# Simpsons Lines **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 3, 2000, 9:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/simpsons-lines/18493 "2000-05-03T21:28:15Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Moe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/moe/32/2972_2.png) [@Moe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Moe)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2000, 9:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/simpsons-lines/18493/1 "2000-05-03T21:28:15Z")
I’ve been a simpsons fan for years and during those years a large number simpsons lines have remained with me. I’m curious to see what people come up with here but I’ll start it off with: “You’ve all stood in my way long enough! I’m going to clown college” - Homer and here’s another fav: “This guy is my exact double! That dog has a puffy tail!” - Homer ---
**Author:** ![teela\_brown](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/d9b06d/32.png) [@teela\_brown](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/teela_brown)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2000, 9:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/simpsons-lines/18493/2 "2000-05-03T21:38:15Z")
Homer, during his month of abstinence from beer, watching a baseball game with his buddies (who are all drinking): “I never realized how boring this game really is.” ---
**Author:** ![mouthbreather](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a698b9/32.png) [@mouthbreather](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mouthbreather)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2000, 9:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/simpsons-lines/18493/3 "2000-05-03T21:42:39Z")
Jesus Christ, were to start? **Homer:** “SAX-A-MA-PHONE” “Food goes in here” “And that’s when the C.H.U.D.s came after me.” “Save me, Jeebus!” “mmm…slanty” “Ohhh…Floor Pie!” And buttloads more I can’t think of, off the top of my head. What a great show. ---
**Author:** ![Beadalin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/3be4f8/32.png) [@Beadalin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beadalin)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2000, 9:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/simpsons-lines/18493/4 "2000-05-03T21:52:56Z")
Well, my favorite, which was my sig line forever, is Ralph Wiggum’s reaction to Lisa’s Valentine: “It says, I choo-choo-choose you. And it’s got a picture of a train.” ---
**Author:** ![Ike\_Witt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ike_witt/32/283_2.png) [@Ike\_Witt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ike_Witt)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2000, 9:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/simpsons-lines/18493/5 "2000-05-03T21:54:52Z")
**Homer:** Alone, I’m all alone. I’m a lonely insignificant speck on a miserable planet orbited by a cold indifferent sun. ---
**Author:** ![monster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@monster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/monster)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2000, 9:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/simpsons-lines/18493/6 "2000-05-03T21:55:10Z")
Well, I already said this in the great toasts thread but, “To beer: the cause of, and solution to, all of life’s problems” - Homer Simpson ---
**Author:** ![Catherine](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c67d28/32.png) [@Catherine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Catherine)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2000, 9:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/simpsons-lines/18493/7 "2000-05-03T21:55:53Z")
Re: Nuclear submarine… " ‘Nu-kee-lur’, it’s ‘nu-kee-lur’… " ---
**Author:** ![EnochF](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/779978/32.png) [@EnochF](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EnochF)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2000, 9:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/simpsons-lines/18493/8 "2000-05-03T21:59:12Z")
Ralph: “Aw, I bent my Wookiee…” Homer: “Forbidden donut…” [chomp] “Mmm… sacri-licious.” Squeaky-voice teen: “If I had a girlfriend, she’d kill me.” ---
**Author:** ![Born2Read](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/cdc98d/32.png) [@Born2Read](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Born2Read)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2000, 9:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/simpsons-lines/18493/9 "2000-05-03T21:59:35Z")
It’s hard to choose. Every episode has at least one memorable line. I guess I’ll go with Ralph Wiggum. “This is the rock where I saw the leprechaun. He tells me to burn things.” ---
**Author:** ![Moe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/moe/32/2972_2.png) [@Moe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Moe)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2000, 10:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/simpsons-lines/18493/10 "2000-05-03T22:04:30Z")
“We’re parked under the Sunsphere” “Congratulations Bart Simpson, You’re our new Fallout Boy! That’s what I’d be saying to you if you weren’t an inch too short. NEXT!” “Bart is it a crime to steal a loaf of bread for your starving family? What if you have a very big family, and they need a truckload of bread, is that a crime? And what if your family don’t like bread, what if they like, say, cigarettes? And what if instead of giving them away you sold them at a price that was practically giving them away?” ---
