# Single straight males: if an attractive woman makes the first move, are you likely to be dismayed...
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/single-straight-males-if-an-attractive-woman-makes-the-first-move-are-you-likely-to-be-dismayed/602434
**Category:** In My Humble Opinion
**Created:** [November 9, 2011, 10:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/single-straight-males-if-an-attractive-woman-makes-the-first-move-are-you-likely-to-be-dismayed/602434 "2011-11-09T22:05:21Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)
#### Post date: [November 9, 2011, 10:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/single-straight-males-if-an-attractive-woman-makes-the-first-move-are-you-likely-to-be-dismayed/602434/1 "2011-11-09T22:05:21Z")
… or to respect her less?
No hypothetical setup here. The question arises because of a conversation at work. Two female cubicle neighbors – one in her mid-forties, the other in her early twenties – were talking; the former was advising the latter not to be overt in making advances toward a man she likes; her argument was “Men don’t like that. Men want to _chase_, not to be chased. he won’t like it and even if he responds, he won’t respect you.” At that, a third person in the cubicle farm – this one male – put his two cents in, saying basically, “Oh, fuck that shit. You’re stuck in the 50s, Donna Reed. I’m a single straight guy, and I love it when a woman cuts through the bullshit and asks me out. And I don’t respect her any less, either; I’m grateful she saved me from having to think up something clever to say, or otherwise play games.”
An argument ensued, which I had to call an end to because it was distracting to the whole floor. I thought it might make a good poll, though.
Thoughts?
Poll in a moment, but you needn’t let that slow you down.
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### Author:  [@Frosted\_Glass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frosted_Glass)
#### Post date: [November 9, 2011, 10:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/single-straight-males-if-an-attractive-woman-makes-the-first-move-are-you-likely-to-be-dismayed/602434/2 "2011-11-09T22:20:00Z")
Single straight male here and I have never been turned off by a woman I was interested in making the first move. I like that she saves me from that stupid “is she actually interested?” nonsense and lets us move on to the “getting to know each other” game. I do not mind a little pursuit but I cannot deal with the chase when it approaches that jr. high level of just wearing each other down. That’s just plain annoying and I tend to move on if it gets to that point.
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### Author:  [@Cap\_n\_Obvious](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cap_n_Obvious)
#### Post date: [November 9, 2011, 10:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/single-straight-males-if-an-attractive-woman-makes-the-first-move-are-you-likely-to-be-dismayed/602434/3 "2011-11-09T22:21:40Z")
I’m a guy who just turned 30, and I totally agree with the guy in the above argument. I’d totally love it for a woman to be forward for once.
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### Author:  [@Larry\_Mudd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Mudd)
#### Post date: [November 9, 2011, 10:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/single-straight-males-if-an-attractive-woman-makes-the-first-move-are-you-likely-to-be-dismayed/602434/4 "2011-11-09T22:28:02Z")
Are you kidding me? Not a problem.
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### Author:  [@Taomist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Taomist)
#### Post date: [November 9, 2011, 10:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/single-straight-males-if-an-attractive-woman-makes-the-first-move-are-you-likely-to-be-dismayed/602434/5 "2011-11-09T22:28:20Z")
Oh, I think most women let guys know they’re interested. Some are just too subtle about it, or the guy too worried/clueless to pick it up.
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### Author:  [@MichaelEmouse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MichaelEmouse)
#### Post date: [November 9, 2011, 10:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/single-straight-males-if-an-attractive-woman-makes-the-first-move-are-you-likely-to-be-dismayed/602434/6 "2011-11-09T22:29:07Z")
Neither dismayed nor respect her less. Some men will, though, because for some men it is important that they chase and not be chased. Me, I don’t like to think of it as a chase at all (what is she, my prey?).
It entirely depends on the kind of relationship she wants. Does she want a relationship based on traditional gender roles? If so, she should follow traditional gender roles on this matter. If she’s not interested in a relationship based on traditional gender roles, then she’ll only spoil her chances with men for whom they’re important, which ought not be that much of a loss to her.
