# Sleep with a monkey mask to fool the negroes **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [January 2, 2007, 3:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sleep-with-a-monkey-mask-to-fool-the-negroes/386417 "2007-01-02T15:32:36Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Scylla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a5b964/32.png) [@Scylla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scylla)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2007, 3:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sleep-with-a-monkey-mask-to-fool-the-negroes/386417/1 "2007-01-02T15:32:36Z")
For Christmas I got **The Book of Survival** , third revised edition by Anthony Greenbank. This has got all the good post 9/11 stuff, and the first chapter tells you how to amputate one of your trapped limbs (A guy in Nebraska slammed his finger into a car door in the woods, dropping his keys. The door being locked, he used a bottle cap to cut the finger off, but it slipped with all the blood so he had to break the bottle and use the glass to cut it off.) Interesting stuff. Anyway, here is an excerpt from page 42 about urban survival entitled “blend with the wallpaper” > [@](#): > > …It is only by blending with the wallpaper that you can survive in the city and other environments where a mass of people poses unknown threats in all directions. > > Example: in bad areas with cheap accomodation and poor locks on bedroom/apartment/house doors and windows save a heart-pounding-as-you-screw-your-eyes-shut-feigning-sleep-while-a-flashlight-dazzles-your-face situation. > > Go to sleep wearing a balaclava/monkey mask/ski hat to get this response: > > “Jeez, man, hey take a look, willya?” breathes the voice. There’s a sharp intake of breath. Another voice whispers, “Yo, one of us! A Brother!” > > And your wallet on the dresser is left untouched. Such a ruse has worked. That’s complete and unedited. I had thought about putting this in GD, but I don’t think it’s quite up to it. ---
**Author:** ![Wallenstein](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/b5a626/32.png) [@Wallenstein](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wallenstein)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2007, 3:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sleep-with-a-monkey-mask-to-fool-the-negroes/386417/2 "2007-01-02T15:35:43Z")
::shrug:: Works all the time for me. ---
**Author:** ![wring](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/838e76/32.png) [@wring](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wring)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2007, 3:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sleep-with-a-monkey-mask-to-fool-the-negroes/386417/3 "2007-01-02T15:37:01Z")
just who is on your gift list? ---
**Author:** ![Contrapuntal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e274bd/32.png) [@Contrapuntal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Contrapuntal)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2007, 3:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sleep-with-a-monkey-mask-to-fool-the-negroes/386417/4 "2007-01-02T15:38:35Z")
[QUOTE=e-logic] ::shrug:: Works all the time for me. [/QUOTE] Yup. I sleep with a monkey mask on every night, and never in my life have the negroes stolen my wallet. They are even nice enough to lock the door behind them when they leave. From the inside. ---
**Author:** ![Trunk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/87869e/32.png) [@Trunk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trunk)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2007, 3:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sleep-with-a-monkey-mask-to-fool-the-negroes/386417/5 "2007-01-02T15:39:22Z")
I have always slept with a monkey mask on, and I’ve never been assaulted in my sleep by a brother. The “Yo, one of us!” mentality must be why there’s such a shortage of black-on-black crime in the country. ---
**Author:** ![Scylla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a5b964/32.png) [@Scylla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scylla)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2007, 3:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sleep-with-a-monkey-mask-to-fool-the-negroes/386417/6 "2007-01-02T15:44:06Z")
Here’s a link: > **[The Book of Survival: The Original Guide to Staying Alive in the City, the...](https://www.amazon.com/Book-Survival-Original-Staying-Suburbs/dp/157826149X)** > > The Book of Survival: The Original Guide to Staying Alive in the City, the Suburbs, and the Wild Lands Beyond, Third Edition \[Greenbank, Anthony\] on Amazon.com. \*FREE\* shipping on qualifying offers. The Book of Survival: The Original Guide to Staying... ---
**Author:** ![you\_with\_the\_face](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/ecccb3/32.png) [@you\_with\_the\_face](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/you_with_the_face)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2007, 3:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sleep-with-a-monkey-mask-to-fool-the-negroes/386417/7 "2007-01-02T15:48:40Z")
> [@](#): > > “Jeez, man, hey take a look, willya?” breathes the voice. There’s a sharp intake of breath. Another voice whispers, “Yo, one of us! A Brother!” Why does the first black guy sound like he’s straight out of Leave It to Beaver? No self-respecting negro would ever say “willya” like that. ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2007, 3:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sleep-with-a-monkey-mask-to-fool-the-negroes/386417/8 "2007-01-02T15:49:07Z")
Is “monkey mask” what it sounds like, or is it another name for a balaclava? The quote makes me think the latter, but I’ve never heard that. ---
**Author:** ![Scylla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a5b964/32.png) [@Scylla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scylla)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2007, 3:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sleep-with-a-monkey-mask-to-fool-the-negroes/386417/9 "2007-01-02T15:49:55Z")
[QUOTE=Trunk] I have always slept with a monkey mask on, and I’ve never been assaulted in my sleep by a brother. The “Yo, one of us!” mentality must be why there’s such a shortage of black-on-black crime in the country. [/QUOTE] If you’re a black person sleeping in a black neighborhood should you still where the monkey mask to protect your wallet? Page 61 tells you how to fight off a drunk: I won’t quote, but it says try humor by placing your forefinger on a tabletop and slamming a full can of beer down on it. Once you’ve done that, flee. WTF? ---
**Author:** ![Contrapuntal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e274bd/32.png) [@Contrapuntal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Contrapuntal)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2007, 3:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sleep-with-a-monkey-mask-to-fool-the-negroes/386417/10 "2007-01-02T15:51:49Z")
You know, it has occurred to me most negroes don’t even have monkey mask wallpaper (it’s a FACT), so I am beginning to question how thoroughly the author did his homework. ---
