# Sir Elton John really, really sucks **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [April 2, 2002, 11:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sir-elton-john-really-really-sucks/101496 "2002-04-02T23:32:20Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2002, 11:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sir-elton-john-really-really-sucks/101496/1 "2002-04-02T23:32:20Z")
As a musical artist, Sir Elton John really, really sucks (I can’t comment on his personal life). I borrowed his “Reg Strikes Back” cd from the library - what a huge, steaming pile! I thought maybe he had just gone downhill since writing for Walt Disney had sucked all semblance of rock-and-roll from his marrow, but no, apparently he’s been sucking like a two-dollar whore for a long time now. The two offerings (offal-ings?) I’ve heard from his latest cd are also, shall we say, not good. Sir Elton, I’m sorry you spent all your money and have to keep putting out records to try to keep body and soul together, but do you think you could possibly make an effort to not make them SUCK so much? Thank you, from all concerned. ---
**Author:** ![G.Nome](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/c89c15/32.png) [@G.Nome](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/G.Nome)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2002, 12:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sir-elton-john-really-really-sucks/101496/2 "2002-04-03T00:00:13Z")
I could never figure out Bernie Taupin, to be honest. I once had a job like his where I basically did nothing for a lot of money (relatively speaking). I can still feel the guilt and worthlessness. Elton John once said that without the lyrics he couldn’t have written the melodies but what kind of lyrics are they? Here’s an example from the Candle in the Wind makeover Bernie did for Princess Diana: And it seems to me you lived your life like a candle in the wind: never fading with the sunset when the rain set in. Candles fading with the sunset? What does that mean? That candles are a day thing rather than a night thing? Bernie Taupin’s lyrics are worth a thread all of their own. Remember “Mars ain’t no place to raise your kids and there’s no one there to raise them if you did”? ---
**Author:** ![Joe\_Cool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ecb155/32.png) [@Joe\_Cool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joe_Cool)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2002, 12:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sir-elton-john-really-really-sucks/101496/3 "2002-04-03T00:05:26Z")
Thank God, I thought I was the only one who knew that he sucks. As for the ridiculous lyrics, I’d say they are adherents to the “if it sounds enough like nonsense, people will think it’s profound” school of music. I’ve heard dozens of people say “gosh, that’s so deep” about the stupid rocket man line about raising kids on mars. He sucks. Bad. ---
**Author:** ![kittenblue](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ba8739/32.png) [@kittenblue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kittenblue)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2002, 12:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sir-elton-john-really-really-sucks/101496/4 "2002-04-03T00:21:13Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by G. Nome \* > \*\*Here’s an example from the Candle in the Wind makeover Bernie did for Princess Diana: > > And it seems to me you lived your life > like a candle in the wind: > never fading with the sunset > when the rain set in. > > Candles fading with the sunset? What does that mean? That candles are a day thing rather than a night thing? > \*\* I just reached down and picked up my copy of Goodbye Yellow Brick Road from the bookshelf. The original lyric for Candle In The Wind is And it seems to me you lived your life Like a candle in the wind, Never knowing who to cling to When the rain set in Are you sure the Diana version changed that line? Or are you quoting from memory…or mis-memory? [sub]_fixed coding_[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2002, 2:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sir-elton-john-really-really-sucks/101496/5 "2002-04-03T02:54:13Z")
Yep, the lyrics were changed. After all, they had to say, Goodbye England’s Rose-he bloody well couldn’t have said, “Goodbye Norma Jean” at Diana’s funeral. I love the original version-I think the 1997 one or whatever they call it is nothing but a pile of glurge. ---
**Author:** ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2002, 3:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sir-elton-john-really-really-sucks/101496/6 "2002-04-03T03:14:32Z")
"I hate pop music, top 40 music. It’s the lyrics. ‘Wasn’t it yesterday we used to laugh at the wind behind us?’ HA HA HA HA HA… what in the fuck does that mean? "Or, ‘I am, I cried, To no-one there, And no-one heard at all, not even the - chaaaaaaaair…’ “_ **I AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAM!!** _ … 'dyou hear me?” - Lea Delaria ---
