# Signs of female interest **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [February 16, 2010, 2:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/signs-of-female-interest/529148 "2010-02-16T02:28:38Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Taomist](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/53a042/32.png) [@Taomist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Taomist)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2010, 1:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/signs-of-female-interest/529148/41 "2010-02-17T01:23:46Z")
Just remember that ‘flirty’, including touching, doesn’t mean anything in itself. Some people \ flirt to manipulate, some for so long and so well that it’s an automatic response to make people respond well in return. So…your mileage WILL vary depending on the model you are attempting to drive. Good luck 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Superfluous\_Parentheses](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/8edcca/32.png) [@Superfluous\_Parentheses](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Superfluous_Parentheses)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2010, 1:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/signs-of-female-interest/529148/42 "2010-02-17T01:28:26Z")
> [@salinqmind](#): > > If you are interested, you cannot be subtle. They can’t see the bottle of ketchup in the refrigerator. They can’t see the cat sleeping in the middle of the floor, and they accidentally step on it. Whether men just have bad eyesight or are genetically clueless, you cannot be subtle, twirl your hair, bat your lashes. You have to make eye contact and SAY something encouraging. Or just bite them on the arm. Hey, it got my attention 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Unintentionally\_Blank](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/unintentionally_blank/32/5418_2.png) [@Unintentionally\_Blank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Unintentionally_Blank)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2010, 1:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/signs-of-female-interest/529148/43 "2010-02-17T01:54:11Z")
> [@Lamia](#): > > If the woman laughs a lot at all your jokes and this is not the reaction you usually get, she’s probably flirting. You didn’t just get funnier all of a sudden. I do. I get funny and un-funny all the time. Rarely at the RIGHT times, mind you. ---
**Author:** ![Shagnasty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9dc877/32.png) [@Shagnasty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shagnasty)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2010, 2:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/signs-of-female-interest/529148/44 "2010-02-17T02:24:43Z")
> [@Superfluous\_Parentheses](#): > > Or just bite them on the arm. > > Hey, it got my attention 😃 I am 36 years old and have never asked a girl out for the first encounter in my entire life and still really have no idea about how to go about such a thing. My ex-wife and I were together for 17 years since we barely started college at 18 years old. I accidentally left my coed dorm room un-locked one night when I was as sick as a dog from a cold. I woke up at 2 am with her sitting on my bed and I didn’t really know what was happening. She climbed in bed and made out with me for an hour or so before I got too sick to continue. She was gorgeous but she left and that made me sad. I woke up the next morning and the other guys were talking about who they were taking to the football game that weekend. I couldn’t think of anybody that would want to go with me until they started asking questions. I had a fizzling brainstorm like a profound Beavis and Butthead moment. I thought it might be a Hail Mary Pass but just might work. I was shocked when she said she would go with me to a huge public event together although I still had no idea what that meant. My younger brother got his wife because she just stood sat on his front porch because she had no idea whatsoever when he would come home. He just got home and let her in and that was that. TV is really unfair to men in some ways but lots of us are complete imbeciles in others. Ladies, if you are interested in someone, all you have to do is just say it. One short sentence can make you lap the competition three times over. ---
**Author:** ![Serenata67](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/serenata67/32/10646_2.png) [@Serenata67](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Serenata67)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2010, 2:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/signs-of-female-interest/529148/45 "2010-02-17T02:28:37Z")
On touching: If she touches herself in sexy places, she’s into you. I would always run my fingers on the top of my cleavage, around my collarbone and neck, around my ribcage, along my legs (if wearing a skirt and crossing my legs), etc. If I’m talking to a friend, I’m not gonna be playing with my boobs. If I’m into a guy, my nervous hands just gravitate to my sexy places. ---
**Author:** ![Rack-a-Bones](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/77aa72/32.png) [@Rack-a-Bones](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rack-a-Bones)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2010, 2:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/signs-of-female-interest/529148/46 "2010-02-17T02:40:55Z")
> [@HazelNutCoffee](#): > > I tend to signal my interest by getting drunk with the guy in question and then making out with him after dragging him to a dark corner. That’s just me though. I like the way you operate! > [@Mr Bus Guy](#): > > All chicks dig me. I don’t need to read signs, because I know if they even so much as glance my way, that’s my sign. > > 🆒 I agree with **Mr Bus Guy** ; I don’t know how you guys miss all these signs. The bartender at a pub I frequent says hi when I come in, calls me honey and remembers my drink. She wants me. The cute girl that drives the 15 bus to Ballard on the evenings smiles and says hi to me when I get on the bus. She totally wants me. The hot cashier girl at the store across the street where I got my lunch today told me to have a great day. She did not say this to the guy in front of me. She wants me so bad _ **I** _ can taste it. The two girls that smiled at my witty remark in the pub the other night totally wanted to take me back to their place and double team me. Unfortunately I had to catch a bus. Yep, signs, signs, every where there’s signs. ---
