# Six Degrees of the BBQ Pit **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 31, 2005, 3:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/six-degrees-of-the-bbq-pit/319437 "2005-08-31T15:34:45Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2005, 3:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/six-degrees-of-the-bbq-pit/319437/1 "2005-08-31T15:34:45Z")
Being rootin’, tootin’ Dopers, we can turn _anything_ into fightin’ words on a dime. Can you take offense at these statements (and others you may come up with) and turn them into insulting, wild-eyed rants in two posts or less?\* 1. Flowers smell nice. 2. Puppies are cute. 3. Why, what pretty earrings you have on today! (\*Note since this is not the Pit, please use euphemisms, like f **k or c** t) ---
**Author:** ![Hey\_It\_s\_That\_Guy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/6f9a4e/32.png) [@Hey\_It\_s\_That\_Guy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hey_It_s_That_Guy)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2005, 3:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/six-degrees-of-the-bbq-pit/319437/2 "2005-08-31T15:37:21Z")
> [@Eve](#): > > Being rootin’, tootin’ Dopers, we can turn _anything_ into fightin’ words on a dime. Can you take offense at these statements (and others you may come up with) and turn them into insulting, wild-eyed rants in two posts or less?\* > > 1. Flowers smell nice. Too bad your mom doesn’t, biatch! > [@Eve](#): > > 1. Puppies are cute. A puppy killed my son, you insensitive prick! > [@Eve](#): > > 1. Why, what pretty earrings you have on today! Those are my ears, you dirty whore! ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2005, 3:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/six-degrees-of-the-bbq-pit/319437/3 "2005-08-31T15:44:20Z")
> [@Eve](#): > > 1. Flowers smell nice. I hate people who put flowers everywhere by their desks and stuff. Don’t they have any consideration for other people…I mean my allergies act up, and I’m sooooo miserable, and they’re so selfish. > [@Eve](#): > > Puppies are cute No they’re not, they shit everywhere and sometimes it’s got worms in it (_puke_) and you let them pee on my lawn! :mad: ---
**Author:** ![Homebrew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/c89c15/32.png) [@Homebrew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Homebrew)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2005, 3:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/six-degrees-of-the-bbq-pit/319437/4 "2005-08-31T15:44:34Z")
> [@Eve](#): > > 1. Flowers smell nice. Well I’m allergic and you bringing them into the office causes me a rash and itchy eyes you insensitive b\*\*\*h > [@](#): > > 1. Puppies are cute. Dingos ate my baby! > [@](#): > > 1. Why, what pretty earrings you have on today! I cut my ear and that’s a scab. Thanks for noting it and making me self-conscious moron. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2005, 3:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/six-degrees-of-the-bbq-pit/319437/5 "2005-08-31T15:45:35Z")
> [@Eve](#): > > \3) Why, what pretty earrings you have on today!\ I don’t need to look pretty - I am a strong, independent woman. Earrings are part of the male conspiracy to keep women barefoot and pregnant! Men just love it when women mutilate themselves for them. ---
**Author:** ![Anastasaeon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/73ab20/32.png) [@Anastasaeon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anastasaeon)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2005, 3:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/six-degrees-of-the-bbq-pit/319437/6 "2005-08-31T15:46:34Z")
> [@](#): > > 1. Flowers smell nice. Some of us can’t smell, thank you very much. You’re being very prejudice to those of us who have no sense of taste or smell. I didn’t _choose_ to have that bottle rocket shot up my nose, okay? > [@](#): > > 1. Puppies are cute. What about kittens?! Why must you be so prejudiced against cats? How dare you insult us cat lovers with this thread?! > [@](#): > > 1. Why, what pretty earrings you have on today! Oh, so that’s all we are to you, huh? Just pieces of meat with earrings on. “How pretty!” That’s the best you can do? What about my mind, huh? I’m not an object with many dangly things to play with. I didn’t dress up for\* you\*. The women’s rights movement has just been set back _67 YEARS_! - - I’m not sure if I followed the rules exactly, but that was much fun! ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2005, 3:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/six-degrees-of-the-bbq-pit/319437/7 "2005-08-31T15:47:08Z")
