# \*sigh\* I hate dating \*grumble grumble grumble\* **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [September 20, 2007, 5:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sigh-i-hate-dating-grumble-grumble-grumble/419886 "2007-09-20T17:28:14Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 11
**Author:** ![DianaG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7ab992/32.png) [@DianaG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DianaG)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2007, 2:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sigh-i-hate-dating-grumble-grumble-grumble/419886/201 "2007-09-24T14:28:57Z")
[QUOTE=DudleyGarrett] It would definitely make me pause. It’s a date. It puts me in a situation where I have to respond to this person I had a date with last night, about whom I’m not entirely sure. In fact, what if I had a date the next night with someone else? That’s why I said that my response would have been curt. Not rude, but very cordial. [/QUOTE] Um… so what? I’ve sent and gotten plenty of “thanks for last night” emails. I’ve both sent and gotten them on days when I had a date with someone else. And you know what? It’s not a request for a lengthy and well-thought out appraisal of where we stand. It’s a “thanks for last night” email. Dude, get a grip. If you’re paralyzed with performance anxiety every time someone sends you an email, what are you going to do when you actually get a chick into _bed_? 😉 ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2007, 2:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sigh-i-hate-dating-grumble-grumble-grumble/419886/202 "2007-09-24T14:33:18Z")
[QUOTE=DudleyGarrett] To those of you who complain about games, you’re just mad because you’re not very good at the mating ritual. [/QUOTE] Exactly so. I HATE the mating ritual, and I HATE clubs. But you know what? I can choose to hate it, or I can choose to love it. I dabbled a bit in it last night, and I had a fucking awesome time. Best part? “Oh, sorry, that’s my cell phone.” You can see where this is going, right? Get away from the old loser dude? “OK, I turned it off. So THEN what happened?!?” ---
**Author:** ![DudleyGarrett](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/d9b06d/32.png) [@DudleyGarrett](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DudleyGarrett)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2007, 2:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sigh-i-hate-dating-grumble-grumble-grumble/419886/203 "2007-09-24T14:37:01Z")
[QUOTE=DianaG] Um… so what? [/QUOTE] Um… I was answering the question posed directly to me. ---
**Author:** ![DianaG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7ab992/32.png) [@DianaG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DianaG)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2007, 2:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sigh-i-hate-dating-grumble-grumble-grumble/419886/204 "2007-09-24T14:38:55Z")
[QUOTE=DudleyGarrett] Um… I was answering the question posed directly to me. [/QUOTE] Sorry, I didn’t mean “why are you posting this?”, I meant “why are you freaking out about an email?” Because really, isn’t recoiling from said email \*just \* as hysterical and emotionally immature as you maintain that sending it is? ---
**Author:** ![DudleyGarrett](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/d9b06d/32.png) [@DudleyGarrett](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DudleyGarrett)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2007, 2:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sigh-i-hate-dating-grumble-grumble-grumble/419886/205 "2007-09-24T14:50:37Z")
[QUOTE=DianaG] Sorry, I didn’t mean “why are you posting this?”, I meant “why are you freaking out about an email?” Because really, isn’t recoiling from said email \*just \* as hysterical and emotionally immature as you maintain that sending it is? [/QUOTE] Well, first, don’t embellish the moods. “Make me pause” does not mean “freaking out” or “hysterical” or being “emotionally immature.” Where you got that, I have no idea. Second, I’ve already stated the reasons which you seem to have not read or just ignored, but here they are again. 1. E-mails don’t convey mood appropriately. Responses could easily be misconstrued. 2. I’d take it the other person’s being a little too shy at that point. Pick up the phone. 3. A timely response is expected and if it isn’t, things get a little weird (see OP). ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2007, 2:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sigh-i-hate-dating-grumble-grumble-grumble/419886/206 "2007-09-24T14:56:04Z")
[QUOTE=DudleyGarrett] 3. A timely response is expected and if it isn’t, things get a little weird (see OP). [/QUOTE] In my own defense, I’m bitching to 5,000 of my closest friends (succumbing to a momentary impulse I’m definitely starting to regret), _instead of, not in addition to_ embarking on a campaign of stalking and harrassment directed toward the gentleman in question. ---
**Author:** ![DudleyGarrett](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/d9b06d/32.png) [@DudleyGarrett](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DudleyGarrett)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2007, 2:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sigh-i-hate-dating-grumble-grumble-grumble/419886/207 "2007-09-24T14:59:08Z")
[QUOTE=twickster] In my own defense, I’m bitching to 5,000 of my closest friends (succumbing to a momentary impulse I’m definitely starting to regret), _instead of, not in addition to_ embarking on a campaign of stalking and harrassment directed toward the gentleman in question. [/QUOTE] Doesn’t matter what your intention was, it matters what his perception is, and all I’m saying is that the e-mail the next morning was not a good move. Has he responded yet? ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2007, 3:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sigh-i-hate-dating-grumble-grumble-grumble/419886/208 "2007-09-24T15:02:17Z")
[QUOTE=DudleyGarrett] Has he responded yet? [/QUOTE] See [above](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=9004656&postcount=94). ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2007, 3:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sigh-i-hate-dating-grumble-grumble-grumble/419886/209 "2007-09-24T15:02:34Z")
[QUOTE=twickster] In my own defense, I’m bitching to 5,000 of my closest friends (succumbing to a momentary impulse I’m definitely starting to regret), _instead of, not in addition to_ embarking on a campaign of stalking and harrassment directed toward the gentleman in question. [/QUOTE] Just to make it clear, I get this. I thought your e-mail was gracious and appropriate. I was just speculating that the gentleman may not have taken it the same way. People can be weird. Some guys have a real problem with a woman that takes any sort of control at all. I was wondering about something, though. How was the date? Was there any touching? Hands, arms, lips, anything? That would shed a lot of light on what’s going on here. ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2007, 3:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sigh-i-hate-dating-grumble-grumble-grumble/419886/210 "2007-09-24T15:03:40Z")
