# Should we change our wedding date?
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-we-change-our-wedding-date/353096
**Category:** In My Humble Opinion
**Created:** [April 18, 2006, 12:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-we-change-our-wedding-date/353096 "2006-04-18T00:41:33Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 3
### Author:  [@hajario](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hajario)
#### Post date: [April 18, 2006, 4:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-we-change-our-wedding-date/353096/41 "2006-04-18T16:46:57Z")
> [@Eureka](#):
>
> Really, rather than let yourself be pushed around by a bunch of anonymous know-it-alls on a message board, I think you should consider talking to your friends and family about the date.
Pushed around? WTF? We were specifically asked our opinion and we gave it.
I just realized that the last wedding ceremony that I attended was on a Tuesday. I am an ordained minister in the Universal Life Church so I can perform ceremonies. My step-sister had some cousins in town who are having a big wedding in a couple of months. The bride got pregnant a little early and needed to be married so she could get on the groom’s insurance. My step-sister remembered that I could do weddings so she called me the night before, I took a long lunch and performed the ceremony.
Let’s just keep that between us though because there will be 200 people at a wedding next month and they think that it will be the real deal.
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### Author:  [@clairobscur](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/clairobscur)
#### Post date: [April 18, 2006, 4:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-we-change-our-wedding-date/353096/42 "2006-04-18T16:59:10Z")
> [@irishgirl](#):
>
> In my experience, people who really want to go to your wedding will find a way to be there.
Sure, especially if they’re told so long time before, but they will likely still be inconvenienced. So, why inconvenience a bunch of people when the date isn’t actually very significant?
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### Author:  [@FilmGeek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FilmGeek)
#### Post date: [April 18, 2006, 6:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-we-change-our-wedding-date/353096/43 "2006-04-18T18:02:17Z")
We’re getting married on a Friday, but it’s just family. Then we’re having the big reception on Saturday. Win win for all of us, I think.
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### Author:  [@badbadrubberpiggy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/badbadrubberpiggy)
#### Post date: [April 18, 2006, 6:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-we-change-our-wedding-date/353096/44 "2006-04-18T18:26:45Z")
> [@Hampshire](#):
>
> We got married on the Sunday before Memorial Day. I remember thinking “Hey, holiday weekend. Everyone can make it. They’ll all have Monday off.”
> Lot’s of people attended and it went off well.
> But a few weeks afterwards I wondered how many people disliked having to plan their entire holiday weekend around our wedding dropped in the middle of it.
We’re doing the same thing, since we have a ton of out of town guests. We’re getting married on Saturday, not Sunday though. Everyone we talked to seemed to think it was a good idea, and a lot of people are taking extra time to make vacations out of it. They are heading to other destinations right after the wedding instead of going right home.
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### Author:  [@Eureka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eureka)
#### Post date: [April 18, 2006, 6:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-we-change-our-wedding-date/353096/45 "2006-04-18T18:27:57Z")
> [@hajario](#):
>
> Pushed around? WTF? We were specifically asked our opinion and we gave it.
A couple of things.
First of all, the comment that you responded to was partially a joke and phrased in a delibrately provocative manner. On the other hand, by my count of the first seven responses, there were at least six “Change the date!” comments (some emphatic) and at least three “why June 25th?”. Then **Penchan** says, “Oh, I didn’t think it would be such a big deal, I’ll change the date”. Only later do I see several “You can make a Wednesday work” responses. So I was also intending to suggest that **Penchan** was a bit premature in deciding to change the date.
People have every right to ask for advice on a message board and to give it. I don’t mean to suggest that any opinion expressed has been inappropriate. But it bothers me when someone makes choices apparently based on message board advice rather than consulting the people who are actually affected by the choice. I mean, which makes more sense, asking the bridesmaids whether the dresses should be blue or green or taking a poll on a message board?
And so I suggested to the OP, that asking parents, proposed members of the wedding party, and perhaps the venues where the wedding might be held would be good steps to take, in addition to (and I suppose you could read instead of) asking anonymous strangers who will presumably not be invited anyway.
