# Sickie Chick reaches a new low... (All hell!) **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [September 4, 2009, 8:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sickie-chick-reaches-a-new-low-all-hell/508904 "2009-09-04T20:42:44Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 15\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![FriarTed](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/friarted/32/1052_2.png) [@FriarTed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FriarTed)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2009, 11:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sickie-chick-reaches-a-new-low-all-hell/508904/21 "2009-09-05T11:58:26Z")
> [@Argent\_Towers](#): > > Fuck Jack Chick. Fuck him with a red-hot poker. Fuck Jack Chick down on his knees sucking a giant shit-smeared cock, gagging on the thing, barely able to breathe - while being forced to jerk off another scummy prick. Both of 'em big, both of 'em juicy. Behind him is one of Satan’s imps, shoving that poker in and out of his flabby ass, making sure to scrape the underside of the nutsack real good with the curved part of the poker’s end. During all of this, a congregation of twelve dirty demons is surrounding Chick’s sprawled out mess of a body, furiously jerking and grunting until they shoot their hot scum all over Chick’s ugly face and his torso. The demon scum is acidic and it eats through his skin, all the way down to his bones, and just barely stops there; he’s screaming in pain, begging for mercy, but the hellspawn show none of it. Finally, just when he thinks - _prays_ - that the whole thing is over, two Hell Barons and a Mancubus grab ahold of his body - barely even breathing, by this point - and fuck him some more until every goddamn fuck-hole in his carcass is oozing blood and demon-scum. And to top it all off, Satan himself leaps down from his throne of skulls and bones, head-first, and then impales Chick’s stomach - bloated with demon semen - with his two horns, splattering the whole bloody issue all over the goddamn room. Yeah, but you still look forward to each new Chick tract, don’cha? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Half\_Man\_Half\_Wit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/half_man_half_wit/32/21766_2.png) [@Half\_Man\_Half\_Wit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Half_Man_Half_Wit)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2009, 12:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sickie-chick-reaches-a-new-low-all-hell/508904/22 "2009-09-05T12:48:46Z")
Uh… Is the devil wearing a skirt? ---
**Author:** ![even\_sven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dfb087/32.png) [@even\_sven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/even_sven)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2009, 3:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sickie-chick-reaches-a-new-low-all-hell/508904/23 "2009-09-05T15:14:58Z")
I like this depiction of hell. It seems kind of like a hip social club (I could even meet Buddha!) with some freaky decor and an eccentric boss. Seems fun. ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2009, 3:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sickie-chick-reaches-a-new-low-all-hell/508904/24 "2009-09-05T15:19:30Z")
> [@Argent\_Towers](#): > > New low? Chick has a long way to go before he can reach the level of [The Cocksucker.](https://oncourse.iu.edu/access/content/user/akentisa/Filemanager_Public_Files/hoggcomic.jpg) (Language NSFW.) Umm. Did you write that one yourself? It seems to bear some thematic similarities to your next post… ---
**Author:** ![Find\_Friends](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/c37758/32.png) [@Find\_Friends](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Find_Friends)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2009, 4:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sickie-chick-reaches-a-new-low-all-hell/508904/25 "2009-09-05T16:49:49Z")
> [@Cisco](#): > > Why does Jack Chick always get pitted around here? No one gives a fuck about him. It’s like pitting shit for smelling bad. > [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > He’s not being pitted, he’s being enjoyed. Exactly! It’s like the best old DC and Marvel archvillains! The ones “you love to hate.” Except that JTC is _gulp_ real! :eek: > [@FriarTed](#): > > Yeah, but you still look forward to each new Chick tract, don’cha? 😃 Amen! Preach it, brother! 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/malleus_incus_stapes/32/3293_2.png) [@Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malleus_Incus_Stapes)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2009, 1:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sickie-chick-reaches-a-new-low-all-hell/508904/26 "2009-09-06T01:21:39Z")
He goes out of his way to offend _everyone_, doesn’t he? “We’ve got popes, Buddha, Muhammad… all burning in Hell because they’re not holy after all! HAW HAW HAW!” ---
**Author:** ![Qin\_Shi\_Huangdi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/f04885/32.png) [@Qin\_Shi\_Huangdi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qin_Shi_Huangdi)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2009, 1:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sickie-chick-reaches-a-new-low-all-hell/508904/27 "2009-09-06T01:46:58Z")
It’s pretty funny. At least it shows Jack Chick does have a sense of humour. ---
**Author:** ![Jragon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e19b73/32.png) [@Jragon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jragon)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2009, 3:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sickie-chick-reaches-a-new-low-all-hell/508904/28 "2009-09-06T03:05:32Z")
Was this tract supposed to make me think that Satan is actually a pretty swell guy who may be kind of fun to hang out with? Because, you know, it worked if that’s what he was aiming for. Edit: You know, I think there’s a good contemporary fantasy novel somewhere in Chick’s works, may have to retool God and Jesus to not be such pricks though. ---
