# Should you expect to know what genitals a person has before a first date? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [November 12, 2019, 3:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-you-expect-to-know-what-genitals-a-person-has-before-a-first-date/843329 "2019-11-12T15:31:14Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 18
**Author:** ![Kobal2](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kobal2/32/20_2.png) [@Kobal2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kobal2)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2019, 9:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-you-expect-to-know-what-genitals-a-person-has-before-a-first-date/843329/341 "2019-11-20T09:34:47Z")
> [@Isamu](#): > > I need to know everything about a person’s genitals (yes, including taste) before I will speak with them. For the record : hints of licorice and strawberry, with dark earthy notes and a full-bodied finish. ---
**Author:** ![Broomstick](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/broomstick/32/246_2.png) [@Broomstick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Broomstick)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2019, 10:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-you-expect-to-know-what-genitals-a-person-has-before-a-first-date/843329/342 "2019-11-20T10:46:36Z")
> [@Slash1972](#): > > Why would that be insulting? If a woman is already interested in your penis before the first date, that’s a good sign. I think on some level asking a man “Do you have a penis?” can come across as questioning his manhood. Men tend to not take that sort of thing particularly well. I’m also going to point out that asking a woman the equivalent question - do you have a vagina? - is not likely to go over well, either. ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2019, 10:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-you-expect-to-know-what-genitals-a-person-has-before-a-first-date/843329/343 "2019-11-20T10:51:51Z")
> [@Kimstu](#): > > Hmm, I guess maybe in a kind of uncritically hopeful _“heh heh she said penis”_ kind of way? I have a feeling that if it was phrased along the lines of _“It wasn’t really clear from your profile whether you have a penis, so if you don’t, could you please let me know now?”_, quite a few men would find that rather unflattering. > > I agree that the same question phrased along the lines of _"So tell me, big guy—do you have a penis or don’tcha?_ [winky smiley]" would probably be received more enthusiastically. I think I’d find either of those weird and unsettling. I mean even in the latter case, if that’s an early topic of conversation, it starts to sound like an obsession that I might not be able to live up to. ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2019, 2:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-you-expect-to-know-what-genitals-a-person-has-before-a-first-date/843329/344 "2019-11-20T14:38:35Z")
> [@Kimstu](#): > > What you have been repeatedly told is not that you are obligated to “disclose everything that might be a deal-breaker”, but that you are obligated _ **to disclose every deal-breaker that is so crucially important to you that you consider it imperative to avoid even the most preliminary stages of dating with a person in that category** _. You are missing the point rather badly, which is that it is absurd to treat the rare exceptions as if it were the rule. > [@](#): > > I advise you never to try to get back into it, irrespective of any possible future changes in your personal life and/or relationship status. It would not be fair to inflict on the dating scene a participant who has so much trouble figuring out even the most basic logical and ethical principles of dealing with potential dating partners. Fortunately, I would guess that most reasonable people, including perhaps even transgender people, do not insist on virtue signalling and the huffy refusal to recognize basic things about communication. > [@Miller](#): > > What’s your response to the situation iiandyiiii described in post 277? I don’t see the relevance. Mentioning your trans status in person is what the rest of the posters seem to be recommending. Making it clear in one’s profile is my recommendation. The trans person in question did both, and neither helped. Certainly the creepy spammer would not have the profile that mentioned transgenderism to use in his outing, but he would have the same knowledge that the trans person was a trans person. “Your family member/co-worker gave me a handjob and I’m a guy” is only marginally better than “your family member/co-worker is trans and here is the dating profile to prove it”. But see **Kimstu** ’s rather unfortunate post. Did the trans person in question not recognize “the most basic logical and ethical principles” of dating either online or in person? Regards, Shodan ---
