# Should women settle for "Mr. Good Enough" vs waiting for "Mr. Perfect"? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [February 12, 2010, 7:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-women-settle-for-mr-good-enough-vs-waiting-for-mr-perfect/528678 "2010-02-12T07:12:11Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Lasciel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e79b87/32.png) [@Lasciel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lasciel)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2011, 8:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-women-settle-for-mr-good-enough-vs-waiting-for-mr-perfect/528678/61 "2011-06-25T20:28:05Z")
Paging Doctor Dead… Doctor Dead to IMHO… Personally, I prefer my mates to be \*not \*the shambling undead, but then that’s just me. Picky picky picky. ETA - Also. Jesus, try using the ENTER key every once in a while, m’kay? ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2011, 9:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-women-settle-for-mr-good-enough-vs-waiting-for-mr-perfect/528678/62 "2011-06-25T21:40:50Z")
Plus it’s nearly impossible to find a good restaurant that serves brains these days, and cooking at home is such a bother. ---
**Author:** ![YaraMateo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/58f4c7/32.png) [@YaraMateo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/YaraMateo)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2011, 9:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-women-settle-for-mr-good-enough-vs-waiting-for-mr-perfect/528678/63 "2011-06-25T21:47:34Z")
> [@Alice\_The\_Goon](#): > > Well of course I am. If I don’t got it, you don’t need it. 😃 Will you marry me, Alice? 😉 In all seriousness, I agree with this. I’m not going to lie. I’m at an age where I’ve finished my education, found a good job, and many people (like my mom :rolleyes:) are waiting for me to get a ring and push out a kid. I would like to get married (not so sure on kids), but I don’t want to settle. I want that spark. He has to be a millionaire. 😉 My point, if you’re single (female or male) maybe you’re meant to be single at the moment. ---
**Author:** ![SnakesCatLady](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/4af34b/32.png) [@SnakesCatLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SnakesCatLady)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2011, 10:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-women-settle-for-mr-good-enough-vs-waiting-for-mr-perfect/528678/64 "2011-06-25T22:28:13Z")
> [@salinqmind](#): > > I know a guy pushing 40. Single, college education, worked as a schoolteacher. Not stupid, kind of pudgy, but easygoing and has a good sense of humour. He’s going to stay single, because he’s holding out for a hot young chick of about 20. He is not interested in any of the many attractive divorcees, with or without kids, or even single women who are close to his age, that he’s been set up with. Nope, he’s gonna hold out for a hot young chick of about 20, even though he lives on a farm out in the middle of NOWHERE with his semi-senile father. I think he ought to just get himself a mail order bride from a catalog and be done with it. I know a guy just like this, except the farm and father part. He did marry a mail-order bride - drop dead gorgeous blond Russian lady. She got pregnant in the second year of their marriage and divorced him 6 months after their son was born. ---
**Author:** ![lavenderviolet](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/cdc98d/32.png) [@lavenderviolet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lavenderviolet)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2011, 11:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-women-settle-for-mr-good-enough-vs-waiting-for-mr-perfect/528678/65 "2011-06-25T23:45:59Z")
> [@Mook](#): > > I find it actually hilarious when some women say they want this super rich guy this super rich doctor, this super rich handsome tall guy… Women you want to know a HUGE big secret well not really a secret when you get into the “real world”. The secret is all those doctors/medical field that yeah make money they work the shi**iest hours, when you work 9-5, you get home from work he the (oh so rich doctor/medical guy) is getting ready for his work, so no time to “hang out”, you get to eat dinner all by yourself, oh then comes the great part when holidays roll around guess what??? You get to spend holidays all by yourself, since your oh so (rich doctor/medical) guy has to work almost all holidays. For holidays be prepared to spend your holidays with your family if you live close but certainly without your (doctor/medical) husband. Then when you want to go do some fun things on the weekend… Guess what??? He’s going to have to work almost all weekends so weekends are out for you… Yeah the key word though is eventually as in (several years) he will start to get better hours and a few weekends off but you the lady that was looking for the oh so rich tall (doctor/medical guy) you’ll be married alright but will have to wait a good 10, 15, 20 YEARS to get that semi normal life of having holidays together on the actual holiday, get to actually have a weekend with him… Oh wait I almost forgot something then when he does have a weekend off, or a day of here and there you’ll not be able to go to far cause he then will be “ON CALL”. Oh then also when you get home from your 9-5 you have to then also be quiet cause he then has to sleep during the day. So you really don’t even get to sleep together for a good 10- 20 years!!! A word to the wise medical people don’t belong with the 9-5ers unless you want to be miserable always planning around his/her shi**y schedule and always having to rearrange everything cause of their awful hours… Exactly why no matter how much they make I refuse to date a lady in the medical field cause of their awful hours and I want to actually hang out with her instead of always waiting for her to come home and I don’t want to rearrange my schedule around hers. Oh have fun with your rich, tall (doctor/medical) oops I meant have fun with him after you wait for your (doctor/medical) husband for the next 10,15, 20 years :D!!! Let me guess: Your woman left you for a doctor? You seem a little too angry about this for this to be just a casual observation. 