* * *
Incidently, I know of a couple where he’s American and she’s Mexican so they had two wedding ceremonies, one in Las Vegas and one a week later in Mexico. It is the opinion of the groom’s mother that the bride’s parents still believe that the marriage wasn’t consumated until ater the Mexican ceremony. The groom’s parents know the marriage was consumated after the first (American, non-church) ceremony.
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### Author:  [@Rigamarole](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rigamarole)
#### Post date: [April 18, 2006, 7:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-we-change-our-wedding-date/353096/46 "2006-04-18T19:15:40Z")
> [@Penchan](#):
>
> I’m really sorry, I thought I answered the question already!
It’s good that you practice this answer a lot. Because like **bup** here:
> [@bup](#):
>
> If you invited me to a wedding, and it was on a Wednesday, and I asked why, and you said, “we chose it more than two years ago - we like even numbers,” I would be really really pissed.
If you invited me and I took off work to come and then you gave this answer as to why it was on a Wednesday, it wouldn’t even enter my comprehension the first time - I’d ask you to explain it again. :dubious:
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### Author:  [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)
#### Post date: [April 18, 2006, 7:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-we-change-our-wedding-date/353096/47 "2006-04-18T19:28:20Z")
Why not just get married on the 4th of July (Friday), everyone will be off that weekend for sure and in the future, all your anniversary time will be off, by law, more or less give a day or two.
or…or…looking at the 2008 calendar and going SQUEEEE!..get married on \*\* 8/8/8!\*\* A pallindrome wedding! It’s a friday and very easy to remember for the rest of your life! ( And princess Beatrice’s or Eugenie’s 29th birthday.)
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### Author:  [@Misnomer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Misnomer)
#### Post date: [April 18, 2006, 7:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-we-change-our-wedding-date/353096/48 "2006-04-18T19:34:50Z")
> [@Shirley Ujest](#):
>
> Why not just get married on the 4th of July (Friday), everyone will be off that weekend for sure and in the future, all your anniversary time will be off, by law, more or less give a day or two.
Some of us don’t automatically get holidays off… 😃
But a Friday is a hell of a lot easier to take off than a Wednesday!
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### Author:  [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)
#### Post date: [April 18, 2006, 7:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-we-change-our-wedding-date/353096/49 "2006-04-18T19:46:34Z")
> [@Shirley Ujest](#):
>
> Why not just get married on the 4th of July (Friday), everyone will be off that weekend for sure and in the future, all your anniversary time will be off, by law, more or less give a day or two.
> or…or…looking at the 2008 calendar and going SQUEEEE!..get married on \*\* 8/8/8!\*\* A pallindrome wedding! It’s a friday and very easy to remember for the rest of your life! ( And princess Beatrice’s or Eugenie’s 29th birthday.)
20th birthday.
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### Author:  [@Penchan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Penchan)
#### Post date: [April 18, 2006, 7:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-we-change-our-wedding-date/353096/50 "2006-04-18T19:48:04Z")
> [@Eureka](#):
>
> Then **Penchan** says, “Oh, I didn’t think it would be such a big deal, I’ll change the date”. Only later do I see several “You can make a Wednesday work” responses. So I was also intending to suggest that **Penchan** was a bit premature in deciding to change the date.
>
> People have every right to ask for advice on a message board and to give it. I don’t mean to suggest that any opinion expressed has been inappropriate. But it bothers me when someone makes choices apparently based on message board advice rather than consulting the people who are actually affected by the choice. I mean, which makes more sense, asking the bridesmaids whether the dresses should be blue or green or taking a poll on a message board?
>
> And so I suggested to the OP, that asking parents, proposed members of the wedding party, and perhaps the venues where the wedding might be held would be good steps to take, in addition to (and I suppose you could read instead of) asking anonymous strangers who will presumably not be invited anyway.
