# Sixty Days Sober
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sixty-days-sober/619354
**Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
**Created:** [April 20, 2012, 2:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sixty-days-sober/619354 "2012-04-20T02:33:31Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@TokyoBayer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TokyoBayer)
#### Post date: [April 20, 2012, 2:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sixty-days-sober/619354/1 "2012-04-20T02:33:31Z")
I’ve known before that I have a problem with alcohol, although it never seemed to be a problem with the first four beers, it was the eight after. Suddenly things which wouldn’t pass a sniff test when sober would seem to be damn good ideas. Going home from bars to help get the kids in bed no longer ranked up on the same level as self medicating the stress and depression, one glass of scotch at a time.
My wife and I were fighting (bet none of your could possible imagine why) and the level of stress was getting worse and worse. So one [del]morning[/del] noon when I woke up after a bender I realized that if I continued this, my love for wine would win over the love for the kids. And that’s not an option. They need a daddy, not a drunk.
With limited options including very few AA meetings, I decide to go with the medication route. Japan has a drug similar to Antabuse, so I talked to my psychiatrist and got a prescription from him.
The first 4 weeks were hell. It was only after a month that I read in a book about PTSD that stopping drinking can temporarily aggravate the stress and other symptoms because you’ve suddenly lost one of the outlets for stress. The book says that the techniques in AA are useful because they provide support during this difficult transition.
(And please, let’s not turn this into a discussion if AA is effective or not, as many such treads become.)
So I went into a terrible funk, did the minimum at work, would get fully going when with my kids, and substituted endless hours of mindless time on the internet. Not the most ideal solution, but at least I wouldn’t make stupid decisions at 3:00 am.
I’m working more on different outlets for the stress. Continuing counseling and gaining more insights into what causes my reactions and how to change my behaviors and learn more coping methods. Work is going much better, our family live is back to great (well, as much of great as is possible with two toddlers and two working parents), and I’m out of the funk. I’m going to take up Aikido to help get more exercise.
I’ve stopped drinking for a few months at a time before. Usually after doing something stupid enough that I’m not going to admit in public. Then after a couple of months, I start to feel that I can control my drinking, and I can. For a while. Then through a period of a few weeks, one beer becomes one bottle of wine which becomes two. While it wouldn’t be every night, it would happen.
But now I realize that I can’t. My friend can have a glass of sherry, say it was good and stop. I can’t guaranty that, so I stop before I start. It seems to work better that way.
I’ve got a ritual now. The first thing after breakfast, I measure out the 7 ml, hold the cup up eye level and say, “My children have a Daddy, not a drunk.”
After I feel more comfortable with how things are going, I’ll try keeping sober without the medication.
Also, to stop myself from staying up too late at night, I’ve set LeechBlock to kick in at 9:00 pm. I may be seeing less of you guys for a while. I’ll miss you, but my children deserve to have the best father they can.
Wish me well on my new sober journey in life.
---
### Author:  [@kayT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayT)
#### Post date: [April 20, 2012, 2:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sixty-days-sober/619354/2 "2012-04-20T02:39:31Z")
Yes, wishing you well. I think you are a very brave man and your kids have a great dad.
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### Author:  [@carnut](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnut)
#### Post date: [April 20, 2012, 2:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sixty-days-sober/619354/3 "2012-04-20T02:44:29Z")
I do wish you well Tokyo.
I also recommend a support group (doesn’t even have to be alcohol-related group) to learn what others are doing for stress relief. In a weird way, it is also good to know that others struggle too. They can also help you see where your plans and ideas might lead (good or bad).
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### Author:  [@Leaffan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leaffan)
#### Post date: [April 20, 2012, 2:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sixty-days-sober/619354/4 "2012-04-20T02:48:40Z")
May I ask, and please be honest, how much you were drinking before it got to this point? I’d like to compare.
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### Author:  [@China\_Guy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/China_Guy)
#### Post date: [April 20, 2012, 3:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sixty-days-sober/619354/5 "2012-04-20T03:45:39Z")
Best of luck. I know you can do it.
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### Author:  [@Brynda](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Brynda)
#### Post date: [April 20, 2012, 3:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sixty-days-sober/619354/6 "2012-04-20T03:58:37Z")
Does AA exist online? If not, try daily [strength.org](http://strength.org).
Sending good thoughts your way.
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### Author:  [@TokyoBayer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TokyoBayer)
#### Post date: [April 20, 2012, 5:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sixty-days-sober/619354/7 "2012-04-20T05:16:03Z")
> [@Leaffan](#):
>
> May I ask, and please be honest, how much you were drinking before it got to this point? I’d like to compare.