**Author:** ![Rack-a-Bones](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/77aa72/32.png) [@Rack-a-Bones](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rack-a-Bones)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2010, 2:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/signs-of-female-interest/529148/47 "2010-02-17T02:49:52Z")
**Shagnasty** , I can’t tell if you’re serious, or I am just getting gigantically whooshed, but if that post is true you’re going to need to change your user name. ---
**Author:** ![Shagnasty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9dc877/32.png) [@Shagnasty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shagnasty)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2010, 3:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/signs-of-female-interest/529148/48 "2010-02-17T03:18:18Z")
> [@Rack-a-Bones](#): > > **Shagnasty** , I can’t tell if you’re serious, or I am just getting gigantically whooshed, but if that post is true you’re going to need to change your user name. I am 100% dead serious. That is a true story. I do loves me some pretty women with all my heart but **Shagnasty** is just a really old Southern word of British origins that doesn’t mean what most people think it does. Yep, 36 years old with a few outstanding hookups and a still very attractive ex-wife with two daughters and I still have never asked out a girl out for a first date. The SDMB is the place to go to hear about unusual scenarios. ---
**Author:** ![MichaelEmouse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/michaelemouse/32/101_2.png) [@MichaelEmouse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MichaelEmouse)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2010, 3:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/signs-of-female-interest/529148/49 "2010-02-17T03:31:22Z")
> [@Serenata67](#): > > On touching: > > my nervous hands just gravitate to my sexy places. Love how if this was said by a man, it would be seen as incredibly creepy, and possibly a misdemeanor. Not that I have something against it. Just saying. In another vein, what’s a good way for a man to flirt with a woman? By “good”, I mean a way that’s not crass/offensive yet gets the message accross. Shagnasty, you have to tell us what it means now. ---
**Author:** ![elfkin477](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a9a28c/32.png) [@elfkin477](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elfkin477)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2010, 3:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/signs-of-female-interest/529148/50 "2010-02-17T03:46:01Z")
> [@FrustratedIdiot](#): > > If she goes out of her way to see you/talk to you, she likes you. This is a very good sign. We don’t go out of our way to see guys we’re uninterested in for no reason (or for terribly flimsy reasons). > [@Livardo](#): > > Ladies: Please don’t be flirty as fuck if you’re already in a relationship. Thank you. Humanity as a whole needs this memo, at least judging from the number of men I’ve encountered who charm you half to death before mentioning their SO…:mad: Can we strike the “touching her hair” thing from the list, please? This is a poor indicator given a lot of women will play with their hair while 100% alone, too. And some of us just have hair that tries to escape from where we want it. A whole lot of signs are best weighed by how she treats you **in relationship to other people**. Does she touch you a lot, and more often than other people? Does she make firm eye contact with you, more so than with other people? Does she laugh at your stupid jokes, more often than other people’s? ---
**Author:** ![jlpaul89](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/3da27b/32.png) [@jlpaul89](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jlpaul89)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2010, 3:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/signs-of-female-interest/529148/51 "2010-02-17T03:53:40Z")
I just do the “subconscious” giggling, touching my hair, etc when I’m nervous in general, and I’m kind of touchy-feely when I’m having an engaging conversation with anyone, but I definitely do the “grooming” thing Lamia mentioned as intentional flirting, and I accidentally tend to use a person’s name a lot when speaking to them if I’m in to them. I always though grooming was fairly obvious to most guys unless he thinks you have some kind of obsessive-compulsive tendencies and crooked collars just really irritate you. ---
