“You’re trying to make the leap that #1 and #3 are the same thing.”
As I originally said, I dont think they’re the same, but that they’re more linked than some people do, enough so Im interested in the difference in response. Its probably just a crowd diffusion jobbie.
Otara
That’s hearsay, and partial hearsay obscured by emotion and the need to rationalize having made a scene, if I ever saw it. The wife showed up on the sisters doorstep, she ranted and made a scene untill the poice came in and arrested her, and you’re taking her account to a journalist of what she said/sis said as the literal truth??
I think the facts of the wifes arrest and sis pressing no charges speak louder then wife’s words.
Back when I was in high school, my mother spent a year bedridden. One day she had an appointment with a different doctor, who saw her walk in the door and said “herniated disc. Surgery. Do you live in town? Oh, no? OK, we’ll schedule you for tomorrow.”
I was happy; I thought “oh, finally, they’ll do the surgery and she’ll be fine in no time,” my previous experience with surgery being limited to my own tonsils… three days after my surgery I already hated the bed and couldn’t wait to get back up.
She was terrified. What if I have a bad reaction, what if I die, what if, what if, what if… If she’d seen any other options, she wouldn’t have had the surgery. When she claims that if she ever gets cataracts she’ll get the surgery ASAP, I have to make a serious effort to keep a straight face, given how hard she’s working at avoiding all the unpleasant medical procedures her doctors want her to undergo, some of which involve anesthesia.
The sister could have received better information about the procedure that “it’s painless and risk free” and decided that the small risk is too big when you’re a mother. Am I the only one who noticed the article doesn’t mention how many children she has? They mention children, but not how many.
That was a shitty article - what the hell does how much her house costs have to do with anything, for instance?
Brother and wife are shits for going public with this, in the way they have. The intent is clearly not just to publicize his plight, but mostly to publicly shame the sister into doing what they want. So much for that stiff upper lip, suffer in silence British character.
I’m sorry but even if I didn’t have a kid, 1**/370** chance of something going wrong would make me think twice. With kids? Only if the chance of brother making a full recovery from his cancer was 90%+. I doubt it is. Anyone have any numbers?
I think she was only made aware of the risks after taking the test, and was understandably reluctant thereafter (See? Random speculation as to motives is easy).
Like I’ve said before (in reference to pregnant women) - I fully support the right of adults to change their minds about what happens to their bodies after the fact, as long as there’s no legal obligation. Changing your mind doesn’t (or shouldn’t) carry any moral negative. In the end, we are only truly responsible for ourselves.
Plus from a strictly Selfish Gene perspective, her brother’s already bred at more than replacement level. His usefulness to the family gene pool is over.t’s only practical! And does the world need more HR people?
That last paragraph contains black humour, just in case anyone needs a humour transplant.
I am on The Anthony Nolan registry myself, I even nearly got called up once, though in the end it turned out I wasn’t a close enough match. So when I say I would donate for a complete stranger, I am presenting the literal truth.
That said, this decision belongs to the sister alone, and whilst I do not like the decision she made, it was her right to make it. The running of this article is reprehensible in my view and does nothing but confirm my dim view of the tabloids.
Have you no empathy toward your hypothetical sibling? Because my empathy toward the situation would command me to donate regardless of the .28% chance of “something going wrong”. And that’s if he was a fully independent adult with no paternal obligations.
But if he had fucking kids and a wife? I wouldn’t even think twice.
If those odds sound bad to you, you should probably avoid all medications and medical procedures. Just to be safe, you know, because that’s pretty damned good in comparison.
I have three siblings. Two of them have avoided and/or rejected any contact for over 40 years, w/ no obvious reason given. I might consider a bone marrow donation for them, but I don’t think I would donate a kidney.
Turn it around, if either of them won a large Lotto prize, would they offer me a share? I seriously doubt it, but if I were the winner, I’m pretty sure that at least one of them would suddenly want to be “friendly”.
If I were in this sister’s position, all this attention would just steel my resolve.
