# Sir, kindly refrain from linefarting the cafeteria. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [September 19, 2003, 5:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sir-kindly-refrain-from-linefarting-the-cafeteria/202637 "2003-09-19T17:31:34Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![racer72](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/racer72/32/3075_2.png) [@racer72](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/racer72)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2003, 2:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sir-kindly-refrain-from-linefarting-the-cafeteria/202637/21 "2003-09-20T02:54:30Z")
I know what I would have done. I would have waited for a few others to show up then say out loud to no one in particular, “Fresh bread, I smell fresh bread.” Who doesn’t take a deep breath if the aroma of fresh baked bread is in the air? ---
**Author:** ![peritrochoid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/c68b51/32.png) [@peritrochoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/peritrochoid)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2003, 3:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sir-kindly-refrain-from-linefarting-the-cafeteria/202637/22 "2003-09-20T03:02:42Z")
sheesh! you’re horrible, **racer72**! I like the way you think! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Ponder\_Stibbons](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ponder_stibbons/32/343_2.png) [@Ponder\_Stibbons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ponder_Stibbons)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2003, 12:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sir-kindly-refrain-from-linefarting-the-cafeteria/202637/23 "2003-09-20T12:23:04Z")
“Linefarting” … you know, it could’ve been worse. Imagine you’ve sat down at the table and right in the middle of a bite … the accountant in question, er, performs “tablefarting” … oooo, much worse … ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2003, 12:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sir-kindly-refrain-from-linefarting-the-cafeteria/202637/24 "2003-09-20T12:59:07Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by lieu \* > \*\* > Although I didn’t point at the emitter with my finger \*\* Pull my finger! ---
**Author:** ![Zeldar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/b77776/32.png) [@Zeldar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zeldar)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2003, 1:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sir-kindly-refrain-from-linefarting-the-cafeteria/202637/25 "2003-09-20T13:43:01Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Ponder Stibbons \* > \*\*“Linefarting” … you know, it could’ve been worse. Imagine you’ve sat down at the table and right in the middle of a bite … the accountant in question, er, performs “tablefarting” … oooo, much worse … \*\* This reminded me of an actual event in my own past. The gang I lunched with was sitting at least 50’ away from this particular table which was a two-seater next to one of the big picture windows in the lunch area. At this table were two guys from the Computer Operations department. One was as meek and unassuming as could be. The other was known as a cut-up and joke player. Over the din of the lunch crowd’s jabbering came this rifle shot which was amplified by the plastic contour chair the shooter was sitting in. It reverberated and caught everyone’s attention to the point that the room fell silent. At that point, the cut-up hopped to his feet and shouted, “Dammit, Bill, I’m never going to sit with you again.” Then he stalked out of the room leaving the abashed companion glowing like a traffic light. Obviously innocent of the offense, he nevertheless picked up his tray and slithered out of the area, never to return to the lunch room again. The offender could be seen in the hallway, laughing like a hyena. It was a noteworthy event that had people talking for weeks, and in years to come someone would say something about it. Anyone who had been in that room that day had that sound and the subsequent drama seared into their brains. I can hear it still. ---
**Author:** ![BoBettie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/4af34b/32.png) [@BoBettie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BoBettie)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2003, 3:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sir-kindly-refrain-from-linefarting-the-cafeteria/202637/26 "2003-09-20T15:38:53Z")
I personally like to rip ass as I’m passing by the first class section of the airplane on my way to coach. It makes me grin and grin. ---
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2003, 5:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sir-kindly-refrain-from-linefarting-the-cafeteria/202637/27 "2003-09-20T17:50:03Z")
I went to a cocktail party last week–early, to help the host set up. There I was, in my little Audrey Hepburn dress and triple strand of pearls, and a lady handed me a small wheel of Swiss and a knife and actually said, “_Would you like to cut the cheese?_” ---
**Author:** ![SanguineSpider](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9a140/32.png) [@SanguineSpider](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SanguineSpider)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2003, 6:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sir-kindly-refrain-from-linefarting-the-cafeteria/202637/28 "2003-09-20T18:27:34Z")
I guess he didn’t read the Smart Girls Rules… _JERK_! I mean, come on… everyone knows (at least YellowTail does) that one must cover his hole when he farts. Sheesh! ---
**Author:** ![TheLoadedDog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/35a633/32.png) [@TheLoadedDog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TheLoadedDog)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2003, 6:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sir-kindly-refrain-from-linefarting-the-cafeteria/202637/29 "2003-09-20T18:29:10Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Sublight \* > \*\*“linefarting” > > Great, now I’ve got this image of people in cowboy boots all going “stomp, stomp, clap, pfffffftt!” \*\* Curse you, **Sublight**. I came in here to post exaxctly that. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2003, 7:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sir-kindly-refrain-from-linefarting-the-cafeteria/202637/30 "2003-09-20T19:08:22Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Eve \* > \*\*… a lady handed me a small wheel of Swiss and a knife and actually said, “_Would you like to cut the cheese?_” \*\* _“Why yes… and I’ve warmed up a Munster for you too.”_ Funny story **Zeldar**. Two friends of mine from college played that out as well, the only difference being it occurred in an English Lit class full of young coeds. After Garner shocked Woodby by loudly _blowing him a kiss_ off the plastic chair and then shouting his name in disgust, the professor asked Woodby if he had a problem. “No” replied a sheepish Woodby. “Yes, yes I think you do” said the Prof. ---
**Author:** ![Rayn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/85e7bf/32.png) [@Rayn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rayn)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2003, 7:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sir-kindly-refrain-from-linefarting-the-cafeteria/202637/31 "2003-09-20T19:20:58Z")
Classic hilarity. Fantastic. ---
