# Sigh. Another thread about my daughter. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [December 11, 2007, 4:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sigh-another-thread-about-my-daughter/429624 "2007-12-11T16:53:12Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![norinew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/eb9ed0/32.png) [@norinew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/norinew)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2007, 4:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sigh-another-thread-about-my-daughter/429624/1 "2007-12-11T16:53:12Z")
I really debated posting this. I figure at least most of you are sick of reading it (if so, my feelings won’t be hurt at all if you just skip it); I know _I’m_ sick of it, and it’s _my_ life. But for those who want to continue to read, here it is. A synopsis, for those who maybe haven’t been following the story, or have forgotten, or something: My oldest daughter is now 20 years old. She came to us at 14 and said she thought she suffered clinical depression and wanted to go into counseling. We got her into counseling immediately. Soon afterward, she was diagnosed bipolar. No big surprises there. Later, she was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder, and has even been diagnosed schizophrenic, though some experts have disagreed with that particular diagnosis. She has attempted suicide numerous times. She’s self-destructive as far as substance abuse, self-mutilation, smoking, _very_ cavalier about her sex life, etc. You can always tell when she’s lying because her lips are moving. She has stolen from us. Really, it almost seems like she has no conscience. When she was 16, she was involved with a man who was 40 (he’s crucial later in the story; let’s call him scumbag). We found out about it, and did our damnedest to stop it. It did end, eventually, under its own weight. In fact, her first stint in rehab (she’s done that twice), she said that he raped her when she was drunk/high. But the following year, she went back to him. When I confronted her about that (how you can go back to a man who raped you), she said she didn’t actually _lie_ when she said that, but she had _misremembered_. I’m not sure how you “misremember” being raped, but, whatever. She moved in with him when she turned 18. They were planning a wedding. :rolleyes: Sooner or later, she called me and said he was being abusive, and he had raped her, and begged me to come get her. I did. She stayed here for a couple of months (disastrously; she has no respect for the household rules, and makes her 16-year-old sister _nuts_, plus I feel she sets a really bad example for my youngest daughter who is now seven), then went back to him. We told her that time that she _could not_, under any circumstances, move back in here. Probably never, but certainly not until she was on meds consistently and we saw _proof_ that she was trying to get her shit together. Fast forward some months, she calls me. He’s being abusive, he raped her, I’m the only one who can help her, blah, blah, blah. I went and got her, but would not let her stay here. I let her spend the night then drove her to the local women’s shelter the next morning. I did tell her at that time that if she was ever stupid enough to go back to him, and things went bad again, I would _not_ come get her. She can damned well call the cops to come get her. She got kicked out of that shelter when she attempted suicide yet again and did a couple of weeks in a mental hospital about 70mi. east of here. When she was done in the mental hospital, she wanted to come home. We cannot let her do that. For my sanity, and the sake of my younger children, I cannot let her do that. A friend of the family helped her get placed in a cold-weather shelter in the same town the mental hospital was in. He also gave her information about how to get more permanent housing, which required her getting approved for social security (which I’m certain she qualifies for). She called me almost every day. For a while she had her own cell phone which got cut off (because she didn’t have any money to pay the bill, duh), but would borrow other people’s cell phones to call me, too. Every time she called, I’d ask her how things were going with getting permanent housing, and she always had 25 excuses why she wasn’t working on it. A couple of weeks ago, I heard a rumor that she had been seen at the mall _here_ in Cumberland with scumbag. Well, it was just a rumor. But she _had_ stopped calling me. Then I heard something else which seemed to confirm the initial rumor, and seemed to imply she was _living_ with scumbag again. Yesterday morning, Social Security called, looking for her. They’ve been trying to reach her for a week now. I told the lady I don’t know where she’s at, and haven’t heard from her. The lady told me she was going to recommend my daughter’s claim be denied, based on the fact that they can’t find her. This morning, hubby left for work early so he could stop by the shelter on his way to