It varied. About eight years ago, I was drinking heavily nightly. Maybe 8 gin and tonics on a medium night, and not being able to count on others. My body had developed such a tolerance that I never ran into anyone who could outdrink me. One guy tried. We each started off with three very strong gin and tonics at his house, had several Belgium beers and shared two bottles of wine. He fell asleep, so I went to a bar on the way home. I’ve also had 6 to 8 draft beers and then shared a bottle of scotch with a fiend. Just open the bottle and toss the cap. Usually it wasn’t that much, and after I had kids I cut way back.
Last year, I would have one or two “chuhai” (Japanese mixed drink with 5% alcohol) and I would only drink two or three nights a week.
This year it started to creep back up. I wasn’t drinking nightly, but there were a few nights where I would be out until 3:00 am. Although I never did act on it, middle age barflies start to look pretty good. I missed a few events for the kids on Saturday mornings. So, this would have screwed up a good marriage and caused the most important people in my life a lot of pain.
It wasn’t necessarily the amount though, it was the complete inability to find the off switch on some nights. And that scared the hell out of me.
It was a selfish method of coping with life which would have lead to serious problems for the children I chose to create. And that would have been totally irresponsible and inexcusable. It’s one thing to choose to ruin your own life, it’s another to ruin the young, vulnerable lives of the very ones you have a responsibility to protect.
So, I don’t drink now.
---
### Author:  [@cherry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cherry)
#### Post date: [April 20, 2012, 5:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sixty-days-sober/619354/8 "2012-04-20T05:23:45Z")
I wish you luck. This must mean a lot to your wife. As someone who is married to an alcoholic who is taking Antabuse and naltrexone I hope they work for you. My husband came home from a business trip tonight sober so I was happy about that. Baby steps.
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### Author:  [@sleestak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sleestak)
#### Post date: [April 20, 2012, 5:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sixty-days-sober/619354/9 "2012-04-20T05:54:18Z")
Congrats. The first day is hard. Damned hard. Same with the second. And the third. And the forth…
But at some point it gets easier.
And that is when you need to start worrying. Many alkies relapse when things start getting good. The bills are paid, the significant other is happy instead of pissed all the time. Work is going well. What the hell, time for a beer!
That is one of the values that comes from A.A. You don’t forget how bad it was.
I haven’t had the urge to drink in years. But I remind myself quite often of the morning I woke up and looked out to see the car I totaled. The car my parents loaned me because their 33 year old son was a drunk who was trying to get his life together. I remember how I wanted to kill myself. I remember how I did not know what to do. I remember knowing that I had to change something but being scared to death because I didn’t know how to change. I remember going out to get beer because I _had_ to have it even though I’d just totaled a car. I remember how much I hated myself, my life, my very existence.
If I ever forget that I am lost.
I also remember what I learned in A.A. about how to get sober. The most important, for me at least, was making a list of my transgressions and then making amends for those where possible.
I am glad that you are working on your problem. I am glad that you are in counseling. If you were drinking like an alkie there are going to be problems in most of your relationships. That is the real tragedy of alcoholism, we end up hurting those who care about us the most.
My advice to those who are newly sober won’t quite work for you as you aren’t going to A.A. but I’ll give some anyway.
Talk. Talk to your family and friends. Make amends for those things you did or didn’t do while you were drinking. Clean out all those old hurts. Talk to your counselor often, and if you cannot do that, find someone you trust who you can call at anytime. Relapses happen long before the drink is picked up so keep yourself healthy and sane by talking through any problem, no matter how small. (note, you will probably drive people crazy for a little while with this but since they love and care about you they should understand).
If the urge to drink does hit, don’t try and hide it. Tell those who know about your problem and talk it out. Don’t wait, do it as soon as possible.
And last, remember that life _is_ wonderful if we choose to live it that way.
I remember life when I was at two months. It was a bitch. The urge wasn’t gone. The healing had barely started and there was a lot of unresolved pain. My thinking wasn’t quite right yet. My emotions were all over the place. I was unsure of myself. All those things, and more, took time to overcome. At six months I was more confident and relaxed. At a year I was about as sane as I was ever gonna get. And since then things have just gotten better.
If you want to talk feel free to PM me. I will offer any advice and support I can. I don’t know much but I do know how to live life without drinking. And I know what a wonderful gift it is, to yourself and your loved ones.
Slee
8 years and one month clean and sober
---
### Author:  [@TokyoBayer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TokyoBayer)
#### Post date: [April 20, 2012, 6:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sixty-days-sober/619354/10 "2012-04-20T06:35:09Z")
> [@cherry](#):
>
> I wish you luck. This must mean a lot to your wife.
My wife also used to worry each time I would go out drinking She is very happy about this.
> [@sleestak](#):
>
> And that is when you need to start worrying. Many alkies relapse when things start getting good. The bills are paid, the significant other is happy instead of pissed all the time. Work is going well. What the hell, time for a beer!
Yes, that’s happened to me in the past. After a while, you remember the fun but forget the price tag.
