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**Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\
**Created:** [October 24, 2006, 6:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sings-manatee-oh-manatee-where-do-yall-think-youre-goin-sings-newslink/377737 "2006-10-24T18:09:08Z")\
**Posts on this page:** 20\
**Page:** 1
**Author:**  [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\
**Post date:** [October 24, 2006, 6:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sings-manatee-oh-manatee-where-do-yall-think-youre-goin-sings-newslink/377737/1 "2006-10-24T18:09:08Z")
A Manatee has–
[ol]
[li]Wandered away from Florida[/li][li]Wandered into the Mississippi River[/li][li]Traveled upstream[/li][li]Avoided boats & barges[/li][li]Avoided dams[/li][li]And is visiting Memphis :eek: [/li][/ol]
[http://www.wreg.com/Global/story.asp?S=5578914](http://www.wreg.com/Global/story.asp?S=5578914)
[http://www.nbc4.tv/news/10145532/detail.html](http://www.nbc4.tv/news/10145532/detail.html)
[http://www.cnn.com/2006/US/10/24/memphis.manatee.ap/index.html](http://www.cnn.com/2006/US/10/24/memphis.manatee.ap/index.html)
The only conclusion–ELVIS IS RE-INCARNATED!
And is _comin’ back to Graceland!_ BOO-YA!
---
**Author:**  [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\
**Post date:** [October 24, 2006, 6:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sings-manatee-oh-manatee-where-do-yall-think-youre-goin-sings-newslink/377737/2 "2006-10-24T18:59:33Z")
[Barry Manilow] Oh, Manatee
When you came
and you gave without takin’
But they sent you away
Oh, Manatee…[/Barry Manilow]
---
**Author:**  [@Kythereia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kythereia)\
**Post date:** [October 24, 2006, 9:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sings-manatee-oh-manatee-where-do-yall-think-youre-goin-sings-newslink/377737/3 "2006-10-24T21:10:05Z")
_Put on my blue suede shoes and boarded the plane…_
---
**Author:**  [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\
**Post date:** [October 24, 2006, 11:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sings-manatee-oh-manatee-where-do-yall-think-youre-goin-sings-newslink/377737/4 "2006-10-24T23:23:03Z")
[QUOTE=Kythereia]
_Put on my blue suede shoes and boarded the plane…_
[/QUOTE]
You _might_ be able to get the Manatee on a plane.
_But I defy you to get him into shoes!_
---
**Author:**  [@Kythereia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kythereia)\
**Post date:** [October 25, 2006, 3:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sings-manatee-oh-manatee-where-do-yall-think-youre-goin-sings-newslink/377737/5 "2006-10-25T03:04:54Z")
[QUOTE=Bosda Di’Chi of Tricor]
You _might_ be able to get the Manatee on a plane.
_But I defy you to get him into shoes!_
[/QUOTE]
Easy. I’ll ask the walrus and his eggmen to help me out.
---
**Author:**  [@Manatee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Manatee)\
**Post date:** [October 25, 2006, 6:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sings-manatee-oh-manatee-where-do-yall-think-youre-goin-sings-newslink/377737/6 "2006-10-25T06:28:48Z")
There ain’t no way I’m puttin’ on no shoes!
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**Author:**  [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\
**Post date:** [October 25, 2006, 7:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sings-manatee-oh-manatee-where-do-yall-think-youre-goin-sings-newslink/377737/7 "2006-10-25T07:18:05Z")
Elvis never got quite _that_ fat, despite his best efforts.
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**Author:**  [@ShibbOleth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ShibbOleth)\
**Post date:** [October 25, 2006, 12:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sings-manatee-oh-manatee-where-do-yall-think-youre-goin-sings-newslink/377737/8 "2006-10-25T12:59:06Z")
I want that Manatee’s travel agent. Last summer he was in New York. This fall he gets to cruise the Mississippee. I just _know_ s/he is going to be headed out to the Mediterannean for the spring season.
---
**Author:**  [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\
**Post date:** [October 26, 2006, 3:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sings-manatee-oh-manatee-where-do-yall-think-youre-goin-sings-newslink/377737/9 "2006-10-26T15:48:39Z")
They still ain’t caught him.