[QUOTE=tdn] I was wondering about something, though. How was the date? Was there any touching? Hands, arms, lips, anything? That would shed a lot of light on what’s going on here. [/QUOTE] It ended with a full-body hug. ---
**Author:** ![Dunderman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ecb155/32.png) [@Dunderman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dunderman)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2007, 3:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sigh-i-hate-dating-grumble-grumble-grumble/419886/211 "2007-09-24T15:04:02Z")
[QUOTE=tdn] People can be weird. Some guys have a real problem with a woman that takes any sort of control at all. [/QUOTE] \And I can’t get laid.\ ---
**Author:** ![DudleyGarrett](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/d9b06d/32.png) [@DudleyGarrett](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DudleyGarrett)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2007, 3:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sigh-i-hate-dating-grumble-grumble-grumble/419886/212 "2007-09-24T15:04:52Z")
[QUOTE=twickster] See [above](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=9004656&postcount=94). [/QUOTE] Let us know when his proper reply comes. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2007, 3:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sigh-i-hate-dating-grumble-grumble-grumble/419886/213 "2007-09-24T15:10:09Z")
[QUOTE=twickster] It ended with a full-body hug. [/QUOTE] Nice! But that could mean almost anything. Was it a shoulder hug, or were hips pressed together? Who initiated it? Did it last not quite long enough, or just a bit too long? ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2007, 3:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sigh-i-hate-dating-grumble-grumble-grumble/419886/214 "2007-09-24T15:13:33Z")
[QUOTE=tdn] Nice! But that could mean almost anything. Was it a shoulder hug, or were hips pressed together? Who initiated it? Did it last not quite long enough, or just a bit too long? [/QUOTE] Touching but not grinding; he did; exact right length. ---
**Author:** ![DudleyGarrett](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/d9b06d/32.png) [@DudleyGarrett](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DudleyGarrett)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2007, 3:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sigh-i-hate-dating-grumble-grumble-grumble/419886/215 "2007-09-24T15:14:46Z")
[QUOTE=twickster] Touching but not grinding; he did; exact right length. [/QUOTE] Were there light slaps on the back during the hug? ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2007, 3:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sigh-i-hate-dating-grumble-grumble-grumble/419886/216 "2007-09-24T15:16:24Z")
[QUOTE=DudleyGarrett] Were there light slaps on the back during the hug? [/QUOTE] No, nor did we high-five each other upon breaking the clinch. ---
**Author:** ![Captain\_Carrot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f0a364/32.png) [@Captain\_Carrot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Captain_Carrot)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2007, 3:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sigh-i-hate-dating-grumble-grumble-grumble/419886/217 "2007-09-24T15:16:27Z")
[QUOTE=DudleyGarrett] To those of you who complain about games, you’re just mad because you’re not very good at the mating ritual. Regardless of what you think, there are ALWAYS mating games. The chase, the withdraw, the chase, etc. makes dating fun and exciting. I’m not talking about fucking with someone’s head, but keeping the other person on their toes is always good during the first month or so of a new relationship. [/QUOTE] Speaking as a guy, I have absolutely no fucking desire to treat a relationship as a game. Also, chasing someone does not strike me as fun in any way. Dating is exciting (read: nervewracking) enough as it is without trying to make it even more complicated. And keeping someone on their toes? What the fuck? Why on earth would I want to do that? How about mutually enjoying some activity, like playing mini-golf or some such? If that’s the way dating has to be, I want no part of it. I have enough problems just meeting people without turning it into some sort of chase or game or whatever the fuck you want to call it. ---
**Author:** ![OneCentStamp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/13edae/32.png) [@OneCentStamp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OneCentStamp)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2007, 3:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sigh-i-hate-dating-grumble-grumble-grumble/419886/218 "2007-09-24T15:16:46Z")
[QUOTE=twickster] Touching but not grinding; he did; exact right length. [/QUOTE] Any discernible wood? That’s often a good sign. ---
**Author:** ![DudleyGarrett](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/d9b06d/32.png) [@DudleyGarrett](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DudleyGarrett)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2007, 3:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sigh-i-hate-dating-grumble-grumble-grumble/419886/219 "2007-09-24T15:20:14Z")
[QUOTE=Captain Carrot] Speaking as a guy, I have absolutely no fucking desire to treat a relationship as a game. Also, chasing someone does not strike me as fun in any way. Dating is exciting (read: nervewracking) enough as it is without trying to make it even more complicated. And keeping someone on their toes? What the fuck? Why on earth would I want to do that? How about mutually enjoying some activity, like playing mini-golf or some such? If that’s the way dating has to be, I want no part of it. I have enough problems just meeting people without turning it into some sort of chase or game or whatever the fuck you want to call it. [/QUOTE] You’re what, 18? I probably thought the same at your age. Not putting you down or anything because of your age, but you’re going to have some very cool and very shitty dating experiences in the next coming years. You’ll get more experienced with the opposite sex and you’ll find that games are ALWAYS part of it. ---
**Author:** ![DudleyGarrett](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/d9b06d/32.png) [@DudleyGarrett](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DudleyGarrett)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2007, 3:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sigh-i-hate-dating-grumble-grumble-grumble/419886/220 "2007-09-24T15:21:15Z")
[QUOTE=twickster] No, nor did we high-five each other upon breaking the clinch. [/QUOTE] Well, that’s a good sign. How much eye contact was there? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sigh-i-hate-dating-grumble-grumble-grumble/419886.md?page=10) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sigh-i-hate-dating-grumble-grumble-grumble/419886.md?page=12)