**Author:** ![Jragon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e19b73/32.png) [@Jragon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jragon)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2010, 4:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/signs-of-female-interest/529148/52 "2010-02-17T04:06:51Z")
I’m not really sure about any of this, I have a friend who’s a lesbian who is (for lack of a better term) extremely “flirty” by any of these standards (except for perhaps the touching herself in provocative places). It was enough that I wasn’t entirely sure that she wasn’t leading everyone on about her homosexuality for a bit (we had some… interesting conversations that I don’t care to transcribe that were pretty glaringly flirty on her side…). And yeah, she is “like” that in terms of personality, but definitely tones it up to 11 when addressing me specifically. I would have agreed with most of this thread before that, but that entire experience taught me that people vary to much to tell. And no, it’s not like I asked her out and she used the lesbian dodge, I mean out-and-out casually calling herself a “dyke” if a joke demands it on many occasions. Though I suppose the behavior would still fit if she had turned me down for a date or something, since she’s still really flirty. Maybe our personalities are close enough that she “opened up” and she figured that since I knew her sexuality she doesn’t have to worry about censoring herself in order to not give the wrong signals. I don’t know, it still left me not trusting signals ever. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Bith\_Shuffle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ce73a5/32.png) [@The\_Bith\_Shuffle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Bith_Shuffle)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2010, 4:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/signs-of-female-interest/529148/53 "2010-02-17T04:21:16Z")
I’ve had some pretty odd extremes when it comes to signalling. I’ve been the receiver of over-the-top signals from a woman and got it, been the receiver of pretty strong signals and didn’t get it, and had a woman fail to get almost-unmissable signals from me. In order: - A woman in my rooming house offered to get me groceries because she just happened to be going to the grocery store. I declined and then walked to the store about fifteen minutes later to get them myself; when we crossed paths she looked hurt and suggested that when I got back she would be downstairs watching TV if I wanted to join her. She also came down to my room and offered me leftover cookies once. I was not interested. - In high school, a girl told me that I reminded her of Aristotle because of how I talked in class. Later, she twiddled my hair between her fingers. When I turned around she just said “I like your hair”. I did not get the picture at all. - Last year, I asked a woman out (the one I was talking about in [this thread](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=515690)). She said yes, and we went out for Thai food. In the date, I realized pretty quickly that she was different, and noticed similarities between her personality and those of some of my nerdiest friends: extreme attention to detail, not too big on social cues, etc. Nevertheless, I thought that we had a good time. Later, I requested that she be my friend on Facebook. She accepted, and I saw that she was _married_. I sent her a message asking about it (in case it was a joke or something) and she confirmed that the status was correct. I wondered what the deal was. Later on, I asked her why she had accepted my offer of a date. She explained that she had Aspberger’s Syndrome and had no idea I had asked her out. She thought we were just getting lunch and talking. In case you are thinking that I had asked her out in an ambiguous way, this is how I asked her out: > [@](#): > > Shelly, could I ask you something? She says yes. > [@](#): > > You’ve seemed interesting in class these past two quarters, so I was wondering if I could take you out for Thai food. Those were my exact words. She did not realize that I was asking her out. ---
**Author:** ![Jragon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e19b73/32.png) [@Jragon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jragon)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2010, 4:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/signs-of-female-interest/529148/54 "2010-02-17T04:28:10Z")
> [@The\_Bith\_Shuffle](#): > > I wondered what the deal was. Later on, I asked her why she had accepted my offer of a date. She explained that she had Aspberger’s Syndrome and had no idea I had asked her out. She thought we were just getting lunch and talking. In case you are thinking that I had asked her out in an ambiguous way, this is how I asked her out: > > She says yes. > > Those were my exact words. She did not realize that I was asking her out. The key word is Aspergers, I have one friend with it, but he is VERY literal. I’m a rather sarcastic person, and after he figured that out he was fine (with a few misunderstandings here and there), but at first I would be met with “😕 why would you do that?” and the like, even if I was in an obvious laughter-repressing smile. ETA: Sorry, I missed the “in case you are thinking” part and assumed you were still confused. Sorry. I’ll leave this here because I feel like it. ---
**Author:** ![Jragon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e19b73/32.png) [@Jragon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jragon)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2010, 4:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/signs-of-female-interest/529148/55 "2010-02-17T04:58:05Z")
Ah, from the bad concert experiences thread I just remembered one that still makes me bang my head against the wall. Protip, if a girl somehow manages to awkwardly finagle an explicit mention of not having a boyfriend into a conversation, she’s probably into you. The phrase in my case was “Oh, by the way, that guy that came here to visit me was my cousin, not my boyfriend. I don’t have a boyfriend _pause_.” To be fair, I have pretty severe social anxiety, and it was even worse back then. It wasn’t so much that I didn’t catch the signal so much as I first tried to rationalize it as not being a signal, then when that failed it prompted a severe nauseated feeling when my brain started telling me to act on it. It’s a pretty obvious one. ---
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2010, 5:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/signs-of-female-interest/529148/56 "2010-02-17T05:45:34Z")
