# (Sister Dating) What Should I Do?? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [January 6, 2015, 11:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sister-dating-what-should-i-do/709116 "2015-01-06T11:11:35Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Great\_Antibob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e47c2d/32.png) [@Great\_Antibob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Great_Antibob)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2015, 4:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sister-dating-what-should-i-do/709116/21 "2015-01-06T16:49:54Z")
> [@Sir\_T-Cups](#): > > To me he should absolutely have a conversation with his sister about the dangers of dating at her age. OP already did that: > [@question101](#): > > I have voiced my opinion not as harshly as I have put it here to avoid hurt feelings but they disregarded it. The OP already had that conversation. Though from the tone, it appears to have been a strident lecture rather than a conversation, which was promptly ignored. While it is a good thing to care for and support family, “giving permission” and throwing tantrums crosses the line. The sister could well be making a mistake. That happens. Assuming she’s in a state where age of consent is 16, it’s her mistake to make and learn from the experience. If anything, the OP should have an honest _conversation_ rather than lecturing. If that fails, it’s left to the OP to hope for the best and be there for support in case of the worst. It’s impossible to protect everybody from everything that can possibly go wrong. It’s somewhat wrong to try - the sister won’t learn to properly deal with the same situation when she’s 26 or 36 and to be independent if she’s too sheltered at 16. ---
**Author:** ![Hector\_St\_Clare](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b5ac83/32.png) [@Hector\_St\_Clare](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hector_St_Clare)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2015, 4:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sister-dating-what-should-i-do/709116/22 "2015-01-06T16:57:40Z")
> [@Ethilrist](#): > > In over half the country, age of consent is 16, so, she probably is old enough. OP didn’t say where they are, or whether or not his sister’s having sex with the guy. In most _high population_ states, the age of consent is either 17 or 18. E.g. California, New York, Illinois, Pennsylvania, Texas. So she probably lives in a state where it’s illegal. ---
**Author:** ![Sir\_T-Cups](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ed655f/32.png) [@Sir\_T-Cups](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sir_T-Cups)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2015, 5:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sister-dating-what-should-i-do/709116/23 "2015-01-06T17:30:22Z")
> [@Si\_Amigo](#): > > Maybe that’s her motive to, so what’s wrong with that? It’s her decision and her life. Maybe she wants an older boyfriend because all the the ones her age are dweebs who don’t know a thing about sex and figures an older guy might know how to treat her. Maybe it’s a mistake or maybe it will be the best thing that could have happened to her, that’s how life works. You get to make choices in life and you live and learn from them; you don’t mature by allowing other people to make these choices for you. The brother has made his position clear to his sister and she has made her choice, now he comes here looking to find justification for his interference in her affairs. Aint gonna happen. Because this isn’t just an experimental “lets see how it goes” live and learn kind of thing. She isn’t seeing if working in retail is good and then if not ok it was a mistake lets find a desk job. The consequences of this could be life altering. STDs, Pregnancy, thinking they’re in love and having devastating heartbreak, emotional abuse, physical abuse. These aren’t “lolz mistake” kinds of things that should be dismissed or regarded as such ---
**Author:** ![Scumpup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce73a5/32.png) [@Scumpup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scumpup)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2015, 5:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sister-dating-what-should-i-do/709116/24 "2015-01-06T17:32:30Z")
I thought Xmas break was over. ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2015, 5:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sister-dating-what-should-i-do/709116/25 "2015-01-06T17:45:36Z")
Wait until they are about to go on vacation and then ask him to stay behind to discuss the family business. Then? Have a long talk with him. Clear the air. And when you are done, make sure that there is a car outside that will take him to the airport. You’ll call your sister to tell her what flight he’s on. Make sure you leave him with the phrase, “Get out of my Sight.” ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2015, 5:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sister-dating-what-should-i-do/709116/26 "2015-01-06T17:46:26Z")
> [@Hector\_St\_Clare](#): > > In most _high population_ states, the age of consent is either 17 or 18. E.g. California, New York, Illinois, Pennsylvania, Texas. So she probably lives in a state where it’s illegal. If only there was a way for the OP to return to the thread to answer these many, many questions… ---
