# Slicker'n deer guts on the front porch **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [April 23, 2014, 1:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/slickern-deer-guts-on-the-front-porch/686764 "2014-04-23T13:17:41Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Sattua](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sattua/32/11906_2.png) [@Sattua](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sattua)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2014, 1:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/slickern-deer-guts-on-the-front-porch/686764/1 "2014-04-23T13:17:41Z")
Faster’n a jackrabbit on a date … got any more? ---
**Author:** ![doorhinge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a5b964/32.png) [@doorhinge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/doorhinge)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2014, 1:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/slickern-deer-guts-on-the-front-porch/686764/2 "2014-04-23T13:22:27Z")
Rainin’ harder than a cow pissin’ on a flat rock. Slicker than snot on a glass doorknob. ---
**Author:** ![Clothahump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/51bf81/32.png) [@Clothahump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Clothahump)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2014, 1:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/slickern-deer-guts-on-the-front-porch/686764/3 "2014-04-23T13:23:13Z")
Slicker than cat shit on linoleum. ---
**Author:** ![somepumpkin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/7feea3/32.png) [@somepumpkin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/somepumpkin)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2014, 1:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/slickern-deer-guts-on-the-front-porch/686764/4 "2014-04-23T13:26:35Z")
Cute as a speckled pup in a collard patch. ---
**Author:** ![Sicks\_Ate](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/258eb7/32.png) [@Sicks\_Ate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sicks_Ate)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2014, 1:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/slickern-deer-guts-on-the-front-porch/686764/5 "2014-04-23T13:31:08Z")
Busier’n a one-legged man in an ass-kickin’ contest. ---
**Author:** ![Uncle\_Brother\_Walker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/f08c70/32.png) [@Uncle\_Brother\_Walker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Uncle_Brother_Walker)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2014, 1:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/slickern-deer-guts-on-the-front-porch/686764/6 "2014-04-23T13:32:56Z")
Dug in like a tick on a kid (…for something stuck and hard to get out of wherever it is. I think I heard it in a movie once.) ---
**Author:** ![Sattua](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sattua/32/11906_2.png) [@Sattua](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sattua)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2014, 1:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/slickern-deer-guts-on-the-front-porch/686764/7 "2014-04-23T13:36:37Z")
Colder’n a witch’s tit. Cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey. (Missed these obvious ones in the OP) ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2014, 1:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/slickern-deer-guts-on-the-front-porch/686764/8 "2014-04-23T13:37:39Z")
Sticks like snot to a blanket. ---
**Author:** ![Paintcharge](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/paintcharge/32/7946_2.png) [@Paintcharge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Paintcharge)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2014, 1:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/slickern-deer-guts-on-the-front-porch/686764/9 "2014-04-23T13:37:53Z")
Slicker than whale shit. Sharp as a marble. ---
**Author:** ![Sicks\_Ate](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/258eb7/32.png) [@Sicks\_Ate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sicks_Ate)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2014, 1:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/slickern-deer-guts-on-the-front-porch/686764/10 "2014-04-23T13:40:06Z")
_Lower_ than whale shit. Dumb as a sackful of doorknobs. ---
**Author:** ![BubbaDog](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bubbadog/32/333_2.png) [@BubbaDog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BubbaDog)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2014, 1:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/slickern-deer-guts-on-the-front-porch/686764/11 "2014-04-23T13:41:05Z")
Dear ol’ dad saying - “It’s slicker than a cat’s ass and twice as nasty” ---
**Author:** ![Enright3](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/enright3/32/2897_2.png) [@Enright3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enright3)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2014, 2:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/slickern-deer-guts-on-the-front-porch/686764/12 "2014-04-23T14:10:38Z")
> [@doorhinge](#): > > Slicker than snot on a glass doorknob. Slicker than snot on a hoe handle. ---
**Author:** ![ducati](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/cc9497/32.png) [@ducati](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ducati)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2014, 2:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/slickern-deer-guts-on-the-front-porch/686764/13 "2014-04-23T14:15:59Z")
Dumber than a box of rocks. Dumber than a sack of hair. Not the sharpest tool in the shed. Not the sharpest knife in the drawer. His elevator doesn’t go all the way to the top. Her cheese done slipped off her cracker. Colder than a well digger’s butt. Or shovel. ---
**Author:** ![Enright3](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/enright3/32/2897_2.png) [@Enright3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enright3)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2014, 2:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/slickern-deer-guts-on-the-front-porch/686764/14 "2014-04-23T14:19:16Z")
Hotter than a whore house on nickle night. As cold as a warlock’s cock in a brass jock. I’m [sweating like] / [nervous as] a whore in church. and finally, one I’m pretty sure I picked up the straight dope… You’re uglier than a bucket of assholes. ---
**Author:** ![brainstall](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/35a633/32.png) [@brainstall](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brainstall)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2014, 2:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/slickern-deer-guts-on-the-front-porch/686764/15 "2014-04-23T14:29:10Z")
Sweating like a hen drawing rails. (No idea what this means, but my friend used to say it all the time.) Better than a slap in the belly with a cold fish. ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2014, 2:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/slickern-deer-guts-on-the-front-porch/686764/16 "2014-04-23T14:29:17Z")
Face like a slapped arse. ---
**Author:** ![RobDog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/f07891/32.png) [@RobDog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RobDog)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2014, 2:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/slickern-deer-guts-on-the-front-porch/686764/17 "2014-04-23T14:40:57Z")
Face like a dropped pie Face like a bulldog chewing a wasp ---
**Author:** ![Colibri](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/colibri/32/1841_2.png) [@Colibri](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Colibri)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2014, 4:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/slickern-deer-guts-on-the-front-porch/686764/18 "2014-04-23T16:07:20Z")
Slick’r 'n snake shit. Thick as two short planks. Dumber than a bag of hammers. Slow as molasses in January. Colder than a whore’s heart. Colder than a husky’s nuts in a dogsled race. Smelling like a Kansas City cathouse. Crazier than a shithouse rat. ---
**Author:** ![Paintcharge](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/paintcharge/32/7946_2.png) [@Paintcharge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Paintcharge)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2014, 4:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/slickern-deer-guts-on-the-front-porch/686764/19 "2014-04-23T16:31:08Z")
As nervous as a whore in church. ---
**Author:** ![Balance](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ccd318/32.png) [@Balance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Balance)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2014, 4:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/slickern-deer-guts-on-the-front-porch/686764/20 "2014-04-23T16:38:23Z")
“Hotter than a fresh-fucked fox in a forest fire.” “Pretty enough to make a preacher kick a hole in a stained glass window.” “Black as sin and bitter as an old whore.” [Said of coffee or–rather alarmingly–of tea.] [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/slickern-deer-guts-on-the-front-porch/686764.md?page=2)