# Single Dopers, I need some help.... **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [July 12, 2001, 11:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/single-dopers-i-need-some-help/72288 "2001-07-12T23:12:57Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 13\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Skerri](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f04885/32.png) [@Skerri](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skerri)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2001, 11:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/single-dopers-i-need-some-help/72288/1 "2001-07-12T23:12:57Z")
My sister just announced her wedding date. She and her boyfriend have decided that they are getting married on 2/2/02. How cute. I am the last of 4 sisters and 1 brother to get married. And I’ve already had the pressure from my mom. Last time that I was upset about a guy, my mom, (who is supposed to be there to **support** me, dangit!) said “Oh, you just need to find someone and settle down!” Thanks mom. Am I wrong to be sad about this? Should I be at my parent’s house right now, raising a glass of beer to my sister? (They’re not having a party or anything, but you know what I mean.) I think the thing that strikes me the hardest is that she is my younger sister. I always thought I would be the last, but this is just some sort of wicked confirmation. The truly sad part is that I am the last single person I know now. My best friend got married years ago, (she is 23 now) and I don’t really hang out with a lot of people. I am also the last person I know to have a kid. I’m 27 for cryin’ out loud. I know that I don’t need a child right now. I am irresponsible, and I don’t have any patience. So that doesn’t bother me as much. But why is this whole marriage thing bothering me? Hell, if anything, I should be happy that the punk decided to marry her after they had a kid. (Who is now almost 2.) I was engaged 6 years ago. But he’s out of the picture… And there’s nothing on the horizon. (Well, I have one or two, but there’s not much marriage potential there.) To the mods, I don’t think this warrants a Pit thread… I’m not mad, just sad. Arrgh… Anyone? Someone??? ---
**Author:** ![pesch](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pesch/32/4925_2.png) [@pesch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pesch)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2001, 11:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/single-dopers-i-need-some-help/72288/2 "2001-07-12T23:17:35Z")
Soon as you can show me in the contract where it says you’re supposed to get married in descending order, I’ll agree that you have something to worry about. Sounds like you’re feeling too much pressure from your parents, and jumping on your own back’s not helping. Life doesn’t come with answers in the back of the book. If you’re happy where you are, try not to let the little voices get you down. It’ll be all right. ---
**Author:** ![Skerri](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f04885/32.png) [@Skerri](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skerri)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2001, 11:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/single-dopers-i-need-some-help/72288/3 "2001-07-12T23:24:15Z")
Thanks, **pesch**. I know you’re just knocking a little sense into me. I just feel really down right now because I feel like “The Only Single Person I Know”. I’ve just never had to put up with this until this point. (The funny thing about my parents is that as soon as I found someone that **I** wanted to marry, they instantly disliked him… WTF?!?) ---
**Author:** ![Cyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a88e4f/32.png) [@Cyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cyn)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2001, 11:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/single-dopers-i-need-some-help/72288/4 "2001-07-12T23:32:29Z")
It sounds as if people are deliberatly, carelessly, inadvertantly or actively working hard at making you feel this way. My well-meaning aunties tell me that I’ve been divorced long enough, I just need to find some nice man and settle down. Like there’s a nice-man-outlet mall I can go to and charge the purchase to my Visa and get on with my happy life, duly wed. Some days, I wished there were such a store. Not anymore—in my own sweet time, I met a nice man and will soon settle down, but not according to any one else’s timetable. ---
**Author:** ![Omniscient](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omniscient/32/3290_2.png) [@Omniscient](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omniscient)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2001, 11:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/single-dopers-i-need-some-help/72288/5 "2001-07-12T23:40:05Z")
Damn, what the hell is it with women and marriage? ---
**Author:** ![Lsura](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7993a0/32.png) [@Lsura](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lsura)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2001, 11:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/single-dopers-i-need-some-help/72288/6 "2001-07-12T23:44:29Z")
**Cyn** , I have an aunt like that too. I’ve finally gotten to the point where I ignore her. I have little games I play in my mind while she’s going off on her “why aren’t you married” kicks. **Skerri** , I’m 27, almost 28. I’ve learned that I have to do what makes me happy, rather than what others expect of me. However, my last 3 unmarried friends have announced their engagements recently, so I have a bit of an idea what you mean. Not being married doesn’t make me a failure, and it certainly doesn’t make you one. I’m learning to make new friends again(and it’s so hard when you’re not in school-and you’re terminally shy). What I have learned is that it’s when you’re happy with yourself and not worried about having a man that you meet someone. Don’t let anyone’s words get you down. Do what makes _you_ happy, and don’t ever settle for less than love. ---
**Author:** ![Grok](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/96bed5/32.png) [@Grok](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grok)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2001, 2:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/single-dopers-i-need-some-help/72288/7 "2001-07-13T02:31:18Z")
Don’t take this the wrong way **Skerri** , but F\*\*\* your mother! I think it’s so wrong to pressure people about marriage, relationships, and having children. People should do those things when they are darn good and ready, and not before. My situation is somewhat similar to yours, in that my younger sister got married three years ago. I’m 31, and was engaged once, which made my mother happy. But then we broke it off. And just the other day, my parents casually remarked that I am the only male on our side of the family. If I don’t have children, the name dies with me. Know what I said? “Not my problem. Mind your own business.” I’m a teacher, and I see the results when people get married, have kids, and then it doesn’t work out. Do it when you’re ready, or not at all. This is your life, and nobody should have anything to say about it but you. ---