Baltimore (where he works) and ask about her. It’s been about two weeks since we heard from her. He was told by someone who knew her at the shelter that she moved out of the shelter over a week ago. So it seems the rumors are true. I’m not really looking for answers. I don’t think there are any. Bottom line is, her father and I have done all we can. We’ve done family counseling (and been told by every counselor we’ve been involved with that we’ve done everything right; she’s just. . .broken), we’ve gotten her all the help we can, there’s nothing anyone can do but her. And she seems _determined_ to make the stupidest possible decisions at any given point in time. I’ve heard from a fairly reliable source that scumbag (who is now 42, just a few years younger than me :rolleyes: ) is paying rent on their apartment by selling crack. She had some run-ins with the law when she was still a minor, and those run-ins seemed to give her the idea that the law doesn’t matter, isn’t enforced, and you don’t have to pay attention or follow it. If she gets busted in an apartment where there’s a lot of crack, she’ll sure as hell find out that the law’s a little different when you’re an adult. Anyway, like I said, not looking for answers. Just blowing off steam. Plus, a couple of people have expressed interest in knowing how things are going (aren’t you sorry you asked? 😉 ) ---
**Author:** ![Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e480ec/32.png) [@Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Least_Original_User_Name_Ever)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2007, 4:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sigh-another-thread-about-my-daughter/429624/2 "2007-12-11T16:57:12Z")
You know that saying “if mom isn’t happy, nobody’s happy”? I fucking hate that saying and think it’s complete bullshit. It should be “when someone in the house isn’t happy, nobody is happy” because one person’s true unhappiness impacts everyone. Unfortunately, that’s what you’re going through right now. I know you needed to vent, and I hope it helped a little bit to vent. ---
**Author:** ![Mama\_Tiger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/6de8d8/32.png) [@Mama\_Tiger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mama_Tiger)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2007, 5:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sigh-another-thread-about-my-daughter/429624/3 "2007-12-11T17:18:53Z")
I’m really sorry, **norinew**. I think you’re right, she’s broke, and unfortunately it’s something she’s going to have to be willing to fix herself. Anyway, I hope the venting helped, and no, we’re not sick of hearing about it. You’ve done all the right things, IMO, and you have my sympathy and support, for what it’s worth. ---
**Author:** ![norinew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/eb9ed0/32.png) [@norinew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/norinew)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2007, 5:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sigh-another-thread-about-my-daughter/429624/4 "2007-12-11T17:20:31Z")
> [@LOUNE](#): > > You know that saying “if mom isn’t happy, nobody’s happy”? I fucking hate that saying and think it’s complete bullshit. It should be “when someone in the house isn’t happy, nobody is happy” because one person’s true unhappiness impacts everyone. A lot of truth there. But the fact is, _if_ she was doing what she could to help herself, but still struggling, my husband and I would tell everyone else to just suck it up and deal with it. After all, she’s a member of our family, and that means we help her, even when it’s hard, right? Problem is, she’s _completely_ uninterested in helping herself. That’s really the straw that broke the camel’s back, in concern to letting her stay here. She wants someone else to come wave a magic wand and make it all better. But really, come to think of it, I don’t believe she _does_ want it to be “all better”, even if a magic wand were involved. True to form for bpd, she thrives on drama. When she told us she was depressed, it didn’t get as much attention as she clearly thought it deserved (we got her help immediately, but did not fly into a panic), so she upped the ante and told us she was suicidal. We said “well, you’re seeing a counselor, you’re seeing a psychiatrist, there are meds, let’s try them”. Again, not the drama she was looking for. So she attempted suicide. Okay, _that_ prompted panic. She liked that. She was admitted to the psych ward 70mi. away and we went and visited her _every single day_. Big mistake on our part. She loved that. She thrived on that (the attention, I mean; not our company). When she got out, the drama was over. So she said she was addicted to alcohol and drugs and wanted to go into a rehab. We put her in a rehab. The Dopers sent more cards and gifts than anyone else in rehab got. But I guess that wasn’t enough attention, which is why she felt moved to claim she’d been raped and go into the special program for people who’ve been