# Sister got bonded out of jail by her boyfriend and now her boyfriend wants me to pay him back, am I responsible? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [December 29, 2022, 10:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sister-got-bonded-out-of-jail-by-her-boyfriend-and-now-her-boyfriend-wants-me-to-pay-him-back-am-i-responsible/977302 "2022-12-29T22:02:30Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Gatopescado](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gatopescado/32/5711_2.png) [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2022, 1:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sister-got-bonded-out-of-jail-by-her-boyfriend-and-now-her-boyfriend-wants-me-to-pay-him-back-am-i-responsible/977302/21 "2022-12-30T01:59:27Z")
> [@Asuka](#): > > Six months later my sister breaks up with him despite not paid back any amount of money… So… you’re saying she’s single now??? 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Asuka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/dec6dc/32.png) [@Asuka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Asuka)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2022, 2:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sister-got-bonded-out-of-jail-by-her-boyfriend-and-now-her-boyfriend-wants-me-to-pay-him-back-am-i-responsible/977302/22 "2022-12-30T02:12:31Z")
Hey she was arrested in the past for hitting her boyfriend in the head with a hammer during an argument (which in retrospect probably accounts for such a high bail this time around), she’s all yours if you can get her out of my house. ---
**Author:** ![Gatopescado](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gatopescado/32/5711_2.png) [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2022, 2:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sister-got-bonded-out-of-jail-by-her-boyfriend-and-now-her-boyfriend-wants-me-to-pay-him-back-am-i-responsible/977302/23 "2022-12-30T02:14:07Z")
Uh, no man. I figured I’d just crash on your couch. Don’t worry, Dude. The dogs are really cool and mostly house-trained. ---
**Author:** ![Kent\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kent_clark/32/105_2.png) [@Kent\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kent_Clark)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2022, 2:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sister-got-bonded-out-of-jail-by-her-boyfriend-and-now-her-boyfriend-wants-me-to-pay-him-back-am-i-responsible/977302/24 "2022-12-30T02:33:42Z")
> [@Asuka](#): > > she was arrested in the past for hitting her boyfriend in the head with a hammer during an argument The same boyfriend? The head injury might explain why he thinks you might pay up. ---
**Author:** ![Morgyn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/morgyn/32/3041_2.png) [@Morgyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morgyn)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2022, 3:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sister-got-bonded-out-of-jail-by-her-boyfriend-and-now-her-boyfriend-wants-me-to-pay-him-back-am-i-responsible/977302/25 "2022-12-30T03:31:24Z")
Why is she _in_ your house to begin with? Just because she’s your sister does not oblige you to give her shelter. ---
**Author:** ![engineer\_comp\_geek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/engineer_comp_geek/32/504_2.png) [@engineer\_comp\_geek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/engineer_comp_geek)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2022, 5:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sister-got-bonded-out-of-jail-by-her-boyfriend-and-now-her-boyfriend-wants-me-to-pay-him-back-am-i-responsible/977302/26 "2022-12-30T05:05:55Z")
**Moderator Note** > [@SmartAleq](#): > > to pay and welshed Please note that the term “welshed” (or “welched”) is an ethnic slur against the Welsh people. Please refrain from using it here on the SDMB as it is considered offensive. It is in the same category as “gypped” or “jewed”. ---
**Author:** ![SmartAleq](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/smartaleq/32/163_2.png) [@SmartAleq](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SmartAleq)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2022, 5:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sister-got-bonded-out-of-jail-by-her-boyfriend-and-now-her-boyfriend-wants-me-to-pay-him-back-am-i-responsible/977302/27 "2022-12-30T05:17:17Z")
> **Off-Topic Reply to Modnote** > > Really? I had no idea. ---
**Author:** ![I\_Love\_Me\_Vol.I](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/i_love_me_vol.i/32/521_2.png) [@I\_Love\_Me\_Vol.I](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/I_Love_Me_Vol.I)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2022, 7:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sister-got-bonded-out-of-jail-by-her-boyfriend-and-now-her-boyfriend-wants-me-to-pay-him-back-am-i-responsible/977302/28 "2022-12-30T07:13:29Z")
> [@Seanette](#): > > If you did not agree to contribute, IMO you have no financial liability. Your sister can claim whatever she wants, but that doesn’t make it so. Ex-BF needs to take it up with the actual responsible party, namely your sister. Exactly so. ---
