# Side effects may include... **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [April 19, 2001, 1:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/side-effects-may-include/62539 "2001-04-19T13:27:06Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Simetra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/278dde/32.png) [@Simetra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Simetra)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2001, 1:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/side-effects-may-include/62539/1 "2001-04-19T13:27:06Z")
We’ve all seen the commercials for those allergy drugs and whatnot that seem to cause more side effects than what they actually cure. “May cause nausea, dry-mouth, head-ache, etc…” To any extent, our humor in the office this morning is everyone coming up with a list of potential side effects for our imaginary drug… May cause… Inability to breathe Temporary tooth loss (Think about it) Severe anal bleeding Redundancy Redundancy Ignorance Complete collapse of civilization Puppy kicking Those are the funniest on our list so far… what can you come up with? ---
**Author:** ![KneadToKnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kneadtoknow/32/3999_2.png) [@KneadToKnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KneadToKnow)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2001, 1:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/side-effects-may-include/62539/2 "2001-04-19T13:31:39Z")
testicular inversion inner-ear euphoria olfactory hallucinations toe jam [sub]I’d like to go on record as stating that “Puppy kicking” is not funny[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Cynical](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ee59a6/32.png) [@Mr.Cynical](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Cynical)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2001, 1:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/side-effects-may-include/62539/3 "2001-04-19T13:49:28Z")
What does the imaginary drug cure? That will help my imagination. ---
**Author:** ![thinksnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thinksnow/32/2849_2.png) [@thinksnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thinksnow)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2001, 2:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/side-effects-may-include/62539/4 "2001-04-19T14:03:18Z")
Try these: rectal-cranial inversion toe jam football minor blindness slight cardiac arrhythmia a touch of rigor ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Cynical](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ee59a6/32.png) [@Mr.Cynical](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Cynical)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2001, 2:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/side-effects-may-include/62539/5 "2001-04-19T14:11:36Z")
Spontaneous Ejaculation Idiopathic Colitis Ramndo Dylseixa Sticky Wicket Bee’s Knees ---
**Author:** ![scout1222](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/34f0e0/32.png) [@scout1222](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scout1222)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2001, 2:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/side-effects-may-include/62539/6 "2001-04-19T14:30:31Z")
Excessive belly button lint ---
**Author:** ![beckwall](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/b487fb/32.png) [@beckwall](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/beckwall)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2001, 5:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/side-effects-may-include/62539/7 "2001-04-19T17:50:57Z")
excessive nasal mucous sudden and unexplained onset of cursing in baby voice eye farts appearance of extra digits (hands/feet) uncontrollable obsession with Liberace swallowing of tongue intermittent ignorance ---
**Author:** ![barbitu8](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/839c29/32.png) [@barbitu8](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/barbitu8)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2001, 6:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/side-effects-may-include/62539/8 "2001-04-19T18:10:33Z")
Inability to work. ---
**Author:** ![Nen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Nen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nen)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2001, 6:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/side-effects-may-include/62539/9 "2001-04-19T18:40:45Z")
What I love are ads that say something to the effect of: “If you suffer from gastrointestinal problems, you should consult your doctor about gastron. Side effects may include diarrhea, heartburn, upset stomach and other gastrointestinal problems. Results similar to that of sugar pill.” Okay, they want me to take something that _causes_ gastrointestinal problems to _relieve_ gastrointestinal problems?! And how does a placebo give someone diarrhea?! Ya just gotta love the pharmaceutical industry. ---
**Author:** ![MrVisible](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/46a35a/32.png) [@MrVisible](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrVisible)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2001, 7:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/side-effects-may-include/62539/10 "2001-04-19T19:25:59Z")
My favorite **actual** side effect… “May cause permanent loss of brain function.” :eek: ---
**Author:** ![Borborygmi](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/borborygmi/32/217_2.png) [@Borborygmi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Borborygmi)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2001, 7:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/side-effects-may-include/62539/11 "2001-04-19T19:52:06Z")
People who are allergic to Imaginary Drug should not take Imaginary Drug. For more information, see our ad in Obscure Magazine. ---
**Author:** ![bughunter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/aeb1de/32.png) [@bughunter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bughunter)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2001, 8:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/side-effects-may-include/62539/12 "2001-04-19T20:19:24Z")
Euphoria Skeletal Muscle Relaxation Acute Hyperphasia Liberal Gynoperception (or Androperception in women) Public Micturation Unwanted Pregnancy Reverse Peristalsis Rotary Supination Acute Amnesia Dehydration Auroral Hypersensitivity Death Name that drug! ---
**Author:** ![bunnymom](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/c4cdca/32.png) [@bunnymom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bunnymom)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2001, 8:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/side-effects-may-include/62539/13 "2001-04-19T20:25:52Z")
Beer? ---
**Author:** ![mobo85](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b19c9b/32.png) [@mobo85](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mobo85)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2001, 3:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/side-effects-may-include/62539/14 "2001-04-20T03:13:42Z")
May cause Tourette’s syndrome, deja vu, deja vu, deja vu, ejection of the heart from the body, spontanious combustion, growth of extra body parts, Elvis Presley syndrome (deep, Southern voice and invouluntary swiveling of the hips), and/or Emperor Palaptine’s syndrome (discharge of lighting bolts from the fingers). ---
**Author:** ![passerby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a88e57/32.png) [@passerby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/passerby)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2001, 5:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/side-effects-may-include/62539/15 "2001-04-20T05:16:08Z")
May cause… Speaking in a foreign language Appearance of new religions Abduction by aliens Soreness in hair Loss of ability to use the internet Do not use if allergic to air, water, or placebos. Consult your doctor if you drive a red car or voted for George W. Bush. ---
**Author:** ![ghandi5569](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/d26b3c/32.png) [@ghandi5569](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ghandi5569)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2001, 5:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/side-effects-may-include/62539/16 "2001-04-20T05:25:45Z")
may cause: -projectile vomiting -projectile bleeding -delusions of grandeur -liking the kazoo -spontaneous growth of nose hair -odd food cravings -internal cellular breakdown and bleeding similar to that caused by the Ebola virus -the ability to attain buddhahood while bypassing the steps to Nirvana ---
**Author:** ![oldscratch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ed655f/32.png) [@oldscratch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/oldscratch)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2001, 5:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/side-effects-may-include/62539/17 "2001-04-20T05:29:05Z")
Genital Blating. ---
**Author:** ![Joyfulgirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f04885/32.png) [@Joyfulgirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joyfulgirl)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2001, 5:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/side-effects-may-include/62539/18 "2001-04-20T05:34:42Z")
May cause Double Posting ---
**Author:** ![Juniper200](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/df788c/32.png) [@Juniper200](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Juniper200)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2001, 5:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/side-effects-may-include/62539/19 "2001-04-20T05:38:16Z")
“May cause stigmata in Mexicans.” The above was stolen from “Side Effects,” a hilarious piece in his book [Pure Drivel](http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0786864672/o/qid=987745019/sr=2-2/002-5628938-0698411) about this very subject. You should make tracks for the bookstore and purchase it post-haste; it’s one of the few times I’ve trul LOLed at a book. ---
**Author:** ![Dignan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/f07891/32.png) [@Dignan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dignan)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2001, 6:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/side-effects-may-include/62539/20 "2001-04-20T06:19:58Z")
Steve Martin devoted a chapter to this idea in his wonderfully funny book _Pure Drivel_. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/side-effects-may-include/62539.md?page=2)