# Sincere or Sardonic? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [October 3, 2015, 9:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sincere-or-sardonic/733417 "2015-10-03T21:37:06Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 5\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![tafowler87](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/f07891/32.png) [@tafowler87](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tafowler87)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2015, 9:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sincere-or-sardonic/733417/1 "2015-10-03T21:37:06Z")
Is the use of the word sorry when comforting a friend inappropriate? Obviously you are not at fault, but it seems like saying sorry grows into a state of recognition as I get older. Should I say sorry to show empathy or just state the obvious and distract from the worry? ---
**Author:** ![don\_t\_ask](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@don\_t\_ask](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/don_t_ask)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2015, 9:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sincere-or-sardonic/733417/2 "2015-10-03T21:59:52Z")
I see your point. Maybe you would be more comfortable with “I was saddened to hear about your \. Let me know if there is anything I can do for you.” ---
**Author:** ![LSLGuy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lslguy/32/5813_2.png) [@LSLGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LSLGuy)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2015, 5:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sincere-or-sardonic/733417/3 "2015-10-04T17:17:50Z")
IMO “sorry” can be seen as a synonym for “regret”. One of the many meanings of “sorry” implies culpability in some offense. But there are other relevant meanings that don’t. “I regret that your dog died” doesn’t say anything about whether or not I was at fault in the dog’s death. And “I am sorry that your dog died” also doesn’t (necessarily) say anything about whether or not I was at fault in the dog’s death. ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2015, 5:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sincere-or-sardonic/733417/4 "2015-10-04T17:49:58Z")
Yes, it’s a show of sympathy, or if you’re very close and also feel those feels, empathy. In the context of mourning, you say “sorry,” (or any one of a number of other platitudes, like, “She looks so peaceful,” or “He will be missed.”) because there’s nothing more useful to say. You know it’s not an apology for fault, he knows you’re not apologizing for fault, but you’re both standing there feeling some degree of miserable and someone’s got to say something to break the ice. It’s cruel to expect the mourner to do that, so it’s your responsibility. And “sorry” works as well as anything else. “Sorry,” in the context of mourning, is generally short for, “_I’m so sorry for your loss._ The death of a loved one is a big thing to deal with, and I wish you didn’t have to, and I wish there was something more helpful I could say, but I know there isn’t, because this totally sucks, so I’m just letting you know that I care for you, and whenever you’re ready to talk or go get a drink, I’m here, man.” You can certainly say all that if you want to, but many people have distilled it down to, “Sorry.” ---
**Author:** ![elbows](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b3f665/32.png) [@elbows](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elbows)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2015, 6:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sincere-or-sardonic/733417/5 "2015-10-04T18:41:12Z")
“I’m so sorry for your loss” “I’m sorry to hear of your misfortune.” “Sorry life is shitting on you just now!” None of these imply responsibility for anything, in my opinion, so I’m going to say, no, it’s not in the least inappropriate.