# Single moms and married men never leaving wives? **URL:** \ **Category:** Great Debates\ **Created:** [June 11, 2013, 9:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/single-moms-and-married-men-never-leaving-wives/660752 "2013-06-11T21:13:58Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 16\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Whitney\_Harper](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/f0a364/32.png) [@Whitney\_Harper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Whitney_Harper)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2013, 9:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/single-moms-and-married-men-never-leaving-wives/660752/1 "2013-06-11T21:13:58Z")
I often hear two contrasting phrases: The phrase “single moms” and I also hear a lot that “married men never leave their wives for the other woman”. Is it that the single women are having babies out of wedlock or that men are leaving their wives but not for the other woman? How can there be so many single moms, if men are not leaving their wives, unless the wives are leaving the men? Any comments? ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2013, 9:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/single-moms-and-married-men-never-leaving-wives/660752/2 "2013-06-11T21:23:10Z")
> [@Whitney\_Harper](#): > > I also hear a lot that “married men never leave their wives for the other woman”. :dubious: I’ve never heard anyone say that. Well, until you just did. ---
**Author:** ![Voyager](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/voyager/32/133_2.png) [@Voyager](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Voyager)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2013, 9:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/single-moms-and-married-men-never-leaving-wives/660752/3 "2013-06-11T21:27:30Z")
Single moms can either - have kids without ever being married - have kids and then get divorced - have kids and get widowed. Divorce can be initiated by either or both parties. Men might leave for other women or just leave. Where did you hear that men never leave, btw? ---
**Author:** ![DrFidelius](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/drfidelius/32/3447_2.png) [@DrFidelius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrFidelius)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2013, 9:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/single-moms-and-married-men-never-leaving-wives/660752/4 "2013-06-11T21:29:23Z")
“Leaving the wife” implies that he has set up housekeeping with the “other woman,” in which situation she would no longer be a “single mom.” But you seem to be reducing a sociological trend to two fortune-cookie aphorisms. ---
**Author:** ![gazpacho](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/6f9a4e/32.png) [@gazpacho](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gazpacho)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2013, 9:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/single-moms-and-married-men-never-leaving-wives/660752/5 "2013-06-11T21:33:26Z")
> [@Der\_Trihs](#): > > :dubious: I’ve never heard anyone say that. Well, until you just did. I have heard people say this a lot. It is usually as advice to the other woman. The advice is the married guys you are seeing is not going to divorce his wife and marry you. He is just saying that to get to to continue to have sex with him. As for the OP single men can get women pregnant. ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2013, 9:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/single-moms-and-married-men-never-leaving-wives/660752/6 "2013-06-11T21:35:38Z")
> [@gazpacho](#): > > I have heard people say this a lot. It is usually as advice to the other woman. The advice is the married guys you are seeing is not going to divorce his wife and marry you. He is just saying that to get to to continue to have sex with him. OK, that makes a certain amount of sense. ---
**Author:** ![holmes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e95f7d/32.png) [@holmes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/holmes)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2013, 9:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/single-moms-and-married-men-never-leaving-wives/660752/7 "2013-06-11T21:43:22Z")
> [@gazpacho](#): > > I have heard people say this a lot. It is usually as advice to the other woman. The advice is the married guys you are seeing is not going to divorce his wife and marry you. He is just saying that to get to to continue to have sex with him. The rest of it goes, “…if he’s cheating on his wife with you, what makes you think he won’t cheat on you when you’re the wife…?” ---
**Author:** ![gazpacho](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/6f9a4e/32.png) [@gazpacho](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gazpacho)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2013, 9:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/single-moms-and-married-men-never-leaving-wives/660752/8 "2013-06-11T21:44:37Z")
I miss read the OP. I found a page that discusses the OPs question. [http://singleparents.about.com/od/legalissues/p/portrait.htm](http://singleparents.about.com/od/legalissues/p/portrait.htm) > [@](#): > > She is Divorced or Separated: > > Of the mothers who are custodial parents: > 45% are currently divorced or separated > 34.2% have never been married > 19% are married (In most cases, these numbers represent women who have remarried.) > 1.7% were widowed So it looks like a little more than 1/3rd of single moms had kids out of wedlock. ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2013, 9:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/single-moms-and-married-men-never-leaving-wives/660752/9 "2013-06-11T21:57:44Z")
Of course having a child out of wedlock is not the same as having an affair with a married man. And then there are people who have children while in long-term relationships without getting married. ---
