# Signs you can't take literally. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [June 21, 2000, 3:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/signs-you-cant-take-literally/23068 "2000-06-21T03:00:11Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![mangeorge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d78d45/32.png) [@mangeorge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mangeorge)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2000, 3:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/signs-you-cant-take-literally/23068/1 "2000-06-21T03:00:11Z")
A few examples; “No Admittamce” Means you can’t say “Ok, I did it”? “Keep Door Closed” Ok. How do I get in? “Reserved Parking Only” No outrageous people? “Thank You For Not Smoking” How can they know if you smoke? Isn’t this _FUN_? Peace, mangeorge ---
**Author:** ![SouthernStyle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b3f665/32.png) [@SouthernStyle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SouthernStyle)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2000, 12:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/signs-you-cant-take-literally/23068/2 "2000-06-21T12:29:19Z")
I always tried to take a reluctant date past a “Yield” sign. “Soft Shoulders”. Yeah, right. Like THEY would know. “Falling Rocks”. Can they go UP? “Dangerous Curves Ahead”. I’d rather they be beside me! “No left turn”. Oh yeah? Watch THIS. “No Reentry”. I’m not even going here… “Parking in rear”. Or here… SouthernStyle ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2000, 12:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/signs-you-cant-take-literally/23068/3 "2000-06-21T12:33:31Z")
**Wet Floor** Don’t do it! You’ll get in trouble! (trust me on this) ---
**Author:** ![Dragwyr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dragwyr/32/2855_2.png) [@Dragwyr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dragwyr)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2000, 12:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/signs-you-cant-take-literally/23068/4 "2000-06-21T12:54:49Z")
Those all remind me of the time we went to a Wendy’s and filled out a comment card with those types of answers. It went something like… Name: Roberta Pezlowskowicz (We just made something up) Date: No thanks, I’m married. Location: Sitting in my chair, facing the table. Service: Yes, please. We’ve been waiting all day. What did you order: A glass of water. Did you receive exactly what you ordered?: No, it came in a cup. ---
**Author:** ![GaWd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/f08c70/32.png) [@GaWd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GaWd)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2000, 12:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/signs-you-cant-take-literally/23068/5 "2000-06-21T12:57:16Z")
I once stole a street sign that said “No parking in **this** street”. I have to chuckle everytime I see it on my wall. -Sam ---
**Author:** ![Crunchy\_Frog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ebca7d/32.png) [@Crunchy\_Frog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crunchy_Frog)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2000, 1:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/signs-you-cant-take-literally/23068/6 "2000-06-21T13:10:19Z")
This sign always bums me out “Slow Children Playing” ---
**Author:** ![StGermain](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/stgermain/32/2868_2.png) [@StGermain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StGermain)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2000, 1:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/signs-you-cant-take-literally/23068/7 "2000-06-21T13:35:06Z")
I hate the **Blind Drive** signs. So does my insurance company. StG ---
**Author:** ![John\_Kentzel-Griffin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ccd318/32.png) [@John\_Kentzel-Griffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Kentzel-Griffin)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2000, 1:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/signs-you-cant-take-literally/23068/8 "2000-06-21T13:58:08Z")
I saw a sign that said “All candy $1.00” and they had a _lot_ of candy. So I thought what a deal! But that’s not what they meant. ---
**Author:** ![starfish](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/87869e/32.png) [@starfish](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/starfish)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2000, 2:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/signs-you-cant-take-literally/23068/9 "2000-06-21T14:25:44Z")
At the airport, I saw a sign that said: plane pull with an arrow pointing towards the terminals. Being in Texas, I though it might be like a tractor pulling contest. Does “pull” mean “plane” in another language? ---
**Author:** ![AWB](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/bb73d2/32.png) [@AWB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AWB)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2000, 2:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/signs-you-cant-take-literally/23068/10 "2000-06-21T14:26:37Z")
In Virginia, the on-ramps to interstates have signs that list what kind of vehicles are prohibited. One of them is “self-propelled machinery”. Funny, I thought that’s what a car _was_. ---
**Author:** ![jcarbon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/d78d45/32.png) [@jcarbon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jcarbon)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2000, 2:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/signs-you-cant-take-literally/23068/11 "2000-06-21T14:45:12Z")
I thought when you entered a street that had a sign that said “Blind Area”, you were supposed to drive with your eyes closed. Also, when driving once on the apron at an airport, I saw a sign that said “Yield to Aircraft”. Duh. ---
