# Single women who prefer to have affairs with married men vs dating available single men **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 11, 2013, 5:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/single-women-who-prefer-to-have-affairs-with-married-men-vs-dating-available-single-men/665946 "2013-08-11T17:12:22Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 14\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![stui\_magpie](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/stui_magpie/32/11010_2.png) [@stui\_magpie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stui_magpie)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2013, 3:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/single-women-who-prefer-to-have-affairs-with-married-men-vs-dating-available-single-men/665946/21 "2013-08-12T03:19:58Z")
> [@HoneyBadgerDC](#): > > I used to wear a wedding ring when I was out and say i was married just to meet girls like your friend. In some ways I was married but not to another person, I was very involved in a pursuit that I was not ready to compromise my time for. Pretty sure I still have my wedding ring somewhere, I might just try that.šŸ˜› ---
**Author:** ![TonySinclair](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/49beb7/32.png) [@TonySinclair](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TonySinclair)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2013, 5:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/single-women-who-prefer-to-have-affairs-with-married-men-vs-dating-available-single-men/665946/22 "2013-08-12T05:07:42Z")
> [@astro](#): > > I talked with her about doing online dating, but she insists itā€™s nothing but losers and perverts. Hey, I do online dating, and Iā€™m not a loser. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2013, 6:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/single-women-who-prefer-to-have-affairs-with-married-men-vs-dating-available-single-men/665946/23 "2013-08-12T06:05:02Z")
> [@TonySinclair](#): > > Hey, I do online dating, and Iā€™m not a loser. :dubious: j/k ---
**Author:** ![JerrySTL](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e274bd/32.png) [@JerrySTL](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JerrySTL)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2013, 3:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/single-women-who-prefer-to-have-affairs-with-married-men-vs-dating-available-single-men/665946/24 "2013-08-12T15:00:16Z")
> [@Fluke54](#): > > There are women out there who get a real charge out of dating married men as well. I think Dr. Phil had a show about it once. Anyway, these women like stabbing other women in the back. Itā€™s the whole mean girls grow up thing,I guess. My son and his friends use to go to bars and have fake bachelor parties. The guy acting like the groom would be hit on a lot. My son figured that it was because the women thought the ā€˜groomā€™ was acceptable to another woman therefore acceptable to all; stabbing other women in the back; or just winning at a ā€˜gameā€™ of sorts. ---
**Author:** ![listedmia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e0b2c6/32.png) [@listedmia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/listedmia)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2013, 11:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/single-women-who-prefer-to-have-affairs-with-married-men-vs-dating-available-single-men/665946/25 "2013-08-13T11:23:52Z")
I have a male friend who does the same thing with married women. Itā€™s not that theyā€™re more desirable; itā€™s that theyā€™re unlikely to want a committed relationship with him. He offers them a shoulder to cry on and listens to their problems. In return he gets sex and good conversation and affection, but none of the baggage that comes with normal people relationships. Heā€™s not particularly good looking and has some personal problems, but he gets a lot of younger super hot ladies who are just unhappy at home. He tried to pull the same shtick on me but I kinda nipped it in the bud and somehow, we ended up with a pretty strong friendship. ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2013, 11:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/single-women-who-prefer-to-have-affairs-with-married-men-vs-dating-available-single-men/665946/26 "2013-08-13T11:48:32Z")
My Cheating Ex[sup]TM[/sup] went through a whole slew of married men after she left me, and eventually found one who would leave his wife and marry her. Curiously, she did attract some attention from single guys while all this was going on, but none of them was ever good enough for her. AFAIK sheā€™s still married, and itā€™s been sixteen-seventeen years, so go figure. ---
**Author:** ![gwendee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/35a633/32.png) [@gwendee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gwendee)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2013, 1:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/single-women-who-prefer-to-have-affairs-with-married-men-vs-dating-available-single-men/665946/27 "2013-08-13T13:14:19Z")
> [@HoneyBadgerDC](#): > > I used to wear a wedding ring when I was out and say i was married just to meet girls like your friend. In some ways I was married but not to another person, I was very involved in a pursuit that I was not ready to compromise my time for. I wish we could collectively decide that those of us who seek occasional companionship with limited or no commitment would all wear a green ribbon or some recognizable symbol. I see the appeal of dating a man who isnā€™t going to suggest you move in together and who wonā€™t care that youā€™d rather go on vacation with your girl friends. But I would never date a married man because I try and live by the golden rule. No matter how emphatically you assure me your wife doesnā€™t mind (thatā€™s you, meaning the men of craigslist, not of the Dope) I am not convinced. ---