**Author:** ![LSLGuy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lslguy/32/5813_2.png) [@LSLGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LSLGuy)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2022, 2:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sister-got-bonded-out-of-jail-by-her-boyfriend-and-now-her-boyfriend-wants-me-to-pay-him-back-am-i-responsible/977302/29 "2022-12-30T14:12:20Z")
> [@Gatopescado](#): > > Uh, no man. I figured I’d just crash on your couch. > > Don’t worry, Dude. The dogs are really cool and mostly house-trained. Sounds like on average you and the dogs joining the OP’s household would be a net improvement. Besides, that reduces the odds on the OP being the next hammering victim. There is more safety when you’re part of a larger herd of targets. [/humorous sarcasm] in case that wasn’t obvious. Seriously there @Asuka, you need to get this problem out of your life for good. It’s painful to do, but it’s even more painful to put up with. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2022, 4:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sister-got-bonded-out-of-jail-by-her-boyfriend-and-now-her-boyfriend-wants-me-to-pay-him-back-am-i-responsible/977302/30 "2022-12-30T16:37:58Z")
> [@Asuka](#): > > Hey she was arrested in the past for hitting her boyfriend in the head with a hammer during an argument And you are comfortable with her living in your home? Serious question. I’ve known some people with anger management issues and cannot imagine being able to sleep at night with them in my house. ---
**Author:** ![griffin1977](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/977dab/32.png) [@griffin1977](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/griffin1977)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2022, 5:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sister-got-bonded-out-of-jail-by-her-boyfriend-and-now-her-boyfriend-wants-me-to-pay-him-back-am-i-responsible/977302/31 "2022-12-30T17:35:31Z")
> [@Morgyn](#): > > Why is she _in_ your house to begin with? Just because she’s your sister does not oblige you to give her shelter. The line the OP took is exactly the one I’d take I think. Absolutely my sibling with substance abuse problems (hypothetically, I don’t have a sibling with substance abuse problems) can stay in my house (there is no way being homeless with an alcohol problem will improve anything for them). But no effing way am I paying their bail. I agree with other posters there is absolutely nothing, zip, bubkiss, the OP owes the ex, legally or morally. But a bail bondsman could show up at your door and try and convince you otherwise. ---
**Author:** ![SmellMyWort](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ea5d25/32.png) [@SmellMyWort](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SmellMyWort)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2022, 6:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sister-got-bonded-out-of-jail-by-her-boyfriend-and-now-her-boyfriend-wants-me-to-pay-him-back-am-i-responsible/977302/32 "2022-12-30T18:01:09Z")
Just a friendly heads-up that the way you snipped SmartAleq’s quote makes it come across as the complete opposite of what they intended to post. ---
**Author:** ![engineer\_comp\_geek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/engineer_comp_geek/32/504_2.png) [@engineer\_comp\_geek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/engineer_comp_geek)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2022, 6:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sister-got-bonded-out-of-jail-by-her-boyfriend-and-now-her-boyfriend-wants-me-to-pay-him-back-am-i-responsible/977302/33 "2022-12-30T18:05:21Z")
I have edited the quote. ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2022, 6:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sister-got-bonded-out-of-jail-by-her-boyfriend-and-now-her-boyfriend-wants-me-to-pay-him-back-am-i-responsible/977302/34 "2022-12-30T18:20:13Z")
> [@LSLGuy](#): > > Seriously there @Asuka, you need to get this problem out of your life for good. It’s painful to do, but it’s even more painful to put up with. Good advice. I speak from experience. Substance abusers will use you up emotionally and financially, and steal from you on top of it. They will make promises they never intend to keep and then blame you for their situation. You don’t have to cut her out of your life, but you can just say “no” to being used. ---
