# Signs you'd like to post in your office **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [October 13, 2004, 1:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/signs-youd-like-to-post-in-your-office/268916 "2004-10-13T01:01:26Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![BubbaDog](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bubbadog/32/333_2.png) [@BubbaDog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BubbaDog)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2004, 2:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/signs-youd-like-to-post-in-your-office/268916/21 "2004-10-13T14:07:26Z")
Hey **Lightngtool** I should probably let **chique** defend himself, but I don’t think that rant was directed at you. Looks like **chique** is working in a system that, by design flaw, penalizes employess who come to work early and would rather get to work than wait around for the clock. I enjoyed both rants by the way. Here’s mine - [voice message] You have just called a conference room. The fact that you once contacted “Jack” and the six people meeting with him at this number _could_ be a clue that this _is_ a conference room. If you continue to call this number every two minutes do not be surprised when the person who finally answers it is in a bad mood because they had to stop their work, walk into the confernce room, and explain the situation to you. Pray that they don’t discover your identity because, after an hour of your shit, they are ready to shove a large phone book up your ass![/voice message] ---
**Author:** ![Polycarp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/82dd89/32.png) [@Polycarp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Polycarp)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2004, 2:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/signs-youd-like-to-post-in-your-office/268916/22 "2004-10-13T14:10:30Z")
> [@GrizzRich](#): > > I am the _Corporate Travel Manager_ for this company. > > As such, I have neither the time, inclination or wherewithall to plan your vacation. > Please visit your professional vacation agent for such services. At the company I worked for, there was a small group – four people, IIRC, whose _primary_ role was in providing corporate travel. But the group had two “moonlight” roles which made the company money as well: [ul][li]If any employee wanted a vacation put together, they would do it – at a standard charge, which they would attempt to get from the marketing operations of the cruise lines, resorts, etc., they worked with, but which the employee was responsible for any uncovered part of.[/li][li]They would provide travel plans, including if desired vacation packages, for the company’s clients, which included a number of smaller businesses that would otherwise have had to go to commercial services.[/li][li]They did not offer this service to **Opal**.;)[/ul][/li] The result was beneficial to the company’s bottom line and provided a useful “perk” to employees and clients at no net cost to the company. ---
**Author:** ![LonesomePolecat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/a88e57/32.png) [@LonesomePolecat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LonesomePolecat)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2004, 2:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/signs-youd-like-to-post-in-your-office/268916/23 "2004-10-13T14:54:33Z")
1.) I AM NOT INTERESTED IN YOUR POLITICS, RELIGION OR LOVE LIFE. Please keep it to yourself. 2.) DO NOT STAND IN FRONT OF THE DOORWAY TO MY OFFICE TALKING TO YOUR BUDS. Failing that, don’t give me dirty looks when I try to get in and out of my office TRYING TO GET SOME WORK DONE while you’re shooting the breeze with your buds. 3.) THE SECRETARY DOES NOT HAVE THE MAGICAL ABILITY TO PULL OFFICE SUPPLIES OUT OF HIS ASS. When I tell you there are no more pens, pads, correction fluid or whatever, I am not lying to you. It really isn’t there. Look, you can see for yourself that part of the shelf is empty. You’ll have to wait until someone can make a trip to the office supply store or the warehouse. Accusing me of favoritism is not going to get you supplies any faster. 4.) DO NOT JERK ME AROUND ON MY SALARY AND THEN ACCUSE OF NOT HAVING TEAM SPIRIT WHEN “CHARITABLE CONTRIBUTIONS” TIME ROLLS AROUND AND I CHOOSE NOT CONTRIBUTE. I realize the workplace is basically a dog-eat-dog environment, but I still insist you show some concern for my dignity. 5.) YOU MAKE THREE TIMES AS MUCH AS I DO AND YOU CAN’T FIGURE OUT HOW TO USE THE COPIER??!? ---