🙂 Actually I am a female doctor and my boyfriend works in a normal 40 hour a week job. Sometimes it is a little inconvenient, but luckily we are both pretty flexible people and willing to make it work. I have purposely chosen not to date other doctors myself, because I think too many women chase male doctors just for the money. I know a lot of single female doctors who think they should only date other doctors and I do think that it is the reason some of them stay single. Personally, I’d rather be with a guy who is a good person and makes less money than I do (and so far that seems to be working out!) ---
**Author:** ![Mook](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c57346/32.png) [@Mook](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mook)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2011, 11:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-women-settle-for-mr-good-enough-vs-waiting-for-mr-perfect/528678/66 "2011-06-25T23:47:36Z")
> [@YaraMateo](#): > > Will you marry me, Alice? 😉 > > In all seriousness, I agree with this. I’m not going to lie. I’m at an age where I’ve finished my education, found a good job, and many people (like my mom :rolleyes:) are waiting for me to get a ring and push out a kid. I would like to get married (not so sure on kids), but I don’t want to settle. I want that spark. He has to be a millionaire. 😉 > > My point, if you’re single (female or male) maybe you’re meant to be single at the moment. It’s that constant waiting for “Mr. Perfect” that get’s women… There is no such thing!!! By the way the millionaires they are the ones that are actually never home, they are the ones that constantly work. Your so delusional if all you think is your just going to fall into his pile of money, you think he’s waiting for you!!! You want a real cheater??? Date a Millionaire… Like one of these threads said this lady of course had that whole “list” and of course year after year after no guy was coming around to her, going for her, and she finally found her future faience only after she said screw her BS men requirement “list” and when she started to relax on her list and just looked around instead of he must meet my “demands” she then found this great guy. Yes great is not perfect as NO one is “perfect”, but only after she relaxed on her “list” he came around. Were not saying to just throw away your “list” it’s not just black or white as when parents or friends say you have to relax on your “list” that doesn’t at all mean to just throw your whole list away… But what they are meaning is if he meet’s a few as in a couple, three, four of your actual actual reality “list” not the BS fantasy "requirements. ---
**Author:** ![Mook](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c57346/32.png) [@Mook](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mook)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2011, 12:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-women-settle-for-mr-good-enough-vs-waiting-for-mr-perfect/528678/67 "2011-06-26T00:00:15Z")
> [@lavenderviolet](#): > > Let me guess: Your woman left you for a doctor? You seem a little too angry about this for this to be just a casual observation. 🙂 > > Actually I am a female doctor and my boyfriend works in a normal 40 hour a week job. Sometimes it is a little inconvenient, but luckily we are both pretty flexible people and willing to make it work. > I have purposely chosen not to date other doctors myself, because I think too many women chase male doctors just for the money. I know a lot of single female doctors who think they should only date other doctors and I do think that it is the reason some of them stay single. Personally, I’d rather be with a guy who is a good person and makes less money than I do (and so far that seems to be working out!) Nope haven’t been married, not at all angry, I’m a bachelor looking… But just pointing out the facts that have this “fantasy” rich doctor image that in reality it’s not at all all roses, not at all like TV. doctors would be great with other doctors or nurses since they both work the shi\*\*y schedules. Just sayin medical and 9-5ers generally not that great of matches with working opposite hours etc etc… 😉 ---
**Author:** ![YaraMateo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/58f4c7/32.png) [@YaraMateo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/YaraMateo)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2011, 1:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-women-settle-for-mr-good-enough-vs-waiting-for-mr-perfect/528678/68 "2011-06-26T01:00:56Z")
> [@Mook](#): > > It’s that constant waiting for “Mr. Perfect” that get’s women… There is no such thing!!! By the way the millionaires they are the ones that are actually never home, they are the ones that constantly work. Your so delusional if all you think is your just going to fall into his pile of money, you think he’s waiting for you!!! You want a real cheater??? Date a Millionaire… Like one of these threads said this lady of course had that whole “list” and of course year after year after no guy was coming around to her, going for her, and she finally found her future faience only after she said screw her BS men requirement “list” and when she started to relax on her list and just looked around instead of he must meet my “demands” she then found this great guy. Yes great is not perfect as NO one is “perfect”, but only after she relaxed on her “list” he came around. Were not saying to just throw away your “list” it’s not just black or white as when parents or friends say you have to relax on your “list” that doesn’t at all mean to just throw your whole list away… But what they are meaning is if he meet’s a few as in a couple, three, four of your actual actual reality “list” not the BS fantasy "requirements. Usually, when I put this 😉 after something, it’s a joke… ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2011, 1:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-women-settle-for-mr-good-enough-vs-waiting-for-mr-perfect/528678/69 "2011-06-26T01:07:25Z")