I’m reminded of the quote “I don’t like what you say but I’ll fight tooth and nail for your right to say it”
If it goes for free speech it sure as hell goes for what someone does with their own body. I personaly detest the British press so this comes as no surprise to me. They’re the real monsters here.
But with regard to the situation I’m wondering what the sisters family have said about this. What about her husband? If anyone could sway me from doing something as serious as an operation, no matter what the odds, it would be the opinion of my partner. From Sister’s Husband’s point of view his wife is risking her life for someone he doesn’t know. (I’m guessing at that part because the sister and brother were “never close”)
Boy, that edit window is like *69 on the phone, isn’t it? 
I could have sworn you had said something about no risk, went back to check, saw you didn’t, edited my post, but it was toooooo late.
Well, don’t you win the “Who has more empathy?” competition!
My point was that, while I might have empathy for my hypothetical sibling and his family, my empathy for my own kids might outweigh that. Or at least, that’s how the sister might be reasoning.
As for myself, I have 2 brothers I wouldn’t donate blood for. And 2 others I’d give a kidney to. Completely independent of them being my brothers, which is as it should be. “No family but the one you choose”, that’s my motto.
Remember, you’re compounding that risk by the % chance of recovery for the brother too. So if there’s a 1/370 chance of something going wrong, for a say 50/50 chance to save his life, it looks rather different than undergoing those same risks for a 99% chance to save him (or a 5% chance).
Plus I don’t go for anything that involves general anaesthetic unless it’s really serious, IRL. I’ve had one uncle come out of anaesthetic dead.
There is no way I would donate bone marrow to my brother. I would care for his children were it needed if he died, but there is no I would take even a relatively minor risk for him. I would seriously consider it for some relatives or friends, including his step child and other children, but for him, not a chance in hell. In any case I would be reluctant, because I am a mother, and I know well how easily things can go wrong with medical procedures.
And taking such a private decision to a public forum would turn my heart even colder. Condemn me all you like, I will sleep fine at night.
But–would you first ensure that you were a compatible donor? Then say “No”?
Someone who hates their brother that much should just avoid him.
(I’m signed up with the US registry. If I was a good match, I’d contribute–even to a stranger. Then again, I’m not a “mother.”)
It’s hard to judge the sister without knowing more, but I doubt that my own sister would donate bone marrow for me. Heck, I doubt she would donate blood to save my life. Not unless our parents threatened to disinherit her.
And it’s not because anyone wronged her in any significant way. It’s just that like many other people, she is completely self-absorbed and lacking in empathy. The concept of helping others is just foreign to her. As far as I can tell, her friendships and romantic relationships never last more than a few months. The only long term relationship she’s had is that with our parents, who help her without expecting anything in return.
Thanks! Does that come with an award? I have the perfect spot on my mantle: right between my “Who has more sympathy?” plaque and my “Who’s more self-righteous?” statuette. :rolleyes:
Unless the brother’s a terrible person(which just might be the case, who knows), reneging on a previous agreement because you’re worried about an infinitesimal chance of an accident occuring is unforgivable. If that’s her reasoning, then fuck her. And fuck anybody who would squabble over such a trivial bullshit while their brother lay dying.
As for not donating organs or blood to those people you believe undeserving of them, that’s fine. I’m not going to try and persuade you otherwise.
Why not just chart out a graph so it’s easier to tell where the acceptable percentages intersect?
Interesting. I was actually going to start a thread about sibling relations, and might still do that. See, my brother is currently fighting kidney cancer. My mother has been feeding me information, though admittedly I haven’t been keeping track of it all. His original prognosis was poor, as the cancer was thought to have metastasized. Subsequent opinions from numerous other doctors have been less dire. He just had a radical nephrectomy, which might have gotten all or most of the cancer. He still has polyps or cysts on his other kidney, and I’m not sure what the status of that is, but I have a bad feeling that sooner or later I’m going to be asked for a kidney.
If my parents are still alive, I guess I’ll do it, because I feel that I owe them (they’re quite old, so depending on how long my brother can go without needing a kidney, their continued existence until that time is not a certainty). If they’re gone, well…I’m not so sure.