**Author:** ![stretch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a6a055/32.png) [@stretch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stretch)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2004, 3:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/signs-youd-like-to-post-in-your-office/268916/24 "2004-10-13T15:08:52Z")
I don’t believe in passive-aggressive behavior; thus I don’t think about leaving signs, I actually do leave signs/notes for people to read, comtemplate, and, most likely hate me for. And they know who to hate, because I always sign my notes–none of this anonymous chastising for me–I want people to know they’ve pissed \*\*me \*\* off. Unfortuanately, I can’t use colorful language for my signs, but people know me well enough to add their own “fucks”. The signs I hate to see: > [@](#): > > Quiet Please, Working Here If you’re cubicle is directly outside the main stairway, the breakroom, the main conference rooms, or any other generally noisy area where people tend to congregate, there will be people talking. That’s just the way it is. You are guilty of this behaviour also. So, either learn to FOCUS on your job and deal with the noise, or ask to be moved. If you can’t be moved (bullshit) then I guess the sign is okay, but don’t continue to be surprised that people ignore it. Related to this, I’d like to leave a sign that says: > [@](#): > > Quit Sneaking Up On Me, You Bastards!!! You know that I can get quite involved in my work; you know I’m a mom and can ignore almost anything going on around me; you know the boss is loud as hell and I’ve learned to tune him out. So quit sneaking up on me and standing there, staring over my shoulder for Og knows how long. Make some kind of noise so I know you’re coming or one day you’re going to give me a heart attack. And then who will unjam the copier/fix the printer/generally babysit your whiny ass? ---
**Author:** ![UncaStuart](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/uncastuart/32/404_2.png) [@UncaStuart](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UncaStuart)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2004, 3:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/signs-youd-like-to-post-in-your-office/268916/25 "2004-10-13T15:10:45Z")
> [@Incubus](#): > > Another sign I think many of us need: > > NOT IN SERVICE > > You know the signs the busses have when they are not running? I need one of those. It seems like whenever I drop in at work to drop off my schedule, or something else brief that doesn’t involve me working a shift, someone _assumes_ I am working and starts bugging me about this or that. Similarly, when I am off and I am walking out the door, I frequently get accosted by people who think I’m still working :smack: Perhaps a T-shirt rather than a sign would work better. ---
**Author:** ![Bruce\_Daddy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/85f322/32.png) [@Bruce\_Daddy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bruce_Daddy)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2004, 3:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/signs-youd-like-to-post-in-your-office/268916/26 "2004-10-13T15:15:31Z")
I print and tape up the Onion “Info-graphics” around the office, like what to do in a tornado. Nobody ever notices. ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2004, 3:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/signs-youd-like-to-post-in-your-office/268916/27 "2004-10-13T15:41:14Z")
Please don’t nuke your stinky-ass tuna casserole so the rest of us have to smell it for half the afternoon. ---
**Author:** ![Ace309](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ace309/32/1050_2.png) [@Ace309](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ace309)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2004, 3:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/signs-youd-like-to-post-in-your-office/268916/28 "2004-10-13T15:44:32Z")
I work out of my studio apartment, in a building where a lot of the other students have studios as well, so permit me this weird one that certainly doesn’t apply to everyone. TRY THE DOOR. It’s been established that if the door is unlocked, you can c’mon in. Yes, even if I don’t have the door open and the deadbolt locked to prop it. I’m quite sociable, and I promise that if I’m studying, sleeping or masturbating, I won’t leave the door open. Unless you’re into that sort of thing. ---
**Author:** ![Trunk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/87869e/32.png) [@Trunk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trunk)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2004, 3:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/signs-youd-like-to-post-in-your-office/268916/29 "2004-10-13T15:54:12Z")
When I come into your office and put my stocking-feet up on your desk, would it hurt ya to rub 'em a little? ---
**Author:** ![JohnBckWLD](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/d6d6ee/32.png) [@JohnBckWLD](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnBckWLD)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2004, 4:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/signs-youd-like-to-post-in-your-office/268916/30 "2004-10-13T16:12:18Z")
> [@lightingtool](#): > > A sign for the Fridge: > **STOP STEALING MY FUCKING SODA** you gangrenous poopy-head. **Why bother putting your leftovers you didn’t finish in the fridge? You know damn well you’re never gonna eat them. Throw them out! (Cuz I’m sick of seeing what looks like a science project every time I open the fridge to get a Tab** [Real sign I have hanging in both restrooms here at the office](http://public.fotki.com/JohnBuckLINY/work_stuff/bathroom_etiquette.html): (We have a lot of slobs here) ---
