# Simple Pitting of my Dear Husband **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [January 12, 2012, 1:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/simple-pitting-of-my-dear-husband/609242 "2012-01-12T01:15:54Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 16\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Savannah](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b3f665/32.png) [@Savannah](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Savannah)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2012, 5:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/simple-pitting-of-my-dear-husband/609242/41 "2012-01-14T05:43:27Z")
My husband’s also a talker. And he thinks aloud. And comments on what he’s reading, watching, seeing, doing… Last night, I sat here, thinking _shut up shut up shut up shut up_. But I didn’t say it. (He was really happy about something and excited by it, and I didn’t want to throw a bucket of cold water on him. Metaphorically.) Sometimes, quiet is nice. Tomorrow will be quiet–home alone day for me. Then, with some time to myself, I can listen again. ---
**Author:** ![TheFaerie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c57346/32.png) [@TheFaerie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TheFaerie)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2012, 2:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/simple-pitting-of-my-dear-husband/609242/42 "2012-01-14T14:31:45Z")
Sorry folks - life got in the way of ranting… Thanks for commenting, though. I was feeling very grumpy Wednesday evening and he was in his “I’m never wrong about anything,” mode. > [@VinylTurnip](#): > > Been married long? Sounds like you may not be. Nope, we have been together for nearly 11 years. > [@scratch\_llll](#): > > Well that’s what you get for marrying a woman. > > You do understand you have the stereotype backwards right? LOL! I do, actually. I’m the quiet one in the family. > [@digs](#): > > Time for a talk. > > He needs to have someone be honest with him. I’m lucky to have a brutally honest wife AND a teenage daughter: > “Hey, Dad?” > I pause fascinating story to ask what … > “Just thought you’d want to know that no one cares.” > I take a quick poll, and the assembled multitudes concur. > I reluctantly abort story that would’ve improved everyone’s lives if only they’d listened. > > But come to think of it, I MAY have told them the exact same story a year ago… In his defense, sometime he does realize that I’m not really listening to him and laughs and admits he knows that I don’t care. > [@VinylTurnip](#): > > That was my question, more or less. While my own marriage has proven surprisingly successful (so far), I recall from a few prior failed relationships that the “can’t bear the sound of the other person’s voice” stage was never a good sign. I love the sound of his voice, and so does he. > [@teela\_brown](#): > > For a woman in a monogamous marriage, I sure seem to have a lot of sister wives. > > Yeh, my husband’s a motor mouth, too. About half the time he’s talking about something interesting, like office gossip or noteworthy things he saw at lunch or the latest stupid things the neighbors are up to. The other half of the time it’s long-winded stream-of-consciousness babble, stories I’ve heard dozens of times before, or technical descriptions of computer work he does at his job. > > Alcohol exacerbates this. Am I right, sister-wives? Amen sister-wife. > [@Savannah](#): > > My husband’s also a talker. And he thinks aloud. And comments on what he’s reading, watching, seeing, doing… Last night, I sat here, thinking _shut up shut up shut up shut up_. But I didn’t say it. (He was really happy about something and excited by it, and I didn’t want to throw a bucket of cold water on him. Metaphorically.) > > Sometimes, quiet is nice. Tomorrow will be quiet–home alone day for me. Then, with some time to myself, I can listen again. I have a friend like that, but I see him so seldom that I just let him ramble on. I know it drives his wife insane, though, but they’ve been married for nearly 40 years, so there is some 'familiarity breeds contempt" mixed in there. And today is my quiet time day. So far it’s very nice. ---
