# Silent men, do you like talkative women? Why? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 14, 2019, 9:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/silent-men-do-you-like-talkative-women-why/838647 "2019-08-14T09:51:50Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 10\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Kimstu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ecd19e/32.png) [@Kimstu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kimstu)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2019, 8:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/silent-men-do-you-like-talkative-women-why/838647/41 "2019-08-16T20:42:28Z")
> [@Jackmannii](#): > > Sometimes it helps to have a sense of humor, too. Sorry, didn’t mean to make you feel threatened. ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2019, 9:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/silent-men-do-you-like-talkative-women-why/838647/42 "2019-08-16T21:04:17Z")
Do go on. Regards, Shodan ---
**Author:** ![Rilchiam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/2bfe46/32.png) [@Rilchiam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rilchiam)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2019, 11:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/silent-men-do-you-like-talkative-women-why/838647/43 "2019-08-16T23:15:01Z")
The OP should follow a checklist: 1. Does the person know you’re speaking to him? 2. Is the person indicating that they have time to listen? 3. Is what you are about to say interesting to the person, or do they need to know it? 4. Does the person need to be told now? Can it be saved for a better time? Also, make sure none of it is weird subjects or nonsense trivia. ---
**Author:** ![Two\_Many\_Cats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/8dc957/32.png) [@Two\_Many\_Cats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Two_Many_Cats)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2019, 12:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/silent-men-do-you-like-talkative-women-why/838647/44 "2019-08-17T00:15:07Z")
> [@Rilchiam](#): > > The OP should follow a checklist: > > 1. Does the person know you’re speaking to him? > 2. Is the person indicating that they have time to listen? > 3. Is what you are about to say interesting to the person, or do they need to know it? > 4. Does the person need to be told now? Can it be saved for a better time? > > Also, make sure none of it is weird subjects or nonsense trivia. Ooooh, burn. ---
**Author:** ![Maastricht](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a88e57/32.png) [@Maastricht](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maastricht)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2019, 5:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/silent-men-do-you-like-talkative-women-why/838647/45 "2019-08-17T17:12:44Z")
Thanks everyone for posting about the various considerations about this issue. So the final answer is, as usual: “it very much depends”. I realized that some talkative people also weave a lot of questions, (or other means of engaging noises) in their conversation, and others just talk. I’m the type with questions. I suppose again, som people like that, others don’t. I also have worked as a tourist / nature guide, and part of my chattiness is me sliding in guide mode. > [@Rilchiam](#): > > The OP should follow a checklist: > > 1. Does the person know you’re speaking to him? > 2. Is the person indicating that they have time to listen? > 3. Is what you are about to say interesting to the person, or do they need to know it? > 4. Does the person need to be told now? Can it be saved for a better time? Excellent list, isn’t it? Why would you think I taught my son to consider such points before speaking, if it wasn’t because I feel following those rules are important, for my chatterbox self, as well as for my chatterbox son? Oh, and my son very much out-chats me. With him, _I’m_ the silent listener. > [@Rilchiam](#): > > …Also, make sure none of it is weird subjects or nonsense trivia. That, I never said. The four rules already imply that subjects should be of at least potential interest to the listener. And personally, I’m rather fond of weird subjects, and welcome them from my son. I’m just not fond of listening to subjects that are boring to me and probably to most listeners. Like the retelling of YouTube cartoons. "And then he ran after Venom, and they got in a fight and then BAFF - POWW, and he kinda fell of the building fighting, like sooo :: makes movement with hand:: ". **Robot Arm,** “loquacity” IS the most yummy word I came across this week ! ---
**Author:** ![glowacks](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/glowacks/32/5548_2.png) [@glowacks](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/glowacks)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2019, 6:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/silent-men-do-you-like-talkative-women-why/838647/46 "2019-08-24T06:49:40Z")
No. It should be obvious why. ---
**Author:** ![Kimstu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ecd19e/32.png) [@Kimstu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kimstu)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2019, 7:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/silent-men-do-you-like-talkative-women-why/838647/47 "2019-08-24T07:14:42Z")
> [@glowacks](#): > > No. It should be obvious why. Um, because when it takes you ten days to answer a question, keeping up a conversation with a talkative person becomes flat-out impossible? 'Sall I got, sorry. ---