> [@Eve](#): > > 1. Puppies are cute. Yeah, but the whole housebreaking thing is completely beyond my jackass friend, so his puppy piddles on my foot every time I go over there. And don’t get me started on my neighbor’s dog, who keeps coming over and taking a dump on my lawn. 4.) XXX Brand veggie burgers are really excellent! ---
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2005, 3:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/six-degrees-of-the-bbq-pit/319437/8 "2005-08-31T15:52:12Z")
> [@twickster](#): > > 4.) XXX Brand veggie burgers are really excellent! You vegetarians and your holier-then-thou attitudes make me want to vomit! I didn’t climb to the top of the food chain to eat carrots! Sanctimonious twit! 1. Nice day today, isn’t it? ---
**Author:** ![Biotop](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/biotop/32/321_2.png) [@Biotop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Biotop)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2005, 3:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/six-degrees-of-the-bbq-pit/319437/9 "2005-08-31T15:52:19Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > I hate people who put flowers everywhere by their desks and stuff. Don’t they have any consideration for other people…I mean my allergies act up, and I’m sooooo miserable, and they’re so selfish. You know, this really burns me. It’s not enough to force people to work in unattractive little cubicles, but you have to rail against those who want to add a little color, wee bit of aroma, a flash of life, to these paper tombs. Your alleged “allergies” (read: _all-in-your-head kookiness_) are just your excuse to be miserable. Quit blaming the flowers. It ain’t them that aren’t nice. Flowers give. It’s the anti-flower crowd that are the selfish ones. ---
**Author:** ![Anastasaeon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/73ab20/32.png) [@Anastasaeon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anastasaeon)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2005, 3:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/six-degrees-of-the-bbq-pit/319437/10 "2005-08-31T15:52:35Z")
> [@twickster](#): > > 4.) XXX Brand veggie burgers are really excellent! Oh, pulease. Veggie burgers are for hippies and deviants. Bunch of liberal pussies, you and anyone who eats that new age crap! _Checks freezer, hides Boca burgers_ ---
**Author:** ![Anastasaeon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/73ab20/32.png) [@Anastasaeon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anastasaeon)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2005, 3:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/six-degrees-of-the-bbq-pit/319437/11 "2005-08-31T15:54:26Z")
> [@silenus](#): > > 1. Nice day today, isn’t it? My great aunt’s fiftieth cat just died today! Show a little respect! :mad: ---
**Author:** ![La\_Llorona](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e47c2d/32.png) [@La\_Llorona](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/La_Llorona)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2005, 3:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/six-degrees-of-the-bbq-pit/319437/12 "2005-08-31T15:54:41Z")
> [@Eve](#): > > 1. Flowers smell nice. Why, yes, they do smell nice…especially at the funeral of my entire family who just died last week in a tragic accident involving electrical cords and Kleenex. Thanks for reminding me!!! I bet their deaths make you laugh, too. I bet you’re sitting there behind your computer screen, just cackling evilly to yourself about my family’s death. I hope you rot in hell, buddy. Not only that, I hope your Charter Member status is revoked, m\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*! > [@Eve](#): > > 1. Puppies are cute. Isn’t that just emphasizing the false standards of beauty we have in the Western world? What about puppies who _aren’t_ cute? What about them! They have to live up to the unrealistic standards of those size-0 dogs with the big brown eyes you see in the Purina commercials. Doesn’t someone need to stand up for the puppies who are less than “cute”, but still lead fulfilling lives anyway? Un-cute puppies are no less deserving of love than cute ones, and I won’t stand for those who say otherwise! > [@](#): > > 1. Why, what pretty earrings you have on today! Yeah, well, what about me? What about _my_ ears? Hmm, I forgot: I don’t _have_ ears! Way to be discriminatory about the side-of-the-head-protusion impaired, buddy. I’ll be phoning the ACLU post haste…_oh, wait_. ---
