# Sitting daily next to an obsessive nose and scab picker **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [March 13, 2015, 12:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sitting-daily-next-to-an-obsessive-nose-and-scab-picker/714875 "2015-03-13T00:06:27Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 17\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![get\_lives](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/ecb155/32.png) [@get\_lives](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/get_lives)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2015, 11:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sitting-daily-next-to-an-obsessive-nose-and-scab-picker/714875/21 "2015-03-14T23:21:32Z")
If this is just her complaining, it might be a good idea to find a way to change the seating plan. If this nose-picking kid is getting a lot of abuse from his classmates, then changing almost anything would legitimize the bullying and embarrass him terribly, most likely. ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2015, 12:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sitting-daily-next-to-an-obsessive-nose-and-scab-picker/714875/22 "2015-03-15T00:46:52Z")
> [@tapu](#): > > She’s fucking 10, maybe 11. She needs mama’s back-up, at least. To a child at that age, everything is excruciating. (And child development is pretty much my expertise.) Yeah, well, mine too. And kids can definitely approach the teacher about it and have a reasonable conversation; I’ve had kids younger than her approach me about similar issues. She doesn’t need mama’s backup. Mama’s coaching? Sure. But mama will serve her best by hanging back. ---
**Author:** ![tapu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/49beb7/32.png) [@tapu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tapu)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2015, 1:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sitting-daily-next-to-an-obsessive-nose-and-scab-picker/714875/23 "2015-03-15T01:04:09Z")
I see what you’re saying. And it just depends on the child at this age. But these particular circumstances are difficult–she might even become ostracized herself. So I agree with you, but the balance of support/back-up/take over is in the hands of those intimately aware here. Thanks for your post. It’s all a matter of balance with kids and I hadn’t said that. ---
**Author:** ![jz78817](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jz78817/32/1028_2.png) [@jz78817](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jz78817)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2015, 1:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sitting-daily-next-to-an-obsessive-nose-and-scab-picker/714875/24 "2015-03-15T01:25:41Z")
> [@LSLGuy](#): > > Tell the daughter to put on her big girl undies & put up with / ignore it. She’ll be exposed to worse in the future and right now she sounds like a pretty precious whiner. Which may be way off base, but is how it \*may \*be perceived by the authorities. no shit. kid’s got some gross habits and we’ve got a helicopter parent and some others thinking he needs therapy. Christ. ---
**Author:** ![GrumpyBunny](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/bc8723/32.png) [@GrumpyBunny](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GrumpyBunny)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2015, 1:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sitting-daily-next-to-an-obsessive-nose-and-scab-picker/714875/25 "2015-03-15T01:41:00Z")
> [@tapu](#): > > While it’s true that we all must learn a strategy for dealing with an annoyance, in most circumstances we have options. We can, on trans, in a library, even at work, change our seat if we can’t just ignore it or use other methods to block. As a matter of fact, in such a situation, say as the library and a person with bad hygiene, our method is almost always to change our seat. > > But this child is in an assigned seat. She has very limited options, can’t create a barrier between them, can’t use earplugs, or anything really. Not to mention that the particular type of behavior here could be \*very \*distressing, not just annoying. But we cannot change our seat at work\*, and oftentimes not on a train or public transport either. We cannot always walk away as adults, for a number of reasons. And finding it “very distressing” sounds a bit dramatic. In the grand scheme of things, a skin-picker is pretty low on the totem pole. When did kids stop saying, “EW!” about the booger-pickers in their lives and start getting parents involved? 10 or 11 is a reasonable time to start learning some lessons about the world. This one won’t cause her injury or harm. Teach the kid some coping mechanisms, talk to her about tolerance and kindness and compassion, as **May 20** posted. \*I worked at a company where one woman would put boogers on her keyboard so no one would use it. She was seriously bizarre. You know what we did? Ignored it. ---
**Author:** ![tapu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/49beb7/32.png) [@tapu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tapu)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2015, 2:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sitting-daily-next-to-an-obsessive-nose-and-scab-picker/714875/26 "2015-03-15T02:30:26Z")
Wow, some people really don’t understand kids at specific ages. ---
