# Simple thing you finally figured out that made you feel stupid **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [June 4, 2005, 12:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/simple-thing-you-finally-figured-out-that-made-you-feel-stupid/306805 "2005-06-04T00:00:26Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2005, 7:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/simple-thing-you-finally-figured-out-that-made-you-feel-stupid/306805/101 "2005-06-06T19:55:41Z")
> [@](#): > > You know that dumb kid’s joke, “How do you get down from an elephant? You don’t get down from an elephant, you get down from a duck!” > For years, I just didn’t get it. I just didn’t make the “down” connection. I kept wondering how you would get down off of the elephant’s back. Ha! I did this, too. I also was completely whooshed by the similar dirty joke “What’s graty and comes in quarts?” As a kid, I heard the answer was “Instant Elephant”, which seemed inane, as most elephant jokes are. It wasn’t until years later that I learned that the _real_ answer is simply “An Elephant”, and that “come” has a meaning I was unaware of. The same guy that enlightened me also told me another joke that, had I heard it earlier, would also have whooshed me: “Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle?” (Fill in your response here) ---
**Author:** ![Jackknifed\_Juggernaut](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/9de053/32.png) [@Jackknifed\_Juggernaut](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackknifed_Juggernaut)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2005, 9:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/simple-thing-you-finally-figured-out-that-made-you-feel-stupid/306805/102 "2005-06-06T21:05:03Z")
> [@JKellyMap](#): > > Uh oh… isn’t that how you do it? > > [slinks off amid cruel jeers] No, you just put all the teeth into the front side of the staple and squeeze. The staple comes right out with no damage except for the tiny holes that you created when you first stapled the pages. ---
**Author:** ![JKellyMap](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jkellymap/32/15880_2.png) [@JKellyMap](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JKellyMap)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2005, 9:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/simple-thing-you-finally-figured-out-that-made-you-feel-stupid/306805/103 "2005-06-06T21:10:42Z")
What _will_ they think of next? Thanks. ---
**Author:** ![Wallenstein](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/b5a626/32.png) [@Wallenstein](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wallenstein)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2005, 9:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/simple-thing-you-finally-figured-out-that-made-you-feel-stupid/306805/104 "2005-06-06T21:17:14Z")
When I was in my first year of German Lit. class at univeristy we had to study a text by Thomas Mann called “_Mario und der Zauberer_”, which translates as “_Mario and the Magician_”. It’s a gripping allegory of Fascist italy, with a powerful political message. However, I misheard this as “_Mario und der Sauberer_”, which I then translated as “_Mario and the Window Cleaner_”. We were in the middle of a class when it struck me and I commented out loud “Oh… that’s why there’s no window cleaner!”. My professor left shortly afterwards to take up a chair at University of Oxford… can’t imagine why he thought his talent would be better used there. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Nic2004](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/4491bb/32.png) [@Nic2004](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nic2004)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2005, 10:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/simple-thing-you-finally-figured-out-that-made-you-feel-stupid/306805/105 "2005-06-06T22:39:18Z")
This is cheating a bit as the confussion wasn’t just mine. The neighbor came running over to get help for his sister in great pain. Getting there we found her with knees pulled up to her chest in abdominal pain. we called the ambulance (pre-911 days) and told them she ate a can of soup earlier and threw up in the bathroom maybe an hour or two later. The EMT says “Where’s the can?” and we say “down the hall on the left.” He takes about three steps, stops, turns and says “the _soup_ can?” It was hard to keep from laughing despite the situation at hand but the sister also was having trouble with " ha…Oww…HaHa…Owwww!" ---
**Author:** ![Agonist](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/439d5e/32.png) [@Agonist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Agonist)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2005, 10:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/simple-thing-you-finally-figured-out-that-made-you-feel-stupid/306805/106 "2005-06-06T22:40:21Z")
> [@Larry Borgia](#): > > I used to think that TBA was the hardest working band in show business. > > Man those guys played _everywhere!_ > > [sub]Sometimes in several different places in the same night, as it took me too long to notice.[/sub] I had this book of poems when I was a kid. It seems this guy named “ANON” wrote about half of them. ---
