# Sigh, do I owe this lady a proper good bye? (online dating) **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [April 5, 2018, 5:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sigh-do-i-owe-this-lady-a-proper-good-bye-online-dating/811881 "2018-04-05T17:33:33Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![ISiddiqui](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/97f17d/32.png) [@ISiddiqui](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ISiddiqui)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2018, 9:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sigh-do-i-owe-this-lady-a-proper-good-bye-online-dating/811881/41 "2018-04-05T21:33:40Z")
Well, I guess I’m too late, but I would have gone out with Lady 1. Sometimes face to face meetings are vastly different than online ones. ---
**Author:** ![Newtosite](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/newtosite/32/8623_2.png) [@Newtosite](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Newtosite)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2018, 12:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sigh-do-i-owe-this-lady-a-proper-good-bye-online-dating/811881/42 "2018-04-06T00:50:18Z")
I’m late to this, but wanted to add my sad story of online dating. I’d written such a intriguing letter to a guy that he responded, despite his rule of never answering ads without photos (my profile didn’t have one). We clicked instantly on the phone, talked for hours, he called me often, I could tell he was really enamored of me…he invited me to do all these cool things. I met him in person one time – and that was the end of it (on his part). I called him one time soon after that, and he’d forgotten who I was. :smack: ---
**Author:** ![DooWahDiddy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e9bcb4/32.png) [@DooWahDiddy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DooWahDiddy)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2018, 2:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sigh-do-i-owe-this-lady-a-proper-good-bye-online-dating/811881/43 "2018-04-06T02:28:45Z")
> [@Grrr](#): > > I’m RELIEVED she didn’t get upset. I mean, how do you get that from “OK”? Have you never said OK in a frustrated or angry way? Not saying that’s what she’s doing, but just wondering how you can be so sure. I think you should have gone. Not sure if you’re new to the whole online dating thing, but it’s _very_ easy to fall into the trap of “there’s always someone else”. Just look at them, right in front of me, on my screen! You end up always waiting for someone better to come along and don’t give anyone a real chance. Just a thought. ---
**Author:** ![PookahMacPhellimey](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pookahmacphellimey/32/3175_2.png) [@PookahMacPhellimey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PookahMacPhellimey)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2018, 12:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sigh-do-i-owe-this-lady-a-proper-good-bye-online-dating/811881/44 "2018-04-06T12:19:39Z")
I agree that you should have gone. But do let us know how it went with wonderful Lady #2. ---
**Author:** ![brainstall](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/35a633/32.png) [@brainstall](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brainstall)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2018, 1:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sigh-do-i-owe-this-lady-a-proper-good-bye-online-dating/811881/45 "2018-04-06T13:32:18Z")
When I was online dating a few years ago, I was hopeful in the beginning, but after a meeting a few duds, first dates became a mixture of anticipation and dread. I would much prefer to have my prospective date cancel, rather than make me go through the whole effort of getting ready, going somewhere and putting on a brave face only to have him show up just to go through the motions. I met some really nice men, but none that I felt that elusive spark of connection with. I wish you well, and would love to hear how it goes with Lady #2. ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2018, 1:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sigh-do-i-owe-this-lady-a-proper-good-bye-online-dating/811881/46 "2018-04-06T13:54:41Z")
Thanks guys. We’re going to go see “A Quiet Place” tonight. So I’ll let you know. ---
**Author:** ![fervour](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ce7236/32.png) [@fervour](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fervour)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2018, 5:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sigh-do-i-owe-this-lady-a-proper-good-bye-online-dating/811881/47 "2018-04-06T17:51:42Z")
**Grrr!** , you blew it. Did you read [The Road Not Taken](https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/44272/the-road-not-taken)? It was required reading in my schooling. You’ve unnecessarily created that angst in your life. You should have gone on the other date. If you end up in a relationship with Lady 2, how would you feel if Lady 2 told you one day, that there was someone else that she was talking to at the time, but she didn’t even bother to see if that person was a good fit? I’d feel that I was with a loser. What would happen if this person showed up right now? I’m glad that I tested the rest. That’s how I know I got the best. But really?? Two hours was too much time to invest in a possible lifetime of happiness? ---
**Author:** ![Gatopescado](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gatopescado/32/5711_2.png) [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2018, 6:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sigh-do-i-owe-this-lady-a-proper-good-bye-online-dating/811881/48 "2018-04-06T18:08:22Z")
What kind of Special Asshole passes on _ **Ice Cream?** _ 😕 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Sunny\_Daze](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunny_daze/32/438_2.png) [@Sunny\_Daze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunny_Daze)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2018, 6:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sigh-do-i-owe-this-lady-a-proper-good-bye-online-dating/811881/49 "2018-04-06T18:26:11Z")
Could have been worse **Gato**. It could have been beer. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2018, 6:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sigh-do-i-owe-this-lady-a-proper-good-bye-online-dating/811881/50 "2018-04-06T18:28:45Z")
Liquor? He doesn’t even know her! ---
