# Simpson quotes that made it past the censors **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [August 7, 2002, 3:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/simpson-quotes-that-made-it-past-the-censors/122718 "2002-08-07T03:34:58Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![keeper0](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/b19c9b/32.png) [@keeper0](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/keeper0)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2002, 6:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/simpson-quotes-that-made-it-past-the-censors/122718/101 "2002-08-14T18:44:36Z")
Of course, there are all the “whacking” comments in the “Whacking Day” episode. And then, at the end, all the snakes are slithering off to a setting sun on the horizon, and it looks like hundreds of sperm headed for the egg. ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2002, 9:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/simpson-quotes-that-made-it-past-the-censors/122718/102 "2002-08-14T21:42:02Z")
A lot of these are jokes I so did not get when I was younger. “Black Widower” with Sideshow Bob marrying Selma Bouvier for one… Bob saying “Bart, if I had wanted to kill you, I’d have wrung your neck like a chicken’s…” (Or something like that.) “About your wedding dress…” “White!” “White…” [Marge writes it down] And the smoking after McGuyver thing. (Yes, I got that from the snpp page. There’s so much that goes over my head.) ---
**Author:** ![sj2](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/65b543/32.png) [@sj2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sj2)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2002, 9:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/simpson-quotes-that-made-it-past-the-censors/122718/103 "2002-08-14T21:49:08Z")
Random stuff from Random People. The sad thing is I rememeber all these episodes… I’m dancing away my hunger pains. Moving my feet so my stomach won’t hurt. I’m kinda like Jesus but not in a sacreligous way. I don’t even believe in Jebus! Save me Jebus Lord, I know I shouldn’t eat Thee, but … (munch munch munch) mmm … sacrelicious. Lisa, if the Bible has taught us nothing else - and it hasn’t - it’s that girls should stick to girls’ sports, such as hot oil wrestling and foxy boxing and such and such. Oh, everything’s too damned expensive these days. This Bible cost 15 bucks! And talk about a preachy book! Everybody’s a sinner! Except this guy. I felt a surge of power, like God must feel, when he’s holding a gun. God is teasing me! Just like he teased Moses in the desert! God bless those pagans. I like my beer cold … my TV loud … and my homosexuals flaming. He didn’t give you gay did he? Did he? Marge : He prefers the company of men. Homer : Who doesn’t? Marge, Bart is wearing a Hawaiin shirt. Only two kinds of people wear that shirt … gay guys and big fat party animals. Bart doesn’t look like a big fat party animal to me. I’m having the best day of my life, and I owe it all to not going to Church! If there was a law, it would be against it. (Talking about being gay) Homer : Because of them [gay people], all the good names like Lance and Juliet are all gone. Those were the toughest names we had. Now they are just … … Man (gay) : Queer? Homer : That’s another thing. You took that word too. That’s the word we use to make fun of you. Now I am taking that word and my son with me. Has the whole world gone gay?!? [Unwittingly takes Bart to a gay steel mill]. Homer : That’s it, Marge. I am taking Bart hunting. He is going to grow up straight for a change. Marge : You’ve never gone hunting and you grew up perfectly straight. Homer : Oh yeah? How long since you had a baby? I know what is going on here. They did it to Jesus. Now they are doing it to me. Marge : Are you comparing yourself to our Lord? Homer : Only in bowling ability. Marge : Homer, please don’t make me choose between my man and my God, because you just can’t win. Homer : There you go again, always taking someone else’s side. Flanders … the water department … God … God : Thou hast forsaken My Church! Homer : Uh, kind-of … b-but … God : But what Homer : I’m not a bad guy! I work hard, and I love my kids. So why should I spend half my Sunday hearing about how I’m going to Hell? God : [pause] Hmm … You’ve got a point there. Dogs are idiots. I mean how would you feel if I started slobbering in your face and licking your crotch? (Smithers) Uhh…if you did it sir… I should’ve known you were the only one stupid enough to kidnap you! Now get down here so I can spank you in front of this gawking rabble. Smithers, take off my belt. (Smithers) With pleasure, sir! Bart: he only side effect to the drug is that I can hardly fit my balls in my pants! ---
