# Simpsons fans! I need Krustyisms!! **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [May 30, 2002, 1:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/simpsons-fans-i-need-krustyisms/111526 "2002-05-30T13:03:21Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/qadgop_the_mercotan/32/83_2.png) [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qadgop_the_Mercotan)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2002, 1:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/simpsons-fans-i-need-krustyisms/111526/1 "2002-05-30T13:03:21Z")
Help! I need your favorite Krusty the Klown one-liners, dialogues and anecdotes. Never mind why, I just do! Yes, it’s got something to do with working in a prison. No, I can’t say more yet. QtM ---
**Author:** ![KidCharlemagne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ed8c4c/32.png) [@KidCharlemagne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KidCharlemagne)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2002, 1:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/simpsons-fans-i-need-krustyisms/111526/2 "2002-05-30T13:05:00Z")
[http://www.silverbox.com/krusty/krusty4.html](http://www.silverbox.com/krusty/krusty4.html) ---
**Author:** ![The\_Big\_Cheese](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/8baadc/32.png) [@The\_Big\_Cheese](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Big_Cheese)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2002, 1:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/simpsons-fans-i-need-krustyisms/111526/3 "2002-05-30T13:09:23Z")
One of my favorites. When he has his clown school and Homer is riding the tiny bike, teh pant leg gets caught in the chain and unravels his pants so he’s riding naked on the bike. Krusty says to his assistant…“Uh, Burn that seat”. When he’s trying to quit smoking and he has patches all over his body, “Hey, there’s a spot on my ass that doesn’t have one yet.” ---
**Author:** ![Spudo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bbce88/32.png) [@Spudo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spudo)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2002, 1:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/simpsons-fans-i-need-krustyisms/111526/4 "2002-05-30T13:12:27Z")
“Hang on kid, I’m trying to get a tack out of my head” ---
**Author:** ![pldennison](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/9fc29f/32.png) [@pldennison](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pldennison)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2002, 1:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/simpsons-fans-i-need-krustyisms/111526/5 "2002-05-30T13:18:29Z")
When he’s on the phone being recruited to perform for a charity event: “What’s the pay? _Nothing?!_ I can make more than that takin’ a schvitz!” Appearing in Bart’s nightmare during “Treehouse of Horror VI”: “Ooooh boy. Don’t dream about me no more, kid.” ---
**Author:** ![lno](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/a8b319/32.png) [@lno](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lno)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2002, 1:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/simpsons-fans-i-need-krustyisms/111526/6 "2002-05-30T13:23:34Z")
Dang. I saw this thread and realized it was why God put me on this earth … only to see that **KidCharlemagne** ’s link had all eight of my favorite Krustyisms. Oh, heck with it. “Sex Cauldron?! I thought they closed that place down years ago!” “So, Krusty, let me get this straight … you took all of your money and bet AGAINST the Harlem Globetrotters?” “They were due!! The game was fixed! The Globetrotters used a LADDER, for Pete’s sake! He’s just holding out the ball! TAKE IT!” ---
**Author:** ![Kloudes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/edb3f5/32.png) [@Kloudes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kloudes)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2002, 1:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/simpsons-fans-i-need-krustyisms/111526/7 "2002-05-30T13:34:55Z")
It’s kind of long, but… “You know what holiday really gets to me? Thanksgiving! What the hell is this all about? Paying tribute to a bunch of dead guy who dressed up in those frilly white outfits and ate turkey? I don’t call that memorable, I call that something-I-might-do-if-I-was-drunk-enough. If you’re going to have a holiday for them, why don’t you have one for me too? Krusty day. July first. Kind of like a second New Years, except there’s no eggnog, no ball, and none of that old angsine crap. Just a bunch of clowns drunk off their asses.” _shrugs_ I like it. ---
**Author:** ![Mojo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/85f322/32.png) [@Mojo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mojo)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2002, 1:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/simpsons-fans-i-need-krustyisms/111526/8 "2002-05-30T13:43:12Z")
[sub]I’m probably going to mangle this one…[/sub] "It was so good, Hendrix said he almost plotzed- His exact words! ---
**Author:** ![Cisco](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ccd318/32.png) [@Cisco](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cisco)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2002, 1:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/simpsons-fans-i-need-krustyisms/111526/9 "2002-05-30T13:46:54Z")
What about the _Glug Glug_ and the _Vroom Vroom_ and the _Thud Thud_ ::makes finger motion of running over a guy:: Also: Little girl approaches Krusty: Girl: Hi, my name is Sophie Krusty: Hey, good luck with that, kid. ---
