# \*SIGH\* . . . Mothers. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [July 16, 2003, 8:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sigh-mothers/188975 "2003-07-16T20:25:20Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 11\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![CrazyCatLady](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/dfb087/32.png) [@CrazyCatLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CrazyCatLady)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2003, 12:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sigh-mothers/188975/41 "2003-07-18T00:38:01Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by auntie em \* > \*\*Oh, and um . . . **CrazyCatLady** , far be it from me to make judgments on your marriage, but what are you doing with a _boyfriend_??? 😉 \*\* Same thing you’re doing with a gigantic coochie, darlin’. Having fun. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Contrary](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/db5fbb/32.png) [@Contrary](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Contrary)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2003, 12:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sigh-mothers/188975/42 "2003-07-18T12:39:29Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by SkipMagic \* > Hey, you JoCo, Overland Parkish Woman! I’ve sent an e-mail your way, I think, letting you know about the DopeFest on the Plaza this July 27th. Actually, you’ve sent me two 😃 I haven’t really made up my mind yet, sorry. > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by SkipMagic \* > By the way, the future Mr. Contrary sounds as brilliant as I think I am. Well I think he’s brilliant, also crazy, after all he’s asked me to marry him. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2003, 2:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sigh-mothers/188975/43 "2003-07-18T14:15:20Z")
Okay, great picture of Pinkie, but where’s the picture of our lovely bride? (Congratulations, by the way. :)) ---
**Author:** ![SkipMagic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skipmagic/32/20706_2.png) [@SkipMagic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SkipMagic)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2003, 2:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sigh-mothers/188975/44 "2003-07-18T14:27:26Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Contrary \* > \*\*Actually, you’ve sent me two 😃 I haven’t really made up my mind yet, sorry. \*\* Oops. Heh-heh. Sorry about that; I see Dopers whose location indicates this area, and e-mail ‘em about the Dopefest. But I obviously don’t keep track of whom it is I’ve been poking and prodding with e-mails full of "Ya’ wanna come, ya’ wanna come?!" > [@](#): > > _Originally posted by featherlou_ > **Okay, great picture of Pinkie, but where’s the picture of our lovely bride?** Pictures of our wedding can be seen at [this site](http://members19.clubphoto.com/skip732167/guest-1.phtml). 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2003, 3:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sigh-mothers/188975/45 "2003-07-18T15:53:36Z")
Beautiful! Beautiful bride, beautiful groom, everything looked beautiful! (The red dress with the red roses was inspired - you looked gorgeous, **Auntie Em**.) ---
**Author:** ![auntie\_em](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5e9695/32.png) [@auntie\_em](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/auntie_em)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2003, 5:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sigh-mothers/188975/46 "2003-07-18T17:26:06Z")
Thank you, **featherlou** , but those kudos go to **Skip** –he chose the dress (I was worried that red would clash with **Pink** –tee hee!) . . . ---
**Author:** ![Oy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/bc8723/32.png) [@Oy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oy)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2003, 8:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sigh-mothers/188975/47 "2003-07-18T20:23:38Z")
Uh, **Auntie Em**? Don’t want to rain on anyone’s parade here, but it is utterly improper for someone, even a mother, to throw a shower for a family member, for _exactly_ the reason your mom wants to: it’s requesting gifts for the family (tantamount to requesting gifts for self). According to Miss Manners (my goddess), this is because a shower is the one event for which bringing a present is mandatory - the very concept is ‘shower’ as in ‘shower with gifts.’ See _Miss Manners’ Guide to Excrutiatingly Correct Behavior._ On the other hand, it is perfectly proper to have a reception for oneself or throw one for a family member. But it’s also perfectly proper for a guest to show up without a gift. It’s also perfectly proper to have a ‘tea’ or ‘buffet’ or whatever you want in honor of your marriage. And most people are going to bring gifts regardless. But properly speaking, you shouldn’t call it a shower, unless someone totally unrelated to you is throwing it. This is why we have bridesmaids.🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Syntropy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/65b543/32.png) [@Syntropy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Syntropy)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2003, 8:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sigh-mothers/188975/48 "2003-07-18T20:30:49Z")