**Author:** ![Find\_Friends](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/c37758/32.png) [@Find\_Friends](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Find_Friends)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2009, 10:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sickie-chick-reaches-a-new-low-all-hell/508904/29 "2009-09-06T22:32:08Z")
From panel 20A in the tract, [_using the cover as page 1_](http://monsterwax.tripod.com/pages.html): _I can’t stop His return to rule the world from Jerusalem, so I’ll make His “gospel” look **stupid** to the world._ Uh huh, uh huh. …And yet the author of this tract is supposed to be on the _ **opposite** _ side of this great battle for hearts and minds. :dubious: _ **Ohhhh, the irony of it all!** _ ---
**Author:** ![SentientMeat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/43a26b/32.png) [@SentientMeat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SentientMeat)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2009, 9:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sickie-chick-reaches-a-new-low-all-hell/508904/30 "2009-09-08T09:19:55Z")
So, the worst punishment in hell is eternal freefall? That’s OK. After a while it would probably feel like swimming. In any case, how come gravity still pulls _downwards_ in Hell? If the fall is infinite, that implies that Hell exists on a massive body of infinite size, and thus that gravity’s force would be infinite, squashing into a pancake as soon as you arrived. ---
**Author:** ![Clothahump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/51bf81/32.png) [@Clothahump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Clothahump)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2009, 2:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sickie-chick-reaches-a-new-low-all-hell/508904/31 "2009-09-08T14:35:27Z")
> [@Revtim](#): > > I like that Satan sits behind a desk, apparently. There must be a lot of paperwork when you run hell. Who do you think wrote the Internal (Infernal?) Revenue Code? ---
**Author:** ![MyFootsZZZ](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/myfootszzz/32/12580_2.png) [@MyFootsZZZ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MyFootsZZZ)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2009, 2:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sickie-chick-reaches-a-new-low-all-hell/508904/32 "2009-09-08T14:56:56Z")
Part of me wants to hate people like this. I want to laugh at this guy, and his readership. Then part of me wants to be sympathetic… \*If _this is the only ‘life’ we’ll ever know_, these people are wasting it. - only believe 100% in one thing, and that’s the existence of my own consciousness. Though \*\*I’m pretty damn sure \*\*when you die… that’s it! ---
**Author:** ![Find\_Friends](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/c37758/32.png) [@Find\_Friends](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Find_Friends)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2009, 7:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sickie-chick-reaches-a-new-low-all-hell/508904/33 "2009-09-09T19:14:32Z")
> [@SentientMeat](#): > > So, the worst punishment in hell is eternal freefall? That’s OK. After a while it would probably feel like swimming. Sure. One would love it. Especially the part about it constantly getting hotter as you go down. 😉 > [@SentientMeat](#): > > In any case, how come gravity still pulls _downwards_ in Hell? If the fall is infinite, that implies that Hell exists on a massive body of infinite size, and thus that gravity’s force would be infinite, squashing into a pancake as soon as you arrived. Well, maybe not necessarily. I seem to recall, from my semi-technical reading and from my own fiddling with equations, that a fall into a black hole would have no final moment. You would just need a very large mass involved. (A collapsed star would rip one apart from tidal forces, probably right down to a deuteron being separated into proton and neutron. With a mass of many galaxies, however, the ratio of tidal force gradient at a point to the orbital velocity at that radius is much smaller. There’s also supposed to be something about a singularity flaring out to the outside of the event horizon-- ISTRecall that rotation was involved-- IOW, SOMEBODY HELP ME OUT HERE!) Unless… was it that a victim of a black hole-fall would experience the singularity or event horizon fairly soon, while an outside observer would see it as taking forever. I think one religious type opined that this was how the final destination of the damned could be both annihilation and an “eternity” of loss. * * * But, getting back to the tract, I think that there really was a bottom level that they would hit eventually. It’s just that one of the demons was being typiclally mean by scaring them into thinking that they would fall forever into the heat. (Of course, that assumes that they could still hear them.) After all, the very worst of “hell” (after death, pre-Judgment Day) has to be less than the Lake of Fire. Or what THE HELLwould be the point of it? 😉 ---
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2009, 7:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sickie-chick-reaches-a-new-low-all-hell/508904/34 "2009-09-09T19:40:13Z")
Sorry, but I’m sold on this one. I was sold on the second frame when Gramps, who is in hell, asks, “When in blazes are you doing down here?” Ha ha, _blazes_! ---
**Author:** ![Find\_Friends](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/c37758/32.png) [@Find\_Friends](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Find_Friends)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2009, 8:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sickie-chick-reaches-a-new-low-all-hell/508904/35 "2009-09-09T20:21:13Z")
> [@Curtis LeMay](#): > > It’s pretty funny. At least it shows Jack Chick does have a sense of humour. > [@MeanOldLady](#): > > Sorry, but I’m sold on this one. I was sold on the second frame when Gramps, who is in hell, asks, “When in blazes are you doing down here?” Ha ha, _blazes_! Oh, it’s got plenty of Jack’s sick sense of humor. From panels 5A and 5B: _ **Wait a minute!** I know why he didn’t make it._ _He went nuts on that Bible thing._ Demon with trident: _Amen, brother!_ * * * Of course, the same kind of joke continues in 6A and 6B. (The first is the panel with the original Fang in a flashback.) Hmmm… do you think maybe Freddy and Gramps were in denial up to the last page?! But of course they aren’t now! _ **Haw Haw!** _ [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sickie-chick-reaches-a-new-low-all-hell/508904.md?page=1)