# Single Parent Leaving US With Children? **URL:** \ **Category:** Factual Questions\ **Created:** [November 26, 2011, 4:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/single-parent-leaving-us-with-children/604156 "2011-11-26T16:26:43Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![alphaboi867](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alphaboi867/32/3898_2.png) [@alphaboi867](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alphaboi867)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2011, 10:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/single-parent-leaving-us-with-children/604156/21 "2011-11-26T22:04:57Z")
> [@boytyperanma](#): > > …She made the mistake of putting his name on the birth certificate. When it came time for her to travel internationally with said child she was given a very hard time at Canadian customs. She had no documentation from the father saying it was OK for her to take the child out of the country. After explaining for two hours the situation, they eventually let her through but ‘informed’ her they wouldn’t do so in the future(guess you can abduct one child per lifetime if your story is believable.) > > She then spent much time tracking down and locating the deadbeat dad and managed to get a note from him consenting to allow her to take the child out of the country as needed. The next TSA agent explained a new note would have to be acquired for each instance, one note could not cover all travels… IANAL, but maybe a court order affirming that she has sole custody and sole authority to take her child abroud would help? You’d probally need to carry the original order, complete with seal and not a copy. > [@SciFiSam](#): > > …Doesn’t the father have to be involved in some way to get his name on the birth certificate (if he’s not married to the mother)? In the UK at least, the father has to be physically present when the birth is registered in order to be on the birth certificate. Surely other countries have something similar - you can’t just write down ‘Bill Gates’ and hope for the best. A married woman can name her husband as father, no questions asked. In fact he’s legally assumed to be the father of any children she gives birth to; he doesn’t have to be present or sign anything (though if he starts the process immediatly he can disclaim paternity in court). She she’s not married the father must either sign some paperwork aknowledging paternity or she has to get a court order declaring him to be the father. ---
**Author:** ![shantih](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f6c823/32.png) [@shantih](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/shantih)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2011, 10:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/single-parent-leaving-us-with-children/604156/22 "2011-11-26T22:10:39Z")
> [@Dr.Drake](#): > > If I can piggy-back on the OP, when did this process begin? In the 1970s and 1980s, I don’t recall anyone ever asking on either side of the US / Canada border. I can’t tell you exactly when it began, but it’s a response to some ugly situations in which one parent took the kids back to his or her home country and then divorced their spouse. The other parent could find themselves cut off from all contact with their children and unable to pursue shared custody through foreign courts. ---
**Author:** ![Bloodless\_Turnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@Bloodless\_Turnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bloodless_Turnip)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2011, 10:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/single-parent-leaving-us-with-children/604156/23 "2011-11-26T22:11:45Z")
> [@](#): > > Doesn’t the father have to be involved in some way to get his name on the birth certificate (if he’s not married to the mother)? In the UK at least, the father has to be physically present when the birth is registered in order to be on the birth certificate. Surely other countries have something similar - you can’t just write down ‘Bill Gates’ and hope for the best. I’m sorry, I meant in a situation where she has been telling him he is the father, when he actually isn’t. ---
**Author:** ![eclectic\_wench](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ac91a4/32.png) [@eclectic\_wench](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eclectic_wench)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2011, 12:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/single-parent-leaving-us-with-children/604156/24 "2011-11-27T00:33:20Z")
It’s not only when you’re actually travelling. Over here (Ireland), we couldn’t even apply for a passport for Widget without both of us signing the form in the presence of a person in good standing in the community (basically, doctor/lawyer/priest/something like that) who knew us, and both of us going down to the police station for a garda to sign it. And when I went to get one of my passports renewed, my husband had to come with me and sign a form giving me _permission to have a passport_. Once I got my jaw off the floor, I asked WTF, and they said it isn’t because we’re married - it’s because we have a child together. Apparently they don’t want me getting a passport on the sly and then skipping off to the Bahamas with the kid stashed up my top or something. ---