**Author:** ![Teacake](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Teacake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Teacake)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2012, 9:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/simple-pitting-of-my-dear-husband/609242/43 "2012-01-15T21:59:33Z")
Actually the most annoying thing is the sympathetic interruption. I’ll be responding to “how was your day” with (bizarrely) a couple of stories about my day. Usually fine, we chat, it’s nice. But if something bad/annoying has happened, the worse it is and the more I want to get it off my chest, the more my partner will jump in with sympathetic outrage, advice, ranting on my behalf, etc. Sweetie, it’s nice that you feel my pain. But could you JUST OCCASIONALLY let me finish _telling_ you about my pain before you start talking? Half the time I give up mid-sentence and just let the sympathetic interruption rumble on to its conclusion. My story never gets finished, and the brilliant way I solved the situation goes uncelebrated (or my continuing grievance goes unrecognised). And then when/if it comes up again, I get, “Well you didn’t tell me _that_ part”. No, light of my life, I didn’t. I wandered off while you were ranting and drank the rest of the wine. Oh well. It’s been nearly twelve years now; I’m used to it. ---
**Author:** ![Hero\_From\_Sector\_7G](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/65b543/32.png) [@Hero\_From\_Sector\_7G](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hero_From_Sector_7G)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2012, 2:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/simple-pitting-of-my-dear-husband/609242/44 "2012-01-16T02:07:19Z")
> [@cjepson](#): > > 1. She talks to me when I’m not in the room. Sometimes I’ll be somewhere in the house and notice that she’s talking… and I’ll wonder who she’s talking to… and then I realize it’s me. I’ve had to enforce a rule with my wife: If you can’t see me, you can’t have a conversation with me. I imagine she’s on another message board complaining that her husband ignores her when she’s trying to talk to him across the house. I am the worst. ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2012, 4:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/simple-pitting-of-my-dear-husband/609242/45 "2012-01-16T04:37:00Z")
> [@Hero\_From\_Sector\_7G](#): > > I’ve had to enforce a rule with my wife: If you can’t see me, you can’t have a conversation with me. > > I imagine she’s on another message board complaining that her husband ignores her when she’s trying to talk to him across the house. I am the worst. Better posting about you somewhere else than reading this one. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![digs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/digs/32/14889_2.png) [@digs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/digs)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2012, 4:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/simple-pitting-of-my-dear-husband/609242/46 "2012-01-16T16:07:41Z")
> [@carnivorousplant](#): > > Better posting about you somewhere else than reading this one. 🙂 I’ve often wondered about that… I’ve even told my wife about things I’m posting here, and I half expect to find out she’s lurking to see what I’m bitching about now. Except for the fact that I married a woman with better things to do than read The Dope. (But maybe I’ll slip something like “How 'bout Starving Artist defending Paterno, huh?” Or “Think Shredder Guy’ll get another job?” and see how she reacts) Ooh, I know! I’ll just trick her by making reference to a “1930’s Death Ray” and see if she corrects me… or use 2 items in a list and see if I get a shoutout to Opal. (NO, I’m NOT going to say “Maybe I’ll go down to the quarry…”) ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2012, 4:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/simple-pitting-of-my-dear-husband/609242/47 "2012-01-16T16:37:24Z")
> [@digs](#): > > Ooh, I know! I’ll just trick her by making reference to a “1930’s Death Ray” and see if she corrects me… or use 2 items in a list and see if I get a shoutout to Opal. I was going to say that Honesty was the Best Policy, but yes, Sneaky is Better. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2012, 5:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/simple-pitting-of-my-dear-husband/609242/48 "2012-01-16T17:42:09Z")
> [@Hero\_From\_Sector\_7G](#): > > I’ve had to enforce a rule with my wife: If you can’t see me, you can’t have a conversation with me.\ Ooh, that’s a good one. I think we’ll add that one to the “Grunt of Acknowledgement” - you don’t have to engage in a lengthy conversation when I tell you something, but I do expect a Grunt of Acknowledgement to let me know you heard me. ---
**Author:** ![elucidator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8edcca/32.png) [@elucidator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elucidator)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2012, 6:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/simple-pitting-of-my-dear-husband/609242/49 "2012-01-16T18:26:32Z")
“…and so, anyway, Marcy and me were going to Bloomies for the shoe sale, but Ellen wanted to see _Twilight_ again, so we talked it over and went to Nordstrom’s instead, which is a pretty good compromise, and by the way, I’m fucking your brother, but Susan started telling us about her intra-uterine tattoo, so we kinda got distracted…” (Grunt) A week later: “But I told you about that! Weren’t you listening?” The bikers have a saying: if it has wheels or tits, sooner or later, its a hassle. ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2012, 7:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/simple-pitting-of-my-dear-husband/609242/50 "2012-01-16T19:39:17Z")