**Author:** ![Cervaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cervaise/32/16693_2.png) [@Cervaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cervaise)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2003, 10:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sir-kindly-refrain-from-linefarting-the-cafeteria/202637/32 "2003-09-20T22:21:10Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Rue DeDay \* > **"the Farting Accountant".** That rings a bell. Isn’t it in _The Mikado_? ---
**Author:** ![Ponder\_Stibbons](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ponder_stibbons/32/343_2.png) [@Ponder\_Stibbons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ponder_Stibbons)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2003, 11:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sir-kindly-refrain-from-linefarting-the-cafeteria/202637/33 "2003-09-20T23:30:16Z")
If you want to know who we are, We are gentlemen of Accounting: On many a tray and bar– On many a screen and keyboard, We stand lively in our lines: Our attitude’s queer and quaint– You’re wrong if you think it ain’t, oh! If you think we are worked by gasses, Like a Scottish bagpipe You don’t understand these things: It is simply Line etiquette. Perhaps you suppose my bladder Can’t blast away all day long? If that’s your idea, you’re wrong, oh, oh! If that’s your idea, you’re wrong. _(Stay tuned for later in the scene when NANKI-POO makes his entrance)_ ---
**Author:** ![vivalostwages](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/d07c76/32.png) [@vivalostwages](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vivalostwages)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2003, 2:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sir-kindly-refrain-from-linefarting-the-cafeteria/202637/34 "2003-09-21T02:27:02Z")
“I can see Uranus from my window tonight…” (it’s a real song lyric) Thank goodness no one shares my bed. Bedfarting could be even worse than linefarting. ---
**Author:** ![Super\_Gnat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e274bd/32.png) [@Super\_Gnat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Super_Gnat)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2003, 2:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sir-kindly-refrain-from-linefarting-the-cafeteria/202637/35 "2003-09-21T02:46:52Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Zeldar \* > \*\*This reminded me of an actual event in my own past. The gang I lunched with was sitting at least 50’ away from this particular table which was a two-seater next to one of the big picture windows in the lunch area. At this table were two guys from the Computer Operations department. One was as meek and unassuming as could be. The other was known as a cut-up and joke player. > > Over the din of the lunch crowd’s jabbering came this rifle shot which was amplified by the plastic contour chair the shooter was sitting in. It reverberated and caught everyone’s attention to the point that the room fell silent. At that point, the cut-up hopped to his feet and shouted, “Dammit, Bill, I’m never going to sit with you again.” Then he stalked out of the room leaving the abashed companion glowing like a traffic light. Obviously innocent of the offense, he nevertheless picked up his tray and slithered out of the area, never to return to the lunch room again. > > The offender could be seen in the hallway, laughing like a hyena. It was a noteworthy event that had people talking for weeks, and in years to come someone would say something about it. Anyone who had been in that room that day had that sound and the subsequent drama seared into their brains. > > I can hear it still. \*\* I’ m going to be giggling at inappropriate times for the next WEEK and a HALF, and it’ll be ALL YOUR FAULT!!! 😃 😃 😃 ---
**Author:** ![The\_MacDairmuid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a87d85/32.png) [@The\_MacDairmuid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_MacDairmuid)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2003, 6:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sir-kindly-refrain-from-linefarting-the-cafeteria/202637/36 "2003-09-21T06:14:00Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by BrotherCadfael \* > \*\*_I dined with the Dutchess at tea, > And it was just as I feared it would be. > For her rumblings Abdominal > Were something Phenominal, > And everyone thought it was me!"_ > > … > > \*\* Ivor Biggun, no? ---
**Author:** ![vivalostwages](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/d07c76/32.png) [@vivalostwages](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vivalostwages)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2003, 5:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sir-kindly-refrain-from-linefarting-the-cafeteria/202637/37 "2003-09-21T17:59:35Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by The MacDairmuid \* > \*\*Ivor Biggun, no? \*\* Didn’t he do a song called “Bra Size 45” ? ---
**Author:** ![lauramarlane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/a5b964/32.png) [@lauramarlane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lauramarlane)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2003, 6:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sir-kindly-refrain-from-linefarting-the-cafeteria/202637/38 "2003-09-21T18:11:57Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by vivalostwages \* > \*\*Didn’t he do a song called “Bra Size 45” ? \*\* Yeah, he did–I have it on a Dr. Demento compliation. I’m heavily into kultcha ---
**Author:** ![Zenster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/cdc98d/32.png) [@Zenster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zenster)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2003, 7:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sir-kindly-refrain-from-linefarting-the-cafeteria/202637/39 "2003-09-22T07:34:39Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by vivalostwages \* > … Bedfarting could be even worse than linefarting. Bow, scrape and tremble before the, _dutch oven._ ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2003, 11:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sir-kindly-refrain-from-linefarting-the-cafeteria/202637/40 "2003-09-22T11:52:52Z")
_The Thousand Nights and a Night_ includes a story called “The Historic Fart”. A poor unfortunate, let us call him Abu Hassan, drops one in the marketplace just at one of those awkward times when the whole crowd has fallen silent for no reason, and crimson with shame under a thousand disgusted stares, he sells up and emigrates that night. Years and years later, when he is a very old man, he becomes homesick, and he returns to the city of his birth. There he sees a beautiful palm tree, and he asks a passing maiden how long it has been there. “I do not know,” she says. “I shall ask my mother. Mother, how long has this palm tree stood here?” And the aged crone answers “Why, daughter, that tree was planted just three years, seven months and fifteen days after Abu Hassan farted in the marketplace.” 🙂 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sir-kindly-refrain-from-linefarting-the-cafeteria/202637.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sir-kindly-refrain-from-linefarting-the-cafeteria/202637.md?page=3)