**Author:** ![Max\_Carnage](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/max_carnage/32/12775_2.png) [@Max\_Carnage](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Max_Carnage)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2002, 10:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/simpson-quotes-that-made-it-past-the-censors/122718/104 "2002-08-14T22:02:07Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Zoggie \* > \*\* > “Black Widower” with Sideshow Bob marrying Selma Bouvier for one… > Bob saying “Bart, if I had wanted to kill you, I’d have wrung your neck like a chicken’s…” (Or something like that.) > \*\* Ummmm…what’s so risque about that? ---
**Author:** ![micilin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/8c91f0/32.png) [@micilin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/micilin)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2002, 12:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/simpson-quotes-that-made-it-past-the-censors/122718/105 "2002-08-15T00:49:07Z")
The episode where homer starts doing good deeds. Homer’s wearing his half-spectacles and doing his serious intellecual bit. He helps out the hairdresser who’s losing money by pointing that he’s spendin too much money on ‘loafer lightener’, whereas he could achieve the same effect much more economically with ‘mincing gel’. HOW did that get on ‘childrens’ TV? ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2002, 1:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/simpson-quotes-that-made-it-past-the-censors/122718/106 "2002-08-15T01:11:46Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Curate \* > \*\*When Ed Flanders and his psychologist are reviewing a tape made of him as a child, young Ed is seen running into a playroom and attacking other children with this dialogue: > > “Hah! I’m Dick Tracy. Take that, Prune Face! Now I’m Prune Face! take that, Dick Tracy! I’m Prune Tracy! Take that,…!” > > And the doctor switches off the video. \*\* I don’t get how that’s suggestive…oh wait! NOW I get it! HEHEHHEHEHE!!! 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2002, 1:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/simpson-quotes-that-made-it-past-the-censors/122718/107 "2002-08-15T01:15:19Z")
Um, the Simpsons is NOT for children. Why do people think that? “Itchy and Scratchy” alone is adult content. I just remembered, Bart explaining why he never went hunting: “Oh, I dunno, a bunch of guys, alone, in the woods together, sleeping in tents. Sounds kinda gay to me.” “Now that young man is a very immature attitude!” 😛 ---
**Author:** ![fluiddruid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/c2a13f/32.png) [@fluiddruid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fluiddruid)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2002, 4:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/simpson-quotes-that-made-it-past-the-censors/122718/108 "2002-08-15T04:42:53Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by sj2 \* > \*\*Homer : Because of them [gay people], all the good names like Lance and Juliet are all gone. Those were the toughest names we had. Now they are just … … > Man (gay) : Queer? > Homer : That’s another thing. You took that word too. That’s the word we use to make fun of you. Now I am taking that word and my son with me. \*\* FYI, It’s Julian, not Juliet, and the gay character was “John”, played by John Waters. ---
**Author:** ![NightRabbit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/bbce88/32.png) [@NightRabbit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NightRabbit)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2002, 7:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/simpson-quotes-that-made-it-past-the-censors/122718/109 "2002-08-15T07:03:35Z")
> [@](#): > > The episode where homer starts doing good deeds. Homer’s wearing his half-spectacles and doing his serious intellecual bit. He helps out the hairdresser who’s losing money by pointing that he’s spendin too much money on ‘loafer lightener’, whereas he could achieve the same effect much more economically with ‘mincing gel’. > > HOW did that get on ‘childrens’ TV? I don’t get it… ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2002, 1:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/simpson-quotes-that-made-it-past-the-censors/122718/110 "2002-08-15T13:39:10Z")
A few that haven’t been mentioned yet. Marge and her new friend (Ruth?) are having a night out on the town. They stop at a country & western bar with a neon sign with one light burned out reading “SH\*T KICKERS”. There’s a one second pause, then Marge says “Shot Kickers. I’ve heard about this place.” There was the episode where Marge was trying to close the burlesque house. As the vote was being taken, Abe Simpson turned to his neighbor, the old guy with the beard, and asked “They’re not talking about closing the brothel are they?” “No, the burlesque house.” “Oh, okay then.” In the bible episode, Adam (Homer) talks about how much he loves Eve (Marge) by saying he loves her even more than the butterscotch pond or the porno bush. ---
**Author:** ![KneadToKnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kneadtoknow/32/3999_2.png) [@KneadToKnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KneadToKnow)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2002, 4:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/simpson-quotes-that-made-it-past-the-censors/122718/111 "2002-08-15T16:47:15Z")
Here’s a non-sexual one that has always seemed a little harsh to me: > [@](#): > > **Bart** What the hell is this? > **Lisa** It’s one of those campy '70s throwbacks that appeals to Generation Xers. > **Bart** We need another Vietnam to thin out their ranks a little. Not that I don’t agree, mind you. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Mehitabel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/8797f3/32.png) [@Mehitabel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mehitabel)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2002, 5:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/simpson-quotes-that-made-it-past-the-censors/122718/112 "2002-08-15T17:18:59Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Little Nemo \* > \*\* > There was the episode where Marge was trying to close the burlesque house. As the vote was being taken, Abe Simpson turned to his neighbor, the old guy with the beard, and asked “They’re not talking about closing the brothel are they?” “No, the burlesque house.” “Oh, okay then.” > \*\* Forgetting **Jasper’s** name–you better believe that’s a paddlin’! ---