> [@Cat\_Whisperer](#): > > Ooh, that’s a good one. I think we’ll add that one to the “Grunt of Acknowledgement” - you don’t have to engage in a lengthy conversation when I tell you something, but I do expect a Grunt of Acknowledgement to let me know you heard me. Umph. ---
**Author:** ![cwthree](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9de0a6/32.png) [@cwthree](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cwthree)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2012, 7:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/simple-pitting-of-my-dear-husband/609242/51 "2012-01-16T19:53:54Z")
> [@Hero\_From\_Sector\_7G](#): > > I’ve had to enforce a rule with my wife: If you can’t see me, you can’t have a conversation with me. My god, **Hero** , did my husband get a sex change and a divorce without my noticing? More frustrating than his trying to have a conversation with me when I can neither see nor hear him has been his total inability to understand \*why \*I might find it annoying. I finally had to say, “If I can’t \*see \*you - if I’m not actually looking at you - I can’t \*hear \*you.” ---
**Author:** ![Moonlitherial](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/4bbf92/32.png) [@Moonlitherial](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Moonlitherial)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2012, 8:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/simple-pitting-of-my-dear-husband/609242/52 "2012-01-16T20:00:53Z")
I have a twist on annoying conversation tics - no matter where he is, where I am or what either of us is doing, when my husband wants to talk he’ll call me for me to come to him. Apparently he doesn’t like to yell across the house but while it’s not important enough for him to come to me it is important enough to ask me to come to him. Ongoing battle but I’m making progress. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2012, 9:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/simple-pitting-of-my-dear-husband/609242/53 "2012-01-16T21:21:46Z")
> [@carnivorousplant](#): > > Umph. See, that wasn’t that hard, was it? 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2012, 10:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/simple-pitting-of-my-dear-husband/609242/54 "2012-01-16T22:20:27Z")
> [@Cat\_Whisperer](#): > > See, that wasn’t that hard, was it? 🙂 murph. ---
**Author:** ![4d3fect](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/4d3fect/32/9728_2.png) [@4d3fect](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/4d3fect)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2012, 11:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/simple-pitting-of-my-dear-husband/609242/55 "2012-01-16T23:19:02Z")
> [@cjepson](#): > > My wife doesn’t talk all the time, but she does have a few little quirks: > > 1. If she sees me open a book, she seems to regard it as a desperate plea on my part for conversation. > > 2. She talks to me when I’m not in the room. Sometimes I’ll be somewhere in the house and notice that she’s talking… and I’ll wonder who she’s talking to… and then I realize it’s me. > > (I thank my lucky stars that these are among the worst problems I have with her!) I thought it was just me! We don’t live in a McMansion, so there is some acoustic carry to a voice from room to room, but our collective hearing is going so the behavior isn’t productive, to say the least. ---
**Author:** ![4d3fect](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/4d3fect/32/9728_2.png) [@4d3fect](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/4d3fect)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2012, 11:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/simple-pitting-of-my-dear-husband/609242/56 "2012-01-16T23:28:09Z")
Also, tangentially to this subject, I complained to a therapist once about similar behavior exhibited by my wife, to the effect that at the end of the day, I need to plop down have some quiet time to myself and maybe a beer or a smoke. What I often get instead is a nonstop monologue from her that I simply must escape. The therapist remarked that, generally, men have a certain daily maximum ration of spoken words which are often exhausted by the end of an ordinary day. And that generally women’s ration is three orders of magnitude greater. Which now explains why I see so many men in their garages, and why I’m about to follow suit. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/simple-pitting-of-my-dear-husband/609242.md?page=2)