# Simile: "Useless as..."

**URL:** <https://boards.straightdope.com/t/simile-useless-as/548144>\
**Category:** In My Humble Opinion\
**Created:** [July 27, 2010, 2:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/simile-useless-as/548144 "2010-07-27T02:59:47Z")\
**Posts on this page:** 8\
**Page:** 4

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**Author:** ![Beware\_of\_Doug](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/278dde/32.png) [@Beware\_of\_Doug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beware_of_Doug)\
**Post date:** [August 2, 2010, 12:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/simile-useless-as/548144/61 "2010-08-02T00:42:10Z")

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…a trombone in a gunfight.

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**Author:** ![Enright3](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/enright3/32/2897_2.png) [@Enright3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enright3)\
**Post date:** [August 2, 2010, 12:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/simile-useless-as/548144/62 "2010-08-02T12:53:58Z")

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Unless I missed it, I’m surprised no one has said Useless as tits on a nun, or balls on a priest.

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**Author:** ![Enright3](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/enright3/32/2897_2.png) [@Enright3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enright3)\
**Post date:** [August 2, 2010, 12:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/simile-useless-as/548144/63 "2010-08-02T12:55:00Z")

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…as a one armed paper-hanger.

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**Author:** ![VunderBob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/839c29/32.png) [@VunderBob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VunderBob)\
**Post date:** [August 2, 2010, 1:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/simile-useless-as/548144/64 "2010-08-02T13:07:21Z")

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> [@Enright3](#):
>
> Unless I missed it, I’m surprised no one has said Useless as tits on a nun, or balls on a priest.

You missed it.

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**Author:** ![aceplace57](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aceplace57/32/3500_2.png) [@aceplace57](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aceplace57)\
**Post date:** [August 2, 2010, 1:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/simile-useless-as/548144/65 "2010-08-02T13:08:15Z")

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Another vote for

tits on a boar hog  
minor nitpick, it really should be teats on a boar hog

but everyone says tits.

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**Author:** ![Perciful](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/b38774/32.png) [@Perciful](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Perciful)\
**Post date:** [August 2, 2010, 9:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/simile-useless-as/548144/66 "2010-08-02T21:12:08Z")

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YOU’RE AS USELESS AS…

Sandals on an amputee

A resume on a hobo

Whitney Houston’s sponsor

Anna Nicole Smith at a spelling bee

Clay Aiken in a whorehouse

Lindsay Lohan’s dinner

An ashtray on a crotch rocket

A snooze button on a smoke alarm

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**Author:** ![Mattwell](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ad7895/32.png) [@Mattwell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mattwell)\
**Post date:** [January 28, 2022, 1:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/simile-useless-as/548144/67 "2022-01-28T13:36:13Z")

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As useless as…

Anne Frank’s drum kit  
A football bat  
A pedal powered wheelchair

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**Author:** ![Mattwell](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ad7895/32.png) [@Mattwell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mattwell)\
**Post date:** [January 28, 2022, 1:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/simile-useless-as/548144/68 "2022-01-28T13:44:28Z")

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If someone with a broke dick hears you say that their feelings being hurt are probably the least of their concerns.

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