> [@The\_Bith\_Shuffle](#): > > I wondered what the deal was. Later on, I asked her why she had accepted my offer of a date. She explained that she had Aspberger’s Syndrome and had no idea I had asked her out. She thought we were just getting lunch and talking. In case you are thinking that I had asked her out in an ambiguous way, this is how I asked her out: > > > [@](#): > > > > Shelly, could I ask you something? > > She says yes. > > > [@](#): > > > > You’ve seemed interesting in class these past two quarters, so I was wondering if I could take you out for Thai food. > > Those were my exact words. She did not realize that I was asking her out. Several years ago, I gave a woman flowers on Valentine’s Day and invited her to a play, and she did not realize that I was asking her out. ---
**Author:** ![Tom\_Tildrum](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e95f7d/32.png) [@Tom\_Tildrum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tom_Tildrum)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2010, 6:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/signs-of-female-interest/529148/57 "2010-02-17T06:33:39Z")
I think a lot of the hunt for standard clues is overly reductive and represents an understandable but futile attempt to identify logical rules in the ineffable. This is a case-by-case inquiry, and every person is going to come at flirting differently. > [@Alice\_The\_Goon](#): > > I just read that if someone stares at you for more than six seconds, it means that they either want to kill you or have sex with you. Let’s do both! > [@zoid](#): > > Well my wife shoved me up against a wall and stuck her tongue in my mouth - worked pretty good it did. Doesn’t count if it’s your wife. 😉 > [@jjimm](#): > > Normally, I would interpret this only one way, but in this circumstance she’s about 20 years younger than me, extremely fit, and involved with someone. > > I have been completely passive about the whole thing, for professional reasons as well as moral ones, though the other day, experimentally, I gently held the crook of her arm for an extended period, and she didn’t shy away from me. > > Is this is just that she’s really tactile? Or is what is happening, in fact, what I think is happening..? She has father issues. > [@Robot\_Arm](#): > > Several years ago, I gave a woman flowers on Valentine’s Day and invited her to a play, and she did not realize that I was asking her out. Something about the combination of username and post is just so [adorably sad](http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2548/4235533843_0bed94877f.jpg). ---
**Author:** ![septimus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/septimus/32/410_2.png) [@septimus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/septimus)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2010, 11:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/signs-of-female-interest/529148/58 "2010-02-17T11:49:33Z")
> [@The\_Bith\_Shuffle](#): > > I’ve heard that if a woman laughs at something you said that wasn’t really _that_ funny she’s probably into you. Twenty-three years ago a _very_ foxy young woman who worked on a project where I was consulting gave me this signal; I was so infatuated I could hardly sleep at nights; finally made an embarassing phone call in which she sternly told me to forget it, she had a boyfriend. I literally never returned to the job, not even picking up my last paycheck… ---
**Author:** ![PookahMacPhellimey](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pookahmacphellimey/32/3175_2.png) [@PookahMacPhellimey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PookahMacPhellimey)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2010, 12:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/signs-of-female-interest/529148/59 "2010-02-17T12:09:18Z")
When I was single my technique was to run away from and/or ignore anyone I was interested in as much as possible. Ha ha! You won’t get to reject ME. Worked great. :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![kombatminipig](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/b5ac83/32.png) [@kombatminipig](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kombatminipig)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2010, 12:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/signs-of-female-interest/529148/60 "2010-02-17T12:57:42Z")
> [@jjimm](#): > > Opinions requested. > > I have a situation at work where for about a month, the girl in question (who I am training), when I’m at her desk, wraps her arm around mine, puts her hand on mine while I’m using the mouse, wraps her fingers in mine for a second or so, and pushes her knee into mine. If she comes to _my_ desk she often runs her fingers in a circle on my arm while asking me stuff. The other day, when there was just the two of us in the office she inadvertantly (?) pushed her boobs up against my arm, and later wrapped both hands around my forearm, and then got a pen and wrote “I am jjimm ❤” on my it. She’s also invited me to go with her and a female coworker to see a movie (a chick flick) this week. > > Normally, I would interpret this only one way, but in this circumstance she’s about 20 years younger than me, extremely fit, and involved with someone. > > I have been completely passive about the whole thing, for professional reasons as well as moral ones, though the other day, experimentally, I gently held the crook of her arm for an extended period, and she didn’t shy away from me. > > Is this is just that she’s really tactile? Or is what is happening, in fact, what I think is happening..? > ETA: for the sake of honesty, I will admit that I’m enjoying the hell out of it, whatever it is. I’ve been in this situation, and the cock tease option stands out to me. She’s probably just starved for attention, and wants to flirt but nothing more. Enjoy it for what it is, and don’t let her get under your skin. My €0.02 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/signs-of-female-interest/529148.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/signs-of-female-interest/529148.md?page=4)