**Author:** ![Lord\_Feldon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lord_feldon/32/341_2.png) [@Lord\_Feldon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lord_Feldon)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2011, 12:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/single-parent-leaving-us-with-children/604156/25 "2011-11-27T00:48:52Z")
> [@Dr.Drake](#): > > If I can piggy-back on the OP, when did this process begin? In the 1970s and 1980s, I don’t recall anyone ever asking on either side of the US / Canada border. My dad and I went to Canada many times from the mid-90s until I turned 18 in 2006 and he was never asked to show anything from my mom. The only time we ever even went to the precaution of having her sign something was when we went to the UK in 2003. He wasn’t asked then, either. I’m sure it happens, but it still wasn’t universal thing as of five years ago. ---
**Author:** ![RickJay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/bb73d2/32.png) [@RickJay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RickJay)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2011, 1:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/single-parent-leaving-us-with-children/604156/26 "2011-11-27T01:33:01Z")
> [@jtgain](#): > > What did those eagle-eyed customs officials think that your friend was up to? I don’t mean to be harsh, but the people who get jobs as customs agents are not generally recruited from the best colleges, if you catch my drift. I’ve taken my daughter out of the country and never had this sort of issue (nor has my wife) but I’ve had some other stupefyingly idiotic holdups. The stupidity and ignorance of border guards knows no bounds. A key thing to bear in mind is that the border guards themselves quite often don’t understand the rules, and will enforce the law incorrectly, or misunderstand the meaning of documents, or simply make laws up, or heaven knows what. I’ve seen a Canadian border official proudly announce that dual Canadian/American citizenship was a complete impossibility (it’s not) and another said that all former members of the Canadian military must carry discharge papers at all times (they don’t.) I’ve had three American border officials all look at my work visa and give three different interpretations of its purpose and all of them were wrong. There are not bright folks. ---
**Author:** ![Palo\_Verde](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/65b543/32.png) [@Palo\_Verde](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Palo_Verde)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2011, 4:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/single-parent-leaving-us-with-children/604156/27 "2011-11-27T04:15:13Z")
Both my husband and I have taken our children out of the country without the other. We worried about whether this would be an issue, but it never came up. Once my sister took my son, her nephew, to the Dominican Republic and we wrote up all kinds of forms giving her permission, but no one ever asked at all. ---
**Author:** ![ProbablyProcrastinating](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/57b2e6/32.png) [@ProbablyProcrastinating](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ProbablyProcrastinating)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2011, 4:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/single-parent-leaving-us-with-children/604156/28 "2011-11-27T04:25:38Z")
I took my kids on international travels, with a letter, before we were divorced. It was never a question. We have different last names. In fact, I was never even asked for proof of custody. However, they do have the right to ask and we have to make the proper arrangements including notarized permission, birth certificates, and anything else required by the country. I like this law. I don’t think my ex would kidnap our kids in his present state of mind but he does go pretty nuts at times. ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2011, 6:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/single-parent-leaving-us-with-children/604156/29 "2011-11-27T06:34:26Z")
I’m gonna need a cite that there are any laws restricting children from leaving or entering the US with only one parent, assuming the child has a passport. And it is clear from the state department site that even infants need passports. I’ve been looking through the site, and while I can find references to prevent children from acquiring passports if one parent objects, and other references of assistance to parents who are concerned their child might be kidnapped, I can’t see anything about not allowing a child to cross a border. Everything I can see only kicks in if a parent complains and then some kind of alert is issued to catch the kid while crossing a border. ---
**Author:** ![gwendee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/35a633/32.png) [@gwendee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gwendee)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2011, 2:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/single-parent-leaving-us-with-children/604156/30 "2011-11-27T14:11:24Z")
We haven’t gone anywhere yet, but I had to have a form signed by his father and notarized to get my son’s passport. So, even though I’ve done that if I ever want to take him on a trip I have to get a letter, too? My inclination is to go along with any law or policy that makes the world safer for anyone at all…but I’m not sure this does that. ---