I don’t hate my brother. There’s no bad blood between us per se. He’s just a lot older than I am, he left home when I was still in grade school, and we’ve had no relationship to speak of since then. I get all my news about him from my parents; I haven’t even laid eyes on him in 15 years. He’s a virtual stranger, and I owe him nothing, least of all an organ. I had another brother, also much older, who killed himself a couple of years ago. That had no more effect on me than reading a stranger’s obituary in the paper. I feel awful for my parents, of course, and my mother still hasn’t recovered, but there was no real loss to me or my life. There is no law, natural or otherwise, that says you have to love people who have added nothing to your life just because they happen to have the same parents by accident of birth.
I suppose many of you are going to lump me in with this woman who won’t give her brother bone marrow. However, bone marrow is a bit different from a kidney – it regenerates, so there’s no long-term sacrifice on the part of the donor.
You could say that I could have made more of an effort to build relationships with my brothers in more recent years. My question is, why? Since they were the adults and I was the kid, I’d say it was incumbent upon them to do that if they wanted to. By the time I was grown up, there was no compelling reason for me to do that. For all intents and purposes, I grew up an only child. I’m not bitter, I never shed a tear because my big brothers didn’t wuv me, I never felt like I was missing anything, that’s just the way things were. I am not cold-hearted, selfish, or lacking empathy. I have friends who have been siblings to me much more than my genetic brothers ever were, and I would jump in front of bullets for them. My brother? Not so much. If he were to come to me after all these years with the audacity to ask me for an organ, I’d say there’s some pretty significant selfishness on his part too.
But we only are hearing the brother and sister-in-law’s side. Yes, the sister did decline comment, but it could be that they are twisting things, quoting her out of context, or just plain making things up to make for a sensational story.
I can well imagine my mother lying about who needed the bone marrow, so it is possible that I would be tested.
I avoid him because the last time I did not, he broke my nose and beat me bad enough the doctors expressed surprise at the lack of damage to my internal organs. My gift to him and my mother is that I did not have him arrested. Last time I looked beating someone almost a foot shorter than you and a hundred pounds lighter than you using objects as weapons was a felony.
It could just be that the brother and his wife pretty much expected sis to submit to the procedure, as if it was something she owed him. That happens in families, too. She may be someone who’s never had much control over her life, perhaps even filled with self-loathing. All supposition, of course, with no real evidence. But this could be her only chance in life to actually make a difference, and the patient’s wife acted like it was something the sister owed the brother. That can cause second thoughts; then when insults and hysteria are blended into the mix, it just gets worse. Maybe the sister’s husband has (perhaps unfounded) concerns. The story says the procedure poses “no risk,” but isn’t it awfully painful? And I can’t imagine any doctor telling any donor there’s no risk whatsoever – there’s always risk.
As a journalist, I can see that there’s interest in the story, but without the sister’s input, I think it’s irresponsible to include more detail than is needed – and this article has a lot more detail than is needed, with unfounded accusations and the like. I can’t imagine the sister changing her mind now; the woman is an utter pariah, and the Daily Mail is to blame for that.
Yes, after 20+ posts saying the same thing, I see the light. The sister is probably the patron saint of wonderful things. This is all a plot to twist things by that horrible sick man’s terrible family. Hell, I bet he doesn’t have cancer at all. They’re doing it for…money! I bet one of the kids called the paper. Having an article in the paper pointing out that someone is less than honorable is even worse than letting someone die! It makes me sick now that you mention it.
Who cares if the chances of becoming ill are about .27%? Less than that if you are healthy, age doesn’t factor in and barring infections. She has a right not to do it damn it!! The part where she said she would doesn’t matter. I defend her right to change her mind. :rolleyes:
I think I’ll rip up my donor card and stop giving blood. WTF was I thinking? It’s all about meeeeeeee!! Now I have to put a cold towel on my head and rest. I must have been on crack to suggest that the decent thing to do when your brother is dying is to donate bone marrow after you said you would.