# Signs you can't take literally. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [June 21, 2000, 3:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/signs-you-cant-take-literally/23068 "2000-06-21T03:00:11Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Brunetter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/839c29/32.png) [@Brunetter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Brunetter)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2000, 8:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/signs-you-cant-take-literally/23068/21 "2000-06-21T20:38:39Z")
I always want to go calm down the poor stressed out door… it’s such a shame all these doors are being forced into jobs that cause them such distress. ---
**Author:** ![Brunetter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/839c29/32.png) [@Brunetter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Brunetter)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2000, 8:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/signs-you-cant-take-literally/23068/22 "2000-06-21T20:40:01Z")
I always want to go calm down the poor stressed out door… it’s such a shame all these doors are being forced into jobs that cause them such distress. ---
**Author:** ![jcarbon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/d78d45/32.png) [@jcarbon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jcarbon)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2000, 9:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/signs-you-cant-take-literally/23068/23 "2000-06-21T21:17:25Z")
> [@](#): > > \*\* > “Stop Ahead” Any particular place? > > I always thought “Stop Ahead” was one of those anti-drug abuse slogans, like “Just Say No”. Learn something new every day. > > \*\* ---
**Author:** ![GaWd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/f08c70/32.png) [@GaWd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GaWd)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2000, 1:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/signs-you-cant-take-literally/23068/24 "2000-06-22T01:04:33Z")
I just looked at a plastic package…know what it said? “Recycled PET” Ha! Try to take that one literally. 😃 -Sam ---
**Author:** ![Zumba\_The\_Cat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/779978/32.png) [@Zumba\_The\_Cat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zumba_The_Cat)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2000, 1:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/signs-you-cant-take-literally/23068/25 "2000-06-22T01:11:40Z")
I frequently take a short cut that requires me to drive threw a marine corps base. The first sign you see once they wave you on the base is : “Warning! Artillery firing over public roads day and night.” I guess that there is no safe time to drive! At least they warn you. ---
**Author:** ![ChiefScott](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/58f4c7/32.png) [@ChiefScott](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ChiefScott)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2000, 1:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/signs-you-cant-take-literally/23068/26 "2000-06-22T01:19:18Z")
There’s a park near my Mom’s house. A city park, but you can go there to picnic. They have old stone Bar-B-Q pits where you can dump your charcoal and grill up your wienies. About ten years ago they all sprouted city signs stating: **No open flames in barbeque pits** No better way to celebrate our Independence with a ptomaine dog and an e-coli burger! I guess that’s more stupid than funny. ---
**Author:** ![foolsguinea](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/foolsguinea/32/14751_2.png) [@foolsguinea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/foolsguinea)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2000, 1:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/signs-you-cant-take-literally/23068/27 "2000-06-22T01:35:45Z")
There are apparently signs on the highway in at least one US state that say “No Passing Beyond This Point.” Americans accept this sort of thing as normal, but apparently some visiting Englishmen, accustomed to the less ambiguous “Do Not Overtake,” looked in bafflement at what _appeared_ to be road ahead and wondered if they were _really meant to_ stop right there. … And while this next one may not make sense, here goes: There’s an apartment building in my neighborhood with twin injunctions painted on the glass by the doors: “No Smoking No Soliciting” I find myself wondering what it must be like to step outside for a solicit. ---
**Author:** ![tracer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tracer/32/20578_2.png) [@tracer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tracer)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2000, 3:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/signs-you-cant-take-literally/23068/28 "2000-06-22T03:12:14Z")
A famous quip by Steven Wright: “I saw a sign in the supermarket that said ‘pet supplies.’ So I did. Then I went out into the parking lot and saw a sign that said ‘compact cars’…” ---
**Author:** ![Brunetter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/839c29/32.png) [@Brunetter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Brunetter)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2000, 3:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/signs-you-cant-take-literally/23068/29 "2000-06-22T03:17:32Z")
There are a few signs around my town here for the benefit of tourists, pointing out certain local parks, viewpoints, etc that they might want to check out. The sign says: “Stop of Interest Ahead” So, if you \* were \* feeling some bit of interest in our little town, don’t worry: it’ll all be over in just a minute (and it won’t hurt a bit). ---