**Author:** ![astro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9dc877/32.png) [@astro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astro)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2013, 4:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/single-women-who-prefer-to-have-affairs-with-married-men-vs-dating-available-single-men/665946/28 "2013-08-13T16:58:46Z")
> [@gwendee](#): > > I wish we could collectively decide that those of us who seek occasional companionship with limited or no commitment would all wear a green ribbon or some recognizable symbol. I see the appeal of dating a man who isnā€™t going to suggest you move in together and who wonā€™t care that youā€™d rather go on vacation with your girl friends. But I would never date a married man because I try and live by the golden rule. No matter how emphatically you assure me your wife doesnā€™t mind (thatā€™s you, meaning the men of craigslist, not of the Dope) I am not convinced. If there was such a system it would be interesting to see the results of wearing ā€œno commitmentā€ vs ā€œcommitment OKā€ indicators for men on the dating scene. Iā€™m inclined to think his prospects would be poorer than the guy wearing a ā€œcommitment OKā€ indicator as Iā€™ve always been told women are wired emotionally to be looking for some level of commitment. If thatā€™s not true it would overturn a lot of conventional thinking. ---
**Author:** ![Si\_Amigo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/si_amigo/32/2877_2.png) [@Si\_Amigo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Si_Amigo)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2013, 5:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/single-women-who-prefer-to-have-affairs-with-married-men-vs-dating-available-single-men/665946/29 "2013-08-13T17:09:43Z")
> [@JerrySTL](#): > > My son and his friends use to go to bars and have fake bachelor parties. The guy acting like the groom would be hit on a lot. My son figured that it was because the women thought the ā€˜groomā€™ was acceptable to another woman therefore acceptable to all; stabbing other women in the back; or just winning at a ā€˜gameā€™ of sorts. Great idea! My wife from 15 years ago used to always say ā€œWhat does a woman want? What another woman has!ā€. She figured if another woman desired it then she must have done the research, so it must be desirable (be it a man, clothing, jewelery ect). She also used to answer when guys called her a bitch that ā€œthe bitch is between your legsā€, but thatā€™s another story. I wonder if that bitch is still alive? šŸ˜ƒ ---
**Author:** ![prettydorky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f04885/32.png) [@prettydorky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/prettydorky)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2013, 5:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/single-women-who-prefer-to-have-affairs-with-married-men-vs-dating-available-single-men/665946/30 "2013-08-13T17:26:29Z")
Could it be fear of rejection, or abandonment? It would certainly be easier not to feel rejected if a married man ends a relationship with you than if a single man does. ---
**Author:** ![NotDeadYet](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/22d042/32.png) [@NotDeadYet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NotDeadYet)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2013, 5:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/single-women-who-prefer-to-have-affairs-with-married-men-vs-dating-available-single-men/665946/31 "2013-08-13T17:46:01Z")
Sheā€™s a successful professional woman engaging in risky behavior at what, 40 (+ or -) yrs old? If she was only recently divorced, maybe I could see it, but serial adulterous relationships 15 years after the divorce? Someone needs to tell her she is acting like a cheap whore and needs therapy. If she doesnā€™t get help and get it soon she will end up alone and miserable. ---
**Author:** ![HoneyBadgerDC](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/honeybadgerdc/32/1033_2.png) [@HoneyBadgerDC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HoneyBadgerDC)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2013, 5:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/single-women-who-prefer-to-have-affairs-with-married-men-vs-dating-available-single-men/665946/32 "2013-08-13T17:52:34Z")
One of my closest frieds is currently involved in a relationship with a woman who has a long history of wrecking marriages. It has been a year now and he is hopelessly smitten. She is literaly screwing but mostly sucking the brains out of him. She has gone so far as to call his wife and belittle her, no limits but he is convinced it is because she loves him. She is still living with her last x whose marriage she ruined, he canā€™t get rid of her. 50 years old, never been married and always had a man to take care of her. ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2013, 8:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/single-women-who-prefer-to-have-affairs-with-married-men-vs-dating-available-single-men/665946/33 "2013-08-14T08:19:59Z")
> [@astro](#): > > Iā€™ve always been told women are wired emotionally to be looking for some level of commitment. If thatā€™s not true it would overturn a lot of conventional thinking. Itā€™s a generalization: like many generalizations it is or may be right for the ā€œgroup averageā€, but not necessarily true for individuals. Also, it varies with age and circumstances (a hookup during vacation is not the same as a hookup at home). ---
**Author:** ![Incubus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/c68b51/32.png) [@Incubus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Incubus)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2013, 4:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/single-women-who-prefer-to-have-affairs-with-married-men-vs-dating-available-single-men/665946/34 "2013-08-14T16:23:38Z")
If it were just a fear of commitment, she could be friends with benefits/booty call with a man. But I think thereā€™s more to it. Being with married guys might give her a power trip. If heā€™s trying to keep the affar secret, she could hypothetically blackmail him by revealing the affair, giving her a lot of leverage in the relationship. She could have a relationship entirely on her terms. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/single-women-who-prefer-to-have-affairs-with-married-men-vs-dating-available-single-men/665946.md?page=1)