But they’re already clear on what they’re gonna do with him when they do.
[http://www.newschannel5.com/Global/story.asp?S=5592559](http://www.newschannel5.com/Global/story.asp?S=5592559)
> [@](#):
>
> The U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service plans to haul the manatee down to Florida. It will recuperate at SeaWorld Adventure Park in Orlando.
I _still_ think it’s Elvis!
---
**Author:**  [@Terrifel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Terrifel)\
**Post date:** [October 26, 2006, 4:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sings-manatee-oh-manatee-where-do-yall-think-youre-goin-sings-newslink/377737/10 "2006-10-26T16:15:55Z")
_What a marvelous beast is the manatee;
A creature unburdened by sanity.
Its latest attempt is
To swim up to Memphis,
While scientists wonder, “How can it be?”_
---
**Author:**  [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\
**Post date:** [October 27, 2006, 6:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sings-manatee-oh-manatee-where-do-yall-think-youre-goin-sings-newslink/377737/11 "2006-10-27T18:54:23Z")
And the Manatee apparently has the Power To Cloud Mens’ Minds™, or at least the Power To Cloud Muddy Riverwater, 'cause he ain’t to be found!
> **[Memphis News & Weather | Memphis, TN | localmemphis.com](https://www.localmemphis.com/)**
>
> News, Weather, Traffic and Sports from ABC24, the official site of WATN, serving Memphis, Tennessee and surrounding areas.
It weighs a ton or so; how can you _lose it?_ 😕 :smack:
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**Author:**  [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\
**Post date:** [October 27, 2006, 7:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sings-manatee-oh-manatee-where-do-yall-think-youre-goin-sings-newslink/377737/12 "2006-10-27T19:04:21Z")
from \*The Mermaid Chanty \*
Manatee, sweet manatee
My buxom bovine from the sea
Oh won’t you come and marry me
My warm and flaccid manatee!
---
**Author:**  [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\
**Post date:** [December 12, 2006, 5:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sings-manatee-oh-manatee-where-do-yall-think-youre-goin-sings-newslink/377737/13 "2006-12-12T17:21:13Z")
The Manatee Has Been Murdered!
\
[http://www.newschannel5.com/Global/story.asp?S=5802410](http://www.newschannel5.com/Global/story.asp?S=5802410)
The tragedy! Found floating, like a big gray bag of garbage & lard (you know, like Texas BBQ).
I accuse **Lord Il Palazzo**! He’s mentioned in the Will!
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**Author:**  [@Kythereia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kythereia)\
**Post date:** [December 12, 2006, 5:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sings-manatee-oh-manatee-where-do-yall-think-youre-goin-sings-newslink/377737/14 "2006-12-12T17:32:30Z")
Awww, crud. ☹
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**Author:**  [@Mindfield](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mindfield)\
**Post date:** [December 12, 2006, 6:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sings-manatee-oh-manatee-where-do-yall-think-youre-goin-sings-newslink/377737/15 "2006-12-12T18:32:44Z")
[QUOTE=Bosda Di’Chi of Tricor]
The Manatee Has Been Murdered!
\
[http://www.newschannel5.com/Global/story.asp?S=5802410](http://www.newschannel5.com/Global/story.asp?S=5802410)
The tragedy! Found floating, like a big gray bag of garbage & lard (you know, like Texas BBQ).
I accuse **Lord Il Palazzo**! He’s mentioned in the Will!
[/QUOTE]
[fark]Oh, the huge manatee![/fark]
---
**Author:**  [@jackelope](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jackelope)\
**Post date:** [December 12, 2006, 6:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sings-manatee-oh-manatee-where-do-yall-think-youre-goin-sings-newslink/377737/16 "2006-12-12T18:55:11Z")
This is a bummer. I was planning to head down to the river and try to get a look at him the day he disappeared; since then I’d been hoping he’d gone back downstream to warmer waters.
I think of him as the manatee Ferdinand Magellan. Driven to follow the inscrutable exhortations of his soul, the implacable little voice in his head whispering _upstream… upstream…_, to places and wonders no manatee had ever seen before. Motivated not by dreams of sea-cow glory, but simply by the insatiable need to know what’s around the next bend. I imagine he had a big fight with his parents before he took off:
> [@](#):
>
> Manatee: I’m getting out of this saltwater shithole! There’s gotta be more to life than this!