But, AvhHines, auntie and Skip didn’t HAVE bridesmaids. Please rewind, re-read. They ran away. Mom, feeling cheated, is wanting a big shindig, but, being pissed and more than a little passive-aggressive, is forcing auntie to do most of the work herself. Hence, the big, teeth clenched MOTHERS! thread. ---
**Author:** ![auntie\_em](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5e9695/32.png) [@auntie\_em](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/auntie_em)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2003, 9:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sigh-mothers/188975/49 "2003-07-18T21:21:27Z")
Oh, **AVHines** , the truth is, I don’t know what she’s calling it, officially. She _did_ call it a shower when she broached the subject with me (and I, not realizing that I would be doing all of the work myself, said “Sure!” . . . well, actually I said, " . . . but, um, we’re already _married_," but eventually I ended up saying, “Sure!”) but that may have just been a convenient term, like how when you want to blow your nose you ask for a Kleenex, when really any old tissue will do. But really, once the invitations actually get made, I don’t know what we’ll call it. When we threw a party so that people could meet my sister’s newborn twins (she lives out of town and had brought them for a visit and we knew that scads of people would be stopping by all day every day to see the twins while they were in town if we didn’t just get it all over with in one fell swoop), my mother specifically did _not_ want to call it a baby shower (in the invites, that is–among ourselves we often referred to it as “the shower” when making plans . . . again, it’s like the Kleenex thing) because she didn’t want to give people the impression that gifts were expected. So we called it a Press Junket. 😉 And even if I were having a by-the-book shower (one that would make Miss Manners proud) I wouldn’t want to call it that because in my experience, the word “shower” for some reason (and I find it disturbing to try to think about said reason) makes people think it’s a good idea to give you lingerie. Frankly, I don’t usually go in for lingerie, but even if I did, I’d find it weird to have it shoved in my face by snickering old ladies, which is just what happened to my sister at _her_ bridal shower (which I threw–sorry, I was her only bridesmaid, what’s a gal to do?). It was ever so slightly disturbing, I tell you. Also, I think **Maureen** has a point about my mother being passive-aggressive in general, but I think in this case she decided to do this because several of her friends expressed a desire to give us gifts, and she felt like she had to provide a forum for that. So I think most of the people invited have already approached _her_ and stated a desire to give something (in fact, the suggestion for my mother to host some sort of party actually came from one of these people), and she’s afraid that they’ll never get around to it if we don’t give them an “official” opportunity. But as long as you have your Miss Manners book out, I’m curious–what happens if a bride has five sisters and uses them as her bridesmaids? _Then_ can a family member throw a shower, or does the bride have to have at least one bridesmaid who’s not related so that _she_ can throw the shower? What about cousins? I have to admit that I, too, find Miss Manners enthralling, but all I have is the online column. ---
**Author:** ![Oy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/bc8723/32.png) [@Oy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oy)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2003, 12:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sigh-mothers/188975/50 "2003-07-19T00:09:30Z")
No, it can’t be a family member, period, according to The Goddess. It doesn’t have to be a bridesmaid (that part was me), just a non-family member. Oh, go to E-bay or Amazon (used) and get the Guide to Excrutiatingly Correct Behavior! It’s far more entertaining than she is now (she’s gotten tired or something these days), and it’s a wonderful comprehensive etiquette book! You’ll love it! Also _Miss Manner’s Guide to Rearing Perfect Children_ is delightful as well. Enjoy! ---
**Author:** ![Oy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/bc8723/32.png) [@Oy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oy)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2003, 12:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sigh-mothers/188975/51 "2003-07-19T00:10:56Z")
even if you’re voluntarily childless, as I am! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sigh-mothers/188975.md?page=2)