# Single straight males: if an attractive woman makes the first move, are you likely to be dismayed... **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [November 9, 2011, 10:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/single-straight-males-if-an-attractive-woman-makes-the-first-move-are-you-likely-to-be-dismayed/602434 "2011-11-09T22:05:21Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Max\_the\_Immortal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/6de8d8/32.png) [@Max\_the\_Immortal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Max_the_Immortal)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2011, 3:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/single-straight-males-if-an-attractive-woman-makes-the-first-move-are-you-likely-to-be-dismayed/602434/41 "2011-11-10T03:35:55Z")
I’d prefer it. ---
**Author:** ![YourAdHere](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/65b543/32.png) [@YourAdHere](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/YourAdHere)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2011, 3:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/single-straight-males-if-an-attractive-woman-makes-the-first-move-are-you-likely-to-be-dismayed/602434/42 "2011-11-10T03:35:40Z")
If I’m not getting positive feedback from a girl I move on bc I feel like it’s a fine line between a “chase” and annoying or harassing someone. If she likes me she can let me know. I like to imagine that I don’t view women as being any different from men in that regard. ---
**Author:** ![Leaffan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leaffan/32/299_2.png) [@Leaffan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leaffan)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2011, 3:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/single-straight-males-if-an-attractive-woman-makes-the-first-move-are-you-likely-to-be-dismayed/602434/43 "2011-11-10T03:42:22Z")
Let me just say “Bow chicka bow bow.” ---
**Author:** ![Don\_t\_Panic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/don_t_panic/32/398_2.png) [@Don\_t\_Panic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Don_t_Panic)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2011, 3:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/single-straight-males-if-an-attractive-woman-makes-the-first-move-are-you-likely-to-be-dismayed/602434/44 "2011-11-10T03:45:57Z")
> [@dukette71](#): > > I have found that the point where you sleep with a guy is where he stops trying to get to know you better. Soooooooo…(not that this is how it should be)- if you like the guy, wait for him to show interest. If you are just trying to get laid- GO FOR IT! Well… but then that guy is a prick, and if you sleep with him and he stops calling, then at least you’ll know that he’s a prick sooner rather than later (not that I recommend this as plan A for weeding out pricks). Because that really isn’t normal behavior for most non-prick males. ---
**Author:** ![dukette71](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/8edcca/32.png) [@dukette71](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dukette71)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2011, 3:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/single-straight-males-if-an-attractive-woman-makes-the-first-move-are-you-likely-to-be-dismayed/602434/45 "2011-11-10T03:50:34Z")
> [@Martian Bigfoot](#): > > Well… but then that guy is a prick, and if you sleep with him and he stops calling, then at least you’ll know that he’s a prick sooner rather than later (not that I recommend this as plan A for weeding out pricks). > > Because that really isn’t normal behavior for most non-prick males. You would be surprised. EDIT: I was too. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2011, 3:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/single-straight-males-if-an-attractive-woman-makes-the-first-move-are-you-likely-to-be-dismayed/602434/46 "2011-11-10T03:53:50Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > What the fuck are you talking about? Sorry, bad joke. ---
**Author:** ![SecretaryofEvil](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e95f7d/32.png) [@SecretaryofEvil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SecretaryofEvil)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2011, 4:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/single-straight-males-if-an-attractive-woman-makes-the-first-move-are-you-likely-to-be-dismayed/602434/47 "2011-11-10T04:17:52Z")
> [@dukette71](#): > > I have found that the point where you sleep with a guy is where he stops trying to get to know you better. Soooooooo…(not that this is how it _should_ be)- if you like the guy, wait for him to show interest. If you are just trying to get laid- GO FOR IT! I can’t speak for all men, but that’s certainly not how I behave. Besides, the question wasn’t when you should have sex with someone, it was whether men disliked when women made the first move or openly expressed interest. So far the responses overwhelmingly indicate that men would not think less of a woman who made the first move. In fact, I didn’t see a single response from a man who felt negatively about women taking the initiative. ---
**Author:** ![dukette71](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/8edcca/32.png) [@dukette71](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dukette71)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2011, 4:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/single-straight-males-if-an-attractive-woman-makes-the-first-move-are-you-likely-to-be-dismayed/602434/48 "2011-11-10T04:35:38Z")
> [@SecretaryofEvil](#): > > I can’t speak for all men, but that’s certainly not how I behave. > > Besides, the question wasn’t when you should have sex with someone, it was whether men disliked when women made the first move or openly expressed interest. So far the responses overwhelmingly indicate that men would not think less of a woman who made the first move. In fact, I didn’t see a single response from a man who felt negatively about women taking the initiative. Oh. I am not a man. sorry for the derail. carry on. ---
