a preference, because you can be hurt without knowing about it.
You want an example of being hurt without knowing about it?
Someone tortures me, then hypnotises me into not remembering it ever happened. I’d still rather not be tortureed, even if I’m not going to remember it.
Alternatively, I could become utterly insane without realising it. Again, to me I seem fine, but from an outside objective POV I would have been hurt.
Actually I have.
Several times, I have presented the exact same argument you have done to justify pleasure.
Please quote me where I’ve done this.
It’s an analogy - let’s just pretend we’re not talking about pleasure for a second 
Its more about tastes, anyway.
So, I repeat the example again - we are arguing about what the best colour is. You are arguing only red has value as a colour, that my tastes for yellow and green are useless unless they contribute to more red-ness, and that I am mistaken for liking the colours in a first place.
Do you think that analogy fairly characterises the situation? If not, why not?
Then your argument is mistaken. For someone else’s pleasure does not feel good to me - it doesn’t feel like anything. (I’m ignoring feelings of satisfaction from being kind to other people, because they can be overwhelmed by the grenade example).
It doesn’t promote my happiness in the grenade example, does it?
Okay, let me try doing this another way:
(and none of these are rhetorical questions)
Do you accept that the soldier cannot feel the pleasure of his comrades?
Do you accept that the solider must have a moral reason to sacrifice himself?
Do you think that this moral reasoning must be based on happiness?
You want to state that the soldier kills himself because
a) pleasure is the only thing valuable
b) everybody’s pleasure is of equal worth
Why is everybody’s pleasure of equal worth?
Is equality valuable, then?
In which case, either
a) pleasure is not the only thing valuable
or
b) equality is valuable because of the pleasure it produces
If b is true, the pleasure can either
a) come from me, which is not always true (see Grenade case)
or
b) equality is valuable because of the pleasure it produces in other people
If b is true, why do I care about the pleasure it produces in other people?
And we go back to the beginning - the argument is circular.
To break this circle, you’re going to have to do what every Utilitarian does, whether they realise it or not - they make an intuitive assumption that everyone’s pleasure is equally valuable. Which is fair enough, as long as you accept what you’ve done and that your golden rule is no longer true - pleasure is not the only thing valuable to you.