**Author:** ![carrps](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carrps/32/2957_2.png) [@carrps](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carrps)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2019, 4:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/silent-men-do-you-like-talkative-women-why/838647/48 "2019-08-24T16:49:02Z")
> [@Gatopescado](#): > > There is a reason I go into the desert in a hot, dirty Jeep with 4 smelly dogs for a couple hours every day. > > What was the question? Four doxies in a jeep??? I’m not chatty, but I’ve had more issues with men dominating the conversation and interrupting or even talking over me. That will make me walk away. Reminds me of Trump when he does that “Excuse me! Excuse me!” thing and won’t let someone even finish their sentence – sometimes in the middle of a question. ---
**Author:** ![HoneyBadgerDC](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/honeybadgerdc/32/1033_2.png) [@HoneyBadgerDC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HoneyBadgerDC)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2019, 5:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/silent-men-do-you-like-talkative-women-why/838647/49 "2019-08-24T17:42:14Z")
I have a whole list of things that can bore me to death. Reminiscing, bragging, gossiping, too much focus on ones self or ones hobbies that I know nothing about. However in moderation all of those same things can often lead into engaging conversations. My last girlfriend who passed away a little over a year ago was with me for 24 years. She was an alcoholic but a great conversationalist, we would very often talk into the wee hours of the morning and never ran out of things to talk about as long as she was somewhat sober. Music, movies, animals, nature and philosophical thoughts seemed to dominate our conversations. ---
**Author:** ![SciFiSam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/47e85d/32.png) [@SciFiSam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SciFiSam)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2019, 10:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/silent-men-do-you-like-talkative-women-why/838647/50 "2019-08-24T22:02:43Z")
> [@Joey\_Tightlips](#): > > Finally, an OP that I’m uniquely suited to answer (see my username). My guess is that they _ **are** _ being honest. People can be quiet because they are just not talkative, or because they are shy. In my case it’s both. So in situations where I do find myself around people, I greatly prefer to be around talkative ones. If they are interesting-talkative, that’s great, but even it they are inane-talkative, that’s still eons better than the awkward silence that would result of me having to be the one leading the conversation. > > You really have to put yourself in the shoes of a shy person. We dread social situations and often I’ll spend \*\*\*hours \*\*\*trying to think up things to talk about when I know I’ll be meeting someone new. Like a stand-up comic, I’ll have a whole set of material, but in reality I usually find myself using it all up in less than 5 minutes. Being around someone I know is going to carry the conversation is great because it takes all that pressure off. That’s a lovely post. I’m not the kind of person who _always_ needs to talk, even in social situations, but I talk very easily, too. And one of my old friends (who was more of a friend of my GF, which is why we’ve lost touch) was so quiet I’d say he’d count as selectively mute. Almost everyone he knew was a talkative extrovert. I must admit that it did sometimes feel like I was doing all the work, but then he clearly paid attention and bought me a really well-chosen birthday present and his face showed that he was pleased with how pleased I was about it. When he did say something, it was generally worth hearing. Good to know that, if he was similar to you, he chose his friends for fairly nice reasons 🙂 > [@Maastricht](#): > > Thanks everyone for posting about the various considerations about this issue. So the final answer is, as usual: “it very much depends”. > > I realized that some talkative people also weave a lot of questions, (or other means of engaging noises) in their conversation, and others just talk. I’m the type with questions. I suppose again, som people like that, others don’t. > > I also have worked as a tourist / nature guide, and part of my chattiness is me sliding in guide mode. > Excellent list, isn’t it? Why would you think I taught my son to consider such points before speaking, if it wasn’t because I feel following those rules are important, for my chatterbox self, as well as for my chatterbox son? > Oh, and my son very much out-chats me. With him, _I’m_ the silent listener. > > That, I never said. The four rules already imply that subjects should be of at least potential interest to the listener. And personally, I’m rather fond of weird subjects, and welcome them from my son. > I’m just not fond of listening to subjects that are boring to me and probably to most listeners. Like the retelling of YouTube cartoons. "And then he ran after Venom, and they got in a fight and then BAFF - POWW, and he kinda fell of the building fighting, like sooo :: makes movement with hand:: ". > **Robot Arm,** “loquacity” IS the most yummy word I came across this week ! Yup. I’ve also worked as a tour guide and an English teacher. It makes you pretty good at thinking of conversational topics, and good at talking about various things. I can talk for ages about places like the Tower of London. But it also gives you good cues for conversation. You can tell if they’re not interested. Interested people lean slightly towards you, or at least continue looking towards you, even if they’re not saying anything. If you pause, they look back at you again rather than moving off to someone else. (They might not meet your eyes, if they’re really shy, but they’ll look in your direction). Kids are different, especially with their parents. They don’t have the same boundaries and with their parents, it’s sometimes basically them just thinking out loud. One of my friends eventually out a ten minute limit on how long he could talk about Ninjago. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/silent-men-do-you-like-talkative-women-why/838647.md?page=2)