**Author:** ![5que](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/5/3bc359/32.png) [@5que](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/5que)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2004, 4:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/signs-youd-like-to-post-in-your-office/268916/31 "2004-10-13T16:15:21Z")
Hell, I need signs to explain signs: **See the sign on the microwave that says “No Popcorn?” There is no footnote that says “except you.” Particularly since you’re probably one of the _two_ people who have already burned the popcorn bag, thrown it in the trash, and started a fire.** and **See the sign that says please don’t toast garlic and onion bagels because the smell fills up the work area? THAT ONE ALSO DOESN’T SAY “EXCEPT YOU.” Use the toasters down in the cafeteria, dipshit.** ---
**Author:** ![MissTake](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/misstake/32/3189_2.png) [@MissTake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MissTake)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2004, 4:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/signs-youd-like-to-post-in-your-office/268916/32 "2004-10-13T16:24:53Z")
> [@](#): > > If you see a rectangular black piece of plastic up to my ear, with a cord attaching it to a square black plastic box with pretty numbers and blinky lights on it, and my lips are moving as I speak into the rectangular black piece of plastic, SHUT THE FUCK UP! > [@](#): > > Do I **LOOK** like a map? No, I don’t know where Joe sits or what county Mahnomen is in. > [@](#): > > At the other end of this floor is the break room. Go use it. In response to the sign over the printer: > [@](#): > > When we DO call you to replace the toner, printer goddess, please do so within the next, oh, century!! And for the phone (based entirely on four of the eight voicemails this morning): > [@](#): > > No, you are **not** allowed to bitch at me for not returning your call when all you have left is “Yo, this is Duwayne at 612-3(garblegarblegarble)”. I’m providing phone coverage for over 600 cases today, and I will NOT look through them all for your lousy ass, you got it? I feel better now. ---
**Author:** ![Casey1505](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/dc4da7/32.png) [@Casey1505](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Casey1505)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2004, 4:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/signs-youd-like-to-post-in-your-office/268916/33 "2004-10-13T16:25:49Z")
**QUIT YER BITCHIN’! YOU’RE AN ADULT, ACT LIKE ONE.** **HR DOES NOT NEED TO BE INVOLVED IN EVERY SINGLE DECISION THAT DOESN’T GO YOUR WAY.** **ON TIME MEANS NEVER HAVING TO USE THE 7 MINUTE GRACE** captioning a picture of Ryan O’Neil and Barbara Streisand about to kiss on an airplane. ---
**Author:** ![Venoma](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/c4cdca/32.png) [@Venoma](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Venoma)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2004, 4:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/signs-youd-like-to-post-in-your-office/268916/34 "2004-10-13T16:28:01Z")
> [@stretch](#): > > If you’re cubicle is directly outside the main stairway, the breakroom, the main conference rooms, or any other generally noisy area where people tend to congregate, there will be people talking. That’s just the way it is. You are guilty of this behaviour also. So, either learn to FOCUS on your job and deal with the noise, or ask to be moved. If you can’t be moved (bullshit) then I guess the sign is okay, but don’t continue to be surprised that people ignore it. Where I work, there are days when every single cubicle is full. Therefore, if you persist in talking obnoxiously loud while I am trying to serve our customers, do not be surprised when I get in your face and tell you to cut the damned conversation because -I- am taking calls. ---
**Author:** ![Anne\_Neville](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Anne\_Neville](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anne_Neville)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2004, 4:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/signs-youd-like-to-post-in-your-office/268916/35 "2004-10-13T16:38:48Z")
If you change the settings on the copier, printer, or other office machinery that everyone uses,CHANGE THEM BACK WHEN YOU ARE FINISHED. Other people assume that the settings will be at their normal defaults when they use these machines, and are unpleasantly surprised to find they aren’t. You have at least a bachelor’s degree in astronomy or physics, PLUS you figured out how to change the settings the first time, so you should be able to figure out how to change them back. I thought people learned to “put it back the way you found it” in kindergarten… ---