**Author:** ![Nic2004](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/4491bb/32.png) [@Nic2004](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nic2004)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2005, 10:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/simple-thing-you-finally-figured-out-that-made-you-feel-stupid/306805/107 "2005-06-06T22:42:09Z")
A woman is going into labour and the frantic husban calls 911: Operator: “what is your emergency?” Husband:" She’s having a baby!!!" Operator: “Is this her first child?” Husband: “No, you idiot!! This is her Husband!!!” ---
**Author:** ![Cardinal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cardinal/32/4000_2.png) [@Cardinal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cardinal)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2005, 12:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/simple-thing-you-finally-figured-out-that-made-you-feel-stupid/306805/108 "2005-06-07T00:00:27Z")
> [@Girl From Mars](#): > > My pathetic confession is that for years I thought it was ‘Duck’ Tape. You know, for tying up pesky ducks to keep them under control… I have made it a mission as a teacher to spread the word on that one. “Yes, I KNOW there’s a picture of a duck on it. That’s the brand. It’s a JOKE.” ---
**Author:** ![Hombre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/ecb155/32.png) [@Hombre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hombre)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2005, 2:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/simple-thing-you-finally-figured-out-that-made-you-feel-stupid/306805/109 "2005-06-07T02:37:43Z")
For you youngon’s’ “Dirty deeds - done dirt cheep” was from the Beenie and Cecil cartoon show. It was Dishonest John’s calling card. “DJ you dirty guy!” ---
**Author:** ![Lakai](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/9de0a6/32.png) [@Lakai](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lakai)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2005, 3:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/simple-thing-you-finally-figured-out-that-made-you-feel-stupid/306805/110 "2005-06-07T03:51:36Z")
> [@CalMeacham](#): > > My aunt gave us directions that included a turn at a sign for “Ten-R-Ten”. She was with us in the car later when we drove there, and she suddenly started yelling and pointing. “Turn here! Turn Here!” > “Where?” asked my father, “At the sign that says “IORIO?”” I don’t get it. ---
**Author:** ![Leaper](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/4bbf92/32.png) [@Leaper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leaper)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2005, 4:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/simple-thing-you-finally-figured-out-that-made-you-feel-stupid/306805/111 "2005-06-07T04:44:37Z")
10r10 != Iorio ---
**Author:** ![NoPretentiousCodename](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/82dd89/32.png) [@NoPretentiousCodename](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NoPretentiousCodename)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2005, 5:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/simple-thing-you-finally-figured-out-that-made-you-feel-stupid/306805/112 "2005-06-07T05:24:45Z")
As a lad I kept seeing a certain word in books. The word was pronounced “ook” (rhymes with “book”). I kept seeing this word, and couldn’t figure out what it was. It even appeared in a cartoon word balloon over the head of a character in one of the books. This disturbed me. I did not know what “ook” meant, and I certainly wondered what reason this character would have to utter this heretofore unknown word. I certainly had never uttered it, and a book in which I was the protagonist would CERTAINLY never contain a cartoon rendering of me with “ook” in a word balloon hovering inches above my head. I later found out the pronunciation of the word “OK” was “Oh Kay”. :wally ---
**Author:** ![guizot](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guizot/32/3636_2.png) [@guizot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/guizot)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2005, 9:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/simple-thing-you-finally-figured-out-that-made-you-feel-stupid/306805/113 "2005-06-07T09:33:10Z")
I used to think–for many years–that a garlic press was useless because so little juice comes out. Then someone told me that you still use the crushed part in the recipe. :smack: ---
**Author:** ![snorlax](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9dc877/32.png) [@snorlax](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/snorlax)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2005, 10:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/simple-thing-you-finally-figured-out-that-made-you-feel-stupid/306805/114 "2005-06-07T10:11:37Z")
I noticed that my electric toothbrush would occassionally cut out temporarily after a few minutes of brushing. This went on for a year or so until finally I spent some time cleaning it and looking to see whether there was any damage to the motor. I couldn’t see anything obvious so I gave up, assuming that it was getting wet and shorting out or something. After giving up in frustration I mentioned this to my wife, who found it very amusing that I had never recognized the feature to tell me that my three minutes of brushing were complete… :smack: ---
