# Sigh, do I owe this lady a proper good bye? (online dating) **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [April 5, 2018, 5:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sigh-do-i-owe-this-lady-a-proper-good-bye-online-dating/811881 "2018-04-05T17:33:33Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 5\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![hajario](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hajario/32/171_2.png) [@hajario](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hajario)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2018, 5:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sigh-do-i-owe-this-lady-a-proper-good-bye-online-dating/811881/81 "2018-04-07T17:15:10Z")
> [@Grrr](#): > > Okay, here’s a better was of articulating my feelings on the matter and why I went: > > 45% chance we click on a romantic level > 45% chance we walk away as friends. > 10% chance something less savory than the above 2. > > I went with those perceived odds and it paid off. > > Is that better? Sorry if I came off as defensive before. 🙂 Thanks for following up and being a good sport about all of this. ---
**Author:** ![nelliebly](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/nelliebly/32/5422_2.png) [@nelliebly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nelliebly)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2018, 7:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sigh-do-i-owe-this-lady-a-proper-good-bye-online-dating/811881/82 "2018-04-07T19:02:07Z")
I dated a guy who said he wasn’t very emotional. He wasn’t. It became more of a friendship for that reason, but I have to warn you: unemotional people aren’t going to be the kind of friends you can get emotional support from.I had to break it off with Mr. Phlegmatic when I got cancer. I just didn’t have the energy to help him deal with the issues he had with employees and family because he couldn’t understand how they felt. If you want to have political discussions or talk about fly-fishing, Lady #2 is your gal. It just won’t be a very deep friendship. PS If you’re just friends, they’re not dates. ---
**Author:** ![digs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/digs/32/14889_2.png) [@digs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/digs)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2018, 8:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sigh-do-i-owe-this-lady-a-proper-good-bye-online-dating/811881/83 "2018-04-07T20:37:32Z")
> [@Grrr](#): > > To put it bluntly: > > I’m the type of guy that will write you poetry and text it to you while you are at work. > > She’s the type of girl who would make fun of me if I did. Poetry and making fun of each other? Not a bad combo… Hey, wait, that’s my marriage (of 33 1/3 years). I draw her cute little notes each night, so she can enjoy them with her breakfast. She has never once acknowledged this. (I’m afraid if I asked “Hey, did you see the dogs slipping on ice I drew, to remind you the driveway’s slick today?” she’d say “Yeah, can you stop with the notes?”) Anyhow, people change, and grow, and can grow closer. Maybe your new friend will get more emotional over time. ---
**Author:** ![Nawth\_Chucka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/c57346/32.png) [@Nawth\_Chucka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nawth_Chucka)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2018, 4:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sigh-do-i-owe-this-lady-a-proper-good-bye-online-dating/811881/84 "2018-04-08T04:54:15Z")
> [@digs](#): > > Anyhow, people change, and grow, and can grow closer. Maybe your new friend will get more emotional over time. That’s certainly what he’s hoping for. Probably thinks the friend introductions (which are unlikely to happen, that’s the sort of thing people say when they’re setting up an Irish goodbye) are a kind of second interview so her friends can tell her to date him b/c she couldn’t decide to on her own. Can’t be a hopeless romantic w/o the hopeless part. OP, go on all the first dates. And \*then \*decide which basket you might like to put all your eggs in. B/c if you decide before you meet them they carry a responsibility they haven’t asked for. Alternately you can date lightly and non-exclusively until after many weeks or even months you’re genuinely inspired by the person you have in front of you rather than the one you built up in your head of mental images of The Perfect Woman. Huge risk! Also, potential for Huge Reward! ---
**Author:** ![Dingbang](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ac8455/32.png) [@Dingbang](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dingbang)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2018, 2:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sigh-do-i-owe-this-lady-a-proper-good-bye-online-dating/811881/85 "2018-04-09T14:50:01Z")
> [@Grrr](#): > > To put it bluntly: > > I’m the type of guy that will write you poetry and text it to you while you are at work. > > She’s the type of girl who would make fun of me if I did. Good that she was up front about that and didn’t want to pretend to be more emotionally receptive as part of the dating game. I’m not an especially gushy romantic type, but I was in the habit of saying “I love you” as the last thing to my now ex-wife before I went to sleep. Soon after we married, I said that one night and she replied in an annoyed voice, “Stop saying you love me. I don’t need to hear that all the time.” It was crushing and I lay there for a long time wondering what it meant. But I pushed it aside purely for self preservation and moved on. Looking back, it was a highly significant moment. Whatever you do, don’t try make something happen with this girl if you know you don’t connect that way. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sigh-do-i-owe-this-lady-a-proper-good-bye-online-dating/811881.md?page=4)