**Author:** ![iiandyiiii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/iiandyiiii/32/7924_2.png) [@iiandyiiii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iiandyiiii)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2019, 2:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-you-expect-to-know-what-genitals-a-person-has-before-a-first-date/843329/345 "2019-11-20T14:45:21Z")
> [@Shodan](#): > > I don’t see the relevance. Mentioning your trans status in person is what the rest of the posters seem to be recommending. Making it clear in one’s profile is my recommendation. The trans person in question did both, and neither helped. Actually, the topic didn’t come up in their discussions, as she assumed the guy read her profile, and they never progressed to a level of intimate contact that would have made it physically obvious. So, after the fact, she hypothesized that the guy either didn’t fully read the profile until after they made out, or had some sort self-hatred about his own attraction to a transwoman and lashed out (or maybe both). In any case, putting her gender identity on her personal ad put her at risk here. If she hadn’t done so, she would have mentioned it in person before intimate contact, and been able to evaluate his reaction before progressing any further. ---
**Author:** ![Delayed\_Reflex](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/delayed_reflex/32/3172_2.png) [@Delayed\_Reflex](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Delayed_Reflex)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2019, 6:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-you-expect-to-know-what-genitals-a-person-has-before-a-first-date/843329/346 "2019-11-20T18:04:46Z")
> [@Kimstu](#): > > This statement is utterly false, and I continue to be baffled as to why you can’t seem to figure that out. > > What you have been repeatedly told is not that you are obligated to “disclose everything that might be a deal-breaker”, but that you are obligated _ **to disclose every deal-breaker that is so crucially important to you that you consider it imperative to avoid even the most preliminary stages of dating with a person in that category** _. > > If a dating partner with characteristic X is a deal-breaker for you—irrespective of how many other people would or wouldn’t consider characteristic X a deal-breaker—then as **Babale** pointed out, you have two possible ethical choices: > > **1)** Don’t say anything about characteristic X on your profile and accept the fact that you might end up on a date with someone who happens to have characteristic X, and will need to politely end your interaction with that potential dating partner when you learn of their X-characteristic status. > > **2)** Declare on your profile that you aren’t interested in dating anybody with characteristic X. > > That’s it. It really isn’t that complicated. > :rolleyes: The accurate version of this statement is that **if you are so determined to avoid people who are X that you insist on never running the risk of even going on a first date with someone who turns out to be X** , then yes, it is indeed up to you to make that clear. > > As pretty near everybody else in this thread seems to have no difficulty understanding. > > I advise you never to try to get back into it, irrespective of any possible future changes in your personal life and/or relationship status. It would not be fair to inflict on the dating scene a participant who has so much trouble figuring out even the most basic logical and ethical principles of dealing with potential dating partners. I generally agree with you, but a bit of counterpoint - posting something publicly can get you a lot of (probably undeserved) backlash, even if it is eminently reasonable. For example, would you recommend that women post “I am not interested in dating violent misogynists” on their profile? It may end up attracting the wrong kind of attention instead of simply screening out violent misogynists. Of course, I don’t think these situations are analogous, I’m just pointing out a flaw in your logic. IMO, posting “I am not interested in dating transgender people” is similar in nature to “I am not interested in dating people under 6 feet tall” - by revealing your preferences up front, you avoid wasting people’s time, but you also expose yourself to people avoiding you because you outwardly express your bias. I think it’s fine for people to decide for themselves what they value more, making sure that they aren’t wasting time, or maximizing their dating pool. The one thing that hasn’t really been discussed about online dating platforms is it should be possible for people to indicate their gender/sex status and their preferences WITHOUT having to publicly disclose - I haven’t used any online dating platforms in some time so I’m not sure if any of them use this, but the technology behind it should be quite easy. You could just check boxes for your relevant gender/sex/orientation, and check boxes for the relevant gender/sex/orientation that you wish to be matched up with, and also check whether you want any of that info to be public or not. The system could ensure that people who want to avoid gender X/orientation Y don’t ever match with people who are of that gender/orientation. Obviously, there are a few downsides to this - the most obvious is that it allows people to stay inside their bubbles and easily discriminate without publicly showing it, which results in various groups likely having a very small dating pool - for example, if the previous cites in this thread are valid, you would expect straight transgendered people to only have ~1/20th or fewer of the possible matches as a straight cisgendered person. Secondly, it doesn’t completely eliminate the potential for “outing” of a transgendered person, since they will show up on searches for people who ARE interested in dating transgendered people, however I would think it would significantly reduce the risk of it. What are people’s thoughts on “hidden” screening of attributes on online dating platforms? ---