**Author:** ![Katriona](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/katriona/32/113_2.png) [@Katriona](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Katriona)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2004, 4:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/signs-youd-like-to-post-in-your-office/268916/36 "2004-10-13T16:50:52Z")
Poor Planning On Your Part Does Not Constitute An Emergency On My Part. I’d like to make that into a tapestry that covers the whole back wall of my cube. ---
**Author:** ![Rodd\_Hill](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/3ab097/32.png) [@Rodd\_Hill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rodd_Hill)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2004, 4:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/signs-youd-like-to-post-in-your-office/268916/37 "2004-10-13T16:51:22Z")
**For God’s sake stop stroking your beard and giggling. All. The. Time.** **And you: get your hand out of the back of your pants. What are you doing, Digging for Victory back there?** **And finally, stop leaving any rusty bit of old metal or piles of broken glass that turn up anywhere in the 45 acres we control in my office. This goes double for finding stuff on adjacent properties and leaving it in my office. Triple for things that you have to use the _tractor_ to move.** ---
**Author:** ![stretch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a6a055/32.png) [@stretch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stretch)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2004, 6:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/signs-youd-like-to-post-in-your-office/268916/38 "2004-10-13T18:12:20Z")
hijack > [@Venoma](#): > > Where I work, there are days when every single cubicle is full. Therefore, if you persist in talking obnoxiously loud while I am trying to serve our customers, do not be surprised when I get in your face and tell you to cut the damned conversation because -I- am taking calls. Yes, indeed. Sometimes folks need quiet to do their jobs and there’s no place to move. Not the case where I work–we are understaffed, there are empty cubes in the sections where these particular offenders work and they have sat in the same cubes for nine years. Nine years of bitching that people talk right outside their cubes when these are natural congregating places and they could move if they so desired. One individual has a three-cubicle _domain_ and she still chooses to place her “desk” where she will get the most noise. ARG! When folks get loud near a quieter cubical neighborhood, so to speak, they are taken to task–and rightly so. But expecting people not to talk next to the coffee area or at the top of the stairs (when you may be continuing a conversation or whatnot), is really asking too much given the office environment I work in. hoping this post is sufficiently caveated /hijack ---
**Author:** ![Balle\_M](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/13edae/32.png) [@Balle\_M](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Balle_M)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2004, 6:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/signs-youd-like-to-post-in-your-office/268916/39 "2004-10-13T18:29:35Z")
A quick note on cologne/perfume application: Just a faint whiff of the fragrance is all you need. You do NOT have to approximate the concentration of a mustard gas bombardment on the Somme. Thank you. ---
**Author:** ![Podkayne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/edb3f5/32.png) [@Podkayne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Podkayne)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2004, 7:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/signs-youd-like-to-post-in-your-office/268916/40 "2004-10-13T19:00:06Z")
I’ve always thought it would be interesting to do a sociological study, or possibly a coffeetable book, on signs posted in the workplace. I find them fascinating. If only I could figure out how to get somebody to pay me to do this. I have been podering chalking a message on the blackboard in the classroom down the hall from my office just before the 2 o’clock creative writing class meets there. > [@](#): > > If you must do dramatic readings of your work, and you must execute lines expressing rage, anguish, or joy by screeching at the top of your lungs, would you please close the door. We realize that you are only English majors, so if you are not clear on why this is a good idea, we invite you to take Ph182: Physics of Sound, which will be offered next sememster. Love, the Physics Department. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/signs-youd-like-to-post-in-your-office/268916.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/signs-youd-like-to-post-in-your-office/268916.md?page=3)