I asked my parents and friends before I posted my question on the board, and they didn’t have an opinion. My parent’s said “it’s your life you decide when you want to marry, just let us know in advance”. My friends echoed the same sentiment. That’s why I posed the question to Dopers as I wanted more objective opinions because my friends weren’t telling me if it was rude to have our wedding in the middle of the week.
When reading over people’s reasons for our having a wedding during the weekend, the SO and I agreed that it would be better for us to change the date rather than keep the date we were originally thinking of. We didn’t know if it would be such a tremendous hassle for our guests if they had a year and a half notice to take a day off for our wedding. The consensus seems that it would be (which is contrary to my limited experience with friends and family taking a week off to go to other people’s weddings in other countries). So rather than making it a selfish day to celebrate, we decided on making it more flexible because we want our friends and family there. By posing this question to a message board to get objective opinions (because opinions from the guests are currently lacking), and our deciding to keep the date more open, does it really make us seem like we’re caving in to people’s opinions? I don’t think so.
I asked this question in hopes of just getting “it would be nicer for your guests if you did x” or “it shouldn’t be a big deal if you did y”. I didn’t think it would (seemingly) offend some people.
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### Author:  [@Eureka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eureka)
#### Post date: [April 18, 2006, 8:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-we-change-our-wedding-date/353096/51 "2006-04-18T20:24:10Z")
**Penchan**
Repeat “Rather than being pushed around by anonymous people on a message board” was mostly a joke. I’m glad to hear that you have in fact talked to the people who would be most affected by your decision. I don’t blame you for turning to a message board for opinions when your nearest and dearest were indecisive or inclined to be polite.
But, look at your timestamps! The OP was posted at 6:41, your next post in the thread was at 7:07. That’s less than half an hour later. You had 8 responses in the meantime. I’d have waited at least 12 hours or 25 responses before I declared that the weight of opinion had persuaded me to change my mind. Especially since so many responses have had some form of “Tell me why your chosen date is important, so I know how to react” buried in them.
But that’s just me. YMMV, and obviously does.
I don’t think anyone is offended–although some of us are arguably too convinced that our opinions are the right opinions. (Note the pronouns–I am aware that this is one of my failings as well).
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### Author:  [@kittenblue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kittenblue)
#### Post date: [April 19, 2006, 2:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-we-change-our-wedding-date/353096/52 "2006-04-19T02:55:04Z")
I repeat my advice…get married this year on 06-25-06. You have two months…you can do it! Think of the money you’ll save!
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### Author:  [@GrizzRich](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GrizzRich)
#### Post date: [April 19, 2006, 1:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-we-change-our-wedding-date/353096/53 "2006-04-19T13:23:21Z")
You’ve been together five years already.
You’re going to wait TWO more years to marry.
Are you already living together? If so, why wait?
Given everything you’ve already said **Penchan** , I still don’t understand the need or desire to wait until _2008_ to be wed.
If it’s going to take you two years to save enough money for your wedding, then it’s costing too much.
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### Author:  [@bup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bup)
#### Post date: [April 19, 2006, 4:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-we-change-our-wedding-date/353096/54 "2006-04-19T16:35:36Z")
No, put it off for two years. If you’re ready to get married now, you’ll be ready in two years.
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### Author:  [@Bippy\_the\_Beardless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bippy_the_Beardless)
#### Post date: [April 19, 2006, 5:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-we-change-our-wedding-date/353096/55 "2006-04-19T17:43:22Z")
Well, as long as the people you really want to be there can make it, it doesn’t matter what day the celebrations occur. There will likely be more that can’t make it on a Wednesday than can’t make it on a Saturday, but I imagine booking the best palce, the best caterers, the best band etc. would be easier on a Wednesday. Would lots of your friends be work friends? That could cause problems if half the company want to take that particular Wednesday off.
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### Author:  [@Penchan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Penchan)
#### Post date: [April 19, 2006, 5:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-we-change-our-wedding-date/353096/56 "2006-04-19T17:44:15Z")
> [@GrizzRich](#):
>
> You’ve been together five years already.