**Author:** ![CarnalK](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnalk/32/486_2.png) [@CarnalK](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CarnalK)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2018, 6:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sigh-do-i-owe-this-lady-a-proper-good-bye-online-dating/811881/51 "2018-04-06T18:58:31Z")
I have to agree with a few of the comments here that you kinda messed up, Grrr. If you are going to be doing the online dating thing you have to take a real look at what you catch in your net. I mean you said yourself “At least wait until you meet before coming to any conclusions.” but you abandon your own thinking at the drop of a hat? I hope the next date works out but lets be real, many don’t. Women need to weed out the goofs a little on these sites but I think guys really need more of a “what the hell, I can eat ice cream with anyone for an hour” attitude. ---
**Author:** ![Gatopescado](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gatopescado/32/5711_2.png) [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2018, 8:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sigh-do-i-owe-this-lady-a-proper-good-bye-online-dating/811881/52 "2018-04-06T20:06:46Z")
> [@Sunny\_Daze](#): > > Could have been worse **Gato**. It could have been beer. 😉 The Horror. The _Horror._ ---
**Author:** ![nelliebly](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/nelliebly/32/5422_2.png) [@nelliebly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nelliebly)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2018, 4:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sigh-do-i-owe-this-lady-a-proper-good-bye-online-dating/811881/53 "2018-04-07T04:48:22Z")
Am I the only one who thinks canceling just 3 hours before a date isn’t cool? It’s one thing if there’s an emergency, but if it’s merely that someone else had more hanger appeal, shouldn’t the text have been sent earlier (say, yesterday) so Lady #1 still had time to make other plans? I don’t mean to sound harsh, OP. I understand why you wanted to cancel, but if you couldn’t make up your mind earlier, the considerate thing to do would have been to go anyway. But best luck with Lady #2. ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2018, 5:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sigh-do-i-owe-this-lady-a-proper-good-bye-online-dating/811881/54 "2018-04-07T05:07:46Z")
> [@Sunny\_Daze](#): > > I’d say go have the ice cream. You’re texting with someone else online, but you’ve never met her. It sounds like you haven’t even talked yet. You really have no idea if you’ll like Lady 2 in the long run. _ **No reason to cancel the ice cream.** _ Ever. Honestly, why does this even need to be mentioned? ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2018, 5:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sigh-do-i-owe-this-lady-a-proper-good-bye-online-dating/811881/55 "2018-04-07T05:13:08Z")
> [@Lemur866](#): > > Look, I know you want to cancel Lady #1 because you’re getting married to Lady #2. But you’ve never actually met Lady #2 face to face, right? > > What are the odds that Lady #2 is getting ready to cancel on you because she just started texting New Guy #2 and she’s marrying him next week? 80%, right? And what are the odds that Lady #2 is catfishing you as a favor to her good friend Lady #1 to see if you’re a flake? ---
**Author:** ![Sunny\_Daze](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunny_daze/32/438_2.png) [@Sunny\_Daze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunny_Daze)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2018, 5:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sigh-do-i-owe-this-lady-a-proper-good-bye-online-dating/811881/56 "2018-04-07T05:17:07Z")
**Grrr** how was the movie? ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2018, 10:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sigh-do-i-owe-this-lady-a-proper-good-bye-online-dating/811881/57 "2018-04-07T10:31:29Z")
> [@Sunny\_Daze](#): > > **Grrr** how was the movie? Movie was good. As far as us, well… I made a good friend. And I mean that sincerely. We have two events planned next week. We’re just not compatible romantically. Basically, what it boils down to is she is not an “emotional” person (as she puts it), where I on the other hand enjoy tender moments with my lady. So, to keep anyone’s feeling from getting hurt (Ok mine. lol), we’re keeping it platonic. ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2018, 12:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sigh-do-i-owe-this-lady-a-proper-good-bye-online-dating/811881/58 "2018-04-07T12:00:57Z")
If your dating profile doesn’t include a video of you saying “I enjoy tender moments with my lady,” you should definitely add that. Make sure to hold a single red rose. ---
**Author:** ![Cheesesteak](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cheesesteak/32/3694_2.png) [@Cheesesteak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cheesesteak)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2018, 12:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sigh-do-i-owe-this-lady-a-proper-good-bye-online-dating/811881/59 "2018-04-07T12:47:32Z")
My advice to you, moving forward is, go on the date. As long as you’re not choosing expensive restaurants with 4 course dinners, your level of investment is low, in time and money. That’s good because most of the first dates won’t work out. And that’s totally OK. I’d also say you’re not dating two people at once unless you actually go on dates with both of them, and schedule new dates with both of them. ---
**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2018, 12:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sigh-do-i-owe-this-lady-a-proper-good-bye-online-dating/811881/60 "2018-04-07T12:59:16Z")
> [@Grrr](#): > > Movie was good. > > As far as us, well… I made a good friend. And I mean that sincerely. We have two events planned next week. We’re just not compatible romantically. Basically, what it boils down to is she is not an “emotional” person (as she puts it), where I on the other hand enjoy tender moments with my lady. > So, to keep anyone’s feeling from getting hurt (Ok mine. lol), we’re keeping it platonic. Kind of wishing you’d gone on that date with lady#1, aren’t you? A little bit, eh? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sigh-do-i-owe-this-lady-a-proper-good-bye-online-dating/811881.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sigh-do-i-owe-this-lady-a-proper-good-bye-online-dating/811881.md?page=4)