**Author:** ![Babale](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/babale/32/15666_2.png) [@Babale](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Babale)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2019, 6:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-you-expect-to-know-what-genitals-a-person-has-before-a-first-date/843329/347 "2019-11-20T18:08:52Z")
I think it’s a hell of a lot of work, just to ensure you never have to sit across a table at a restaurant from a trans person and have a conversation with them. ---
**Author:** ![begbert2](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/begbert2/32/3357_2.png) [@begbert2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/begbert2)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2019, 6:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-you-expect-to-know-what-genitals-a-person-has-before-a-first-date/843329/348 "2019-11-20T18:48:10Z")
> [@Slash1972](#): > > Why would that be insulting? If a woman is already interested in your penis before the first date, that’s a good sign. I wouldn’t be insulted, but I’d think that the questioner was a wierdo, and I have better things to do with my time than court wierdos. (Unless they’re weird in the same way I’m weird, of course. That’s required.) > [@Delayed\_Reflex](#): > > What are people’s thoughts on “hidden” screening of attributes on online dating platforms? Speaking as a programmer that doesn’t sound too hard to implement, and I don’t see any philosophical problem with it. It’s just a filter, and there’s nothing wrong with filtering. Plus it solves the whole “I don’t want to clutter up my visible profile with this but I still want to screen out transsexuals/bigots/theists/dog owners/Canadians” problem - presuming you don’t mind telling giant soulless corporations your deep dark secret metadata, of course. Besides, didn’t dating sites used to do this sort of thing anyway? Questionnaires, profiles, attempts to match people up based on compatibility? ---
**Author:** ![Slash1972](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slash1972/32/6461_2.png) [@Slash1972](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slash1972)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2019, 7:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-you-expect-to-know-what-genitals-a-person-has-before-a-first-date/843329/349 "2019-11-20T19:07:03Z")
> [@begbert2](#): > > I wouldn’t be insulted, but I’d think that the questioner was a wierdo, and I have better things to do with my time than court wierdos. (Unless they’re weird in the same way I’m weird, of course. That’s required.) That’s weird. 🙂 Weirded out I could see. I was speaking specifically about being “insulted”. ---
**Author:** ![ZPG\_Zealot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/e47c2d/32.png) [@ZPG\_Zealot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZPG_Zealot)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2019, 7:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-you-expect-to-know-what-genitals-a-person-has-before-a-first-date/843329/350 "2019-11-20T19:22:27Z")
> [@Babale](#): > > To put it another way – the issue under discussion is, “should you expect to know what genitals a person has BEFORE the first date?” > > Dating is the process of learning more about a person so that you can decide if you want to be romantically involved. There are all sorts of things that could change your mind about continuing the process. You could learn that you disagree with the person politically; you could learn that they smell bad; you could learn that you guys just don’t click. I think you would agree that a dating profile shouldn’t be a bullet pointed list of every flaw that might be a turnoff to someone. > > So why is a person’s transgender status such a big deal that you MUST know about it before the first date even occurs? > > What is so bad about going on this first date, learning that there is no future here, and departing? > > I’m not saying, “this is the best strategy for trans people in the dating scene”. Not at all. You’re probably right – from _their_ end, going on dates with potentially violent potential transphobes could be dangerous, and probably isn’t a great idea. But that’s not what we are discussing. The question is, do you have a right to know what genitals a person has before you go on a date? > > You say yes. My question to you is, why is this potential dealbreaker so much bigger of a deal for you than any other potential dealbreakers? I am not asking you not to make it a dealbreaker. I am not asking you to date transgender people, or saying you must be equally sexually attracted to a MTF trans person as you are to a cis woman. I am asking, why is THIS the one potential dealbreaker that you feel you MUST know about before a first date even occurs? Some people don’t like to waste time and money. In many cases factors such as age and how terrible the economy is make this rather prudent. It’s a irritating as hell to go to the trouble of a date when there is absolutely no possibility it could lead to anything because of “dealbreakers” in preferences. I would advise people to approach dating like interviewing a candidate for a job. Get the important prerequisites out of the way first. ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2019, 7:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-you-expect-to-know-what-genitals-a-person-has-before-a-first-date/843329/351 "2019-11-20T19:25:55Z")