**Author:** ![Adam\_P](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ee7513/32.png) [@Adam\_P](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Adam_P)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2002, 5:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/simpson-quotes-that-made-it-past-the-censors/122718/113 "2002-08-15T17:27:11Z")
Krusty (looking at poster of famous comedians and clowns): “Fatty Arbuckle? What’s Fatty Arbuckle done that I haven’t done?” Note: Fatty Arbuckle, once beloved silent-movie comedian from the 20s, is best remembered today for having killed his mistress by shoving a broken wine bottle up her vagina. Get it now? ---
**Author:** ![NDP](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ndp/32/55_2.png) [@NDP](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NDP)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2002, 5:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/simpson-quotes-that-made-it-past-the-censors/122718/114 "2002-08-15T17:58:58Z")
> [@](#): > > Krusty (looking at poster of famous comedians and clowns): “Fatty Arbuckle? What’s Fatty Arbuckle done that I haven’t done?” > > Note: Fatty Arbuckle, once beloved silent-movie comedian from the 20s, is best remembered today for having killed his mistress by shoving a broken wine bottle up her vagina. > > Get it now? OT and for the record, the girl wasn’t Arbuckle’s mistress and Arbuckle was acquitted (not that it ultimately mattered since the accusation was enough to kill his career). Carry on. ---
**Author:** ![KneadToKnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kneadtoknow/32/3999_2.png) [@KneadToKnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KneadToKnow)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2002, 6:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/simpson-quotes-that-made-it-past-the-censors/122718/115 "2002-08-15T18:28:09Z")
More than you ever wanted to know about [Fatty Arbuckle](http://www.crimelibrary.com/notorious_murders/classics/fatty_arbuckle/index.htm). ---
**Author:** ![Morbo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/morbo/32/389_2.png) [@Morbo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morbo)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2002, 7:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/simpson-quotes-that-made-it-past-the-censors/122718/116 "2002-08-15T19:55:23Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by NightRabbit \* > \*\*I don’t get it… \*\* RE: hairdresser needed “loafer lightening” - an expression some people use to say someone is gay is that they’re “light in their loafers” ---
**Author:** ![DarkWriter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ee59a6/32.png) [@DarkWriter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DarkWriter)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2002, 8:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/simpson-quotes-that-made-it-past-the-censors/122718/117 "2002-08-15T20:10:29Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Guinastasia \* > \*\* > I don’t get how that’s suggestive…oh wait! NOW I get it! > > HEHEHHEHEHE!!! > \*\* I’m _still_ not getting it and it’s driving me nuts! 😕 Sheri ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2002, 8:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/simpson-quotes-that-made-it-past-the-censors/122718/118 "2002-08-15T20:14:38Z")
> [@](#): > > I’m still not getting it and it’s driving me nuts! Dick Tracy is to Prune Face as Prune Tracy is to \_\_\_\_\_\_\_ ---
**Author:** ![DarkWriter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ee59a6/32.png) [@DarkWriter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DarkWriter)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2002, 8:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/simpson-quotes-that-made-it-past-the-censors/122718/119 "2002-08-15T20:59:08Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Little Nemo \* > \*\* > > Dick Tracy is to Prune Face as Prune Tracy is to \_\_\_\_\_\_\_ \*\* :smack: Thank you. But really, it’s not as jaw-dropping as some. It’s definitely not in-your-face, so I can see why the censors had no problem with it. Sheri ---
**Author:** ![DoctorJ](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doctorj/32/2904_2.png) [@DoctorJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DoctorJ)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2002, 11:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/simpson-quotes-that-made-it-past-the-censors/122718/120 "2002-08-15T23:58:59Z")
I just saw “The PTA Disbands” in syndication, and I noticed that the scene in which Groundskeeper Willie subs for the French class (“Bonjourrrrrr, ya cheese eatin’ surrender monkeys!”) wasn’t in it. Was that a syndication cut, or is that in another episode? Dr. J [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/simpson-quotes-that-made-it-past-the-censors/122718.md?page=5) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/simpson-quotes-that-made-it-past-the-censors/122718.md?page=7)