# sitcom jokes that need to be retired **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [February 6, 2009, 4:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sitcom-jokes-that-need-to-be-retired/484718 "2009-02-06T16:24:07Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![johnspartan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/a183cd/32.png) [@johnspartan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/johnspartan)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2009, 4:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sitcom-jokes-that-need-to-be-retired/484718/1 "2009-02-06T16:24:07Z")
Sort of an offshoot of the “cliche” thread we had going on… Jokes that are a sign of lazy writing in sitcoms and must die painful deaths… “He looks just like my mother-in-law, except for the mustache.” “He doesn’t have a mustache.” “EXACTLY.” “How many times have you done this [landed a plane/defused a bomb/changed a baby] before?” “Including this one? Once.” Also… I’m going to do an impression of somebody. But I’m sure going to keep my back to the door and not ever check to see if they’re there… and I won’t stop when everyone giggling suddenly stops and glares over my shoulder. Nope, going to keep pantomiming! ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2009, 4:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sitcom-jokes-that-need-to-be-retired/484718/2 "2009-02-06T16:28:19Z")
“He’s a jerk. He’s a pig. He’s a doofus. Uh… He’s standing right behind me, isn’t he?” ```auto Character yells at someone else, then flounces out of the room. Then storms back in and says "Wait! This is MY room. YOU leave!" ``` ---
**Author:** ![Liberal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/848f3c/32.png) [@Liberal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Liberal)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2009, 4:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sitcom-jokes-that-need-to-be-retired/484718/3 "2009-02-06T16:33:22Z")
I don’t really watch sitcoms of this quality. ---
**Author:** ![KGS](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/90ced4/32.png) [@KGS](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KGS)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2009, 4:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sitcom-jokes-that-need-to-be-retired/484718/4 "2009-02-06T16:55:47Z")
Any situation where the guy winds up dating two women on the same night. ---
**Author:** ![Typo\_Negative](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/typo_negative/32/484_2.png) [@Typo\_Negative](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Typo_Negative)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2009, 5:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sitcom-jokes-that-need-to-be-retired/484718/5 "2009-02-06T17:32:24Z")
> [@KGS](#): > > Any situation where the guy winds up dating two women on the same night. Any situation where a guy bets another he can get a woman to fall for him\sleep with him\go out with him. ---
**Author:** ![woodstockbirdybird](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/woodstockbirdybird/32/7905_2.png) [@woodstockbirdybird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/woodstockbirdybird)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2009, 5:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sitcom-jokes-that-need-to-be-retired/484718/6 "2009-02-06T17:34:03Z")
I’d just say any sitcom currently airing on ABC or CBS - that covers pretty much all of these. ---
**Author:** ![Prelude\_to\_Fascination](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a183cd/32.png) [@Prelude\_to\_Fascination](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prelude_to_Fascination)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2009, 5:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sitcom-jokes-that-need-to-be-retired/484718/7 "2009-02-06T17:38:02Z")
> [@spooje](#): > > Any situation where a guy bets another he can get a woman to fall for him\sleep with him\go out with him. Although it’s not a sitcom, but that situation worked for Paul Newman in the Color of Money when Eddie bet Vincent he (Eddie) couldn’t get a woman at the bar to walk outside with him. Eddie won, and Vincent had to pay for dinner. But then again, that was Paul Newman. Sitcoms: hypnotizing someone in 10 seconds by dangling a watch (pen, etc) in front of them, and saying, “You’re getting sleepy, sleepy…” To be fair, that may not be a device used so often anymore, but boy, was it overused by the the time the 70s came around. ---
**Author:** ![Kat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/b19c9b/32.png) [@Kat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kat)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2009, 5:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sitcom-jokes-that-need-to-be-retired/484718/8 "2009-02-06T17:45:33Z")
Pregnant woman going into labor in a stuck elevator/remote stormy location/etc. Husband of pregnant woman begins having appendicitis attacks as she goes into labor. ---
**Author:** ![Alan\_Bird](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b3f665/32.png) [@Alan\_Bird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alan_Bird)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2009, 5:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sitcom-jokes-that-need-to-be-retired/484718/9 "2009-02-06T17:52:43Z")
> [@Liberal](#): > > I don’t really watch sitcoms of this quality. Thanks so much for your contribution to this thread, dumbass. Hey, nice post count! To the OP: Worker drone has big night planned. Boss dumps a load of work on his desk that has to be done first. ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2009, 6:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sitcom-jokes-that-need-to-be-retired/484718/10 "2009-02-06T18:01:33Z")
> [@Alan\_Bird](#): > > Thanks so much for your contribution to this thread, dumbass. Hey, nice post count! Personal insults aren’t allowed in Cafe Society, or any forum aside from the BBQ Pit. Don’t do this again. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2009, 6:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sitcom-jokes-that-need-to-be-retired/484718/11 "2009-02-06T18:04:54Z")
Not so much a joke as just a bad cliche: “Where are you going?” “To do what I should have done a long time ago.” No one ever answers that question straight up. The character invariably relies on film editing to get to the next scene where the Important Confrontation takes place. c.f. Quincy In the sitcom version of this, the answer is not an ominous promise, but an outright lie. “Hey kids, where are you going?” “Um… out to play?” “In your dress-up clothes?” “Um… We didn’t want to get our play clothes dirty?” ---