It is. ---
**Author:** ![even\_sven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dfb087/32.png) [@even\_sven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/even_sven)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2011, 3:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-women-settle-for-mr-good-enough-vs-waiting-for-mr-perfect/528678/70 "2011-06-26T15:05:06Z")
“Red hair” is actually number one on my deal-breakers list. I’m sorry, but a pale white dick emerging from a nest of wiry red pubic hair is such a turn-off to me that I get squicked out just thinking about it. Seriously,is it that shocking for a woman to have some physical preferences?Is it that audatious for a woman to want to be attracted to her partner? Woulld anyone even comment on a man with a physical preference like that? If your goal is to find a man, any man, then you probably should not be too picky. Bt I also don’t subscribe to the theory that a single middle aged woman is a failure at life. ---
**Author:** ![MichaelEmouse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/michaelemouse/32/101_2.png) [@MichaelEmouse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MichaelEmouse)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2011, 3:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-women-settle-for-mr-good-enough-vs-waiting-for-mr-perfect/528678/71 "2011-06-26T15:50:35Z")
> [@even\_sven](#): > > “Red hair” is actually number one on my deal-breakers list. I’m sorry, but a pale white dick emerging from a nest of wiry red pubic hair is such a turn-off to me that I get squicked out just thinking about it. > > Seriously,is it that shocking for a woman to have some physical preferences?Is it that audatious for a woman to want to be attracted to her partner? Woulld anyone even comment on a man with a physical preference like that? > > If your goal is to find a man, any man, then you probably should not be too picky. Bt I also don’t subscribe to the theory that a single middle aged woman is a failure at life. There is nothing wrong with having preferences. Mistaking a preference for a dealbreaker though, is a mistake. For example, I prefer big breasts. Ceteris paribus, bigger breasts are my choice. Yet I would never turn down someone for having small breasts. If, for some reason, a given physical feature makes you unable to feel attraction, fair enough. But “unable to feel attraction” and “not as much attraction as I otherwise would” aren’t the same thing. To take the two single women in my office: One turned down a guy because he didn’t have a strong enough chin. The other one requires a man who is tall and handsome. Yet those are manifestly preferences and not dealbreakers to her even though she thinks of them as dealbreakers: Her ex was not tall or handsome. She also turned down a perfectly good guy because he was blond. Yet she had been attracted to a blond guy earlier. And of course, both of them complain they cannot find a man. ---
**Author:** ![Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/qadgop_the_mercotan/32/83_2.png) [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qadgop_the_Mercotan)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2011, 3:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-women-settle-for-mr-good-enough-vs-waiting-for-mr-perfect/528678/72 "2011-06-26T15:52:53Z")
Many people wait for the one. Many people eventually get the 0.75 and decide to round up. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2011, 5:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-women-settle-for-mr-good-enough-vs-waiting-for-mr-perfect/528678/73 "2011-06-26T17:08:13Z")
> [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](#): > > Many people wait for the one. > > Many people eventually get the 0.75 and decide to round up. Well put. I think even when people do find “the one,” as time wears on, they end up at 0.75 anyway, so what the hell? Might as well get on with your life and enjoy what you have, instead of holding out for some fantasy. I believe in the spectrum of compatibility, though, not One True Love. ---
**Author:** ![SciFiSam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/47e85d/32.png) [@SciFiSam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SciFiSam)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2011, 5:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-women-settle-for-mr-good-enough-vs-waiting-for-mr-perfect/528678/74 "2011-06-26T17:31:20Z")
I have a huge long list of dealbreakers, but fully admit that this is at least in part because I’m not hugely into having a relationship. If I met someone that I really clicked with then I’m sure a lot of those dealbreakers would suddenly become unimportant. I bet that’s the same for some of these people who won’t ‘settle’ - it’s not that they’re looking for the perfect person so much as that they’re not really looking. The physical things aren’t so much pre-defined deal-breakers; they just descriptive. Sure, maybe I will one day fall for someone who’s very short, thin, small-breasted and girly, but as it is I’m just not attracted to them. They make me feel like a galumphing fat rhinocerous who should be doing all the DIY. ---