**Author:** ![Eo\_Echo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ebca7d/32.png) [@Eo\_Echo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eo_Echo)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2001, 3:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/single-dopers-i-need-some-help/72288/8 "2001-07-13T03:45:01Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Skerri \* > **I just feel really down right now because I feel like “The Only Single Person I Know”. I’ve just never had to put up with this until this point.** You’re in good company, **Skerri.** I’ll be 27 in two weeks, and I’m just about the only single person in my group of friends. Most of the rest of them dated each other in various combinations until settling for (or with) what was closest and most convienent. I say, “The hell with that!” > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Lsura \* > **Do what makes _you happy, and don’t ever settle for less than love._** And that’s the other thing. So you go your own way. Perhaps you’re a bit more selective. Often, that simply means that you know what you like. I don’t think that’s a bad thing by any stretch. ---
**Author:** ![Skerri](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f04885/32.png) [@Skerri](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skerri)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2001, 5:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/single-dopers-i-need-some-help/72288/9 "2001-07-13T05:15:16Z")
Uggh. What a day. So, on Tuesday I have to drive 300 miles with said sister to help her find a wedding gown. Fun, fun, fun! **Cyn** , if you ever find that store, let me know. But let’s make sure they have a good refund policy! **Omniscient** , all I have to say is ☹ **Lsura** , I thank you. And I don’t plan on settling for anything. It’s love or nothing, dangit! **Grok** , the odd thing is that my best friend is married, but seriously considering divorce. You would think this would put me off the whole idea, huh? **JBirdman** , amen, my brother! I don’t plan on finding someone “convenient” to “settle down with”. It just makes me feel a little more alone everytime I hear “OHMYGOSH! I GOT ENGAGED!” Thank you all. It’s nice to know that I’m not the only one. Seeing as EVERY person I know personally has “someone”, it’s nice to know that I can find a few single people! ---
**Author:** ![alice\_in\_wonderland](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alice_in_wonderland/32/176_2.png) [@alice\_in\_wonderland](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alice_in_wonderland)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2001, 5:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/single-dopers-i-need-some-help/72288/10 "2001-07-13T05:23:35Z")
This doesn’t have to be about you. I’m not trying to be a hosebag here, but really, make this occasion about your sister - focus on her stuff, dress, flowers, jitters, etc. If you dwell on your own situation, you’re just going to make yourself miserable. I’m 28 and don’t have a _ **DATE** _ prospect, let alone a marriage prospect. I have my mom and my grandma setting me \*\*\*UP ON DATES!\*\*\*fer crying outloud! Trust me - focus on someone elses stuff for a while and you’ll feel better about your own. Also, I have to respectfully insert here that being single has a whole lot of perks - bed to yourself, 45 minute showers with no one flushing the toilet, eating what you want, going where you want, doing what you want, buying what you want - its got an upside too! 🙂 Al. ---
**Author:** ![Skerri](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f04885/32.png) [@Skerri](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skerri)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2001, 5:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/single-dopers-i-need-some-help/72288/11 "2001-07-13T05:35:13Z")
**Alice** , I know right now it’s all about my sister. And I’m cool with that. Hell, if I wasn’t, I wouldn’t be driving that far to get a dress with her. And I plan on being the one she can count on if she needs me. Hey, that’s what sisters are for, right? And yes, I do like being single sometimes. Like when my best friend is fighting with her husband, or when I have to get up to be at work at 9 and get out of bed at 8:55, or when I just feel like wearing pj’s all day and watching “Gone With the Wind”. I’m just having a severe attack of the “lonelies” and I’m getting tired of feeling this way. Oh, and BTW, the only date prospects I have right now are complete and total tools. But, they can be nice, and they can be fun to hang out with, on occasion. I appreciate your and everyone else’s advice. I just feel kinda dumb because I really don’t have anyone else (locally, at least) to talk to about all this. ---
**Author:** ![alice\_in\_wonderland](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alice_in_wonderland/32/176_2.png) [@alice\_in\_wonderland](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alice_in_wonderland)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2001, 5:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/single-dopers-i-need-some-help/72288/12 "2001-07-13T05:39:43Z")
All my friends are married and HAVING BABIES fer crying out loud! A few keep trying to set me up with their single friends, but they seem to have NO idea what I find appealing. Apalling, perhaps, but not appealing. Anyhow - I know how you feel - sometimes the single scene is a drag, particularly when you have friends/relatives haranging you about your single status - basically, I just try not to think about it. Sometimes denial is a very effective coping mechanism! 😛 Al. ---
**Author:** ![ruadh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/d2c977/32.png) [@ruadh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ruadh)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2001, 6:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/single-dopers-i-need-some-help/72288/13 "2001-07-13T06:29:37Z")
I feel your pain, Skerri. My sister is married, my brother may as well be. My three closest friends are all either married or engaged. Me, I haven’t got past the third date with anyone in years. And I’m 31. And if I had a pound for every time I’ve heard someone say “don’t worry, it’ll happen”, I could buy myself a mail order groom 😃 No advice here. Just wanted to let you know you’re not the only one. PS Omni, I can’t speak for anyone else, but it isn’t _marriage_ per se that I want, not at the moment anyway. I’m just tired of feeling like a Member-for-Life of the Singles Club.