**Author:** ![cwthree](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9de0a6/32.png) [@cwthree](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cwthree)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2015, 2:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sitting-daily-next-to-an-obsessive-nose-and-scab-picker/714875/27 "2015-03-15T02:46:17Z")
> [@GrumpyBunny](#): > > But we cannot change our seat at work\*, and oftentimes not on a train or public transport either. We cannot always walk away as adults, for a number of reasons. [/SIZE] Nevertheless, when adults \*have \*the option of walking away from an unpleasant situation, we \*exercise \*it. If the OP’s daughter is that distracted or grossed out by booger boy’s behavior, there’s no reason she shouldn’t - with adult backup, if needed - appeal to the teacher for a resolution. The teacher is free to stay, “tough, cope with it,” in which case the girl will have to learn to ignore the boy. However, she should not be expected to pre-emptively assume that because \*sometimes \*change is not an option, it’s not an option in this case. Not every childhood experience needs to be made into a lesson about how miserable adult life can be. That no one at your former workplace saw fit to have chat with your booger-smearing coworker about proper workplace behavior and some of the most basic of social norms says \*nothing \*good about the culture there. That’s not a case of, “cultural norms say men shouldn’t wear earrings and women shouldn’t have tattoos, so you can’t work here if you do either of those.” That’s a case of, “Well-socialized humans do not mark their territory by urinating, defecating, scent-marking, or otherwise depositing bodily substances, and you are expected to conform to this most minimal model of socialization.” ---
**Author:** ![tapu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/49beb7/32.png) [@tapu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tapu)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2015, 2:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sitting-daily-next-to-an-obsessive-nose-and-scab-picker/714875/28 "2015-03-15T02:56:27Z")
Hear, hear. ---
**Author:** ![Duke\_of\_York](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/f6c823/32.png) [@Duke\_of\_York](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Duke_of_York)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2015, 3:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sitting-daily-next-to-an-obsessive-nose-and-scab-picker/714875/29 "2015-03-15T03:14:41Z")
Can’t the girl just say to him,“For Christ’s sake, stop picking your nose, it’s disgusting” Or when he eats it say," Do you want some salt and pepper with that"? ---
**Author:** ![May\_20](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ce7236/32.png) [@May\_20](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/May_20)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2015, 1:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sitting-daily-next-to-an-obsessive-nose-and-scab-picker/714875/30 "2015-03-15T13:11:21Z")
> [@tapu](#): > > Wow, some people really don’t understand kids at specific ages. But some of us do. I was a teacher for many years, and my son is currently 11, almost 12. Granted, no child is exactly the same (hence our current post), but by 5th grade, a child should begin to learn to advocate for himself with the teacher if he hasn’t already begun to do so. Yes, Mom or Dad should be available to coach and to step up when the child needs help, but independence best learned in small steps, and self-advocacy is a very important lesson to learn, even though it isn’t learned all at once. And any time a parent can emphasize the need to be compassionate, caring, and tolerant to another person is time well spent. Just because we don’t agree doesn’t mean that we don’t care. It’s not a great situation for this child, but good can come from it. ---
**Author:** ![tuesdayweld](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ccd318/32.png) [@tuesdayweld](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tuesdayweld)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2015, 2:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sitting-daily-next-to-an-obsessive-nose-and-scab-picker/714875/31 "2015-03-15T14:39:59Z")
The differing viewpoints offered to my post have all been quite interesting to read. I did send an email to my daughter’s teacher later in the evening after posting here and not receiving many responses. My correspondence did not end up including a request for a new seating assignment for my daughter; instead, my request was that the behavior be addressed if, in fact, it was occurring as to my daughter’s explanation of it. The response from the teacher confirmed her knowledge of the behavior existing and her intention to request the school nurse or another health staff member to address it with the child. While some of the sentiments offered were cringe-worthy to read (“hysterical nut job”, “whiner”) or insinuated poor parenting skill on my part (helicopter-parenting, teaching lack of compassion), I do appreciate the posts that suggested my daughter advocate for herself. Having just turned 11, I think she has crossed the cusp for readiness. I do agree I may have missed an opportunity to coach her on handling this herself by communicating directly with her teacher. To no avail, she had already tried asking the boy to stop picking. I’m not convinced the behavior should have to be tolerated. While others may have stronger constitutions to deal with anti-social behavior (former nose-pickers?), most do not. Collectively society deems certain behaviors be relegated to being performed in private and therefore we train our young not to defecate, urinate, masturbate, nose-pick, etc… in public arenas. I agree there are instances where underlying conditions prompt uncontrollable anti-social behavior and compassion and tolerance should be practiced for those. In the particular case of the 5th grade nose-picker it may serve to benefit the child to have his behavior addressed and changed, if possible, to promote his social interactions. ---
