# Sister got bonded out of jail by her boyfriend and now her boyfriend wants me to pay him back, am I responsible? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [December 29, 2022, 10:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sister-got-bonded-out-of-jail-by-her-boyfriend-and-now-her-boyfriend-wants-me-to-pay-him-back-am-i-responsible/977302 "2022-12-29T22:02:30Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 14\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Tim\_T-Bonham.net](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/46a35a/32.png) [@Tim\_T-Bonham.net](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tim_T-Bonham.net)\ **Post date:** [January 1, 2023, 2:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sister-got-bonded-out-of-jail-by-her-boyfriend-and-now-her-boyfriend-wants-me-to-pay-him-back-am-i-responsible/977302/61 "2023-01-01T02:10:30Z")
> [@Morgyn](#): > > Why is she _in_ your house to begin with? Just because she’s your sister does not oblige you to give her shelter. I’d agree with this. Seems like you are _an enabler_ for her alcoholic & anger-issues lifestyle. Unless you are making sure that she is receiving counseling or treatment for these issues while in your house, she’d probably be better off in prison, where there is treatment offered. And on a lawsuit against you, you should easily win in court. Even a small-claims court. But if she gets back together with that ex-boyfriend (which is pretty common), she might tell the Judge that you did agree to pay the bail. You should still win, but that could make it harder. ---
**Author:** ![Dr.Drake](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ad7895/32.png) [@Dr.Drake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr.Drake)\ **Post date:** [January 1, 2023, 2:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sister-got-bonded-out-of-jail-by-her-boyfriend-and-now-her-boyfriend-wants-me-to-pay-him-back-am-i-responsible/977302/62 "2023-01-01T02:50:29Z")
Addiction is hard. I had an alcoholic relative. The family did what they could, but addiction issues meant she couldn’t be trusted in the house. She moved in with various men, but as her addiction took its course, the kind of men who would provide her a home decreased in quality until she was homeless. She died on the streets in her 40s. Enabling the sister will come at a great cost, but may provide a buffer from the worst of the addiction until it can take its physical toll in its own course. No good options, but sometimes making the sacrifice for your own conscience, while technically enabling the addiction, isn’t the wrong choice. I don’t think my family’s choice to let my cousin’s own choices take her life was wrong, either, though it’s very sad (and all sorts of support was offered to help fight the addiction). Some people recover from addiction, but many do not. In this case, we don’t even know that the sister’s DUIs are in that category, though it’s a fair guess given what’s been said. ---
**Author:** ![MandaJo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ac91a4/32.png) [@MandaJo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MandaJo)\ **Post date:** [January 1, 2023, 4:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sister-got-bonded-out-of-jail-by-her-boyfriend-and-now-her-boyfriend-wants-me-to-pay-him-back-am-i-responsible/977302/63 "2023-01-01T04:10:00Z")
> [@Tim\_T-Bonham.net](#): > > I’d agree with this. Seems like you are _an enabler_ for her alcoholic & anger-issues lifestyle. Unless you are making sure that she is receiving counseling or treatment for these issues while in your house, she’d probably be better off in prison, where there is treatment offered. What? He’s not keeping his sister out of prison, he’s presumably keeping her from sleeping under a bridge, or having to accept abuse and exploitation in return for a place to sleep. The alternative is not some safe, dry protected place with treatment. This is just not a decision that we can possibly second-guess. ---
**Author:** ![puzzlegal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/puzzlegal/32/3827_2.png) [@puzzlegal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/puzzlegal)\ **Post date:** [January 1, 2023, 4:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sister-got-bonded-out-of-jail-by-her-boyfriend-and-now-her-boyfriend-wants-me-to-pay-him-back-am-i-responsible/977302/64 "2023-01-01T04:18:33Z")
Oh, I’m sure the sister is better off with him that on her own. I just wonder how dangerous it is to him to let her stay there. ---
**Author:** ![Bootb](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e19b73/32.png) [@Bootb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bootb)\ **Post date:** [January 1, 2023, 3:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sister-got-bonded-out-of-jail-by-her-boyfriend-and-now-her-boyfriend-wants-me-to-pay-him-back-am-i-responsible/977302/65 "2023-01-01T15:32:03Z")
> [@Asuka](#): > > Six months later my sister breaks up with him despite not paid back any amount of money for the bail back. Now the boyfriend is texting me claiming I owe him the $4,000 cause she lives in my house and she claimed that I would pay him back. But since he’s the only one who cosigned he’s literally solely responsible for it right? He’d have to take HER to small claims court to get the money right? “Dear Sister’s ex-Boyfriend, You should consider yourself lucky. Sometimes the School of Hard Knocks charges far higher tuition than that. Sincerely, Asuka” ---
**Author:** ![TokyoBayer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tokyobayer/32/13989_2.png) [@TokyoBayer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TokyoBayer)\ **Post date:** [January 1, 2023, 5:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sister-got-bonded-out-of-jail-by-her-boyfriend-and-now-her-boyfriend-wants-me-to-pay-him-back-am-i-responsible/977302/66 "2023-01-01T17:04:25Z")
> [@Dinsdale](#): > > It has long since ceased surprising me when attorneys seem to adopt “piss off the decision-maker” as their strategy. I watch a few YouTube video channels by attorneys who show crazy court moments. I’m really impressed with how thick-skinned many of the judges are and I’m confident that I would send most of these people off to jail for contempt. It was definitely not the career for me. ---