**Author:** ![treis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/bc79bd/32.png) [@treis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/treis)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2011, 4:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/single-straight-males-if-an-attractive-woman-makes-the-first-move-are-you-likely-to-be-dismayed/602434/49 "2011-11-10T04:39:28Z")
> [@even\_sven](#): > > We are taught that once we have begun a relationship, we should immediately pull out all the stops to show how worthy we are- so we do things…cook elaborate meals, send little “thinking of you” text messages, give little gifts, etc. early in the relationships. Oh dear. I’d suggest not listening to whoever taught you these things in the future. ---
**Author:** ![SecretaryofEvil](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e95f7d/32.png) [@SecretaryofEvil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SecretaryofEvil)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2011, 5:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/single-straight-males-if-an-attractive-woman-makes-the-first-move-are-you-likely-to-be-dismayed/602434/50 "2011-11-10T05:16:43Z")
> [@dukette71](#): > > Oh. I am not a man. sorry for the derail. > > carry on. Yeah! Didn’t you see the sign that said no girls allowed? :mad: No worries, you were only following a sidetrack I had already contributed to. Of course, I totally plan on distracting blame from myself by blaming even sven for starting it. It seems like the mature thing to do. ---
**Author:** ![Swords\_to\_Plowshares](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b38774/32.png) [@Swords\_to\_Plowshares](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Swords_to_Plowshares)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2011, 5:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/single-straight-males-if-an-attractive-woman-makes-the-first-move-are-you-likely-to-be-dismayed/602434/51 "2011-11-10T05:22:04Z")
Depends. If I knew her well enough already, then sure, it would be great. But if it came out of the blue I would be pretty suspicious. ---
**Author:** ![ProbablyProcrastinating](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/57b2e6/32.png) [@ProbablyProcrastinating](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ProbablyProcrastinating)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2011, 6:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/single-straight-males-if-an-attractive-woman-makes-the-first-move-are-you-likely-to-be-dismayed/602434/52 "2011-11-10T06:00:45Z")
Divorced, newly dating again woman here wants to know why you’d be suspicious. I’m in my 30s. I don’t want a man to pay a meal ticket, I’m looking for fun and who knows, maybe a friend. Is there any reason I shouldn’t ask him to join me for lunch or something? I don’t mean like… on the street, but let’s say I saw him around work or something, though we didn’t work together. I didn’t date much here in the US so I’m genuinely curious. I’m probably doing it all wrong and at this point I just don’t want to offend or hurt anybody. So this is a fascinating thread. PS Do not mean to imply that I think I’m attractive. Let’s just assume that at least some men could find me attractive enough for them… ---
**Author:** ![dogbutler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dogbutler/32/428_2.png) [@dogbutler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dogbutler)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2011, 6:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/single-straight-males-if-an-attractive-woman-makes-the-first-move-are-you-likely-to-be-dismayed/602434/53 "2011-11-10T06:03:14Z")
> [@ryan](#): > > Not only no but Hell no! Since I practically have to be hit over the head with a clue-by-four, I’d be thrilled if a woman would take the initiative. > Single, straight, early 40’s. Me, too. ---
**Author:** ![kimera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/f0a364/32.png) [@kimera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kimera)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2011, 1:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/single-straight-males-if-an-attractive-woman-makes-the-first-move-are-you-likely-to-be-dismayed/602434/54 "2011-11-10T13:47:12Z")
Of the guys I’ve known who’ve expressed this attitude, some weren’t concerned about level of aggressiveness, but about the quality of the woman who’d be attracted to them. The ‘I don’t want to be a member of a club that will accept me as a member’ mindset. It boggles me. ---
**Author:** ![Student\_Driver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/3da27b/32.png) [@Student\_Driver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Student_Driver)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2011, 2:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/single-straight-males-if-an-attractive-woman-makes-the-first-move-are-you-likely-to-be-dismayed/602434/55 "2011-11-10T14:04:58Z")
> [@Otara](#): > > I wouldnt say Ive respected them less so much as myself. Ive been thrown by it sometimes because it never even occurred to me they’d be interested so I was a bit shocked when they made an advance. As in my brilliant response was in the ‘hunh’ range which did not generally lead to a particularly great outcome. I’ve done this a couple of times, where a woman asked me out seemingly out of the blue, and I had no idea how to respond. Chances are there had been hints I had ignored beforehand, but I was still surprised. More than a few times it was because I figured someone was “out of my league,” so I’d never even contemplated dating them. I also get the feeling that a lot of women do the subtle hints that guys don’t pick up on, then assume they’re “rejected” because the hints didn’t work. Most of my solid relationships have been initiated by the woman, despite these problems. Most of my short-lived relationships were initiated by me. (A few seemed to be a mutually-initiated thing, like my current fling.) So… not only should women be up front about it, I’m inclined to assume that they’ve got a better idea of who I should date than I do. ---
