# Should you make it clear in advance if the invitation is to a 'dry' event? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [July 28, 2021, 5:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-you-make-it-clear-in-advance-if-the-invitation-is-to-a-dry-event/947539 "2021-07-28T17:55:11Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Novelty\_Bobble](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/a3d4f5/32.png) [@Novelty\_Bobble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Novelty_Bobble)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2021, 9:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-you-make-it-clear-in-advance-if-the-invitation-is-to-a-dry-event/947539/41 "2021-07-29T09:54:46Z")
Am I the only one who has never heard of, nor been in the vicinity of anything approaching a “dry” event. The concept of an outright ban on alcohol at any social gathering is completely alien to me. As such any invite to me would carry with it an implicit assumption that alcohol is fine and it would be a huge mis-step to not state it on the invite. ---
**Author:** ![Melbourne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b5e925/32.png) [@Melbourne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Melbourne)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2021, 10:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-you-make-it-clear-in-advance-if-the-invitation-is-to-a-dry-event/947539/42 "2021-07-29T10:16:35Z")
There are many people in the world who think that the American custom of having a glass of _water_ at the meal is strange/alien or even downright rude. But even in Australia, there are still people here who think that social events don’t have to include alcohol. ---
**Author:** ![Novelty\_Bobble](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/a3d4f5/32.png) [@Novelty\_Bobble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Novelty_Bobble)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2021, 10:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-you-make-it-clear-in-advance-if-the-invitation-is-to-a-dry-event/947539/43 "2021-07-29T10:21:30Z")
> [@Melbourne](#): > > But even in Australia, there are still people here who think that social events don’t have to include alcohol. OK, not providing it or choosing not to drink yourself is one thing but an explicit ban on bringing a bottle of wine or beers to such an informal event? exceedingly rare in my experience. ---
**Author:** ![MrDibble](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mrdibble/32/114_2.png) [@MrDibble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrDibble)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2021, 10:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-you-make-it-clear-in-advance-if-the-invitation-is-to-a-dry-event/947539/44 "2021-07-29T10:23:44Z")
> [@Novelty\_Bobble](#): > > The concept of an outright ban on alcohol at any social gathering is completely alien to me. As such any invite to me would carry with it an implicit assumption that alcohol is fine and it would be a huge mis-step to not state it on the invite. If you were invited to a Muslim wedding, would you assume alcohol would be fine? ---
**Author:** ![Novelty\_Bobble](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/a3d4f5/32.png) [@Novelty\_Bobble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Novelty_Bobble)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2021, 10:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-you-make-it-clear-in-advance-if-the-invitation-is-to-a-dry-event/947539/45 "2021-07-29T10:28:09Z")
> [@MrDibble](#): > > If you were invited to a Muslim wedding, would you assume alcohol would be fine? I’d assume it wasn’t provided but if invited to bring your own food and drink then unless explicitly told otherwise I’d assume I can bring what I like. At the only Muslim event I’ve attended drink was provided for those who wanted it. ---
**Author:** ![MrDibble](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mrdibble/32/114_2.png) [@MrDibble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrDibble)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2021, 10:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-you-make-it-clear-in-advance-if-the-invitation-is-to-a-dry-event/947539/46 "2021-07-29T10:29:42Z")
That’s radically unlike any Muslim-hosted event I’ve ever been to (and I’ve been to many) ---
**Author:** ![Novelty\_Bobble](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/a3d4f5/32.png) [@Novelty\_Bobble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Novelty_Bobble)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2021, 10:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-you-make-it-clear-in-advance-if-the-invitation-is-to-a-dry-event/947539/47 "2021-07-29T10:35:11Z")
It is almost like people are different isn’t it? ---
**Author:** ![kitap](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/b9e5f3/32.png) [@kitap](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kitap)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2021, 10:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-you-make-it-clear-in-advance-if-the-invitation-is-to-a-dry-event/947539/48 "2021-07-29T10:41:05Z")
> [@Novelty\_Bobble](#): > > Am I the only one who has never heard of, nor been in the vicinity of anything approaching a “dry” event. > > The concept of an outright ban on alcohol at any social gathering is completely alien to me. As such any invite to me would carry with it an implicit assumption that alcohol is fine and it would be a huge mis-step to not state it on the invite. So booze free is a bad thing or just odd? ---
**Author:** ![Novelty\_Bobble](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/a3d4f5/32.png) [@Novelty\_Bobble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Novelty_Bobble)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2021, 10:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-you-make-it-clear-in-advance-if-the-invitation-is-to-a-dry-event/947539/49 "2021-07-29T10:46:57Z")
> [@kitap](#): > > So booze free is a bad thing or just odd? Neither, just very uncommon and worth making a specific mention of it on any invite. ---
**Author:** ![What\_Exit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/what_exit/32/10652_2.png) [@What\_Exit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/What_Exit)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2021, 12:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-you-make-it-clear-in-advance-if-the-invitation-is-to-a-dry-event/947539/50 "2021-07-29T12:27:42Z")
> [@Grrr](#): > > I’m still trying to get past “No food cooked with booze where the alcohol hasn’t been cooked off”. > > Isn’t that true of pretty much ANY recipe that uses booze short of Jell-O shots? There are rum cakes where the cake is soak in rum after cooking. Actually I believe there are several similar desserts. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2021, 12:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-you-make-it-clear-in-advance-if-the-invitation-is-to-a-dry-event/947539/51 "2021-07-29T12:37:59Z")