**Author:** ![unwashed\_brain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/a9adbd/32.png) [@unwashed\_brain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/unwashed_brain)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2009, 6:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sitcom-jokes-that-need-to-be-retired/484718/12 "2009-02-06T18:08:54Z")
> [@Alan\_Bird](#): > > Thanks so much for your contribution to this thread, dumbass. Hey, nice post count! LOL - not all of them are gems I’m guessing. You’re about to get moderated, by the way. On edit I see it already happened. 🙂 To the OP: Any joke where the punchline is only funny if you accept that all guys are idiots and girls are wiser. Misandrony has worn thin on me. ---
**Author:** ![Ludovic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ab992/32.png) [@Ludovic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ludovic)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2009, 6:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sitcom-jokes-that-need-to-be-retired/484718/13 "2009-02-06T18:14:38Z")
> [@tdn](#): > > Character yells at someone else, then flounces out of the room. Then storms back in and says “Wait! This is MY room. YOU leave!” [hijack]My roommates and I did that in college once – dangerously I might add, so don’t pile on me for this. Our mutual friend was over at our apartment when his newly ex-girlfriend found out he was at our place and came over with a bunch of her girlfriends to get in an almost-yelling match with him. All three of us roommates decided that it was a perfect time to go to the supermarket and so we left with them still arguing in our apartment. In retrospect it was a bad idea since we didn’t know either of them well enough to know if they had violence on their minds (and 3 girls versus an older, larger and martial-arts trained guy is a good match, nevermind the possible property damage.) ---
**Author:** ![Sitnam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Sitnam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sitnam)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2009, 8:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sitcom-jokes-that-need-to-be-retired/484718/14 "2009-02-06T20:41:44Z")
Any horribly contrived plots where one of the characters MUST go on a date with someone else or they wont get what they want. ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2009, 8:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sitcom-jokes-that-need-to-be-retired/484718/15 "2009-02-06T20:59:23Z")
Someone is fixed up with a person and not told that he’s gay . . . or that he’s not gay . . . or that she’s actually a drag queen . . . etc. . . . etc. . . . etc. . . . ---
**Author:** ![Freddy\_the\_Pig](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/a587f6/32.png) [@Freddy\_the\_Pig](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freddy_the_Pig)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2009, 9:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sitcom-jokes-that-need-to-be-retired/484718/16 "2009-02-06T21:13:13Z")
A guy is desperate to impress a girl, so he puts on this big lady-killer act, bragging about his BMW and his Hollywood friends and his glamorous job, and then when he finally gets trapped in his own lies (after hilarious attempts to extricate himself with further lies), he backs down and comes clean only to discover that she likes his real-life aw-shucks personality better. ---
**Author:** ![ArrMatey](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/arrmatey/32/3522_2.png) [@ArrMatey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ArrMatey)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2009, 9:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sitcom-jokes-that-need-to-be-retired/484718/17 "2009-02-06T21:25:50Z")
> [@tdn](#): > > Not so much a joke as just a bad cliche: > > “Where are you going?” > > “To do what I should have done a long time ago.” > > No one ever answers that question straight up. The character invariably relies on film editing to get to the next scene where the Important Confrontation takes place. Slight hijack here. Saw this trumped in a book I read just recently and wish I could remember the title of. Supernatural menace invades small town. Boy sees psychopathic town bully back from the dead. Boy goes back home and grabs shotgun and solid slugs. Father sees him do it. Normally you’d get a ‘where are you going?’ ‘To do what I should’ve done…’ yadda yadda. Not here. There’s about a paragraph explaination about how the father trusts his son, and if the boy’s grabbing the gun and the solid shot, there’s some serious crap going down, and the father doesn’t want to trouble the son with details until its over. Interresting twist, and it made the read much more interresting to me. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2009, 9:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sitcom-jokes-that-need-to-be-retired/484718/18 "2009-02-06T21:39:21Z")
Cool kid starts hanging out secretly with ugly girl.When friends find out, cool kid drops ugly girl, who has makeover which somehow turns her into smoking hot girl, cool kid goes crawling back to smoking hot girl, who then dumps him. ---
**Author:** ![Munch](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/munch/32/5281_2.png) [@Munch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Munch)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2009, 9:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sitcom-jokes-that-need-to-be-retired/484718/19 "2009-02-06T21:47:53Z")
> [@Annie-Xmas](#): > > who has makeover which somehow turns her into smoking hot girl, cool kid goes crawling back to smoking hot girl, . Wait, you mean she took her glasses off and let her hair down?!? ---
**Author:** ![Key\_Lime\_Guy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/48db29/32.png) [@Key\_Lime\_Guy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Key_Lime_Guy)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2009, 10:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sitcom-jokes-that-need-to-be-retired/484718/20 "2009-02-06T22:08:38Z")
I LOLed at the OP, so I guess I don’t have the most discriminatin’ taste in sitcom jokes. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sitcom-jokes-that-need-to-be-retired/484718.md?page=2)