**Author:** ![RTFirefly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2011, 2:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/single-straight-males-if-an-attractive-woman-makes-the-first-move-are-you-likely-to-be-dismayed/602434/56 "2011-11-10T14:10:02Z")
> [@Skammer](#): > > I’d be dismayed _now_, because I’m already married. Back in my single days I would have loved it. This. My single days are nearly a quarter-century in the rearview mirror, but I’d have been thrilled back then to have to do less parsing through clues. Sometimes a woman wants you, but the clues are so subtle that you only see them in retrospect. Other times, a woman persistently touches you on the arm or shoulder, sits on the floor at your feet and looks up at you with big eyes, laughs at even your dumbest jokes, man, you _know_ what she’s trying to tell you, even you can’t miss that clue-by-four - so you come on to her, and she gives you the brush-off. You try to sort your way through all this shit because the alternative is being alone a lot more than you’d like, but anytime a woman wants to cut through the crap and take the initiative, most of us guys are all for it. ---
**Author:** ![Ellen\_Cherry](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ellen_cherry/32/3600_2.png) [@Ellen\_Cherry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ellen_Cherry)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2011, 2:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/single-straight-males-if-an-attractive-woman-makes-the-first-move-are-you-likely-to-be-dismayed/602434/57 "2011-11-10T14:51:45Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#): > > She’s just _asking_ to be raped. I realize that you apologized for this as a “joke,” but consider this a gentle reminder that it’s best to engage brain before keyboard in matters such as these. ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2011, 3:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/single-straight-males-if-an-attractive-woman-makes-the-first-move-are-you-likely-to-be-dismayed/602434/58 "2011-11-10T15:23:56Z")
When I was single, it was appreciated. Today, I guess a woman would have to be aggressive to get what she wants. Men are but cloven hoofed beasts who roam the range slowly in herds who, far too often, can be lulled into inaction by gazing at their own reflection while drinking at a watering hole. The woman would have to be very careful about her approach, though, because if the Alpha Male starts to move, the whole herd could stampede to another bar and/or big-screen televised sporting event. But, if she puts down the Alpha Male first with her Sharps Creedmoor, she could conceivably pick off the rest of the heard at her leisure. Of course why she would is beyond me, as the meat is worthless and the thought of entire fields filled with bleached bones, steaming organ-guts topped with moussed-hair bits, and surrounded by a cloud of AXE body cologne is too horrible to imagine\*. \*Rumors abound that a properly skinned hide (cut ‘extra fancy’ ) could fetch up to two whole dollars at certain up-scale fashion houses, however I can’t find a single Google cite to support these claims. ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2011, 3:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/single-straight-males-if-an-attractive-woman-makes-the-first-move-are-you-likely-to-be-dismayed/602434/59 "2011-11-10T15:37:27Z")
> [@ProbablyProcrastinating](#): > > Divorced, newly dating again woman here wants to know why you’d be suspicious. Because he’s ugly?😃 > [@Martian Bigfoot](#): > > Wouldn’t life be so much simpler if “men” and “women” were taken out of these equations, and we could all just be human beings interacting with other human beings? Sorry, I’m not “bi”. And to answer the OP, no, I would not be dismayed. In fact, when I was in high school, I was pretty clueless about asking women out so more often than not, girls would initiate with me. What does the OP consider “first move” by the way? Do you mean actually asking you out on a formal date or just making eye contact and giving you “get over here and talk to me” looks? ---
**Author:** ![MichaelEmouse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/michaelemouse/32/101_2.png) [@MichaelEmouse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MichaelEmouse)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2011, 3:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/single-straight-males-if-an-attractive-woman-makes-the-first-move-are-you-likely-to-be-dismayed/602434/60 "2011-11-10T15:52:16Z")
> [@msmith537](#): > > What does the OP consider “first move” by the way? Do you mean actually asking you out on a formal date or just making eye contact and giving you “get over here and talk to me” looks? I think it should be defined as the first move which almost cannot be misinterpreted like asking out on a date or mouth kissing. The “get over here and talk to me” look can just be a look to the person who sees it. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/single-straight-males-if-an-attractive-woman-makes-the-first-move-are-you-likely-to-be-dismayed/602434.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/single-straight-males-if-an-attractive-woman-makes-the-first-move-are-you-likely-to-be-dismayed/602434.md?page=4)