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### Author:  [@lazybratsche](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lazybratsche)
#### Post date: [November 9, 2011, 10:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/single-straight-males-if-an-attractive-woman-makes-the-first-move-are-you-likely-to-be-dismayed/602434/7 "2011-11-09T22:31:13Z")
Absolutely not. Every one of my relationships started with “attractive woman makes the first move”.
ETA: I’m in my mid-20s, fwiw.
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### Author:  [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)
#### Post date: [November 9, 2011, 10:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/single-straight-males-if-an-attractive-woman-makes-the-first-move-are-you-likely-to-be-dismayed/602434/8 "2011-11-09T22:33:35Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#):
>
> if an attractive woman makes the first move, are you likely to be dismayed or to respect her less?
No, I’m likely to be thrilled.
That’s hypothetically, of course, but I’d certainly be willing to find out.
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### Author:  [@Trom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trom)
#### Post date: [November 9, 2011, 10:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/single-straight-males-if-an-attractive-woman-makes-the-first-move-are-you-likely-to-be-dismayed/602434/9 "2011-11-09T22:40:10Z")
> [@lazybratsche](#):
>
> Absolutely not. Every one of my relationships started with “attractive woman makes the first move”.
>
> ETA: I’m in my mid-20s, fwiw.
Same for me. I’m also in my mid-20s.
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### Author:  [@Don\_t\_Panic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Don_t_Panic)
#### Post date: [November 9, 2011, 10:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/single-straight-males-if-an-attractive-woman-makes-the-first-move-are-you-likely-to-be-dismayed/602434/10 "2011-11-09T22:42:11Z")
A confident woman [or rather “person” - gender isn’t even the issue] who goes out and takes what she wants - and you’re asking if I respect her _less?_
I think you got that backwards.
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### Author:  [@Skammer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skammer)
#### Post date: [November 9, 2011, 10:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/single-straight-males-if-an-attractive-woman-makes-the-first-move-are-you-likely-to-be-dismayed/602434/11 "2011-11-09T22:57:13Z")
Where’s the poll?
I’d be dismayed _now_, because I’m already married. Back in my single days I would have loved it.
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### Author:  [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)
#### Post date: [November 9, 2011, 11:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/single-straight-males-if-an-attractive-woman-makes-the-first-move-are-you-likely-to-be-dismayed/602434/12 "2011-11-09T23:00:58Z")
> [@Skammer](#):
>
> Where’s the poll?
Sorry. I’m at work and got distracted.
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### Author:  [@Otara](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Otara)
#### Post date: [November 9, 2011, 11:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/single-straight-males-if-an-attractive-woman-makes-the-first-move-are-you-likely-to-be-dismayed/602434/13 "2011-11-09T23:06:32Z")
I wouldnt say Ive respected them less so much as myself. Ive been thrown by it sometimes because it never even occurred to me they’d be interested so I was a bit shocked when they made an advance. As in my brilliant response was in the ‘hunh’ range which did not generally lead to a particularly great outcome.
I suspect a fair few of these ‘he respected me less’ stories are more about that than what its interpreted as, ie avoiding someone because they felt embarassed.
Otara
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### Author:  [@Snarky\_Kong](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snarky_Kong)
#### Post date: [November 9, 2011, 11:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/single-straight-males-if-an-attractive-woman-makes-the-first-move-are-you-likely-to-be-dismayed/602434/14 "2011-11-09T23:07:19Z")
27, straight male, it’d be a turn on.
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### Author:  [@SecretaryofEvil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SecretaryofEvil)
#### Post date: [November 9, 2011, 11:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/single-straight-males-if-an-attractive-woman-makes-the-first-move-are-you-likely-to-be-dismayed/602434/15 "2011-11-09T23:09:12Z")
> [@lazybratsche](#):
>
> Absolutely not. Every one of my relationships started with “attractive woman makes the first move”.
>
> ETA: I’m in my mid-20s, fwiw.
> [@Trom](#):
>
> Same for me. I’m also in my mid-20s.
At the risk of sounding unoriginal, the exact same applies to me.