**Author:** ![Snowboarder\_Bo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/snowboarder_bo/32/229_2.png) [@Snowboarder\_Bo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snowboarder_Bo)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2015, 5:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sister-dating-what-should-i-do/709116/27 "2015-01-06T17:55:46Z")
> [@Sir\_T-Cups](#): > > Without reading the thread I say you should definitely NOT date your sister Yep, that was my first thought as well. ---
**Author:** ![Si\_Amigo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/si_amigo/32/2877_2.png) [@Si\_Amigo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Si_Amigo)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2015, 6:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sister-dating-what-should-i-do/709116/28 "2015-01-06T18:00:16Z")
> [@Sir\_T-Cups](#): > > Because this isn’t just an experimental “lets see how it goes” live and learn kind of thing. She isn’t seeing if working in retail is good and then if not ok it was a mistake lets find a desk job. > > The consequences of this could be life altering. STDs, Pregnancy, thinking they’re in love and having devastating heartbreak, emotional abuse, physical abuse. These aren’t “lolz mistake” kinds of things that should be dismissed or regarded as such So you just assume that she is stupid (with a 4.2 GPA) and that her brother knows best and is being honest in his assessment. :smack: You know, the guy who hasn’t returned to the thread; he knows what is best for his sister. He just comes across as sounding jealous to me along with a better than thou attitude. From the picture he painted I’d trust her more than him. ---
**Author:** ![susanlinda823](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce7236/32.png) [@susanlinda823](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/susanlinda823)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2015, 6:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sister-dating-what-should-i-do/709116/29 "2015-01-06T18:03:58Z")
For one I would not push her to break up with him or be-little him in any way. This will just make her want him more. Young girls are extremely stubborn. And have a tendency for know-it-allism. Let her make her own mistakes. ---
**Author:** ![bup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/6bbea6/32.png) [@bup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bup)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2015, 6:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sister-dating-what-should-i-do/709116/30 "2015-01-06T18:24:18Z")
You could challenge him to a game of chicken in your convertible hot rods. Then your outcomes are: -you chicken first, and he gets to date your sister. -he chickens first, and your sister doesn’t even want to date such a cowardly guy. -one of you tries to bail out but too late, and dies romantically. -if he’s dead, she’ll mourn him, but eventually find another guy. -if you’re dead, she’ll stay with him, but cherish your memory. -neither one of you bails out, and you both die. In most of these outcomes, he’s not dating your sister anymore. ---
**Author:** ![Scumpup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce73a5/32.png) [@Scumpup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scumpup)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2015, 6:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sister-dating-what-should-i-do/709116/31 "2015-01-06T18:39:08Z")
> [@bup](#): > > You could challenge him to a game of chicken in your convertible hot rods. Then your outcomes are: > > -you chicken first, and he gets to date your sister. > -he chickens first, and your sister doesn’t even want to date such a cowardly guy. > -one of you tries to bail out but too late, and dies romantically. > -if he’s dead, she’ll mourn him, but eventually find another guy. > -if you’re dead, she’ll stay with him, but cherish your memory. > -neither one of you bails out, and you both die. > > In most of these outcomes, he’s not dating your sister anymore. Maybe they don’t have hot rods. A switchblade fight with highly stylized choreography is a much more affordable alternative that offers the same outcomes. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2015, 6:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sister-dating-what-should-i-do/709116/32 "2015-01-06T18:47:47Z")
How does someone achieve a _4.2_ gpa? Just curious… ---
**Author:** ![iiandyiiii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/iiandyiiii/32/7924_2.png) [@iiandyiiii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iiandyiiii)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2015, 6:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sister-dating-what-should-i-do/709116/33 "2015-01-06T18:52:37Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#): > > How does someone achieve a _4.2_ gpa? Just curious… My high school had a 9 point scale. Probably some high schools have a 5 point scale, and many other variations. ---
**Author:** ![bup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/6bbea6/32.png) [@bup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bup)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2015, 6:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sister-dating-what-should-i-do/709116/34 "2015-01-06T18:52:40Z")
> [@Scumpup](#): > > Maybe they don’t have hot rods. A switchblade fight with highly stylized choreography is a much more affordable alternative that offers the same outcomes. Oh, you mean they live in an ethnic neighborhood? Yeah, maybe your suggestion is better. Even if they have hot rods, it’s a long way to Dead Man’s Curve from the inner city. ---