**Author:** ![JRDelirious](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jrdelirious/32/9531_2.png) [@JRDelirious](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JRDelirious)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2011, 5:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-women-settle-for-mr-good-enough-vs-waiting-for-mr-perfect/528678/75 "2011-06-26T17:35:17Z")
> [@Cat\_Whisperer](#): > > Might as well get on with your life and enjoy what you have, instead of holding out for some fantasy. Thing is, you have to approach it a positive way, that you will look at what the other person brings and value it for the good it’s worth – what must be avoided is thinking of it (and projecting to others) as that it’s somehow “settling for less”. That’s unfair to the other party. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2011, 6:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-women-settle-for-mr-good-enough-vs-waiting-for-mr-perfect/528678/76 "2011-06-26T18:01:20Z")
> [@JRDelirious](#): > > Thing is, you have to approach it a positive way, that you will look at what the other person brings and value it for the good it’s worth – what must be avoided is thinking of it (and projecting to others) as that it’s somehow “settling for less”. That’s unfair to the other party. Right. It might be a function of getting older - you realize YOU aren’t perfect, and your significant other doesn’t have to be (and **won’t** be) either. You’ve had a few (or more) relationships, and you’ve figured out along the way the things you like and the things you don’t like, and if you’re getting the things you like and not the things you don’t like, that’s pretty darned good. ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2011, 8:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-women-settle-for-mr-good-enough-vs-waiting-for-mr-perfect/528678/77 "2011-06-26T20:09:37Z")
> [@even\_sven](#): > > Woulld anyone even comment on a man with a physical preference like that? Well, yes. Men being concerned about physical appearances is something they are commonly slammed for. And they are often accused of being inferior or evil because of it. ---
**Author:** ![rhubarbarin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/eb9ed0/32.png) [@rhubarbarin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rhubarbarin)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2011, 3:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-women-settle-for-mr-good-enough-vs-waiting-for-mr-perfect/528678/78 "2011-06-27T03:25:47Z")
There’s a fine line between having reasonable desires and expectations that must be met before you consider dating someone, and having totally unrealistic, unhealthy expectations about relationships and the people you may date. In general I think deliberately ‘settling’ might lead to short-term goals like marriage and children being met, but isn’t likely to lead to long-term happiness. But neither is rejecting every guy who’s not a 6’1" playboy millionaire, if you want to be married someday. Physical attraction is a big part of what keeps a couple happy and together, and it’s not always something we have much control over. It’s ridiculous that being open about physical preferences has become politically incorrect in some ways. ---
**Author:** ![Jaledin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Jaledin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jaledin)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2011, 12:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-women-settle-for-mr-good-enough-vs-waiting-for-mr-perfect/528678/79 "2011-06-27T12:14:41Z")
How depressing. People really do have trivial fantasies, little lifestyle “goals” and various other desiderata, just like on the TV teen specials and old people my mother’s friendly with before they all died from old-timers. Whatever happened to trying to be happy, tout court? Now I don’t even want to leave my apartment to see people whose company I enjoy – I’ll run into people just like the authoress of this “book,” (sounds like a blog or a Lady Home Journal recipe, frankly) and probably have some pixellated conversation with it. ---
**Author:** ![MandaJo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ac91a4/32.png) [@MandaJo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MandaJo)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2011, 2:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-women-settle-for-mr-good-enough-vs-waiting-for-mr-perfect/528678/80 "2011-06-27T14:44:07Z")
> [@rhubarbarin](#): > > Physical attraction is a big part of what keeps a couple happy and together, and it’s not always something we have much control over. It’s ridiculous that being open about physical preferences has become politically incorrect in some ways. One, there’s a real difference between “physical preferences” and having those “preferences” become iron-clad dealbreakers. Two, I don’t think it’s just political correctness. It’s more a matter of a different way of looking at the world. My husband is 4’11". Many, many women would never consider getting involved with a man of that height. This blows my mind, because my marriage is really, really good. The idea that anyone could walk away from the sort of happiness I have over something that seems so . . . irrelevant is just hard to comprehend, and I’m really glad my parents raised me with such an emphasis on the “politically correct” doctrine of “it’s what’s on the inside that matters” because it kept me from walking away from what has turned out to be a profoundly satisfying life. This isn’t to say that I don’t have my own arbitrary dealbreakers. I do. You’re right that there’s no accounting for taste, and “the heart has it’s reasons that reason knows not”. But on that same gut level, it’s hard not to feel like people who arbitrarily dismiss people for reasons you, yourself, don’t share seem to be potentially throwing away a lot of joy for no real gain. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-women-settle-for-mr-good-enough-vs-waiting-for-mr-perfect/528678.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-women-settle-for-mr-good-enough-vs-waiting-for-mr-perfect/528678.md?page=5)