# Sigh, do I owe this lady a proper good bye? (online dating) **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [April 5, 2018, 5:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sigh-do-i-owe-this-lady-a-proper-good-bye-online-dating/811881 "2018-04-05T17:33:33Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2018, 1:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sigh-do-i-owe-this-lady-a-proper-good-bye-online-dating/811881/61 "2018-04-07T13:02:56Z")
He’s got to at least be regretting the missed ice cream… ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2018, 1:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sigh-do-i-owe-this-lady-a-proper-good-bye-online-dating/811881/62 "2018-04-07T13:11:07Z")
> [@QuickSilver](#): > > Kind of wishing you’d gone on that date with lady#1, aren’t you? A little bit, eh? No, not really. ---
**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2018, 1:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sigh-do-i-owe-this-lady-a-proper-good-bye-online-dating/811881/63 "2018-04-07T13:24:50Z")
> [@Grrr](#): > > No, not really. Really?.. ---
**Author:** ![ThelmaLou](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thelmalou/32/390_2.png) [@ThelmaLou](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ThelmaLou)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2018, 1:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sigh-do-i-owe-this-lady-a-proper-good-bye-online-dating/811881/64 "2018-04-07T13:35:09Z")
> [@Grrr](#): > > Movie was good. > > As far as us, well… I made a good friend. And I mean that sincerely. We have two events planned next week. We’re just not compatible romantically. Basically, what it boils down to is she is not an “emotional” person (as she puts it), where I on the other hand enjoy tender moments with my lady. > So, to keep anyone’s feeling from getting hurt (Ok mine. lol), we’re keeping it platonic. Emphasis added. What the heck does she mean by this? And if you’re not sure, what did YOU take her to mean by this? Is this code for “I’m not physically attracted to you, so don’t ever touch me except to shake hands”? Dude, were you friend-zoned on the first date? Are you attracted to her physically but put off by the android-like comment? The Dope likes details. More info, please. ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2018, 1:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sigh-do-i-owe-this-lady-a-proper-good-bye-online-dating/811881/65 "2018-04-07T13:51:06Z")
> [@ThelmaLou](#): > > Emphasis added. > > What the heck does she mean by this? And if you’re not sure, what did YOU take her to mean by this? Is this code for “I’m not physically attracted to you, so don’t ever touch me except to shake hands”? Dude, were you friend-zoned on the first date? Are you attracted to her physically but put off by the android-like comment? > > More info, please. She told me over the phone “I’m not like most girls. I’m not emotional”. At the time, I that to mean: “Acts like a guy”. Over dinner, we talked more, she doesn’t display signs of affection. Doesn’t really delve too deep into her emotions, much less talk about them. Where as, I do. I think it’s worth noting, both ladies in question, approached me first. I suppose it’s possible she finds me physically repulsive, but I’m not sure why she would approach me if she did. My profile pics are recent on the dating site. ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2018, 1:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sigh-do-i-owe-this-lady-a-proper-good-bye-online-dating/811881/66 "2018-04-07T13:58:38Z")
To put it bluntly: I’m the type of guy that will write you poetry and text it to you while you are at work. She’s the type of girl who would make fun of me if I did. ---
**Author:** ![ThelmaLou](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thelmalou/32/390_2.png) [@ThelmaLou](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ThelmaLou)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2018, 2:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sigh-do-i-owe-this-lady-a-proper-good-bye-online-dating/811881/67 "2018-04-07T14:02:39Z")
> [@Grrr](#): > > …I think it’s worth noting, both ladies in question, approached me first. I suppose it’s possible she finds me physically repulsive, but I’m not sure why she would approach me if she did. My profile pics are recent on the dating site. Finding someone’s picture not-repulsive and then feeling genuine physical attraction in person are two VASTLY different things. I find this fascinating. > [@](#): > > She told me over the phone “I’m not like most girls. I’m not emotional”. At the time, I [took] that to mean: “Acts like a guy”. She told you this before you met, and even though you know you “like tender moments,” her waving a yellow flag that she’s not (by her admission) a typical girl still made you want to meet her. Not challenging you, just very curious. There is an expression that has proven to be true a zillion times in my life: “When people tell you who they are, _believe them_.” I guess I’m just curious why you wanted to meet her enough to cancel Lady #1 even though Lady #2 tipped you off that she was not your type. Please don’t take offense–I’m just trying to understand your thought process. God knows, I’ve gone into relationships thinking _I_ would be the one to change the guy. :smack: ---
**Author:** ![ThelmaLou](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thelmalou/32/390_2.png) [@ThelmaLou](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ThelmaLou)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2018, 2:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sigh-do-i-owe-this-lady-a-proper-good-bye-online-dating/811881/68 "2018-04-07T14:04:21Z")
> [@Grrr](#): > > To put it bluntly: > > I’m the type of guy that will write you poetry and text it to you while you are at work. > > She’s the type of girl who would make fun of me if I did. You didn’t get any of this about her until you met in person? You weren’t tipped off in your phone calls? Thank you for patiently answering my questions. ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2018, 2:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sigh-do-i-owe-this-lady-a-proper-good-bye-online-dating/811881/69 "2018-04-07T14:09:55Z")