**Author:** ![Chef\_Troy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/85f322/32.png) [@Chef\_Troy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chef_Troy)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2000, 3:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/signs-you-cant-take-literally/23068/12 "2000-06-21T15:09:40Z")
The last time I drove from Dallas to Austin it took me four hours because I kept seeing signs on gas stations saying “Clean Restrooms.” I must have cleaned a dozen of the darn things. Then there was the time I spent ten minutes in the freezer aisle of the supermarket staring at a can of frozen OJ because it said, “Concentrate.” ---
**Author:** ![SouthernStyle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b3f665/32.png) [@SouthernStyle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SouthernStyle)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2000, 3:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/signs-you-cant-take-literally/23068/13 "2000-06-21T15:13:13Z")
Yeah. Like I’M going to demand right of way with a 40 ton turbo prop. “Stop Ahead” Any particular place? “Flagman ahead” Let me get this one straight. You put up a sign to tell me that you’re not giving me instructions, but you will further down the road? “Construction Zone” Ok. I’ll bite. What other reason can there be for 10,000 orange cones, 1,000 orange barrels, 100 large dirty vehicles with tires taller than my pickup, 10 men standing around leaning on shovels, and 1 asshole sitting in his air conditioned patrol car watching everyone slam on their brakes when they see his blue light? “Bridge may ice in winter” It’s June. Why do I care? SouthernStyle ---
**Author:** ![John\_Kentzel-Griffin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ccd318/32.png) [@John\_Kentzel-Griffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Kentzel-Griffin)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2000, 4:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/signs-you-cant-take-literally/23068/14 "2000-06-21T16:21:42Z")
Not a sign, but during rush hour when the subway stops, the announcer says, “Please use all available doors.” I never have enough time to use all the doors before they close. ---
**Author:** ![Biggirl](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/biggirl/32/3294_2.png) [@Biggirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Biggirl)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2000, 7:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/signs-you-cant-take-literally/23068/15 "2000-06-21T19:19:47Z")
Parking Validated. “Yessiree, that’s is some parking your doing.” ---
**Author:** ![cher3](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/da6949/32.png) [@cher3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cher3)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2000, 7:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/signs-you-cant-take-literally/23068/16 "2000-06-21T19:32:46Z")
End road work. Yeah! That’s what I say. ---
**Author:** ![Crusoe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/49beb7/32.png) [@Crusoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crusoe)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2000, 7:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/signs-you-cant-take-literally/23068/17 "2000-06-21T19:37:26Z")
_On the London Underground_: “Mind…the gap” Not a plain old “mind the gap” - the deliciously posh-spoken recording always has a slight pause in the middle, hinting at unexplored worlds of sexual tension. At least, that’s what I’m thinking at 8am in the morning. ---
**Author:** ![Falcon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/49beb7/32.png) [@Falcon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Falcon)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2000, 8:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/signs-you-cant-take-literally/23068/18 "2000-06-21T20:09:44Z")
Thank you, mattk…I’m now snickering at my desk, muttering “Mind…the gap” to myself. Hadn’t thought about that in a LONG time… ---
**Author:** ![SouthernStyle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b3f665/32.png) [@SouthernStyle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SouthernStyle)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2000, 8:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/signs-you-cant-take-literally/23068/19 "2000-06-21T20:32:36Z")
I hate to be a "me too"er, but I also recall the “mind… the gap”. I’d forgotten all about it. “Not an Exit” Huh? I’m in this room. There’s a door. Behind the door can only be … here! Curved space! “Please sign in” Uh huh. Look – I’m not deaf. And even if I were I doubt that my contorting my fingers is going to mean anything at all to you. If you’re even watching. Well watch THIS finger… And the scariest sign of them all … “MS ™ Windows” SouthernStyle ---
**Author:** ![Rock-n-Rolga](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/22d042/32.png) [@Rock-n-Rolga](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rock-n-Rolga)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2000, 8:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/signs-you-cant-take-literally/23068/20 "2000-06-21T20:35:16Z")
My old SO and I lived near one of those shady massage parlors (e.g. those that always have the signs directing customers to leave their cars behind the establishment) and he always wanted to call them up and ask in a half hesitant, half pervy voice, “So, uh, how much extra is it for the ahh…‘rear parking’ service?” [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/signs-you-cant-take-literally/23068.md?page=2)