**Author:** ![Crown\_Prince\_of\_Irony](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ed655f/32.png) [@Crown\_Prince\_of\_Irony](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crown_Prince_of_Irony)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2000, 10:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/simpsons-lines/18493/11 "2000-05-03T22:06:03Z")
Ralph, said after he eats poison berries: “It tastes like burning!” Ralph again, as he wakes up in his bed, floating down the street during a flood: “I think I wet my bed.” ---
**Author:** ![Ike\_Witt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ike_witt/32/283_2.png) [@Ike\_Witt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ike_Witt)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2000, 10:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/simpsons-lines/18493/12 "2000-05-03T22:12:41Z")
I wish that I had the book with me at work. I was just thinking about Moe’s lie detector test after Burns got shot. I think this is close… Moe: Can I go now? I have a date. _BUZZ_ Moe: Okay, Okay. I was going to stay home and ogle the women in the Victoria’s Secret catalog. _BUZZ_ Moe: Alright, the Sears catalog. _DING_ Moe: I don’t deserve this shabby treatment. _BUZZ_ ---
**Author:** ![chief](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/df788c/32.png) [@chief](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chief)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2000, 10:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/simpsons-lines/18493/13 "2000-05-03T22:24:53Z")
homer: “hello, my name is mr. burns. i believe you have a letter for me.” clerk: “ok, what is your first name mr. burns?” homer: “i don’t know.” ---
**Author:** ![Lord\_Derfel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/bb73d2/32.png) [@Lord\_Derfel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lord_Derfel)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2000, 10:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/simpsons-lines/18493/14 "2000-05-03T22:26:53Z")
As a substitute for simply saying yes, my fiancee and I will quote Captain McAllister from the chili cook off episode: “Aye, the hot pants.” Although its not a line, one of the moments that sticks out in my mind is in the peewee football episode. Rod and Todd Flanders wear numbers 66 and 6, respectively. Standing together in a huddle, it becomes 666. When I noticed that I just about fell out of my chair. ---
**Author:** ![voguevixen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b5ac83/32.png) [@voguevixen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/voguevixen)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2000, 10:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/simpsons-lines/18493/15 "2000-05-03T22:30:12Z")
“I wore an onion on my belt, which was the style at the time…” ---
**Author:** ![Flymaster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/c4cdca/32.png) [@Flymaster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Flymaster)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2000, 10:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/simpsons-lines/18493/16 "2000-05-03T22:34:48Z")
> [@](#): > > \*\* > Homer: “Forbidden donut…” [chomp] “Mmm… sacri-licious.” > \*\* bzzz…NOPE! He was talking to the waffle that was stuck to the ceiling that he thought was god. “Lord, I know I shouldn’t eat thee…” Anyway: “You’ll have to speak up, I’m wearing a towel.” ---
**Author:** ![Ike\_Witt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ike_witt/32/283_2.png) [@Ike\_Witt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ike_Witt)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2000, 10:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/simpsons-lines/18493/17 "2000-05-03T22:40:15Z")
While chasing after Bart and Stampy, Homer drives into the Springfield Tar Pits and hits a statue… Homer: D’oh! Lisa: A deer Marge: A female deer. ---
**Author:** ![saucy\_potato](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/edb3f5/32.png) [@saucy\_potato](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/saucy_potato)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2000, 10:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/simpsons-lines/18493/18 "2000-05-03T22:40:53Z")
**Madame:** Are you wearing a grocery bag?! **Homer:** I have misplaced my pants. ---
**Author:** ![projecttwilight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/dbc845/32.png) [@projecttwilight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/projecttwilight)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2000, 10:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/simpsons-lines/18493/19 "2000-05-03T22:43:40Z")
Homer on Guns: "A gun isn’t a weapon! It’s a tool, just like a butcher knife, or a harpoon, or…or an alligator. Homer on Bees: “Ow! oooW! They’re defending themselves somehow!” (From the same ep.) First beekeeper: It’s quiet 2nd Beekeeper: Yes. A little to quiet. 1stBK: How so? 2nd BK: Bees usually buzz. No buzz means no bees. (a bee flies by) 1st BK: oh, there’s one now! 2nd BK: To the Bee-mobile! 1st BK: You mean your old chevy? 2nd BK: Yes. Homer: “Or you’ll release the dogs? Or the bees? Or the dogs with bees in their mouth and when they bark they shoot bees at you?” “Oh, the internet’s on COMPUTERS now…” there are so many more… ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Cynical](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ee59a6/32.png) [@Mr.Cynical](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Cynical)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2000, 10:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/simpsons-lines/18493/20 "2000-05-03T22:56:32Z")
Something like: “Hi, Lisa! We’re going to be in a pie!” [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/simpsons-lines/18493.md?page=2)