**Author:** ![Dinsdale](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/97f17d/32.png) [@Dinsdale](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dinsdale)\ **Post date:** [January 1, 2023, 7:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sister-got-bonded-out-of-jail-by-her-boyfriend-and-now-her-boyfriend-wants-me-to-pay-him-back-am-i-responsible/977302/67 "2023-01-01T19:16:14Z")
> [@TokyoBayer](#): > > I’m really impressed with how thick-skinned many of the judges are and I’m confident that I would send most of these people off to jail for contempt. It was definitely not the career for me. You develop the ability to essentially go into suspended animation - ignoring all of the irrelevant and potentially irritating blather, yet alert enough to ay/do what absolutely needs to be done/said. A thick skin, a strong bladder, and a tolerance for tedium - perhaps the 3 greatest requirements for being a judge. ---
**Author:** ![LSLGuy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lslguy/32/5813_2.png) [@LSLGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LSLGuy)\ **Post date:** [January 1, 2023, 7:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sister-got-bonded-out-of-jail-by-her-boyfriend-and-now-her-boyfriend-wants-me-to-pay-him-back-am-i-responsible/977302/68 "2023-01-01T19:45:24Z")
It also helps to be secure in the knowledge that at the end of the day, Your Word is Law. Theirs is just noise. And you’ve got the dudes with the guns standing there nearby. ---
**Author:** ![carrps](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carrps/32/2957_2.png) [@carrps](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carrps)\ **Post date:** [January 1, 2023, 7:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sister-got-bonded-out-of-jail-by-her-boyfriend-and-now-her-boyfriend-wants-me-to-pay-him-back-am-i-responsible/977302/69 "2023-01-01T19:50:35Z")
> [@Gatopescado](#): > > Don’t worry, Dude. The dogs are really cool and mostly house-trained. They’re dachshunds. They’ll never be completely house-trained. ---
**Author:** ![GaryM](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/garym/32/241_2.png) [@GaryM](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GaryM)\ **Post date:** [January 1, 2023, 8:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sister-got-bonded-out-of-jail-by-her-boyfriend-and-now-her-boyfriend-wants-me-to-pay-him-back-am-i-responsible/977302/70 "2023-01-01T20:09:26Z")
> [@LSLGuy](#): > > Otherwise a pissed-off ex-boyfriend with brain damage may be the least of his challenges. Who is it? Dog the Bounty Hunter! ---
**Author:** ![TokyoBayer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tokyobayer/32/13989_2.png) [@TokyoBayer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TokyoBayer)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2023, 7:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sister-got-bonded-out-of-jail-by-her-boyfriend-and-now-her-boyfriend-wants-me-to-pay-him-back-am-i-responsible/977302/71 "2023-01-02T07:57:37Z")
> [@Dinsdale](#): > > You develop the ability to essentially go into suspended animation - ignoring all of the irrelevant and potentially irritating blather, yet alert enough to ay/do what absolutely needs to be done/said. A thick skin, a strong bladder, and a tolerance for tedium - perhaps the 3 greatest requirements for being a judge. My hat’s off to you to be able to do that, and with my PSA numbers it’s obvious that my bladdeer wouldn’t stand a chance. ---
**Author:** ![What\_Exit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/what_exit/32/10652_2.png) [@What\_Exit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/What_Exit)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2023, 8:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sister-got-bonded-out-of-jail-by-her-boyfriend-and-now-her-boyfriend-wants-me-to-pay-him-back-am-i-responsible/977302/72 "2023-01-02T20:34:30Z")
8 posts were split to a new topic: [Is the word “Welshing” offensive conversation](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-the-word-welshing-offensive-conversation/977549) ---
**Author:** ![Cheesesteak](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cheesesteak/32/3694_2.png) [@Cheesesteak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cheesesteak)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2023, 2:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sister-got-bonded-out-of-jail-by-her-boyfriend-and-now-her-boyfriend-wants-me-to-pay-him-back-am-i-responsible/977302/73 "2023-01-02T14:47:28Z")
> [@Bootb](#): > > “Dear Sister’s ex-Boyfriend, > You should consider yourself lucky. Sometimes the School of Hard Knocks charges far higher tuition than that. > Sincerely, > Asuka” “PS. Make sure the bail bondsman knows she doesn’t live with you anymore.” ---
**Author:** ![What\_Exit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/what_exit/32/10652_2.png) [@What\_Exit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/What_Exit)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2023, 8:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sister-got-bonded-out-of-jail-by-her-boyfriend-and-now-her-boyfriend-wants-me-to-pay-him-back-am-i-responsible/977302/80 "2023-01-02T20:35:39Z")
3 posts were merged into an existing topic: [Is the word “Welshing” offensive conversation](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-the-word-welshing-offensive-conversation/977549/9) [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sister-got-bonded-out-of-jail-by-her-boyfriend-and-now-her-boyfriend-wants-me-to-pay-him-back-am-i-responsible/977302.md?page=3)