**Author:** ![Nilvedman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/46a35a/32.png) [@Nilvedman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nilvedman)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2000, 3:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/signs-you-cant-take-literally/23068/30 "2000-06-22T03:21:14Z")
Here’s a couple: “Blind Driveway” - As if they could see normally? I always get excited when my local newspaper says something like “Pope to attend local function”… then I remember that our state representative is named Pope. Darn. Nilvedman ---
**Author:** ![jcarbon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/d78d45/32.png) [@jcarbon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jcarbon)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2000, 4:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/signs-you-cant-take-literally/23068/31 "2000-06-22T04:32:44Z")
“I went to a store that had a sign that read ‘open 24 hours’. The clerk was just closing and I said ‘the sign says open 24 hours’. The clerk said ‘Yeah, but not in a row’”. ---
**Author:** ![Gunslinger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/4491bb/32.png) [@Gunslinger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gunslinger)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2000, 4:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/signs-you-cant-take-literally/23068/32 "2000-06-22T04:56:47Z")
Good one **jcarbon** …why do the “open 24/7” places even have locks on the doors? ---
**Author:** ![LouisB](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/dfb087/32.png) [@LouisB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LouisB)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2000, 5:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/signs-you-cant-take-literally/23068/33 "2000-06-22T05:12:04Z")
On Highway 41 between Miami and Naples, a tourist trap kind of place has a sign that says: “Free kids under eight” but they won’t give me one. ---
**Author:** ![tracer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tracer/32/20578_2.png) [@tracer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tracer)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2000, 6:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/signs-you-cant-take-literally/23068/34 "2000-06-22T06:52:15Z")
You’ve got it all wrong, **LouisB**! The sign that says “Free kids under eight” is a political sign, protesting all those kids 7 and under locked up in Juvenille Hall. ---
**Author:** ![capacitor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e47774/32.png) [@capacitor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/capacitor)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2000, 7:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/signs-you-cant-take-literally/23068/35 "2000-06-22T07:04:59Z")
There is some boss who writing business memos to himself on the street. He keep reminding himself to “Fire Lane”. ---
**Author:** ![Baglady](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/cab0a1/32.png) [@Baglady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baglady)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2000, 7:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/signs-you-cant-take-literally/23068/36 "2000-06-22T07:10:11Z")
> [@](#): > > At the airport, I saw a sign that said: > > plane > pull > > with an arrow pointing towards the terminals. Being in Texas, I though it might be like a tractor pulling contest. > > Does “pull” mean “plane” in another language? Well pshaw, starfish! If the sign was in Texan, you were supposed to have read it as: PLAYING POOL It was obviously a sign that there was a pool hall nearby. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2000, 12:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/signs-you-cant-take-literally/23068/37 "2000-06-22T12:39:40Z")
Sign in a local park: ``` DOGS ``` NO EATING BICYCLES Hard on canine digestive systems, I guess. ---
**Author:** ![Crunchy\_Frog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ebca7d/32.png) [@Crunchy\_Frog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crunchy_Frog)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2000, 12:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/signs-you-cant-take-literally/23068/38 "2000-06-22T12:47:36Z")
My favorite was a sign outside of a convenience store in Vegas: WE FAX HOT DOGS Wow, the advances in technology today! ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2000, 12:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/signs-you-cant-take-literally/23068/39 "2000-06-22T12:54:14Z")
Hot Diggity Dog on Sepulveda and Palms has a sign at the drive-through window that says DRIVE THRU WINDOW with an arrow pointing to it. I was going to teach them about hyphens, but I didn’t think the Jeep would fit. ---
**Author:** ![vandal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/858c86/32.png) [@vandal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vandal)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2000, 1:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/signs-you-cant-take-literally/23068/40 "2000-06-22T13:01:21Z")
I like the signs that say “Dips” indicating to you that there are dips in the road. But the signs always end up in front of someone’s house indicating to you that “Dips” live there. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/signs-you-cant-take-literally/23068.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/signs-you-cant-take-literally/23068.md?page=3)