I’ve never personally heard a man say that he liked “the chase,” or that he would think less of a woman who made the first move. Generally, speaking, I hear the exact opposite.
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### Author:  [@Carmady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Carmady)
#### Post date: [November 9, 2011, 11:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/single-straight-males-if-an-attractive-woman-makes-the-first-move-are-you-likely-to-be-dismayed/602434/16 "2011-11-09T23:11:03Z")
It’s usually great.
However, there is one odd situation in which it is strangely dismaying:
When I feel that I have portrayed myself as more awesome than I actually am. Perhaps I have just said by far the most witty comment of my life, or looked impossibly brilliant solving a difficult problem, or played the one impressive song I know on the guitar. If an attractive woman makes a move on me right when I am on a pedestal, I will wonder if they would still be interested when I am at my normal level.
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### Author:  [@sunstone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sunstone)
#### Post date: [November 9, 2011, 11:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/single-straight-males-if-an-attractive-woman-makes-the-first-move-are-you-likely-to-be-dismayed/602434/17 "2011-11-09T23:16:57Z")
'bout time, sez I!
I’m 67.
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### Author:  [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)
#### Post date: [November 9, 2011, 11:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/single-straight-males-if-an-attractive-woman-makes-the-first-move-are-you-likely-to-be-dismayed/602434/18 "2011-11-09T23:22:13Z")
I like forward women; they’re the most fun in bed.
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### Author:  [@SecretaryofEvil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SecretaryofEvil)
#### Post date: [November 9, 2011, 11:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/single-straight-males-if-an-attractive-woman-makes-the-first-move-are-you-likely-to-be-dismayed/602434/19 "2011-11-09T23:25:51Z")
> [@Taomist](#):
>
> Oh, I think most women let guys know they’re interested. Some are just too subtle about it, or the guy too worried/clueless to pick it up.
I hear my female friends make complaints about this sort of thing all the time. They’ll say something like, “I really like Steve, and I’ve been dropping all sorts of hints. I told him he was funny, I touched him on the shoulder, how much obvious could I be?”
The problem is, most people who find Steve humorous or occasionally touch him on the shoulder aren’t trying to have a sexual relationship with him. Lots of guys are at least mildly concerned about coming across as creepy for misinterpreting friendliness as flirtiness.
The best advice I can give to a woman who is single but doesn’t want to be single is to ask out a guy she likes.
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### Author:  [@even\_sven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/even_sven)
#### Post date: [November 9, 2011, 11:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/single-straight-males-if-an-attractive-woman-makes-the-first-move-are-you-likely-to-be-dismayed/602434/20 "2011-11-09T23:30:28Z")
I thought I posted this, but maybe it got lost in the hamster cage…
The question is, are you interested in a “Wow, cool, I think I have an easy way to get with an attractive chick” kind of way, or a “Wow, this woman seems like a suitable life partner” kind of way?
Of course anyone is going to like the positive attention from a person they find attractive, and most guys are going to be pleased with the possibility of a little action from a good looking woman in most any circumstance. I don’t think women are concerned that being agressive is less likely to be successful, as much as it is likely to lead to a shorter term relationship.
I never liked the “hunter” metaphor. We haven’t been cavemen for a while, and I don’t think the lines are that easy to draw But what I do think is that it takes time for an emotional bond to form, and if a woman is driving the relationship, many men will happily go along for the ride as far as she’ll take it, and then hop off when they lose interest. If you are looking for a longer-term thing, you are more likely to get that when they guy feels like he has made an investment. The more you put in to something, the more you feel like it must be worth it.
That doesn’t mean that a woman can’t make a first move, but it’s okay to hang back and let him match you play for play. If a guy finds you attractive, he’ll pretty much always be up for sex if you are moving towards that, so if you make it easy of course he’ll go there and you’ll have fun, but you won’t know where the relationship is going. Taking things slow and letting him do some of the work will give you a better idea of how he sees your future relationship.
[Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/single-straight-males-if-an-attractive-woman-makes-the-first-move-are-you-likely-to-be-dismayed/602434.md?page=2)