abused. After that, the drama died down yet again, so she told us she was bisexual. So? I’ve got two sisters who are lesbians, _why_ would she think an announcement of bisexuality would worry me? Ho-hum, try again. So she plotted (I’ll lay out details if anyone wants them, but I’m convinced this was contrived on her part) for her father to catch her giving her boyfriend a blow job. In our bedroom. :rolleyes: Classy, no? Insufficient drama. So she tried suicide again. By the third time she tried that, we were bored with it (and it was pretty clear she wasn’t really trying to harm herself, and it wasn’t even a cry for help, just a plea for attention). Then she tried telling us she wasn’t bisexual, she was gay. Then she told us she was pregnant (she wasn’t). On and on and on. The drama, the drama. My husband and I are both very peaceful, laid-back people. I grew up with a lot of drama (I’m certain my mother was bipolar, too), and to me, home should be a refuge. Andy Rooney says “Home is a place to go when you don’t want to go anyplace”. I agree. I don’t like the drama. I don’t need the drama. I don’t want the drama. When she was living in the shelter, we took her to my sister’s with us for Thanksgiving and told her if she was well-behaved (and clean), we’d take her to Baltimore with us for Christmas, too. But my husband’s just so done with this whole fucking thing he says he’s _not_ taking her with us under the current circumstances. But yes, believe it or not, it does help some to vent! 🆒 ---
**Author:** ![norinew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/eb9ed0/32.png) [@norinew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/norinew)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2007, 5:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sigh-another-thread-about-my-daughter/429624/5 "2007-12-11T17:22:56Z")
[QUOTE=Mama Tiger] I’m really sorry, **norinew**. I think you’re right, she’s broke, and unfortunately it’s something she’s going to have to be willing to fix herself. Anyway, I hope the venting helped, and no, we’re not sick of hearing about it. You’ve done all the right things, IMO, and you have my sympathy and support, for what it’s worth. [/QUOTE] Thanks for the words of support. I really think this whole thing would have driven me right over the edge by now, except the Dopers have been there offering support the whole way! ---
**Author:** ![emmaliminal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7bcc69/32.png) [@emmaliminal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/emmaliminal)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2007, 5:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sigh-another-thread-about-my-daughter/429624/6 "2007-12-11T17:27:50Z")
Wow, that sucks, **norinew**. Your daughter reminds me a lot of my little sister, though she wasn’t quite as extreme – and I think she was motivated by irrational rage she couldn’t get rid of, rather than unending need for attention. As a grownup, she still has some issues, but I’m proud to know her and enjoy family stuff with her around. Do you have any links to your previous rants about this? Pretty please? ---
**Author:** ![pbbth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f9ae1b/32.png) [@pbbth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pbbth)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2007, 5:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sigh-another-thread-about-my-daughter/429624/7 "2007-12-11T17:36:17Z")
I’m sorry to hear about this, **norinew**. It is so hard to see someone you love on their way down to rock bottom but she has to get there before she can truly get better. I hope you are able to have a relatively calm holiday season and that your daughter can reach a point where she can truly start working towards better mental health in the new year. ---
**Author:** ![Rebo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rebo/32/13005_2.png) [@Rebo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rebo)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2007, 5:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sigh-another-thread-about-my-daughter/429624/8 "2007-12-11T17:41:42Z")
I remember your posts from before. I had trouble with my son, too, if you recall. {{{ **Norinew & family** }}} I’m so sorry some kids can be so hard-headed and stupid. It hurts our hearts, it does. ---
**Author:** ![Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e480ec/32.png) [@Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Least_Original_User_Name_Ever)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2007, 5:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sigh-another-thread-about-my-daughter/429624/9 "2007-12-11T17:43:20Z")
So she obviously doesn’t realize that it’s pathetic of her to be begging for all this drama. It sounds like you may have to just write her off, as crappy as that sounds. You can’t help someone if they don’t want to be helped, even if they are in your own family. Does she have a reason for seeking all this attention? ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2007, 5:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sigh-another-thread-about-my-daughter/429624/10 "2007-12-11T17:54:50Z")
