# Simpson's Quotes on a Desert Island **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [March 30, 2002, 4:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/simpsons-quotes-on-a-desert-island/100936 "2002-03-30T16:30:57Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 18\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Mullinator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c2a13f/32.png) [@Mullinator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mullinator)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2002, 3:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/simpsons-quotes-on-a-desert-island/100936/41 "2002-04-02T15:21:58Z")
Yeah, I already put 3, but after escaping the desert island I ended up on another one. 1. Burns: What do you think, Smithers? Smithers: I think women and sea-men don’t mix. Burns: We _know_ what you think! 2. Bart: “Can’t sleep, clown’ll eat me.” 3. Sideshow Bob: "You want the truth? You can’t handle the truth. No truth-handler, you. Bah! I deride your truth-handling abilities. ---
**Author:** ![Eonwe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eonwe/32/240_2.png) [@Eonwe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eonwe)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2002, 3:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/simpsons-quotes-on-a-desert-island/100936/42 "2002-04-02T15:40:01Z")
Hope it’s ok that I can only think of one right now… “Marge, will you join me for brunch?” “What’s that?” “It’s not quite breakfast, not quite lunch, but it comes with a slice of canteloupe at the end.” ---
**Author:** ![Ike\_Witt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ike_witt/32/283_2.png) [@Ike\_Witt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ike_Witt)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2002, 4:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/simpsons-quotes-on-a-desert-island/100936/43 "2002-04-02T16:03:07Z")
**Homer** : I’m all alone. I’m an insignificant spec on a lonely planet orbited by a cold, indifferent sun. ---
**Author:** ![Not\_A\_Tame\_Lion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/e36b37/32.png) [@Not\_A\_Tame\_Lion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Not_A_Tame_Lion)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2002, 6:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/simpsons-quotes-on-a-desert-island/100936/44 "2002-04-02T18:23:21Z")
FAT TONY: I don’t get mad…I get stabby. MR. BURNS: Smithers, there’s a rocket in my pocket. SMITHERS: You don’t have to tell me, sir. MARGE: I’m here to express my moral outrage…and this time it’s not about that giant inflatable Dos Equis bottle… ---
**Author:** ![Lenny\_Carl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/9dc877/32.png) [@Lenny\_Carl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lenny_Carl)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2002, 6:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/simpsons-quotes-on-a-desert-island/100936/45 "2002-04-02T18:40:35Z")
Hey **Mullinator** , which episode was the “_Can’t sleep. Clown’ll eat me_” line in??? I haven’t seen that one in a while. ---
**Author:** ![Mullinator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c2a13f/32.png) [@Mullinator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mullinator)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2002, 7:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/simpsons-quotes-on-a-desert-island/100936/46 "2002-04-02T19:41:26Z")
**Lenny & Carl** , that would be in Lisa’s First Word. ---
**Author:** ![Tuckerfan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@Tuckerfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tuckerfan)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2002, 1:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/simpsons-quotes-on-a-desert-island/100936/47 "2002-04-03T01:58:50Z")
Apu (on the roof of the Kwik-E-Mart [sup]®[/sup] with a rifle):Thank you for coming, I’ll see you in Hell! Homer: Okay brain, I don’t like you, you don’t like me. Help me pass this test so I can get back to killing you with beer. Cafeteria Woman: More horse testicles means more iron! ---
**Author:** ![Bryan\_Ekers](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bryan_ekers/32/183_2.png) [@Bryan\_Ekers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bryan_Ekers)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2002, 2:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/simpsons-quotes-on-a-desert-island/100936/48 "2002-04-03T02:45:41Z")
## My favorite Simpsons exchange of all time puts all others in a tie for second: Stacy Lavelle (creator of Malibu Stacy): I was forced out in 1974. They said my way of thinking just wasn’t cost effective. Lisa: [gasps] That’s awful. ## Stacy: Well, that, and I was funneling profits to the Viet Cong. ## Marge (complaining of boredom): Last week, some Jeohvah’s witnesses came to the door, and I wouldn’t let them leave. They snuck away when I went into the kitchen to get more lemonade. (Homer deals Blackjack to James Bond and Blofeld) Blofeld: 20. Your move, Mr. Bond. Bond: I’ll take a hit, dealer. [Homer gives him a card] Joker! You were supposed to take those out of the deck. Homer: Oh, sorry. Here’s another one. Bond: What’s this card? “Rules for Draw and Stud Poker”? Blofeld: What a pity, Mr. Bond. [Odd Job and Jaws grab Bond and drag him out] Bond: But…but it’s Homer’s fault! I didn’t lose. I never lose! Well, at least tell me the details of your plot for world domination. Blofeld: Ho ho ho, I’m not going to fall for _that_ one again. ---
**Author:** ![wayward](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/a87d85/32.png) [@wayward](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wayward)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2002, 10:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/simpsons-quotes-on-a-desert-island/100936/49 "2002-04-03T10:40:48Z")
Homer: “He’s gone to the garage” Moe: “Oh, gar_age_ is it? Gar_age_? Well La-di-da Mr Frenchman!” Homer: “Well what do you call it?” Moe: “A car-hole” * * * Marge: “Kids can be so cruel” Bart: “We can? Thanks Mom!” Lisa: “Owww!” * * * Badly paraphrasing from the Radioactive Man episode: Bart: “What are you doing with that horse?” Film guy: “Well, cows don’t show up on film so we have to paint horses to look like 'em” Bart: “What do you do if you want a cow?” Film guy: “Aah, we just tape a bunch of cats together” ---