> You’re going to wait TWO more years to marry.
>
> Are you already living together? If so, why wait?
>
> Given everything you’ve already said **Penchan** , I still don’t understand the need or desire to wait until _2008_ to be wed.
> If it’s going to take you two years to save enough money for your wedding, then it’s costing too much.
Yep, we’ve been together over five years, living together for two of those years. But he wants time after we graduate to find jobs (he does programming contract work, I work at my parent’s restaurant) and start paying off those student loans. We don’t want to rush into a marriage when we need to establish ourselves a bit first. We’ll be moving into my parent’s home, and though it’s a pretty big house, there will still be my parents around, so we’d like time to figure out the dynamics of that too.
Also, we’re saving up for a backpacking trip to Europe at the end of the year for a crazy, stupid post-graduation trip for ourselves. We’ll be frugal, but a month in Europe costs a good amount of money.
The SO also wants time to save up on his own to get the engagement ring (he proposed, but he wants to redo it with the whole get down on one knee, engagement hoohaw) and I’d like to give him time to do what he has to do.
Besides, we’d like to have fun by taking our time planning the wedding. Why rush something that’s supposed to be special and that you’ll remember forever?
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### Author:  [@IvoryTowerDenizen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/IvoryTowerDenizen)
#### Post date: [April 19, 2006, 11:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-we-change-our-wedding-date/353096/57 "2006-04-19T23:12:54Z")
> [@Penchan](#):
>
> Besides, we’d like to have fun by taking our time planning the wedding. Why rush something that’s supposed to be special and that you’ll remember forever?
Do what makes you happy, but…
The wedding is nice. The marriage is forever.
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### Author:  [@El\_Perro\_Fumando](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/El_Perro_Fumando)
#### Post date: [April 20, 2006, 12:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-we-change-our-wedding-date/353096/58 "2006-04-20T00:30:34Z")
> [@Penchan](#):
>
> Besides, we’d like to have fun by taking our time planning the wedding. Why rush something that’s supposed to be special and that you’ll remember forever?
Please don’t take this the wrong way, but **Only Mostly Dead** proposed over a year ago and we’re still more than two months away. (Total engagement = year and a half) You get to a point (or at least I did) where you just want the wedding to get here so you can be married. Long engagements are good for getting the vendors you want and saving money, but I would not recommend an engagement more than 2 years.
There’s no harm in a little rushing 😉
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### Author:  [@Scarlett67](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scarlett67)
#### Post date: [April 20, 2006, 12:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-we-change-our-wedding-date/353096/59 "2006-04-20T00:33:13Z")
> [@IvoryTowerDenizen](#):
>
> Do what makes you happy, but…
>
> The wedding is nice. The marriage is forever.
Agreed. Mr. S and I were just starting our wedding fund, thinking up all kinds of funky wedding ideas, when one day it occurred to me:
I’m out of school now (so his income couldn’t wreck my financial aid)
I have a job
We’re already living together
Why are we waiting around, just for a party?
When he got home from work that night, I said, “Let’s get married.”
Mr. S: “Um . . . yeah, I thought that was the plan.” 😕
Me: “Yeah, but why wait till next year? \ Let’s just do it now, as soon as we can throw it together.”
Mr. S: \ “OK, works for me.”
It was a done deal a month later. It would have been two weeks later, but one of our principals already had concert tickets. It was small, but we had fun. Still remember it fondly. And the almost 16 years since then have not been diminished just because we didn’t blow a wad on one day and agonize over zillions of details that everyone would have forgotten by now.
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### Author:  [@sinjin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sinjin)
#### Post date: [April 20, 2006, 12:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-we-change-our-wedding-date/353096/60 "2006-04-20T00:39:41Z")
> [@Tinkertoy](#):
>
> Or an even greater historical moment: the day 30 years ago that I married the wonderful Mr. Toy.
Wait a minute, I married MrSin 30 years ago on that date. :dubious: The first Friday wedding on either side of the family, and outside on the golf course, hehehehe. Still infamous.
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