**Author:** ![puzzlegal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/puzzlegal/32/3827_2.png) [@puzzlegal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/puzzlegal)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2022, 9:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sister-got-bonded-out-of-jail-by-her-boyfriend-and-now-her-boyfriend-wants-me-to-pay-him-back-am-i-responsible/977302/35 "2022-12-30T21:36:06Z")
> [@kayaker](#): > > > [@Asuka](#): > > > > Hey she was arrested in the past for hitting her boyfriend in the head with a hammer during an argument > > And you are comfortable with her living in your home? Serious question. I’ve known some people with anger management issues and cannot imagine being able to sleep at night with them in my house. I was wondering the same thing. I think I’d house my penniless drug-abusing sibling, but not if they were violent. I’d be afraid to. ---
**Author:** ![smithsb](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/smithsb/32/12107_2.png) [@smithsb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smithsb)\ **Post date:** [December 31, 2022, 4:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sister-got-bonded-out-of-jail-by-her-boyfriend-and-now-her-boyfriend-wants-me-to-pay-him-back-am-i-responsible/977302/36 "2022-12-31T04:04:54Z")
Did she show up for trial/hearing? If so, the ex got back the $4000 less the bondsman’s vigorish. I hope “vigorish” isn’t offensive, but perhaps the “Vigors” or “Vigorians” will take issue. ---
**Author:** ![hajario](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hajario/32/171_2.png) [@hajario](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hajario)\ **Post date:** [December 31, 2022, 8:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sister-got-bonded-out-of-jail-by-her-boyfriend-and-now-her-boyfriend-wants-me-to-pay-him-back-am-i-responsible/977302/37 "2022-12-31T08:29:32Z")
> [@smithsb](#): > > Did she show up for trial/hearing? If so, the ex got back the $4000 less the bondsman’s vigorish. That’s not how it works. Either: Ex puts up the whole $40k and then gets it back when she shows up. or Ex pays bondsman $4k, the bondsman puts up $40k and the bondsman gets it back when she shows up. The ex doesn’t get anything. This is how the bondsman makes money. ---
**Author:** ![LSLGuy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lslguy/32/5813_2.png) [@LSLGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LSLGuy)\ **Post date:** [December 31, 2022, 1:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sister-got-bonded-out-of-jail-by-her-boyfriend-and-now-her-boyfriend-wants-me-to-pay-him-back-am-i-responsible/977302/38 "2022-12-31T13:31:47Z")
If the OP is not dead certain that all terms of the bond have been performed and the bondsman has gotten his $40K back from the court, the OP really needs to a) get Sis out of his house, and b) ensure Big Bad Bob of Big Bad Bob’s Bail Bonds knows that she doesn’t live there anymore. Otherwise a pissed-off ex-boyfriend with brain damage may be the least of his challenges. ---
**Author:** ![Toxgoddess](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/f08c70/32.png) [@Toxgoddess](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Toxgoddess)\ **Post date:** [December 31, 2022, 2:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sister-got-bonded-out-of-jail-by-her-boyfriend-and-now-her-boyfriend-wants-me-to-pay-him-back-am-i-responsible/977302/39 "2022-12-31T14:25:46Z")
Regarding the question of him suing: presumably he will need a lawyer, at least to file the initial paperwork for him. A lawyer will ask him what documentation he has that you agreed to pay. He has none. The lawyer should advise him at that point that he has no chance of winning and to drop it. Not all lawyers are scrupulously honest of course, but most won’t take a case they know is a loser if there is no money in it. Doesn’t sound like he has unlimited funds to pursue frivolous court actions. ---
**Author:** ![smithsb](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/smithsb/32/12107_2.png) [@smithsb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smithsb)\ **Post date:** [December 31, 2022, 2:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sister-got-bonded-out-of-jail-by-her-boyfriend-and-now-her-boyfriend-wants-me-to-pay-him-back-am-i-responsible/977302/40 "2022-12-31T14:41:59Z")
> [@hajario](#): > > That’s not how it works. Either: > Ex puts up the whole $40k and then gets it back when she shows up. > or > Ex pays bondsman $4k, the bondsman puts up $40k and the bondsman gets it back when she shows up. The ex doesn’t get anything. This is how the bondsman makes money. My mistake. the $4k is the non-refundable insurance policy premium paid to the bailbondsman. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sister-got-bonded-out-of-jail-by-her-boyfriend-and-now-her-boyfriend-wants-me-to-pay-him-back-am-i-responsible/977302.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sister-got-bonded-out-of-jail-by-her-boyfriend-and-now-her-boyfriend-wants-me-to-pay-him-back-am-i-responsible/977302.md?page=3)