**Author:** ![Spectre\_of\_Pithecanthropus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spectre_of_pithecanthropus/32/12343_2.png) [@Spectre\_of\_Pithecanthropus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spectre_of_Pithecanthropus)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2005, 1:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/simple-thing-you-finally-figured-out-that-made-you-feel-stupid/306805/115 "2005-06-07T13:01:18Z")
In Spring of 2001, I bought a slightly used 2000 Nissan Altima. For the longest time I assumed the trunk release lever by the driver’s seat didn’t work, and I always used the key to open it, over all that time. Then less than a month ago I learned that if I pull it twice, just a little harder, it works fine! ---
**Author:** ![AngelicGemma](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/439d5e/32.png) [@AngelicGemma](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AngelicGemma)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2005, 1:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/simple-thing-you-finally-figured-out-that-made-you-feel-stupid/306805/116 "2005-06-07T13:56:29Z")
It wasn’t until I got engaged that I realised the difference between ‘fiance’ and ‘fiancee.’ ---
**Author:** ![Mahaloth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mahaloth/32/1079_2.png) [@Mahaloth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mahaloth)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2005, 1:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/simple-thing-you-finally-figured-out-that-made-you-feel-stupid/306805/117 "2005-06-07T13:56:57Z")
It wasn’t until I was past twenty that I figured out “condone” meant to be not actively against something. I mean, the word has “con” in it, right? Con means against, right? ---
**Author:** ![Spiff](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spiff/32/9852_2.png) [@Spiff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spiff)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2005, 2:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/simple-thing-you-finally-figured-out-that-made-you-feel-stupid/306805/118 "2005-06-07T14:51:31Z")
> [@Cardinal](#): > > I have made it a mission as a teacher to spread the word on that one. > > “Yes, I KNOW there’s a picture of a duck on it. That’s the brand. It’s a JOKE.” The Duct Tape Guys (and some other sources) claim that the original name for the stuff \*was \* duck tape: > [@](#): > > … Johnson and Johnson Permacel Division who made the stuff for the U.S. Military during World War II. The original use was to keep the moisture out of the ammunition cases. Because it was waterproof, people referred to the tape as “Duck Tape.” Also, the tape was made using cotton duck - similar to what was used in their cloth medical tapes. [Welcome to Duct Tape 101 with Jim and Tim, the Duct Tape Guys](http://www.octanecreative.com/ducttape/DT101/) ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2005, 3:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/simple-thing-you-finally-figured-out-that-made-you-feel-stupid/306805/119 "2005-06-07T15:08:06Z")
> [@](#): > > Also, the tape was made using cotton duck - similar to what was used in their cloth medical tapes. This was my first assumption when I heard the term “duck/duct tape”, and I’m happy to see it has some corroboration. Also corroborating it are recent reports that actual tests indicate that one of the things this tape doesn’t stick well to is _ducts_. ---
**Author:** ![Finagle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/b19c9b/32.png) [@Finagle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Finagle)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2005, 3:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/simple-thing-you-finally-figured-out-that-made-you-feel-stupid/306805/120 "2005-06-07T15:22:47Z")
A fairly recent realization of mine: the Amazons of Greek mythology were not from the Amazon of South America – the Amazon river was named after the myth. In retrospect, this is blindingly obvious. My only excuse is that when I first heard the term Amazons as a kid, I made the connection and then never thought hard about it ever again, because if the Amazons were mythical, it made sense to think that they’d be from an unexplored part of the world. (Turns out, the Amazons, if they existed at all, were probably from the area around the Black Sea.) [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/simple-thing-you-finally-figured-out-that-made-you-feel-stupid/306805.md?page=5) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/simple-thing-you-finally-figured-out-that-made-you-feel-stupid/306805.md?page=7)