**Author:** ![Rune](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e68b1a/32.png) [@Rune](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rune)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2013, 10:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/single-moms-and-married-men-never-leaving-wives/660752/10 "2013-06-11T22:09:21Z")
> [@Whitney\_Harper](#): > > I often hear two contrasting phrases: The phrase “single moms” and I also hear a lot that “married men never leave their wives for the other woman”. Is it that the single women are having babies out of wedlock or that men are leaving their wives but not for the other woman? How can there be so many single moms, if men are not leaving their wives, unless the wives are leaving the men? Any comments? They are not contrasting. I believe most marriages are terminated in divorce by the wish of the wife. Also women live longer than men, so there are more widows. Although I think most single mothers were having babies out of wedlock. ---
**Author:** ![Learjeff](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/94ad74/32.png) [@Learjeff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Learjeff)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2013, 10:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/single-moms-and-married-men-never-leaving-wives/660752/11 "2013-06-11T22:56:52Z")
“Never” is wrong, of course. What’s really meant is “unlikely”. Look at it this way. Of course, many men do leave their wives. But what are the odds, when a single woman starts to date a married man, that the man will leave his wife for her? If most men who have affairs leave their wives on their first affiar, then the odds would be good. If most men who have affairs leave their wives rarely (and even then, after multiple affairs where they didn’t), then the odds would be bad, and the advice (though technically inaccurate) would be good. So, which do you think is the case? ---
**Author:** ![MandaJo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ac91a4/32.png) [@MandaJo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MandaJo)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2013, 4:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/single-moms-and-married-men-never-leaving-wives/660752/12 "2013-06-12T16:56:09Z")
> [@Rune](#): > > They are not contrasting. I believe most marriages are terminated in divorce by the wish of the wife. Also women live longer than men, so there are more widows. Although I think most single mothers were having babies out of wedlock. This is one of those things where people can see it differently, as well: if a person has an affair, and then they want to try to rebuild the marriage, and the other person doesn’t want to, who “wished” for the end of the marriage? The cheater might well say “Well, I wanted to stay married: it was them”. The cheated on might well say “The other person ended the marriage when they started the affair.” ---
**Author:** ![Bridget\_Burke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7cd45c/32.png) [@Bridget\_Burke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bridget_Burke)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2013, 5:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/single-moms-and-married-men-never-leaving-wives/660752/13 "2013-06-12T17:16:20Z")
> [@Rune](#): > > They are not contrasting. I believe most marriages are terminated in divorce by the wish of the wife. Also women live longer than men, so there are more widows. Although I think most single mothers were having babies out of wedlock. Cite? ---
**Author:** ![Algher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Algher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Algher)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2013, 6:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/single-moms-and-married-men-never-leaving-wives/660752/14 "2013-06-12T18:10:37Z")
> [@Bridget\_Burke](#): > > Cite? > [@](#): > > “Two-thirds of all divorces are initiated by women. One recent study found that many of the reasons for this have to do with the nature of our divorce laws. For example, in most states women have a good chance of receiving custody of their children. Because women more strongly want to keep their children with them, in states where there is a presumption of shared custody with the husband the percentage of women who initiate divorces is much lower. Also, the higher rate of women initiators is probably due to the fact that men are more likely to be “badly behaved.” Husbands, for example, are more likely than wives to have problems with drinking, drug abuse, and infidelity.” > **[Why Are Women Often The First To Leave?](https://www.huffpost.com/entry/why-women-want-out-more-t_b_792133)** > > In all but a very few cases, the woman left the marriage, not the man. ---
**Author:** ![Voyager](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/voyager/32/133_2.png) [@Voyager](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Voyager)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2013, 10:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/single-moms-and-married-men-never-leaving-wives/660752/15 "2013-06-12T22:25:37Z")
> [@gazpacho](#): > > I have heard people say this a lot. It is usually as advice to the other woman. The advice is the married guys you are seeing is not going to divorce his wife and marry you. He is just saying that to get to to continue to have sex with him. Yeah, but that is said to encourage the other woman to stop and get realistic. However I personally know a man who did leave his wife and marry the other woman. He said God told him to. :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![stoplight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ea666f/32.png) [@stoplight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stoplight)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2013, 1:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/single-moms-and-married-men-never-leaving-wives/660752/16 "2013-06-13T01:11:39Z")
Single mom, divorced mom. I hear the two more often then not. When I hear single mom I think child born outside of marriage. Divorced mom is obvious. Guys most often do not leave their wives for their mistress unless it blows up and and his wife finds out, or the hubby or boyfriend of the mistress finds out. Then he is generally forced to make a decision but left to his own devices? status quo is the goal.