**Author:** ![False\_God](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ee7513/32.png) [@False\_God](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/False_God)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2002, 2:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/simpsons-quotes-on-a-desert-island/100936/50 "2002-04-03T14:27:44Z")
From Treehouse of Horror VIII Bart: Hey, dad, can I use the transporter sometimes? Please, I swear I’ll be careful! Homer: Sorry, but this is a highly sophisti-ma-cated doo-wacky. If you don’t use it responsibly, KA-BLAM-O! (Homer outstretches his arms to add emphasis. One of them goes into the matter transporter.) Lisa: (in another room of the house) Ow, somebody just punched me in the face! Homer: It was your mother! And later: Bart! Did someone forget our little KA-BLAM-O! talk? I use highly sophisti-macted doo-whackey all the time. 'Course, I work in IT, so we have a fair number of said doo-whackeys around. ---
**Author:** ![Great\_Dave](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/46a35a/32.png) [@Great\_Dave](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Great_Dave)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2002, 8:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/simpsons-quotes-on-a-desert-island/100936/51 "2002-04-03T20:50:17Z")
I have to add this from the latest episode: “Hot snow falls up?” ---
**Author:** ![Sublight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/439d5e/32.png) [@Sublight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sublight)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2002, 2:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/simpsons-quotes-on-a-desert-island/100936/52 "2002-04-04T02:55:56Z")
Homer: “Aside from the pickaxe, the rattlesnake, and the testicle thing, nothing happened!” Bart: “Ow! Quit it. Ow! Quit it. Ow! Quit it. Ow!..” ---
**Author:** ![Kyomara](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/8edcca/32.png) [@Kyomara](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kyomara)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2002, 4:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/simpsons-quotes-on-a-desert-island/100936/53 "2002-04-04T04:48:39Z")
From Homer’s time-traveling episode: Homer: “I wish I wish I didn’t kill that fish.” * * * From “Shining” episode, when Homer is thwarted by a television set: Homer: “Television! Teacher! Mother! seeecret loverrrrr…” * * * (badly paraphrased) Homer: “Aw, Marge, you know every time I learn something new something old gets pushed out. Remember the time you bought me that home wine-making kit and I forgot how to drive?” Marge: “Homer, you were drunk!” Homer: “Aaand howww.” ---
**Author:** ![jharding](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e480ec/32.png) [@jharding](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jharding)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2002, 1:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/simpsons-quotes-on-a-desert-island/100936/54 "2002-04-04T13:20:58Z")
Mr. Burns: “Simpson, I need your help. I want to be loved.” Homer: “I see. Well, I’ll need some beer.” ---
**Author:** ![Shade](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2bfe46/32.png) [@Shade](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shade)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2002, 2:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/simpsons-quotes-on-a-desert-island/100936/55 "2002-04-04T14:30:19Z")
(Paraphrased) Cecil comes to pay bail for Bob and give him a job? Bob: Are you sure you want to do this? You have heard about the murder trial? Cecil: I’m afraid not. You see, I’ve been living in a small cave on the moon for the last six months. Bob: [tired, flat] Touché, Cecil. ---
**Author:** ![5-HT](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/5/f19dbf/32.png) [@5-HT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/5-HT)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2002, 5:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/simpsons-quotes-on-a-desert-island/100936/56 "2002-04-04T17:23:02Z")
(After receiving something like 50 cents for selling grease) Bart: But dad, that bacon cost 20 dollars! Homer: Yes, but your mother paid for that. Bart: But doesn’t she get her money from you? Homer: and I get my money from grease, what’s the problem? * * * Homer(to Mr. Burns): Could you repeat the part of the stuff where you said all about the things? …the things? * * * Homer(answers the phone): Yello. You’ll have to speak up, I’m wearing a towel. ---
**Author:** ![LindyHopper](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ebca7d/32.png) [@LindyHopper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LindyHopper)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2002, 9:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/simpsons-quotes-on-a-desert-island/100936/57 "2002-04-04T21:03:36Z")
1. From the “Big Brother” episode, when Homer is asked why he wants to mentor a child: Homer’s Brain: Don’t say revenge! Don’t say revenge! Homer: Revenge. Homer’s Brain: That’s it, I’m outta here! \ 1. Homer: Donuts; is there anything they can’t do? 2. Mr. Burns is ordering Homer off his property: Homer: Oh, yeah? What are you gonna do? Release the dogs? Or the bees? Or the dogs with bees in their mouths, and when they bark, they shoot bees at you? ---
**Author:** ![LindyHopper](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ebca7d/32.png) [@LindyHopper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LindyHopper)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2002, 9:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/simpsons-quotes-on-a-desert-island/100936/58 "2002-04-04T21:05:30Z")
Oh, and one more (another Homerism): Homer: I am the piano genius from the movie “Shine”. Other person (don’t remember who): What’s your name? Homer: Umm…Shiney McShine. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/simpsons-quotes-on-a-desert-island/100936.md?page=2)