I have a broken sister - and while I’m able to pretty much ignore her (thank God for caller ID on my cell phone - though the last few times she’s called I have been unable to answer it), I feel for my mother who can’t. I feel for you as well. For us, she is distant (the family is in Minnesota - she is in Colorado) so when I do take her calls its always the “drunk or not drunk” issue - and its hard to tell - she can be good at covering it up. ---
**Author:** ![Zsofia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/7bcc69/32.png) [@Zsofia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zsofia)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2007, 6:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sigh-another-thread-about-my-daughter/429624/11 "2007-12-11T18:03:39Z")
I know you know this, but you’re doing the right thing by refusing to enable her. You’ve got other kids to think about, especially the little one. It’s unfair to the little one to have a person like that around. ---
**Author:** ![MsWhatsit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/eb8c5e/32.png) [@MsWhatsit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsWhatsit)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2007, 6:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sigh-another-thread-about-my-daughter/429624/12 "2007-12-11T18:09:15Z")
Yeah, what **Zsofia** said. Although, that being said, you have my extreme sympathy. My children are all under age 6 and I can’t even imagine having to go through something like this with one of them. It does sound like you’ve done everything in your power to make things right, **norine** , and it’s just not enough. I hope someday your daughter wakes up and realizes the gift she has of a caring family, and in the meantime I hope you can find yourself some peace (and quiet). ---
**Author:** ![norinew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/eb9ed0/32.png) [@norinew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/norinew)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2007, 6:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sigh-another-thread-about-my-daughter/429624/13 "2007-12-11T18:20:37Z")
> [@emilyforce](#): > > Do you have any links to your previous rants about this? Pretty please? Well, these are in order of most recent to oldest, so to get the full gist (though why you would want it, I don’t know. . .) start at the last link and work backwards. > **[How long can pot show up in drug screen?](https://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=423509)** > > My oldest daughter recently moved to VA. She was staying in a Salvation Army, and got kicked out for testing positive for pot, after a urine drug screening. She swears she hasn’t smoked pot since she left her loser boyfriend more than 3 weeks ago. I... > **[Is there a tactful way to do this? (re: clingy person)](https://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=420093)** > > Some of you may have read about the adventures of my oldest daughter (hereafter referred to as OD). She’s a mess, psychologically and physically. She now lives with her 42-year-old loser boyfriend (she’s 19), they both live with is father, for... > **[My Oldest Daughter Worries Me (long)](https://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=414442)** > > For about a year, I couldn’t post about all my “issues” with my oldest daughter, because she was a member of the boards (even though she was not active because of no internet access). Now, though, her membership has lapsed. Since I paid for it the... > **[Update on my daughter (warning: it ain't pretty)](https://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=312415)** > > Well, as many of you know, I was delighted three and a half months ago, when my oldest daughter voluntarily went into drug and alcohol rehab. She got out about six weeks ago, and at first, things seemed to be going very, very well. Then, about two or... > **[My daughter entered a drug and alcohol rehab yesterday](https://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=294296)** > > Many of you have read the great, never-ending adventures of my oldest daughter. For those of you who haven’t, let me explain; no, there is no time; let me sum up: drug and alcohol addicted, bipolar, borderline personality disorder, won’t take her... > **[My daughter got arrested last night!](https://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=289420)** > > Some of you who have been around for awhile may have some recall of all the problems I’ve had with my oldest daughter in the past couple of years. For those of you who don’t remember, here’s a little background: She’s 17 and 1/2 Bipolar Borderline... > **[We're considering long-term commitment for our daughter](https://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=261687)** > > Some of you may have been following our