>
> Parents: We worked so hard for you: protecting you from propellers, making sure you had plenty of seaweed to eat, and this is how you repay us? And what’s wrong with saltwater, anyway? It was good enough for your grandfather; no, you didn’t see him complaining! He spent his whole life basking in the saltwater, and he was grateful to have it! “Beats walkin’,” he’d say.
>
> Manatee: Mom, Dad, don’t you ever smell a trace of something unfamiliar in the water? Something… _fresh_?
>
> Parents: I knew it! You’re on drugs!
>
> Manatee: No, I’m not! That weird smell… I found out what it is. It’s _brackish_ water, and it’s the smell of freedom! Adventure! Where does it come from? What’s there? I’ve gotta find out. I’m going. I’ve got some seaweed for the trip, and my iPod’s charged. I’m going.
>
> Parents: I see your mind is made up, son. Go with Poseidon. You have our blessing.
>
> _Manatee swims slowly off, to the tune of the Beatles’ “She’s Leaving Home.” There is not a dry eye in the house._
Looks like [Captain Cook](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/James_Cook#Third_voyage_.281776-1779.29) may be a more appropriate comparison than Magellan, though.
---
**Author:**  [@Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Least_Original_User_Name_Ever)\
**Post date:** [December 12, 2006, 8:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sings-manatee-oh-manatee-where-do-yall-think-youre-goin-sings-newslink/377737/17 "2006-12-12T20:24:57Z")
Heh. That story is too cute. I might…I just might…cry.
_sob_
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**Author:**  [@vibrotronica](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vibrotronica)\
**Post date:** [December 12, 2006, 8:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sings-manatee-oh-manatee-where-do-yall-think-youre-goin-sings-newslink/377737/18 "2006-12-12T20:49:01Z")
Point of order! The manatee was [not murdered!](http://www.commercialappeal.com/mca/local/article/0,2845,MCA_25340_5207349,00.html)
[quote=Memphis Commercial Appeal]
Although there is no information yet about the cause or time of death, the Memphis Harbor Patrol officers who saw it reported the animal appeared “real undersized,” said police Lt. Ed Vidulich.
Kitchin added that the manatee didn’t have any obvious wounds from propellers – a common cause of death for the creatures.
“It didn’t look like anyone ran over it. It wasn’t cut up,” he said.See? Not all [deaths in Memphis](http://www.commercialappeal.com/mca/local/article/0,2845,MCA_25340_5207224,00.html) are murders! Just most of them.
> [@MPD Sgt. Vince Higgins](#):
>
> “Now we’ve reached 154, and what we are seeing in the cases is people just don’t know how to handle their anger.”
But in the plus column, our fair city does have the [raunchiest strip clubs](http://www.commercialappeal.com/mca/local/article/0,2845,MCA_25340_5207343,00.html) in America.
> [@Professor Eric Damien Kelly](#):
>
> “What we saw at the adult cabarets in Memphis involved far more physical contact between dancers, far more physical contact between dancers and customers … than we have seen at any group of clubs in any other city – and that includes our work in Detroit. We have certainly seen selected examples of such activities in some other clubs in some other cities, but what is the exception in other cities appears to be almost the norm in Memphis.”
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**Author:**  [@Jodi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jodi)\
**Post date:** [December 12, 2006, 9:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sings-manatee-oh-manatee-where-do-yall-think-youre-goin-sings-newslink/377737/19 "2006-12-12T21:05:35Z")
I thought this thread was going to be about www.hornymanatee.com. Safe for work, sorta.
---
**Author:**  [@madmonk28](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/madmonk28)\
**Post date:** [December 12, 2006, 9:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sings-manatee-oh-manatee-where-do-yall-think-youre-goin-sings-newslink/377737/20 "2006-12-12T21:30:15Z")
[QUOTE=Jodi]
I thought this thread was going to be about www.hornymanatee.com. Safe for work, sorta.
[/QUOTE]
Me too. Hot Manatee on Manatee action and don’t forget Manateen!
[Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sings-manatee-oh-manatee-where-do-yall-think-youre-goin-sings-newslink/377737.md?page=2)