> [@ZPG\_Zealot](#): > > I would advise people to approach dating like interviewing a candidate for a job. So long as we’re suggesting that people put deal breakers prominently in their online profile, I’d very much like anyone who thinks dating should be treated like a job interview to mention that prominently, because that’s way more of a turnoff than anything that’s been mentioned in this thread so far. ---
**Author:** ![begbert2](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/begbert2/32/3357_2.png) [@begbert2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/begbert2)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2019, 8:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-you-expect-to-know-what-genitals-a-person-has-before-a-first-date/843329/352 "2019-11-20T20:13:25Z")
> [@Slash1972](#): > > That’s weird. 🙂 > > Weirded out I could see. I was speaking specifically about being “insulted”. Isn’t the end result the same though? If a person is trying to fool people into thinking that they’re worth dating, then both offending them and weirding them out have the same end result: no nookie for youkie. ---
**Author:** ![Babale](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/babale/32/15666_2.png) [@Babale](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Babale)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2019, 8:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-you-expect-to-know-what-genitals-a-person-has-before-a-first-date/843329/353 "2019-11-20T20:46:39Z")
> [@ZPG\_Zealot](#): > > Some people don’t like to waste time and money. In many cases factors such as age and how terrible the economy is make this rather prudent. It’s a irritating as hell to go to the trouble of a date when there is absolutely no possibility it could lead to anything because of “dealbreakers” in preferences. I would advise people to approach dating like interviewing a candidate for a job. Get the important prerequisites out of the way first. So you agree that if someone else being trans is a dealbreaker for you, its up to you to put that info in your profile to avoid wasting anyone’s time? ---
**Author:** ![muldoonthief](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muldoonthief/32/3188_2.png) [@muldoonthief](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/muldoonthief)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2019, 8:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-you-expect-to-know-what-genitals-a-person-has-before-a-first-date/843329/354 "2019-11-20T20:57:01Z")
> [@Miller](#): > > So long as we’re suggesting that people put deal breakers prominently in their online profile, I’d very much like anyone who thinks dating should be treated like a job interview to mention that prominently, because that’s way more of a turnoff than anything that’s been mentioned in this thread so far. What, you’ve never been on a date where you start with HR, then meet 3 or 4 people who’d really rather be doing something else, maybe one at a time, maybe in a committee, then finally get to meet the person who decides whether or not there will be second date? ---
**Author:** ![filmore](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/7993a0/32.png) [@filmore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/filmore)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2019, 9:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-you-expect-to-know-what-genitals-a-person-has-before-a-first-date/843329/355 "2019-11-20T21:22:52Z")
> [@Babale](#): > > Sure, but a trans person isn’t lying in their profile – they just aren’t providing the additional information that they are trans. So it wouldn’t be like somebody living hundreds of miles away – it would be like someone simply putting “California” for their location, instead of either San Diego or Sacramento. If that’s not specific enough for you, don’t ask them out. > > Unless REALLY, what you have issue with is the idea that a trans man would put “Male” on his profile, or that a trans woman would put “Female” on her profile? Do you consider that to be lying? Because if so, then yes, you are a bigot and a transphobe. A person reading the profile should not have to act like a lawyer and investigate every question. There are expected and typical assumptions made from the information in a profile. If the person put “San Diego” on their profile because they happened to be in the San Diego airport at the time even though they live in Seattle, the responsibility