**Author:** ![Scylla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a5b964/32.png) [@Scylla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scylla)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2007, 3:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sleep-with-a-monkey-mask-to-fool-the-negroes/386417/11 "2007-01-02T15:58:55Z")
From page 65 **Natives** > [@](#): > > If attacked take cover. Avoid fighting back unless poisoned darts (you suspect) are showering at you. And then fire above heads. Killing primitive tribesman will really precipitate things This is the greatest book EVER!. Here, I’ve been shooting natives when they fire poison darts at me all these years. Now I understand that pisses them off. Who would have guessed? (I’m kind of thinking that this is where I need the monkey mask) ---
**Author:** ![SkipMagic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skipmagic/32/20706_2.png) [@SkipMagic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SkipMagic)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2007, 4:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sleep-with-a-monkey-mask-to-fool-the-negroes/386417/12 "2007-01-02T16:00:13Z")
[QUOTE=Scylla] A guy in Nebraska slammed his finger into a car door in the woods, dropping his keys. The door being locked, he used a bottle cap to cut the finger off, but it slipped with all the blood so he had to break the bottle and use the glass to cut it off. [/QUOTE] Why didn’t he just break the window? ---
**Author:** ![Argent\_Towers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e8c25b/32.png) [@Argent\_Towers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Argent_Towers)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2007, 4:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sleep-with-a-monkey-mask-to-fool-the-negroes/386417/13 "2007-01-02T16:01:43Z")
I’m thinking long and hard about this, and I think it’s possible that there is another meaning to this passage. The question we should be asking is why wearing a balaclava or a ski hat would also elicit the response of “One of us…a Brother.” I think it’s possible that the “us” in “one of us” refers to petty criminals and burglars in general, and not to a racial group. The idea here being that the person in question, by wearing a balaclava, ski hat or monkey mask, is disguising himself as a burglar or criminal, since these items are things that burglars and criminals are stereotyped as wearing - and as such, the burglars would be reluctant to steal a wallet from a fellow burglar (“brother.”) The reference to the monkey mask may not have any racial connotations here. It may simply be a joking example of one kind of mask that a burglar might wear to disguise his identity. I think it’s equally possible that this is a racist joke, and if so, it is in very poor taste. But I think it’s worth considering the other option here. ---
**Author:** ![you\_with\_the\_face](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/ecccb3/32.png) [@you\_with\_the\_face](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/you_with_the_face)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2007, 4:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sleep-with-a-monkey-mask-to-fool-the-negroes/386417/14 "2007-01-02T16:02:35Z")
[QUOTE=Contrapuntal] You know, it has occurred to me most negroes don’t even have monkey mask wallpaper (it’s a FACT), so I am beginning to question how thoroughly the author did his homework. [/QUOTE] He didn’t even get our dialect straight, so I’m thinking he didn’t do any homework. ---
**Author:** ![Scylla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a5b964/32.png) [@Scylla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scylla)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2007, 4:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sleep-with-a-monkey-mask-to-fool-the-negroes/386417/15 "2007-01-02T16:03:56Z")
Page 3 > [@](#): > > A REAL ghost > > a) will disapear if you approach it > b) can do you no physical harm because it leaves nothing earthly… > c) Will not cast a shadow, will look quite substantial rather than misty; will not ignore you; will not carry its head tucked under and arm. I am **not** making this stuff up. ---
**Author:** ![Scylla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a5b964/32.png) [@Scylla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scylla)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2007, 4:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sleep-with-a-monkey-mask-to-fool-the-negroes/386417/16 "2007-01-02T16:06:00Z")
[QUOTE=SkipMagic] Why didn’t he just break the window? [/QUOTE] Do you know how much those cost to replace? ---
**Author:** ![Contrapuntal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e274bd/32.png) [@Contrapuntal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Contrapuntal)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2007, 4:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sleep-with-a-monkey-mask-to-fool-the-negroes/386417/17 "2007-01-02T16:06:07Z")
[QUOTE=you with the face] He didn’t even get our dialect straight, so I’m thinking he didn’t do any homework. [/QUOTE] Wait a minute! You … you’re BLACK? ---
**Author:** ![Crotalus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/crotalus/32/41_2.png) [@Crotalus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crotalus)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2007, 4:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sleep-with-a-monkey-mask-to-fool-the-negroes/386417/18 "2007-01-02T16:06:38Z")
[QUOTE=Scylla] Page 3 I am **not** making this stuff up. [/QUOTE] But the author certainly is. ---
**Author:** ![Scylla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a5b964/32.png) [@Scylla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scylla)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2007, 4:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sleep-with-a-monkey-mask-to-fool-the-negroes/386417/19 "2007-01-02T16:07:25Z")
[QUOTE=Argent Towers] I’m thinking long and hard about this, and I think it’s possible that there is another meaning to this passage… [/quote] Do burglars sleep with their burglaring masks on? ---
**Author:** ![Crotalus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/crotalus/32/41_2.png) [@Crotalus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crotalus)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2007, 4:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sleep-with-a-monkey-mask-to-fool-the-negroes/386417/20 "2007-01-02T16:08:31Z")
[QUOTE=Contrapuntal] Wait a minute! You … you’re BLACK? [/QUOTE] She wears a Doris Day mask when she posts. Fooled me for the longest time. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sleep-with-a-monkey-mask-to-fool-the-negroes/386417.md?page=2)