> [@puzzlegal](#): > > But… If socializing with your family sober is torture, i guess you shouldn’t go. I do think that suggests you either have a drinking problem or a family problem. If a family member is dating a vegan/vegetarian and the invitation specifically said NO MEAT DISHES, would my decision not to attend mean that I had an eating problem? ---
**Author:** ![madmonk28](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/madmonk28/32/20811_2.png) [@madmonk28](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/madmonk28)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2021, 12:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-you-make-it-clear-in-advance-if-the-invitation-is-to-a-dry-event/947539/52 "2021-07-29T12:49:00Z")
Yeah, the no alcohol without any context pings my judgemental/controlling radar. I don’t like hanging out with people like that. Nothing says good time more than Aunt Edna being passive aggressive. ---
**Author:** ![Jasmine](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jasmine/32/2964_2.png) [@Jasmine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jasmine)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2021, 1:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-you-make-it-clear-in-advance-if-the-invitation-is-to-a-dry-event/947539/53 "2021-07-29T13:04:05Z")
This is yet another classic example of how people make their own decisions and rules and then label it as “God’s Will”. According to scripture, Jesus’ first miracle was turning water into wine for a social gathering. Amazing. ---
**Author:** ![puzzlegal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/puzzlegal/32/3827_2.png) [@puzzlegal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/puzzlegal)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2021, 1:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-you-make-it-clear-in-advance-if-the-invitation-is-to-a-dry-event/947539/54 "2021-07-29T13:22:45Z")
> [@kayaker](#): > > > [@puzzlegal](#): > > > > But… If socializing with your family sober is torture, i guess you shouldn’t go. I do think that suggests you either have a drinking problem or a family problem. > > If a family member is dating a vegan/vegetarian and the invitation specifically said NO MEAT DISHES, would my decision not to attend mean that I had an eating problem? It means that you don’t want to spend time with them unless there is food there that you specifically want to eat, and that you won’t be happy with the food unless there is meat. That seems like it’s more likely a family problem than an eating problem, but yes, I’d say there’s a problem there. (And i am an unrepentant carnivore with a vegan SIL, so I’ve been in exactly this situation. I cooked beans and root vegetables.) ---
**Author:** ![pulykamell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pulykamell/32/3166_2.png) [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2021, 2:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-you-make-it-clear-in-advance-if-the-invitation-is-to-a-dry-event/947539/55 "2021-07-29T14:16:21Z")
If the decision were solely based on the fact that they weren’t serving meat, I would find that odd and akin to a dependence problem, yes. It, of course, does not matter what I think. I suspect, though, that the more likely reason one wouldn’t attend is because one feels resentment towards the family member accommodating their partner’s dietary choice, and one somehow feels it’s rude, unfair, etc. I would venture a guess that _that_ is more likely driving the decision. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2021, 2:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-you-make-it-clear-in-advance-if-the-invitation-is-to-a-dry-event/947539/56 "2021-07-29T14:20:26Z")
OK, just musing on the “drinking problem” concept. Maybe some Tom Waits will help: > Well I got a bad liver and broken heart yeah > I drunk me a river since you tore me apart > And I don’t have a drinking problem, 'cept when I can’t get a drink > And I wish you’d a-known her, we were quite a pair, ñ > She was sharp as a razor and soft as a prayer ---
**Author:** ![DavidNRockies](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/davidnrockies/32/6279_2.png) [@DavidNRockies](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DavidNRockies)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2021, 2:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-you-make-it-clear-in-advance-if-the-invitation-is-to-a-dry-event/947539/57 "2021-07-29T14:33:00Z")
To the OP: are you ready and willing to contact the prospective party hosts and get the rest of the story for us all ? I’d be curious. ---
**Author:** ![kenobi\_65](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kenobi_65/32/13178_2.png) [@kenobi\_65](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kenobi_65)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2021, 2:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-you-make-it-clear-in-advance-if-the-invitation-is-to-a-dry-event/947539/58 "2021-07-29T14:36:08Z")
> [@Novelty\_Bobble](#): > > Am I the only one who has never heard of, nor been in the vicinity of anything approaching a “dry” event. I’ve certainly been to a number of them, including several weddings. In every case, the hosts were conservative Christians, who didn’t drink, and did not want drinking at their events. ---
**Author:** ![pulykamell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pulykamell/32/3166_2.png) [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2021, 2:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-you-make-it-clear-in-advance-if-the-invitation-is-to-a-dry-event/947539/59 "2021-07-29T14:44:09Z")
And with the analogy with meat above, I’ve been to events both dry AND vegetarian (all of these were Hindu events. Most Hindu events I’ve been to actually do offer meat and plenty of alcohol, but not all. Interestingly enough, at least to me, the one wedding I worked in Ahmedabad (Gujarat, India, which is both a dry and mostly vegetarian state, there was more meat and booze (at least on the pre-wedding ceremony days) than I’ve seen here. It was like a free-flowing fountain of Johnnie Walker Gold.) ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2021, 2:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-you-make-it-clear-in-advance-if-the-invitation-is-to-a-dry-event/947539/60 "2021-07-29T14:51:30Z")
> [@Novelty\_Bobble](#): > > Am I the only one who has never heard of, nor been in the vicinity of anything approaching a “dry” event. I was best man for my brother’s wedding. His in-laws footed the bill, but wanted a dry reception. As best man, I did my job and brought so much booze there was some left over. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-you-make-it-clear-in-advance-if-the-invitation-is-to-a-dry-event/947539.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-you-make-it-clear-in-advance-if-the-invitation-is-to-a-dry-event/947539.md?page=4)