should be more on them to reveal that the typical assumptions about location may not apply. If the profile doesn’t say anything about Seattle, then it should come up pretty quickly in the initial communications. I feel the same goes for putting Female or Male in the profile of a major dating site. There are going to be many typical and reasonable expectations made by people who read that. It is extremely common for genitals to match the F or M designation on the profile. It’s probably one of the attributes on the profile which has the least amount of variation. Things like age, weight, and height are often taken with a bit of suspicion, but I would assume that hardly ever would there be a mismatch between the F/M designation and the type of genitals. If the person has fully transitioned and would match typical assumptions, they may not have to mention anything during the dating process. But otherwise, I feel that they should reveal they are trans at some point, and based on how that goes, later reveal that they have not fully transitioned. Here’s my opinion on how it should go: - Major dating site where just F/M is specified. Sometime during the pre-date chats, mention trans status. If chats lead to date, go on date and evaluate the potential for relationship. If a relationship might be possible, soon after 1st date bring up that transition isn’t complete - Site where TS is on profile (like in OP). No need to say anything. If the person knows about the trans status, a reasonable assumption is that there is variability in transition state. If the interested person is only looking for a certain configuration of body parts, it’s up to them to bring it up. ---
**Author:** ![Kimstu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ecd19e/32.png) [@Kimstu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kimstu)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2019, 11:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-you-expect-to-know-what-genitals-a-person-has-before-a-first-date/843329/356 "2019-11-20T23:27:58Z")
> [@Shodan](#): > > You are missing the point rather badly, which is that it is absurd to treat the rare exceptions as if it were the rule. Nobody’s missing that “point”: the problem with it is, and always has been, that it’s a dishonest and evasive point to make in this context. Yes, transgender women are a very small subset of all women and it’s comparatively very rare to encounter transgender women on a dating site. So there’s nothing wrong with not mentioning the issue of transgender identity in your profile at all, if you’re willing to accept the very slight possibility that you might interact with a woman you don’t know is transgender and end up dropping her acquaintance when you find out she’s transgender. But if you feel very strongly that you want to avoid all dating contact with transgender women even at the most superficial level, it’s **your** responsibility to state that clearly. Making up silly rules about what other people are allegedly “supposed” or “obligated” to publicly disclose about themselves in order to relieve you of that responsibility is not a persuasive argument. Neither is attempting to muddy the waters with silly statisticulations about the comparative rarity of one situation versus another. _ **If you absolutely insist on keeping certain categories of people out of your dating pool entirely, then it’s your responsibility to make that clear.** _ The fact that you perceive that basic ethical fact as “virtue signaling”, which seems to be a conservative way of complaining that basic ethical behavior is too much work or too inconvenient, reflects far more negatively on you than on me. > [@filmore](#): > > I feel the same goes for putting Female or Male in the profile of a major dating site. There are going to be many typical and reasonable expectations made by people who read that. It is extremely common for genitals to match the F or M designation on the profile. Sure it’s extremely common. But it’s not universal, and it’s not anybody else’s responsibility to perform a statistical analysis to try to estimate whether you individually might be someone who requires gender identity to match genital anatomy at birth, or might not. Unless the dating site you’re on specifically mandates that users’ F or M designation must match their birth genitals, users are just going to have to be aware that there may be rare cases where it doesn’t match. You (generic “you”) can deal with that in any honest and ethical way you want. But sulking and whining that other people are obligated to reveal private information about their genitalia so that you don’t have to question your automatic-but-not-universally-correct assumptions about them is neither honest nor ethical. > [@filmore](#): > > If the person has fully transitioned and would match typical assumptions, they may not have to mention anything during the dating process. But otherwise, I feel that they should reveal they are trans at some point, and based on how that goes, later reveal that they have not fully transitioned. I completely agree that they should reveal that at some point, and would even add that perhaps that should also be expected of transgender people who **have** fully