**Author:** ![Fish42](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/4da419/32.png) [@Fish42](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fish42)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2002, 1:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/simpsons-fans-i-need-krustyisms/111526/10 "2002-05-30T13:47:06Z")
On why he voted for Mr. Burns’s movie at the Springfield Film Festival: “It moved me…TO A BIGGER HOUSE!..Oops, I said the loud part quiet and the quiet part loud.” ---
**Author:** ![Stupendous\_man](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a8b319/32.png) [@Stupendous\_man](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stupendous_man)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2002, 1:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/simpsons-fans-i-need-krustyisms/111526/11 "2002-05-30T13:53:47Z")
Krusty singing to prison inmates during a live show: ``` I slugged some jerk in Tahoe. They gave me one to three. My high-priced lawyer sprung me On a technicality. I'm just visiting Springfield Prison, I get to sleep at home tonight. ``` ---
**Author:** ![hawthorne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/c89c15/32.png) [@hawthorne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hawthorne)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2002, 2:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/simpsons-fans-i-need-krustyisms/111526/12 "2002-05-30T14:07:02Z")
[Makes as if to hand still-smoking Little Miss Springfield gear to Lisa] Here you go…Hoo hoo hoo hah hah. Here you go…Hoo hoo hoo hah hah… [is himself struck by lightning] I deserved that. ---
**Author:** ![Kilt-wearin\_man](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/82dd89/32.png) [@Kilt-wearin\_man](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kilt-wearin_man)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2002, 2:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/simpsons-fans-i-need-krustyisms/111526/13 "2002-05-30T14:11:49Z")
Hey- **HEY!** It’s a classic Krusty line. ---
**Author:** ![Pashnish\_Ewing](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/8797f3/32.png) [@Pashnish\_Ewing](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pashnish_Ewing)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2002, 2:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/simpsons-fans-i-need-krustyisms/111526/14 "2002-05-30T14:12:01Z")
My favorite is the Krusty Brand Home Pregancy test\*. [sub]\*May Cause Birth Defects[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![pldennison](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/9fc29f/32.png) [@pldennison](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pldennison)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2002, 3:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/simpsons-fans-i-need-krustyisms/111526/15 "2002-05-30T15:07:52Z")
Agh, how could I forget . . . when Lisa was in the studio recording her lines for the “Lisa Lionheart” doll– **Krusty:** [barging in with cue cards] All right, you poindexters, let’s get this right! One: “Hey, hey, kids, I’m Talking Krusty.” Two: “Hey, hey, here comes Slideshow Mel” – again – “Here comes Sideshow Mel”. “Sideshow Mel”. Three: [does a Krusty laugh] Budda-bing, budda-boom, I’m done. Learn from a professional, kid. [walks out, squeals his tires away] **Techie:** OK, Krusty, we are ready to roll any – what the…? ---
**Author:** ![fluiddruid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/c2a13f/32.png) [@fluiddruid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fluiddruid)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2002, 3:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/simpsons-fans-i-need-krustyisms/111526/16 "2002-05-30T15:32:47Z")
**Krusty** : I, personally, will spit in every 50th burger! **Homer** : I like those odds! ---
**Author:** ![Protesilaus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/82dd89/32.png) [@Protesilaus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Protesilaus)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2002, 4:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/simpsons-fans-i-need-krustyisms/111526/17 "2002-05-30T16:31:11Z")
The Krusty See-n-Say: “S” is for “shiksa”! S-H-I … uh, I think there’s a “T” in there somewhere … ah, look it up! ---
**Author:** ![KneadToKnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kneadtoknow/32/3999_2.png) [@KneadToKnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KneadToKnow)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2002, 4:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/simpsons-fans-i-need-krustyisms/111526/18 "2002-05-30T16:38:36Z")
“Was it a nice hat?” “Oh, yeah!” “_OH MY GOD!!!_” ---
**Author:** ![Journeyman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/779978/32.png) [@Journeyman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Journeyman)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2002, 5:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/simpsons-fans-i-need-krustyisms/111526/19 "2002-05-30T17:07:46Z")
“It wasn’t my fault, it was my perkadan addiction. You ask me, that stuff rots your brain! And now a word from our new sponsor… Perkadan! AH, CRAP!” Or “Itchy and Scratchy would like to be here, but they’re on the Gabbo show now. But we’ve got the next best thing: East Germany’s wacky cat and mouse team, worker and parasite!” _very incoherent communist propaganda plays_ “Uh… What the hell was that?” ---
**Author:** ![NDP](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ndp/32/55_2.png) [@NDP](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NDP)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2002, 5:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/simpsons-fans-i-need-krustyisms/111526/20 "2002-05-30T17:57:55Z")
“They drove a dump truck of money to my house. I’m not made of stone.” [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/simpsons-fans-i-need-krustyisms/111526.md?page=2)