**ThelmaLou** , I made a friend. I’d call that a win. Wouldn’t you? Heck, we’re going on two dates next week. One of which she’s going to introduce me to her circle of friends at a birthday party. ---
**Author:** ![actualliberalnotoneofthose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e79b87/32.png) [@actualliberalnotoneofthose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/actualliberalnotoneofthose)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2018, 2:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sigh-do-i-owe-this-lady-a-proper-good-bye-online-dating/811881/70 "2018-04-07T14:13:41Z")
> [@Newtosite](#): > > I’m late to this, but wanted to add my sad story of online dating. > > I’d written such a intriguing letter to a guy that he responded, despite his rule of never answering > ads without photos (my profile didn’t have one). We clicked instantly on the phone, talked for hours, he called me often, > I could tell he was really enamored of me…he invited me to do all these cool things. I met him in person one time – > and that was the end of it (on his part). I called him one time soon after that, and he’d forgotten who I was. :smack: Sounds like you should have had photos. ---
**Author:** ![actualliberalnotoneofthose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e79b87/32.png) [@actualliberalnotoneofthose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/actualliberalnotoneofthose)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2018, 2:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sigh-do-i-owe-this-lady-a-proper-good-bye-online-dating/811881/71 "2018-04-07T14:16:14Z")
> [@Grrr](#): > > To put it bluntly: > > I’m the type of guy that will write you poetry and text it to you while you are at work. > > She’s the type of girl who would make fun of me if I did. There is nothing wrong with you doing you, but I think you are going to experience this reaction a lot. ---
**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2018, 2:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sigh-do-i-owe-this-lady-a-proper-good-bye-online-dating/811881/72 "2018-04-07T14:20:08Z")
> [@Grrr](#): > > To put it bluntly: > > I’m the type of guy that will write you poetry and text it to you while you are at work. > > She’s the type of girl who would make fun of me if I did. I think she’d be good for you. ---
**Author:** ![ThelmaLou](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thelmalou/32/390_2.png) [@ThelmaLou](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ThelmaLou)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2018, 2:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sigh-do-i-owe-this-lady-a-proper-good-bye-online-dating/811881/73 "2018-04-07T14:25:57Z")
> [@Grrr](#): > > **ThelmaLou** , I made a friend. I’d call that a win. Wouldn’t you? > > Heck, we’re going on two dates next week. One of which she’s going to introduce me to her circle of friends at a birthday party. Ah, you do feel challenged by my questions. Sorry. ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2018, 2:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sigh-do-i-owe-this-lady-a-proper-good-bye-online-dating/811881/74 "2018-04-07T14:40:06Z")
> [@ThelmaLou](#): > > Ah, you do feel challenged by my questions. Sorry. Not at all. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![puzzlegal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/puzzlegal/32/3827_2.png) [@puzzlegal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/puzzlegal)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2018, 2:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sigh-do-i-owe-this-lady-a-proper-good-bye-online-dating/811881/75 "2018-04-07T14:58:12Z")
It does sound like a win for you. Congrats. ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2018, 3:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sigh-do-i-owe-this-lady-a-proper-good-bye-online-dating/811881/76 "2018-04-07T15:08:23Z")
> [@Grrr](#): > > To put it bluntly: > > I’m the type of guy that will write you poetry and text it to you while you are at work. > > She’s the type of girl who would make fun of me if I did. Can I have her number? Wait, I’m married. Never mind. ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2018, 3:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sigh-do-i-owe-this-lady-a-proper-good-bye-online-dating/811881/77 "2018-04-07T15:38:09Z")
> [@ThelmaLou](#): > > You didn’t get any of this about her until you met in person? You weren’t tipped off in your phone calls? > Thank you for patiently answering my questions. > [@ThelmaLou](#): > > Ah, you do feel challenged by my questions. Sorry. Okay, here’s a better was of articulating my feelings on the matter and why I went: 45% chance we click on a romantic level 45% chance we walk away as friends. 10% chance something less savory than the above 2. I went with those perceived odds and it paid off. Is that better? Sorry if I came off as defensive before. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2018, 3:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sigh-do-i-owe-this-lady-a-proper-good-bye-online-dating/811881/78 "2018-04-07T15:41:08Z")
> [@puzzlegal](#): > > It does sound like a win for you. Congrats. Thanks **puzzlegal** ---
**Author:** ![Gatopescado](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gatopescado/32/5711_2.png) [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2018, 4:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sigh-do-i-owe-this-lady-a-proper-good-bye-online-dating/811881/79 "2018-04-07T16:46:54Z")
Pro Tip: Don’t text poetry. ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2018, 4:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sigh-do-i-owe-this-lady-a-proper-good-bye-online-dating/811881/80 "2018-04-07T16:51:59Z")
> [@Gatopescado](#): > > Pro Tip: Don’t text poetry. It’s reaped many benefits with my ex wife, and a couple of GFs. Not that’s what I was doing it for. I also know better to write poetry to a girl I just started dating. I do it only after the relationship has risen to the appropriate level. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sigh-do-i-owe-this-lady-a-proper-good-bye-online-dating/811881.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sigh-do-i-owe-this-lady-a-proper-good-bye-online-dating/811881.md?page=5)