**Author:** ![Biotop](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/biotop/32/321_2.png) [@Biotop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Biotop)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2005, 3:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/six-degrees-of-the-bbq-pit/319437/13 "2005-08-31T15:56:38Z")
> [@silenus](#): > > 1. Nice day today, isn’t it? Hey Tinkerbell, don’t you get the paper. 6. Oh look at that happy couple. They’ve been married for 75 years and still in love! ---
**Author:** ![La\_Llorona](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e47c2d/32.png) [@La\_Llorona](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/La_Llorona)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2005, 3:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/six-degrees-of-the-bbq-pit/319437/14 "2005-08-31T15:57:09Z")
> [@La Llorona](#): > > protusion And way to go, **La Llorona** , you total moron! Can’t you even spell “protrusion” correctly, you worthless excuse for a messageboard poster? ---
**Author:** ![Ghanima](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Ghanima](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ghanima)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2005, 3:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/six-degrees-of-the-bbq-pit/319437/15 "2005-08-31T15:57:38Z")
> [@Eve](#): > > Puppies are cute. You know, it’s attitudes like this that cause thousands of innocent animals to end up in shelters being euthanized. Your ignorant little "Oooooh, puppies are _cute_!!! statement makes me want to puke. When are people going to finally realize that puppies are not just cute? That they are actually living breathing dogs that deserve more than that, and need proper care and the respect that all life deserves? People like you make me sick. It’s time people learned to respect dogs and recognize their value. They are not little playthings that you can call “cute” and then just forget about like they are a toy or something. Shame on you, you empty-headed little tw_t! Life is not your entertainment system. People like you should be tied to the fence by a collar around your neck, laughed at by people, and treated like objects, just like you treat puppies like objects! F_ck off, c\*nt!!@@#!#@!!$ ---
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2005, 3:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/six-degrees-of-the-bbq-pit/319437/16 "2005-08-31T15:58:48Z")
> [@silenus](#): > > 1. Nice day today, isn’t it? Yeah, I guess it’s a nice day for people who aren’t being invaded by _President Bush’s army of occupation!_ You selfish American _peeg_. ---
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2005, 3:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/six-degrees-of-the-bbq-pit/319437/17 "2005-08-31T15:58:52Z")
> [@La Llorona](#): > > And way to go, **La Llorona** , you total moron! Can’t you even spell “protrusion” correctly, you worthless excuse for a messageboard poster? Are you making fun of the Spelling-Impared? What kind of insensitive jerk are you? We’re born that way, you know. It isn’t a choice! :mad: ---
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2005, 4:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/six-degrees-of-the-bbq-pit/319437/18 "2005-08-31T16:00:09Z")
> [@Biotop](#): > > 1. Oh look at that happy couple. They’ve been married for 75 years and still in love! Yeah, well I know a couple who’s been together _76_ years, but since they’re gay, they’re not _allowed_ to marry, you right-wing Christian jerkwad!! ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2005, 4:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/six-degrees-of-the-bbq-pit/319437/19 "2005-08-31T16:02:09Z")
Anywa, dogs and cats suck eggs as pets. You should all adopt birds! My friends just had a new baby! ---
**Author:** ![La\_Llorona](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e47c2d/32.png) [@La\_Llorona](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/La_Llorona)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2005, 4:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/six-degrees-of-the-bbq-pit/319437/20 "2005-08-31T16:04:08Z")
> [@silenus](#): > > Are you making fun of the Spelling-Impared? What kind of insensitive jerk are you? We’re born that way, you know. It isn’t a choice! :mad: “Born that way,” my sainted aunt! There is a right way to spell and there is a wrong way to spell, and those who don’t follow the high road have done so because they _chose_ not to. It’s “Adam and Eve,” not “Adum and Eve”! So come, give up your sinful ways and embrace the healing power of the OED. The OED can save you from your past spelling sins and ensure a happy, properly-spelled future for you. So what are you waiting for? _The OED loves the little children, all the children of the world…_ [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/six-degrees-of-the-bbq-pit/319437.md?page=2)