**Author:** ![Scumpup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce73a5/32.png) [@Scumpup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scumpup)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2015, 6:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sister-dating-what-should-i-do/709116/35 "2015-01-06T18:54:07Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#): > > How does someone achieve a _4.2_ gpa? Just curious… It’s not impossible. The valedictorian from my mother’s college graduating class had a higher than 4.0 average. She had a dual major and graduated ahead of schedule by going to school full-time all year round. I reacted the same as you when I heard her gpa announced at the commencement ceremony. The department chair apparently anticipated this and gave a brief explanation. IIRC, it ammounted to them giving this workaholic extra weight for some of her classes due to the crazy workload + accelerated time frame. ---
**Author:** ![Slow\_Moving\_Vehicle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slow_moving_vehicle/32/291_2.png) [@Slow\_Moving\_Vehicle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slow_Moving_Vehicle)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2015, 7:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sister-dating-what-should-i-do/709116/36 "2015-01-06T19:03:23Z")
> [@Sir\_T-Cups](#): > > Without reading the thread I say you should definitely NOT date your sister Just keep it casual - catch a movie, a concert, a little over-the-shirt action… ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2015, 7:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sister-dating-what-should-i-do/709116/37 "2015-01-06T19:05:30Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#): > > How does someone achieve a _4.2_ gpa? Just curious… AP classes weight a point higher, most commonly. So you get some 5s averaged in for A’s, instead of 4s. OP, I was your sister. More or less. Bright, good grades, everyone thought I was destined for great things. Took up with a 21 year old just after I turned 17. Ended up pregnant. While everyone else saw it as a tragedy, I secretly saw it as a blessed relief. I was too scared to go away to school, I didn’t know what I wanted to do with my life, and I didn’t have any idea how to figure it out. The baby was a perfect delaying tactic. I was able to put off deciding What I Want To Be When I Grow Up until I was 31, and really had some clue. Do I suggest this path? No, not really. I love my son (now almost 22) and I’m glad he’s in my life, but if I was picking the easy path in life, this wouldn’t have been it. If you want to help her, help her realize how awesome she is. Help her find her talents, her passions, her skills. Build up her self-confidence and her life skills and professional talents. Tell her everything about her that is true and amazing. I guarantee you this guy is telling her nice things. She may feel like he’s the only one who does, who accepts her for who she is. Show her that you do too. Will it make her break up with him? Probably not, if she’s really in love with him. But building her up to realize all her good qualities has a far better chance of empowering her than tearing her down and sending her to his shoulder to cry on. Finally…find out what SHE wants. Just because you, your parents and everyone else think she should go to Big Name School doesn’t mean it’s what she wants, or what’s the best choice for her. Really, for the first two years of college, it doesn’t matter where you go. Big Name Schools are largely a waste of money. ---
**Author:** ![Slow\_Moving\_Vehicle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slow_moving_vehicle/32/291_2.png) [@Slow\_Moving\_Vehicle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slow_Moving_Vehicle)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2015, 7:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sister-dating-what-should-i-do/709116/38 "2015-01-06T19:22:20Z")
nm ---
**Author:** ![Calatin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/439d5e/32.png) [@Calatin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Calatin)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2015, 7:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sister-dating-what-should-i-do/709116/39 "2015-01-06T19:36:16Z")
> [@Slow\_Moving\_Vehicle](#): > > Just keep it casual - catch a movie, a concert, a little over-the-shirt action… And the best part is, meeting her parents shouldn’t be too awkward. ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2015, 7:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sister-dating-what-should-i-do/709116/40 "2015-01-06T19:48:34Z")
It would make gift-giving at Christmastime simpler. And you’d probably never forget her birthday. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sister-dating-what-should-i-do/709116.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sister-dating-what-should-i-do/709116.md?page=3)