transitioned, since some people feel that’s still significantly different from being cisgender. But I don’t think we can reasonably and ethically expect “some point” to mean “stated right in the dating profile”. > [@Delayed Reflex](#): > > IMO, posting “I am not interested in dating transgender people” is similar in nature to “I am not interested in dating people under 6 feet tall” - by revealing your preferences up front, you avoid wasting people’s time, but you also expose yourself to people avoiding you because you outwardly express your bias. Yep, I totally recognize that this is a fundamental reason why so many cisgender people expect transgender people to take on the task of self-screening, so that they (the cisgender people) don’t have to take responsibility for admitting their own biases. Mind you, **I don’t think there’s anything wrong at all with having a bias against dating transgender people if you (generic “you”) don’t happen to be sexually attracted to transgender people.** But I agree that some people, cisgender as well as transgender, might view it as unappealing to express that bias right upfront, and might avoid you in consequence. Too bad; it doesn’t alter your obligation to take responsibility for honestly and ethically dealing with your own biases. > [@Delayed Reflex](#): > > What are people’s thoughts on “hidden” screening of attributes on online dating platforms? As I said when a similar mechanism was proposed earlier in the thread, I’m absolutely fine with it as long as all participants are clear and consenting on the rules for disclosing attributes. But if participants can opt out of disclosing any particular attribute, then other participants should not make arbitrary assumptions about what they’re justified in inferring about those undisclosed attributes. No matter how statistically probable or otherwise those assumed inferences might be. ---
**Author:** ![Slash1972](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slash1972/32/6461_2.png) [@Slash1972](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slash1972)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2019, 2:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-you-expect-to-know-what-genitals-a-person-has-before-a-first-date/843329/357 "2019-11-21T02:03:13Z")
> [@begbert2](#): > > Isn’t the end result the same though? If a person is trying to fool people into thinking that they’re worth dating, then both offending them and weirding them out have the same end result: no nookie for youkie. I suspect that more people could get over being weirded out than being insulted. ---
**Author:** ![Ronald\_Raygun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c67d28/32.png) [@Ronald\_Raygun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ronald_Raygun)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2019, 5:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-you-expect-to-know-what-genitals-a-person-has-before-a-first-date/843329/358 "2019-11-21T05:24:48Z")
There was an Ask Me Anything Reddit thread many years ago started by a man with two functional penises. Should he have to disclose his genital status? ---
**Author:** ![filmore](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/7993a0/32.png) [@filmore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/filmore)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2019, 2:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-you-expect-to-know-what-genitals-a-person-has-before-a-first-date/843329/359 "2019-11-21T14:57:29Z")
> [@Ronald\_Raygun](#): > > There was an Ask Me Anything Reddit thread many years ago started by a man with two functional penises. Should he have to disclose his genital status? While that’s unusual, it would fall along the continuum of genitalia. Variations in genitals and sexual areas are normal and typical, such as breast, butt, penis and vagina sizes. I believe I’ve even heard of women who have two vaginas. I would consider two penises or two vaginas to be strange and should be disclosed at some point before intimacy just so that the other person would not be surprised at that time. However, I would not think those things would typically be a dealbreaker where the other person would immediately want to terminate the relationship. ---
**Author:** ![ZPG\_Zealot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/e47c2d/32.png) [@ZPG\_Zealot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZPG_Zealot)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2019, 11:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-you-expect-to-know-what-genitals-a-person-has-before-a-first-date/843329/360 "2019-11-21T23:31:05Z")
> [@Babale](#): > > So you agree that if someone else being trans is a dealbreaker for you, its up to you to put that info in your profile to avoid wasting anyone’s time? I think it’s appropriate to ask about dealbreakers within the first minutes of conversation with a potential life partner. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-you-expect-to-know-what-genitals-a-person-has-before-a-first-date/843329.md?page=17) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-you-expect-to-know-what-genitals-a-person-has-before-a-first-date/843329.md?page=19)