Oldest Daughter Chronicles, starting with a suicide attempt about a year and a half ago, in hospitals, out of hospitals; counselors, meds, psychiatrists, on and on and on. For those of you who don’t know, and... > **[What would be an appropriate punishment for this? (teenage daughter troubles)](https://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=251597)** > > A little background: my oldest daughter is 16 years old. We’ve had plenty of problems with her, and she is currently being treated for bipolar disorder. She has been homeschooled (at her repeated requests) for 3 years now. The beginning of last... > **[So, my daughter tried to kill herself. (pretty long)](https://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=149006)** > > Okay, guys, I need prayers, good thoughts, and any helpful input you may have. My 15 yr. old daughter has been battling depression for about 6 months now. She has been seeing a counsellor during this time. Early on in her counselling, she met with a... Please keep in mind that I’ve been a Doper for a _long_ time, and a majority of threads I’ve started, believe it or not, are _not_ about my daughter!! > [@Dolores Reborn](#): > > I remember your posts from before. I had trouble with my son, too, if you recall. Yes, I do recall. And though I would not wish this situation on anyone else, it does help, in a strange way, to know I’m not the only one. **LOUNE** , I don’t know if she doesn’t realize how pathetic it is, or if she just doesn’t care. I agree that it’s human nature to not do things that don’t have a payoff. I don’t know what her payoff is. Her old friends won’t even deal with her anymore. But she must be getting _something_ out of this, or she wouldn’t do it. **Zsofia** , you nailed it. She is my daughter, yes, but so are **EtherealFreakOfPinkness** (I’ve gotta get that kid a shorter username for Christmas!) and **mudgirl**. I need to take care of them before I can worry about taking care of someone who is apparently unwilling to take care of herself. **MsWhatsit** , believe it or not, I _have_ found some peace. I had what may have been some kind of minor breakdown over this whole thing a couple of years ago, and my husband said (not unkindly), “Well, what are you going to do about it?” so I did the only thing I could think of: I turned it over to God. I’ve done all I can. It’s up to her now, and to Him. I can’t do any more. Also, my 16-year-old and 7-year-old are both delightful children, and I find a lot of joy in them! Thank you all for the kind words. ---
**Author:** ![Sticks\_and\_Scones](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sticks_and_scones/32/16951_2.png) [@Sticks\_and\_Scones](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sticks_and_Scones)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2007, 6:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sigh-another-thread-about-my-daughter/429624/14 "2007-12-11T18:23:03Z")
Hey **norinew** , after all the help you gave me in my past thread, I wish that I could be of some help to you. I hadn’t read your past threads on your daughter. I’m sorry to hear that you are having so much trouble in your family. I don’t know if I mentioned it before, or not, but I am Bipolar, although, I am Bipolar 2, and I’m guessing that your daughter is Bipolar 1. The only thing that I can really offer you is my understanding of the situation. I agree with you 100% that you can’t do anything to help your daughter until she is ready to help herself. Mental illness is tough enough when you want to get better. It’s even worse when you’re swimming upstream. Stay strong and know that we are all out there to listen when you need us. ---
**Author:** ![Quartz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quartz/32/267_2.png) [@Quartz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quartz)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2007, 6:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sigh-another-thread-about-my-daughter/429624/15 "2007-12-11T18:24:02Z")
Jeez… that sure puts many people’s problems into perspective. Given your suspicions about drug dealing, can you not inform the police? ---
**Author:** ![norinew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/eb9ed0/32.png) [@norinew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/norinew)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2007, 6:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sigh-another-thread-about-my-daughter/429624/16 "2007-12-11T18:29:33Z")
**AlwaysBringsPie** , you’re doing your fair share by taking good care of my hubby during the week. 😉 Thanks for your kind words. **Quartz** , I’ve actually thought about it. I might do it, too. First I have to find out where they’re living (it’s somewhere here in town, but I don’t know anything beyond that). One thing’s for sure: she’s _got_ to learn that actions have consequences. In spite of my request that the cops “throw the book at her” for previous offenses, the only thing they’ve taught her is you can get away with anything!! :rolleyes: ETA: as far as putting other’s problems into perspective, I try to keep my _own_ in perspective. Heaven knows there are people dealing with worse things than I am! ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2007, 6:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sigh-another-thread-about-my-daughter/429624/17 "2007-12-11T18:37:38Z")
> [@](#): > > I’m not really looking for answers. I don’t think there are any. Bottom line is, her father and I have done all we can. We’ve done family counseling (and been told by every counselor we’ve been involved with that we’ve done everything right; she’s just. . .broken), we’ve gotten her all the help we can, there’s nothing anyone can do but her. And she seems determined to make the stupidest possible decisions at any given point in time It isn’t your fault and you have done all you can do. Now, what you have to do will be the toughest thing you will ever do: Wash your hands of her and walk away. ---
**Author:** ![norinew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/eb9ed0/32.png) [@norinew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/norinew)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2007, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sigh-another-thread-about-my-daughter/429624/18 "2007-12-11T18:50:33Z")
[QUOTE=Shirley Ujest] It isn’t your fault and you have done all you can do. Now, what you have to do will be the toughest thing you will ever do: Wash your hands of her and walk away. [/QUOTE] That _is_ hard. Believe it or not, though I’m the “emotional one” of the two of us, I’ve been ready to do this before. It’s been hubby who hasn’t wanted to. He keeps hoping she’ll grow out of this, and wants us to be able to function as a family when she does. I’d like that too. Hell, if I couldn’t have _anything else_ for Christmas, but I could have that, I’d be thrilled! But he’s sick of it now. He’s done. I think that’s what’s prompted this sudden sadness in me, when I’ve been at peace with the situation for some time now. I haven’t seen him at his breaking point before. The whole thing was unaccompanied by drama (as I said, drama’s not our thing). But he just seemed so. . .weary. I had asked him about her accompanying us down to Baltimore for Christmas, given the current circumstances, and he just said “No. I’m done,” and I asked about finishing up shopping for her. We’ve bought her a hat she’s asked for, but nothing else, really (what do you buy for someone who’s living in a shelter and can only keep what she can store under her bed?). We’d been holding off buying her other stuff pending her getting more permanent housing, thinking we might buy her a microwave or something like that. But he said no, nothing else. Maybe a few stocking stuffers, but no more big gifts. She’s made her choices, she has to deal with them. More than anything else, it saddens me to know he’s so sad. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![StGermain](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/stgermain/32/2868_2.png) [@StGermain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StGermain)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2007, 6:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sigh-another-thread-about-my-daughter/429624/19 "2007-12-11T18:56:19Z")
Not to sound negative, but you’ve done what the police have done - teach her that there are no real consequences to her actions. Someone always lets her off the hook or rescues her. I know she’s been diagnosed with different personality disorders, but at some point you have to let her (not you) deal with them. Sorry to say, but if you see her panhandling on the street, you might slip her a $10, but otherwise let her go her own way. Not just for your other kids, not just for you and your husband as a couple, but for her. Maybe she’ll make her way back. But she has to have this self-obsessed drama-queen addiction broken first. The only thing I worry about is that she’ll bring kids into this world and hold them over your head. They would give her a lot of leverage and reasons for contact and the resulting drama. “But my babies will go hungryyyyyy!!!111!!!” I’m sorry things are so suck-worthy, particularly at this time of year. Good luck. StG ---
**Author:** ![Tikki](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/5daacb/32.png) [@Tikki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tikki)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2007, 7:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sigh-another-thread-about-my-daughter/429624/20 "2007-12-11T19:02:48Z")
My hugs and love to you and your family,\*\* Norine.\*\* I hope if your daughter decides to create some drama, she’ll at least wait until after Christmas to do it. Actually, I hope she doesn’t create any drama at all and gets a grip on her life but at this point that seems a little too much to ask for. Still I’ll keep my fingers crossed. Aw, still more hugs for you. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sigh-another-thread-about-my-daughter/429624.md?page=2)