**Author:** ![RaftPeople](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/6f9a4e/32.png) [@RaftPeople](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RaftPeople)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2011, 4:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/single-parent-leaving-us-with-children/604156/31 "2011-11-27T16:49:28Z")
> [@Boyo\_Jim](#): > > I’m gonna need a cite that there are any laws restricting children from leaving or entering the US with only one parent, assuming the child has a passport. And it is clear from the state department site that even infants need passports. > > I’ve been looking through the site, and while I can find references to prevent children from acquiring passports if one parent objects, and other references of assistance to parents who are concerned their child might be kidnapped, I can’t see anything about not allowing a child to cross a border. > > Everything I can see only kicks in if a parent complains and then some kind of alert is issued to catch the kid while crossing a border. [https://help.cbp.gov/app/answers/detail/a\_id/268/~/traveling-with-children---child-traveling-with-one-parent-or-someone-who-is-not](https://help.cbp.gov/app/answers/detail/a_id/268/~/traveling-with-children---child-traveling-with-one-parent-or-someone-who-is-not) ---
**Author:** ![MandaJo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ac91a4/32.png) [@MandaJo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MandaJo)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2011, 5:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/single-parent-leaving-us-with-children/604156/32 "2011-11-27T17:13:18Z")
> [@RaftPeople](#): > > [https://help.cbp.gov/app/answers/detail/a\_id/268/~/traveling-with-children---child-traveling-with-one-parent-or-someone-who-is-not](https://help.cbp.gov/app/answers/detail/a_id/268/~/traveling-with-children---child-traveling-with-one-parent-or-someone-who-is-not) From your cite: > [@](#): > > Adults traveling with children should also be aware that, while the U.S. does not require this documentation, many other countries do; failure to produce notarized permission letters and/or birth certificates could result in travelers being refused entry (Canada has very strict requirements in this regard). So this is not a law in the US. It’s just highly recommended. ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2011, 5:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/single-parent-leaving-us-with-children/604156/33 "2011-11-27T17:27:22Z")
My mom has traveled internationally with kids who don’t have any official relationship to her at all, and who are quite obviously not close blood relatives (radically different skin color). I’ll have to ask her what hoops she had to jump through for that. ---
**Author:** ![cherry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/da6949/32.png) [@cherry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cherry)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2011, 5:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/single-parent-leaving-us-with-children/604156/34 "2011-11-27T17:47:27Z")
I travel with my daughter on a US passport at least several times a year since she was 3 months old. Everytime I arrive at customs in Toronto I am asked for the letter. They don’t always look at it but the majority of the time they do. The first time I did this it wasn’t notarized and was informed it had to be. So since then it has been. I wondered what they would do if we entered Canada on our Canadian passports. Keep us out without a letter from my husband? I’m not sure but I think using multiple passports will be more hassle. ---
**Author:** ![Dr.Drake](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ad7895/32.png) [@Dr.Drake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr.Drake)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2011, 6:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/single-parent-leaving-us-with-children/604156/35 "2011-11-27T18:04:00Z")
> [@cherry](#): > > I’m not sure but I think using multiple passports will be more hassle. It should be less hassle. If you are a dual national, you are supposed to always enter Canada as a Canadian and America as an American. Most people I know routinely ignore this, and I used to, but it actually makes things easier since they can’t keep you out if you’re a citizen (though they can give you a hard time). Plus, you get to feel like an international spy every time you switch passports. ---