**Author:** ![andros](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e480ec/32.png) [@andros](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/andros)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2002, 5:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sir-elton-john-really-really-sucks/101496/7 "2002-04-03T05:08:33Z")
> [@](#): > > Yep, the lyrics were changed. After all, they had to say, Goodbye England’s Rose-he bloody well couldn’t have said, “Goodbye Norma Jean” at Diana’s funeral. Well, yes . . . except that wasn’t the line in question. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2002, 5:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sir-elton-john-really-really-sucks/101496/8 "2002-04-03T05:19:41Z")
Oh, my good lord in the heavens above, I was just talking about the music when I was exclaiming about Sir Elton’s suckage, but I just looked at the lyrics in the cd I borrowed - to quote Phoebe, “MY EYES! MY EYES!!” “Poor cow You’ll get your dumb man You’ll see your whole life comin’ at you In the back of his hand. Poor cow It’s a monkey see town You’ll walk down the aisle In the hand me down gown Of some poor cow.” Aaaggghhhh. ---
**Author:** ![Jervoise](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/d2c977/32.png) [@Jervoise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jervoise)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2002, 6:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sir-elton-john-really-really-sucks/101496/9 "2002-04-03T06:34:46Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Joe\_Cool \* > \*\*I’ve heard dozens of people say “gosh, that’s so deep” about the stupid rocket man line about raising kids on mars. > > He sucks. > > Bad. \*\* ‘Rocket Man’ isn’t quite as stupid as, um well, other Bernie Taupin crapola. Apparently, it’s based on a Ray Bradbury novel of the same name. [http://www.straightdope.com/mailbag/mmajort2.html](http://www.straightdope.com/mailbag/mmajort2.html) > [@](#): > > Bradbury’s hero is a professional Rocket Man who makes three-month-treks to “Saturn, Neptune and Pluto” and who has such a wanderlust he finds it virtually impossible to stay at home. When he finally decides the “next trip” is his last (though he can’t tell his wife, they have a real communication problem), his prophecy becomes all too real as his ship falls into the sun, and he dies. See? It aint _that_ bad. Did I just defend Elton John? Damn, where’s that sock puppet when I need it? ---
**Author:** ![bagkitty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7ab992/32.png) [@bagkitty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bagkitty)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2002, 6:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sir-elton-john-really-really-sucks/101496/10 "2002-04-03T06:49:22Z")
Of course Elton sucks… and someone should have told him that recycling referred to real things like rags and bottles, not his music… Candle In The Wind makeover was masturbation, not recycling… then again, it did allow Keith Richards (who doesn’t suck) to describe it as “This is writing songs for dead blondes.” Gotta love Keith, he hit it on the head both the original and the makeover. ---
**Author:** ![MrVisible](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/46a35a/32.png) [@MrVisible](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrVisible)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2002, 6:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sir-elton-john-really-really-sucks/101496/11 "2002-04-03T06:56:20Z")
Please keep in mind that we’re talking about two different people. There’s the Elton John of _Captain Fantastic and the Brown Dirt Cowboy_, _Goodbye Yellow Brick Road_, and _Tumbleweed Connection_, who, with Taupin, made a good, sometimes brilliant, sometimes crappy, songwriting team. Then there’s the Elton who wrote a miserable anthem to Matthew Shepard using scarecrow imagery. Beyond cringe-inducing. So, to sum up… Elton now, bad. Elton before the pod people took him over, good. ---
**Author:** ![Joe\_Cool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ecb155/32.png) [@Joe\_Cool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joe_Cool)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2002, 7:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sir-elton-john-really-really-sucks/101496/12 "2002-04-03T07:13:49Z")
> [@](#): > > _bagkitty quoted Keith Richards as saying:_ > …“This is writing songs for dead blondes.”\*\* > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by MrVisible \* > \*\*…Then there’s the Elton who wrote a miserable anthem to Matthew Shepard using scarecrow imagery. Beyond cringe-inducing… \*\* Matthew Shepard didn’t happen to be blonde, did he? ---
**Author:** ![CRorex](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/dfb087/32.png) [@CRorex](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CRorex)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2002, 7:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sir-elton-john-really-really-sucks/101496/13 "2002-04-03T07:15:36Z")
First, you must learn to dress yourself. Then you may master other skills. 😕 Hrrm. ---