**Author:** ![SJL4041](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/73ab20/32.png) [@SJL4041](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SJL4041)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2015, 5:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sitting-daily-next-to-an-obsessive-nose-and-scab-picker/714875/32 "2015-03-15T17:53:08Z")
I would be really sad if this kid has never had any adult intervention up till now to try to control his apparently compulsive behavior. If this is what finally gets him some help, then bravo to you. But I find it highly unlikely that such a noticeable and undesirable compulsion has escaped the notice of this young man, his classmates, former teachers, and parents. Despite your comparison of compulsive nose-picking to public masturbation and defecation, the school cannot expel a student for picking his nose. It seems your only solution would be expulsion or to isolate the student at the back of the class, far away from other students. This seems harsh for an 11-year-old child. **However, please feel free to disregard my comment, as it was composed as I picked my nose, bit my nails, popped pimples, and defecated.** ---
**Author:** ![tapu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/49beb7/32.png) [@tapu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tapu)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2015, 9:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sitting-daily-next-to-an-obsessive-nose-and-scab-picker/714875/33 "2015-03-15T21:10:39Z")
> [@May\_20](#): > > But some of us do. I was a teacher for many years, and my son is currently 11, almost 12. Granted, no child is exactly the same (hence our current post), but by 5th grade, a child should begin to learn to advocate for himself with the teacher if he hasn’t already begun to do so. Yes, Mom or Dad should be available to coach and to step up when the child needs help, but independence best learned in small steps, and self-advocacy is a very important lesson to learn, even though it isn’t learned all at once. > > And any time a parent can emphasize the need to be compassionate, caring, and tolerant to another person is time well spent. > > Just because we don’t agree doesn’t mean that we don’t care. It’s not a great situation for this child, but good can come from it. That is a very wise and enlightened post. I agree with you. I suppose that it is the very nature of the complaint that leads me to advocate more adult intervention. The problem behavior is of such gravity to me that I feel drawn to protecting the “victim.” Nonetheless, I fully acknowledge what you are saying and from it, I recognize the complexity of the particular issue. Thanks for your post. ---
**Author:** ![GrumpyBunny](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/bc8723/32.png) [@GrumpyBunny](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GrumpyBunny)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2015, 10:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sitting-daily-next-to-an-obsessive-nose-and-scab-picker/714875/34 "2015-03-15T22:46:32Z")
> [@SJL4041](#): > > **However, please feel free to disregard my comment, as it was composed as I picked my nose, bit my nails, popped pimples, and defecated.** And that was just what he did yesterday! :D;) ---
**Author:** ![Hilarity\_N.Suze](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hilarity_n.suze/32/6223_2.png) [@Hilarity\_N.Suze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hilarity_N.Suze)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2015, 7:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sitting-daily-next-to-an-obsessive-nose-and-scab-picker/714875/35 "2015-03-16T07:39:01Z")
“Everybody’s doin it, doin it, doin it Pickin their nose and chewin it, chewin it, chewin it Thinking it’s candy but it’s snot” I suppose singing this to the kid is right out. Would probably count as bullying. ---
**Author:** ![May\_20](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ce7236/32.png) [@May\_20](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/May_20)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2015, 11:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sitting-daily-next-to-an-obsessive-nose-and-scab-picker/714875/36 "2015-03-16T23:05:14Z")
**tuesdayweld** , if you don’t mind my asking, was today a better day for your daughter at school? ---
**Author:** ![Hentor\_the\_Barbarian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/8edcca/32.png) [@Hentor\_the\_Barbarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hentor_the_Barbarian)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2015, 11:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sitting-daily-next-to-an-obsessive-nose-and-scab-picker/714875/37 "2015-03-16T23:05:54Z")
Eating his own boogers? Give the kid an SDMB membership - he’ll fit in just fine around here. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sitting-daily-next-to-an-obsessive-nose-and-scab-picker/714875.md?page=1)