**Author:** ![SciFiSam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/47e85d/32.png) [@SciFiSam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SciFiSam)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2011, 6:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/single-parent-leaving-us-with-children/604156/36 "2011-11-27T18:10:09Z")
> [@alphaboi867](#): > > IANAL, but maybe a court order affirming that she has sole custody and sole authority to take her child abroud would help? You’d probally need to carry the original order, complete with seal and not a copy. > > A married woman can name her husband as father, no questions asked. In fact he’s legally assumed to be the father of any children she gives birth to; he doesn’t have to be present or sign anything (though if he starts the process immediatly he can disclaim paternity in court). She she’s not married the father must either sign some paperwork aknowledging paternity or she has to get a court order declaring him to be the father. Good to know. I wasn’t talking about married parents. > [@Bloodless\_Turnip](#): > > I’m sorry, I meant in a situation where she has been telling him he is the father, when he actually isn’t. I can’t see taking the child on holiday being the biggest issue there. 😃 > [@eclectic\_wench](#): > > And when I went to get one of my passports renewed, my husband had to come with me and sign a form giving me _permission to have a passport_. Once I got my jaw off the floor, I asked WTF, and they said it isn’t because we’re married - it’s because we have a child together. Apparently they don’t want me getting a passport on the sly and then skipping off to the Bahamas with the kid stashed up my top or something. That’s bizarre. How nice of the government to give abusive partners extra control. ---
**Author:** ![UltraVires](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/ecccb3/32.png) [@UltraVires](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UltraVires)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2011, 11:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/single-parent-leaving-us-with-children/604156/37 "2011-11-27T23:09:16Z")
> [@SciFiSam](#): > > That’s bizarre. How nice of the government to give abusive partners extra control. What if it is the abusive partner at the passport office with the child? Then the law gives the “good” parent control. ---
**Author:** ![Shagnasty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9dc877/32.png) [@Shagnasty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shagnasty)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2011, 11:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/single-parent-leaving-us-with-children/604156/38 "2011-11-27T23:32:36Z")
If you look at it from both sides, this is a system that needs to be in place to prevent all-to-common parental kidnappings yet it can’t be very strict at entry and exit points because there are plenty of reasons a child needs to travel with only one parent. There isn’t any way to make it work perfectly so the system just needs to have reasonable checks and support the justice system which has to handle the bad cases. This isn’t unique to international travel in the U.S. Taking kids over state lines introduces plenty of complicating issues as well and formal extradition may need to happen in the case of a parental custody dispute or kidnapping. Anyone can drive their kids across state lines however with no checks at all. I travel frequently with my young daughters. I have noticed security and gate agents giving me extra scrutiny when I have them by myself but it is obvious they are really mine from appearance and the way we interact so hardly anything ever comes of it. However, once a TSA agent did start playing with my then 4 year old in the security line and asked her about her name, family,and what fun things she had planned on vacation. He was nice about it but it was certainly an abduction check. That is probably the best way for him to handle it. ---
**Author:** ![Eva\_Luna](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/e495f1/32.png) [@Eva\_Luna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eva_Luna)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2011, 12:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/single-parent-leaving-us-with-children/604156/39 "2011-11-28T00:01:51Z")
> [@SciFiSam](#): > > That’s bizarre. How nice of the government to give abusive partners extra control. There are ways to deal with that issue. I had a client (a Brit, BTW) whose abusive ex-husband, in open court during the divorce, threatened to take the kid off to his native country without her permisison. The judge didn’t take kindly to that and granted the mom sole custody. It wasn’t a problem at all for her, with that custody order, to get her son a passport without his bio-father’s permisison and immigrate to the U.S. with him with husband #2. ---
**Author:** ![eclectic\_wench](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ac91a4/32.png) [@eclectic\_wench](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eclectic_wench)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2011, 12:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/single-parent-leaving-us-with-children/604156/40 "2011-11-28T00:25:01Z")
> [@jtgain](#): > > What if it is the abusive partner at the passport office with the child? Then the law gives the “good” parent control. No, this wasn’t about our daughter’s passport. It was about \*my \*passport. I needed my husband’s permission to get it renewed. Which I totally don’t get. I understand why having both parents consent to the kid’s passport would help prevent international kidnappings - but my passport? How does that make a difference? If I have one but he doesn’t consent to the kid getting one, it’s not like I can take her with me anyway. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/single-parent-leaving-us-with-children/604156.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/single-parent-leaving-us-with-children/604156.md?page=3)