**Author:** ![Esprix](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/esprix/32/7899_2.png) [@Esprix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Esprix)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2002, 7:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sir-elton-john-really-really-sucks/101496/14 "2002-04-03T07:19:52Z")
Hey! I like Elton John! I just keep in mind the old addage that 90% of everything is crap… (Although I must say that prior to marrying Christie Brinkley, Billy Joel always struck me as one of the most versatile and varied pop performers of Elton John’s era - no two songs on any of his albums sounded the same until “River of Dreams.” John’s, on the other hand, kind of all ran together if you listened to them too much…) Esprix ---
**Author:** ![Redboss](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/8baadc/32.png) [@Redboss](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Redboss)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2002, 7:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sir-elton-john-really-really-sucks/101496/15 "2002-04-03T07:23:09Z")
I can’t believe that nobody has mentioned the hair. THE HAIR!! I mean if you’re as rich as he is, and as vain, wouldn’t you think you’d get a better looking outcome than that? And what’s wrong with being bald anyway? Speaking as a man who personally knows the meaning of the word “thinning”, it’s not that bad to be bald. Looks quite sexy, in fact. Although (sigh) I doubt that Reg would ever look sexy… Poor old codger The hair… the hair… Redbaldandproud ---
**Author:** ![Redboss](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/8baadc/32.png) [@Redboss](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Redboss)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2002, 7:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sir-elton-john-really-really-sucks/101496/16 "2002-04-03T07:24:21Z")
Looking forward to hearing his song about the Queen Mother, though. There **will** be one, won’t there? R ---
**Author:** ![Tuckerfan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@Tuckerfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tuckerfan)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2002, 7:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sir-elton-john-really-really-sucks/101496/17 "2002-04-03T07:24:51Z")
You know, it seems to me that Elton John really didn’t start to suck until he decided to come out of the closet. (No pun intended.) Back when he was married and hiding his homosexuality (or at least attempting to) from the public he did decent stuff. I don’t know what it was about him coming out that made his work shit, but it certainly seemed to happen at about the same time. (Of course, some of my gay friends _prefer_ the shit he’s done since he came out, and these guys normally have _good_ taste in music.) ---
**Author:** ![hazel-rah](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/73ab20/32.png) [@hazel-rah](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hazel-rah)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2002, 7:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sir-elton-john-really-really-sucks/101496/18 "2002-04-03T07:47:26Z")
> [@](#): > > "Or, ‘I am, I cried, To no-one there, And no-one heard at all, not even the - chaaaaaaaair…’ > > “I AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAM!! … 'dyou hear me?” Glad to see I’m not the only one who instantly thinks of “I Am, I Said” whenever the topic of truly awful lyrics is raised. Kate Bush covered Rocket Man, you know. Horrible, just… horrible. Talk about falling from a great height. ---
**Author:** ![istara](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/e79b87/32.png) [@istara](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/istara)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2002, 8:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sir-elton-john-really-really-sucks/101496/19 "2002-04-03T08:36:46Z")
Elton John and his APPALLING music ruined Moulin Rouge for me. Well it was a bad film anyway (terrible voices anorexic-thin plot). But I can’t believe people are having a go at Bernie Taupin. At least he actually **wrote something new** to commerorate Diana’s death. All Elton did was sing it to his old tune written for a completely different person. Yet it’s always “Elton John’s tribute to Princess Diana” when bollox was it. God he’s a horrible little man. God I hate his music. ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2002, 8:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sir-elton-john-really-really-sucks/101496/20 "2002-04-03T08:44:43Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Redboss \* > \*\*Looking forward to hearing his song about the Queen Mother, though. > > There **will** be one, won’t there? \*\* Of course, of course, a completely original work, I believe it’s called ‘Lantern in the breeze’. Something like that. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sir-elton-john-really-really-sucks/101496.md?page=2)