> [@](#):
>
> Talk to your counselor often, and if you cannot do that, find someone you trust who you can call at anytime. Relapses happen long before the drink is picked up so keep yourself healthy and sane by talking through any problem, no matter how small. (note, you will probably drive people crazy for a little while with this but since they love and care about you they should understand).
>
> If the urge to drink does hit, don’t try and hide it. Tell those who know about your problem and talk it out. Don’t wait, do it as soon as possible.
Thank you for sharing your experiences and advice. One of the reasons I drank was self medication for the complex PTSD / depression / anxiety stemming from my abused childhood. Counseling is helping a lot with that.
One difference with taking medication is that it’s stopped the urge to drink. I make one decision to drink the medication, first thing in the morning before any of the stress is there, and then I don’t have to fight the feelings all day. However, that doesn’t cure the underling anxiety / depression / panic from the PTSD, so I didn’t have an outlet for those problems.
I looked up AA in Tokyo, and it looks like there are some meetings which may work. I’m going to go to a beginners’ meeting tomorrow and will check it out. My counselor is being very flexible about extra meetings with me when it’s urgent.
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### Author:  [@Quartz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quartz)
#### Post date: [April 20, 2012, 7:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sixty-days-sober/619354/11 "2012-04-20T07:48:38Z")
> [@TokyoPlayer](#):
>
> I’ve known before that I have a problem with alcohol, although it never seemed to be a problem with the first four beers, it was the eight after.
:eek::eek:
The very best of luck to you. You can do it; you will do it!
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### Author:  [@Snowboarder\_Bo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snowboarder_Bo)
#### Post date: [April 20, 2012, 8:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sixty-days-sober/619354/12 "2012-04-20T08:41:34Z")
Oh yeah!
\_
( ((
\ =
\_\_\_ `-\
(**))( ----
(**)) \_
(**))
(**))\_\_\_\_/----
You can do this **TP**. Life isn’t necessarily as stressful as we sometimes lead ourselves to think. I can’t wait to read your 90 Days Sober post.
ETA: Sorry about the poorly constructed “thumbs up” there; the board won’t let me put spaces at the start of a line of text or something. Hope you got the idea anyway.
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### Author:  [@Quartz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quartz)
#### Post date: [April 20, 2012, 9:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sixty-days-sober/619354/13 "2012-04-20T09:02:57Z")
> [@Snowboarder\_Bo](#):
>
> ```auto
>
> _
> ( ((
> \ =\
> __\_ `-\
> ( ____ ))( \----
> ( ____ )) _
> ( ____ ))
> (____))____/----
>
> ```
Try that.
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### Author:  [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)
#### Post date: [April 20, 2012, 9:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sixty-days-sober/619354/14 "2012-04-20T09:52:02Z")
> [@TokyoPlayer](#):
>
> I’ll miss you, but my children deserve to have the best father they can.
I’m always glad to see you, but your kids and wife need you: we don’t.
---
### Author:  [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)
#### Post date: [April 20, 2012, 9:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sixty-days-sober/619354/15 "2012-04-20T09:59:43Z")
**Bo** , I can’t see **Quartz** ’s code, but using color=white on letters works to simulate spaces.
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### Author:  [@Quartz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quartz)
#### Post date: [April 20, 2012, 11:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sixty-days-sober/619354/16 "2012-04-20T11:00:37Z")
> [@Nava](#):
>
> **Bo** , I can’t see **Quartz** ’s code, but using color=white on letters works to simulate spaces.
All **Bo** needed to do was use the [noparse]
```auto
```
[/noparse] tags
---
### Author:  [@not\_what\_you\_d\_expect](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/not_what_you_d_expect)
#### Post date: [April 20, 2012, 1:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sixty-days-sober/619354/17 "2012-04-20T13:43:54Z")
\*\*TP,\*\*You have a brave and courageous soul. You deserve the happiness that your freedom from alcohol will surely bring you.
Best of luck to you.
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### Author:  [@Morgenstern](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morgenstern)
#### Post date: [April 20, 2012, 1:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sixty-days-sober/619354/18 "2012-04-20T13:48:01Z")
Great job **TP**. Facing your situation took courage. Congratulations.
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### Author:  [@EmAnJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EmAnJ)
#### Post date: [April 20, 2012, 3:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sixty-days-sober/619354/19 "2012-04-20T15:28:06Z")
Congratulations on sixty days! You’ve made it over the biggest hump, imo.
I, too, am an alcoholic and have battled it for years. I fell off the wagon last November but have been sober again since then. It does get easier. I find writing down how I feel and what my motivations are for quitting when I’m in the early stages of quitting help me down the road when I think (yet again) that I’m strong enough to ‘just have one drink’ - which always starts that downward spiral.
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### Author:  [@PandaBear77](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PandaBear77)
#### Post date: [April 20, 2012, 5:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sixty-days-sober/619354/20 "2012-04-20T17:12:39Z")
Kickass!!!
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